She’s your sister friend. He’s your roll dog. Your kindred spirit. You’ve shared tabloid-worthy secrets, celebrated successes and you offer motivation when life gets tough. You love your best friend and would inevitably do anything to protect him or her. Butwhat do you do when you can’t stand the person they’re dating?
She’s trifling, he treats her badly or maybe you just get a bad vibe. Whatever the reason, you just don’t like the new significant other and think your friend must be suffering from temporary insanity to put up with this person’s mess. Instead of making your friend choose between the two or creating an even more awkward situation, here are four ways to make peace and keep your friendship intact.
First, you need to ask yourself why you have so much disdain for him or her. If she’s wronged your boy in the past, you natural instinct is to keep him from being hurt again. But if your friend can forgive his lady, then you need to let it go, too. Of course, that’s easier said than done. And sometimes people just rub you the wrong way, but is it something deeper?
Maybe your BFF’s BF reminds you of someone from your own past or, let’s be honest, could it be jealousy? Of course you love your girl and it’s natural to feel a slight tinge of envy when a new person comes into the picture. Sometimes understanding thewhy behind your dislike can make the situation easier.
2. Don’t trash-talk the relationship.
Of course you want to be honest with your friend, but that doesn’t mean you should constantly discuss your disdain for their partner. She gets it. You don’t like him, but no need to remind her of it every day. Constantly downing a friends relationship will just put a strain on the friendship. And, if need be, politely ask your friend to keep from venting to you about him. She’s your girl so you’ll always offer a shoulder to cry on, but if she runs down every wrong that he commits, you’ll just add it to your checklist of reasons to dislike ol’ boy even more.
3. Don’t avoid your friend in order to avoid his/her significant other.
It can be tempting to avoid any situation when you have to see the person you highly dislike, but you don’t want to alienate your friend. Instead of canceling dinner plans because you know she’ll be there, go anyway. Distancing yourself from him, because of her, is a no-no. Your boy shouldn’t be punished because of his relationship choices. If it feels too awkward being the third wheel, hang out in a larger group.
4. Be polite.
When you absolutely have to interact with your girl’s guy, remain respectful. You may think he doesn’t see you rolling your eyes or hear your snide remarks, but he surely does. Maybe he doesn’t say anything to you, but your friend will certainly hear about it.Your girl would never put up with her guy disrespecting you, so don’t disrespect him either. You don’t have to play phony, but fix your face and keep the words cordial.
Disliking your friend’s guy or gal can be a nuisance, but it doesn’t have to affect your friendship. Regardless of who’s in their life, just let them know you love them no matter what and you’ll be fine. Besides, hindsight is 20/20 – if and when they break up, your friend will be most appreciative of the person who stuck by their side the most – judgment-free.
By Patrice J Williams/Black Voices