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See you at the next funeral


Image result for casket

Ain’t no drama, like family drama, cause family drama, don’t stop!

Color me hopeful.

My father died when I was six years old and my brother is nearly a generation older and didn’t appreciate my existence. There was one man in the family who took me under his wing, my Uncle. He would take me fishing and camping and include me in his family events.

This was nine billion years ago when fake wood Station Wagons roamed the earth. It was back in the day, when department stores had a husky department for chubbinel or fat boys. My uncle had a bushel of kids all near my age. They were like my sisters and brothers. I would take the bus, some 17 miles away to his home, a place I felt welcome. My cousins and I would dance to the latest 45’s records on their Sears Silvertone Stereo.

Image result for sears silvertone stereo cabinet

He was the most important male in my life. I wanted to be like him, have a house full of loving children. I think my love for station wagons and minivans today is due to my admiration of this man . As I grew older, cracks appears in the relationship with my uncle.

Whisper’s from family members hundreds of miles away. He would interview me about the cost of my clothes and this news made its way to the Pacific Northwest. I learned that I was spoiled,took advantage of my mother. At thirteen, I was larger and taller than my uncle. When I was 18, he did something unthinkable to my side of the family. When I challenged him, he hit me in the chest. (my body didn’t move) I didn’t hit him, but I think this scared him.

From this moment forward, I became a pariah.

All contract between me and my grown cousins ended. It was like a death. Then the rumors began…….. My uncle created a number of false stories about my life. It didn’t matter he didn’t know I where I lived or what was actually happening in my life.

From that point forward, my cousins and I only saw each others at funerals. At the meetings, I always felt a spark of days gone by at the sad events, leaving me hopeful . But it wasn’t meant to be.

Days, years, decades. Marriages, Divorces, Children, Grand Children.and of course Death. None of our parents are alive.

Last summer, I learned about the death of one my cousins. The last time we’ve seen each other was at the funeral of her mother. I called her older sister to get the date and time of the funeral. She said, she didn’t know. Other relatives from out of state asked if I had information, because they wanted to attend. After a couple of un-returned calls, I Googled her name.

I learned the services was being held at Funeral home less than three miles from where I live. We actually lived an hour from each other. The downside, the services was taking place the very next day. I contacted my niece and and asked her if she would join me. A grandmother, she was a teenager the last time she’d seen this side of the family.

While it was a sad occasion, I was actually looking forward to seeing this side of my family, my niece brought her son.

Entering the building, I noticed the elder sibling. As children she and I were close and I was greeted with a smile. From there it was downhill. Our reception was chilly. Nice to see you and why are you here!

Although, the services began at two. Most of the people arrived after three. I could feel the divisions within the family. Children, and Grandchildren. Not the loving family, I remembered. Perhaps it was all in my mind back then or perhaps we all too young to develop resentments. Even though I was an unwanted guest, I was happy being with my family.

Forever hopeful, I exchanged telephone numbers with the family and announced that we should make an attempt to stay in touch. I could feel my niece and her son giving me the side eye, like please!! The two of them teased me in the car! A couple of weeks later, I contacted a couple of the cousins and Melba Toast had more moisture than the conversation. It takes two people to have a relationship so…….

Guess, I’ll see you next funeral.

I think its normal to hold on to those special times/memories. However, those memories, moments in time that can cloud our realities. Forever hopeful, we sometines stay in fruitless and sometimes painful relationships too long because of a memory .

If my uncle was alive, I would tell him about the positive impact he had on my life. Those memories make me smile today. At the end of day, we have to accept what is. Not what could be. It takes two to build a relationship. Angry, I’m not and resentments are a waste of time.

My uncle was highly regarded by his children which is to be expected. What he said about me may have irreparably damaged any possibility of relationship with my cousins. My love for them is there and that has to be enough.

CityFella

Cold hearted wife played griving widow while texting her husbands alleged killer “See her arrest and tearful performance”


Prosecutors charge that Jennifer Lynne Faith (left) had communication with the man who killed her husband James (right).

By: Tamar Lapin/NYCPost

Prosecutors charge that Jennifer Lynne Faith (left) had communication with the man who allegedly killed her husband James (right).

The wife of an American Airlines executive shot dead in Texas played the grieving widow on TV — only for cops to discover she was allegedly having “a full-blown emotional affair” with his accused killer, authorities said Thursday.

Jennifer Lynne Faith, 48, was hit Wednesday with federal obstruction of justice charges in the Oct. 9, 2020, death of her 49-year-old hubby James “Jamie” Faith, according to the Department of Justice.

Federal prosecutors charge that she communicated with the alleged gunman, her high school sweetheart, and pushed him to get rid of evidence — all while publicly pleading for information about the case.

Her husband James, an IT director for the airline, was gunned down while the couple were out on a morning walk with their dog in their Dallas neighborhood.

“I heard running behind me, and I turned around and all of a sudden somebody just started shooting at him,” Jennifer told local outlet NBCDFW in December.

She pleaded for anyone with information about the case to come forward.

“My hope is that someday perhaps the person will realize the gravity of what they’ve done,” she said. “He was just the backbone of our family. It was just devastating.”

Investigators on Jan. 11 arrested Darrin Ruben Lopez, a 48-year-old Tennessee man, and charged him with the fatal shooting.

He and Jennifer had dated in high school and college, according to an arrest warrant affidavit.

Authorities said that Lopez allegedly drove from Tennessee to Dallas and laid in wait for the couple before shooting James seven times and fleeing the scene.

Cops discovered that between Sept. 30 and Oct. 30, 2020, Lopez and his victim’s wife exchanged some 14,363 calls and texts the affidavit states.

While being questioned by detectives in January, Jennifer allegedly admitted that she communicated daily with Lopez, though denied an intimate relationship, authorities said.

But investigators seized Lopez’s cellphone after his arrest and discovered the pair were actually “intimately involved,” according to prosecutors.

Their texts allegedly revealed how Jennifer would update her beau on her efforts to cash in on James’ life insurance policy, and how she coached him to respond to potential police questioning.

“If asked about you, you are an old friend going through a divorce… If it ever comes to it, I’ll answer the same way,” she allegedly wrote, according to court documents.

“Just so you and I have the same explanations. Just thinking in case they [law enforcement] pulled phone records and asked,” the texts added.  

She also allegedly instructed Lopez to get rid of a “T” decal on the back window of his truck — identical to the one witnesses had reported seeing on the shooter’s pickup, prosecutors said.

Investigators said that Jennifer allegedly wiped her phone, but they were able to recover her texts with Lopez.

She was arrested at her Oak Cliff home on Wednesday and was expected to appear before a judge on Friday.

“Even as she publicly claimed she was ‘desperate for answers’ regarding her husband’s murder, Jennifer Faith was communicating with the alleged killer, actively urging him to destroy evidence and attempting to delete incriminating communications from her phone,” US Attorney Prerak Shah said in a statement.

People in her community raised sixty thousand for her in a Go Fund Me Page

“Thanks to the dedication of our agents and officers, Ms. Faith could not keep law enforcement from identifying her husband’s killer.”

Her defense attorney, Toby Shook, said he couldn’t comment on the arrest, according to local reports. He has told WFAA-TV that his client is innocent and is fully cooperating.

The Arrest and Performance of Jennifer Faith

When a Gay Person Resorts to Antigay Smears


Kordell Stewart

Former NFL player Kordell Stewart was subjected to an antigay smear in 1998

Grappling with the consequences of dumping one’s internalized shame on others.

By: John Casey/TheAdvocate

Twenty-three years ago, I didn’t know Kordell Stewart. I never met him, but I sure did root for him when he was a quarterback for my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers during the late 1990s and early 2000s. He was without question one of my favorite players. I was in awe of his tremendous talents.

And, shamefully, I also helped perpetrate a big lie about him, and recent events have made me look back at that time with some deep regret.

Stewart talked about that big lie recently when he penned a column for the Player’s Tribune, and during a candid appearance on The Tamron Hall Show recently. I had forgotten all about Stewart until all of the news reports circulated that he had finally opened up about what happened to him. And then, I became immeasurably sorry for what I had done.

According to Stewart, he first learned about the big lie in November of 1998 when a close friend called to tell him a rumor he heard at the barber shop. Stewart thought it was a joke at first, until he showed up for practice the next day at the Steelers home at the time, Three Rivers Stadium. He was summoned not only to the owner’s office, the late Dan Rooney, but also to the head coach’s office at the time, Bill Cowher. Both were understandably concerned about him because they heard the lie too.

There’s an old saying, “a lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.” That’s what happened to the lie about Stewart. This was before the internet and social media provided forums like QAnon for lies to be easily started and spread. The false story about Stewart appeared ostensibly out of nowhere. And it spread wickedly fast. I was in New York City at the time when I heard it. Everyone in Pittsburgh seemed to know about the lie. Sadly, I helped extend the lie by telling others what Stewart allegedly did, and who he allegedly was.

At the time, the real Stewart was a rising star in the NFL. His nickname was Slash, because he could do it all, an excellent passer, runner, and receiver. He had just done his first Nike commercial, with Jerry Stiller, the legendary actor, comedian, and Seinfeld star who marveled at Slash’s on-the-field wizardry. Stewart was a young 26 years old, helming one of the NFL’s most storied franchises. He was also Black in a city that 20 years ago seemingly preferred its starting quarterbacks to be white.

And straight. The story I heard was that Stewart was caught in a lewd act in a Pittsburgh park with another man. It never happened, but the untruth became a cruel legend, and buzzed around Stewart for the rest of his career. He was Black and gay, and that wasn’t a good look in the 1990s.

During that time, there were no out athletes, and really no out role models for someone like me who was gay and deathly afraid that his masculinity was threatened because of his sexuality. Hearing that Stewart might be gay, and the fact that he was a professional football player, and with the Steelers, well that was almost too good to be true for me. And that’s the point. It was too good – or in this case, too wrong – to be true. And that was, and is, a pithy excuse to pile onto a rumor.

It was around this time too that Ellen DeGeneres took the bold risk of coming out as a lesbian, not only in her personal life, but professionally, via her sitcom. After she did so, the ratings tanked for that show. And Ellen’s popularity plunged. And she faded away. It sent a chilling message to anyone who was struggling with their sexuality – dare to come out, particularly at work, and you will pay a price.

So, I grabbed onto a rumor as a way to validate my sexuality, particularly to coworkers that knew my secret, my straight friends who loved sports like I did, and especially all those still back in Pittsburgh. See, the inference I was trying to make to all of them, and to myself, was that if Kordell Stewart was gay, then the way I was wasn’t bad. And because I was gay I must know this tale to be truth, since during that time my straight friends assumed all gay people knew each other. It all seems so childish. And dangerous.

In his column, Stewart points out that he has grown a lot over the years, and from that lie. “I’m telling you this story today as a 48-year-old man who has learned a lot and has grown a lot. I got nothing but love for everybody, no matter what their sexual orientation is. It’s great to see how much the world has evolved in the last 20 years. But when this was all happening? Man, you have to understand, I’m a young Black quarterback in a blue-collar town. Being the target of those kinds of rumors? At that time? In that era? In that NFL?”

Looking back, it’s hard to explain to someone of this generation why that lie was perceived to be so damaging at that time. Today, rumors about some athletes being gay are all over the place, and they hardly matter. But back then, wow. And, while my intentions for spreading the rumor were personal, others’ purposes were undoubtedly cloaked in racism.

Even during the 1990s, the blue-collar mentality that was prevalent in Pittsburgh harbored a sinister and silent bigotry. You tolerated a Black quarterback at that time only if he was winning, and Stewart points that out in his column; yet, if you labeled him as gay in addition to being Black, well now you had a reason to be vocal about your disdain for him, and wanting him on the bench, or worse, off the team.

I have told the story before about campaigning with the congressman I worked for from suburban Pittsburgh after he had a child out of wedlock exposed, and hearing grown men congratulate him for “knocking up” a woman. They expressed their relief, over and over again, “at least you’re not a f**.” That stung; still does. I also heard the n word more times than I could count. Stewart heard those evil slurs too. He was a public figure, an athlete. A young man trying his best.

I was a young man too, albeit a little older than Stewart. Nevertheless, I was still stigmatized by the fact that I was gay and shuddered at the mere mention of the word “gay.” If my self-loathing self was embarrassed to be gay, I can only imagine how a straight Stewart felt.

It all feels so antiquated now. But Stewart’s retelling of his experience with the lie has unearthed a lot of things that I wasn’t happy about back then, most notably of course, myself. And most regrettably, feeling it was my right to determine his sexuality, and mouth off about it. As if only a gay man could know another “gay” man. That dichotomy isn’t lost on me.

And, there’s irony in the fact that Stewart did the Nike commercial with a Seinfeld cast member. That show was famous for an episode where Jerry was falsely outed, and the catch-phrase that always followed the word gay, “not that there’s anything wrong with that.” But that wasn’t necessarily true then. You could be gay, like me, and not gay, like Stewart, and realize that there was something wrong with that.

Stewart’s column was honest and fair, unlike the way he was treated over 20 years ago. It should make all of us question the way we speak about somebody, particularly if we don’t know them. And as gay men, and perhaps gay men of a certain age who should understand a richly bigoted past, we should be more circumspect about how we label someone. So many still struggle with their sexuality, so many are still haunted by it, while others are filled with hate.

I want to apologize, again, to Stewart. I also want to thank him for being so candid about his experience and making me realize some things that I never really thought about before. There is nothing wrong with being a gay athlete. He knows that. But there is something wrong with falsely labeling someone as gay in order to demean their athleticism, their masculinity, or their ethnicity. Stewart knows that. All too well.

John Casey is editor at large for The Advocate.

When Beavers mom, June said “I speak Jive” I lost my mind!


Airplane! - I speak jive - YouTube

It was 1980. Word of mouth about a low budget movie, quickly spread across the country, making “Airplane” the fourth highest grossing flim of the year. There were no big stars on the marquee.

Airplane ,was a parody of the 1957 flim, Zero Hour starring Dana Andrews and Linda Darnell. with much of the orginial dialogue intact. From there they went left. The result, is corny, sometime offensive and funny.

My first introuduction to writers, directors Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams and David Zucker (ZAZ) was via the wildy funny and often offensive “Kentucky Fried Movie”(1977) that was popular in college towns.

The genius in both films was casting. In Airplane, actors, Robert Stack, Peter Graves, Leslie Neilsen and Lloyd Bridges were best known for their dramatic roles and David Zucker dropped them in a middle of a parody and it worked .” We thought they were much funnier than the comedians of that time were’

Which brings me to June Cleaver (Barbara Billingsley) “The Jive Lady” No one saw that coming.

Leave it to Beaver is one of the longest running television show. It was on six seasons from 1957 to 1963. The show has been in Syndication for nearly 60 years.  

No one saw “Mission Impossibles” Peter Graves who just could be…….

Leslie Nielsen’s career took off after Airplane, he went on to star in the Naked Gun films and later on Television in Police Squad.

Airplane has won several awards through the years and is considered one the Greatest Comedies of all time. In 2010, the film was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress as being “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant”

CityFella

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City “All About Mary”


Mary Cosby's marriage was controversial on "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City."
Bishop Robert C. Crosby and Mary Crosby

The Real Housewives franchise, has been the cornerstone of Bravo for nearly 15 years. According the Wikapeda, It was inspired by scripted soap operas, Desperate Housewives and Peyton Place, and would document the lives of upper-class women who “lead glamorous lives.

Dallas, Atlanta, Orange County, Potomac, New York, Beverly Hills, New Jersey and Salt Lake City. Britian’s “The Real Housewives of Cheshire and Australia’s Real Housewives of Melbourne are very popular. When Bravo announced Salt Lake City, some of us did a double take, Salt Lake?

With a couple of exceptions, ratings for the Housewives has been slipping for a few years now. After years of segregation, the housewives are starting to add women of color to their casts. A Latina and Asian women to Dallas, a black woman to Beverly Hills and New York.

In a city that is nearly 73 % white, Salt Lake has a black cast member and Pacific Islander.

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Finally,Housewives of Color

https://sacratomatovillepost.com/2021/02/18/diverse-housewives-its-about-time/

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Early on Bravo started leaving crumbs about Salt City, to bloggers and Housewives fans. Salt Lake, is the mothership of the Mormon church. Most of the Cast members are or were Mormon. Jen Shaw is Tongan and Hawaiian. Her husband is a Black Football coach. Shaw converted from Mormonism to Islam after learning about the mistreatment of black people in the Mormon religion. Whitney Rose is a descendant of “Morman Royalty” but she left the church after she fell in love with her boss, Justin, and they had an affair. Justin and Rose tied the knot after she found out she was pregnant and they both left their respective spouses. They are not welcome within the Church. Lisa Barlow is New York-born but has been living in Utah for over 20 years. She describes herself as a “Mormon 2.0” and is married to her husband John they have two children. They own a company that sells several brands of tequila. Heather Gay was a devout Mormon and was married to “Mormon royalty” for 11 years. Her husband divorced her serveral years ago. While his is in good standing with the church, she as a divorced women is not. Heather says she’s a “good Mormon gone bad.”She has a beauty treatment center. Meredith Marks ,is a celebrity  jewelry designer. Marks  is Jewish and has been married to her husband, Seth, for over 25 years they have two adult children,

The story for a lot of us, is Mary Cosby, who is just a friend of the show. We were told Cosby inherited her family’s Penacostal empire when she married her late grandmother’s(Dr Rosemary Redmon Cosby)second husband, Robert Cosby Sr. She was 22 years old when her grandmother died and she was forced to tie the knot with Robert, who was 42 years old.

If you need a moment to read this again, I understand. I had to read it several times.

Mary Crosby’s life could be a reality show or Lifetime movie. It involves secrets, accusations of fraud and murder. Fueds over her grandmothers estate went on for years.

Mary’s grandmother, Dr Rosemary Redmon Cosby,grew up in Indiana where she was deeply religious. She had four children by the time she was 29 years old in 1960, though it’s not clear who their father was. That same year, she believed God was telling her to go to Salt Lake City, which she did, taking buses, hitchhiking, and sometimes walking to get there. Once she arrived in her new hometown, she started a church in her living room. At 42-years-old she met Pentecostal Bishop Robert C. Cosby, who was 20 years younger and married him. Together, they founded Faith Temple Pentecostal Church, an endeavor that grew over the years to include sites in Utah and Indiana.

Rosemary Cosby died from a heart attack in January 1997 and left behind a multimillion-dollar fortune. After her passing a bitter family feud started and her daughter, Rosalind Cazares, alleged that her stepdad, Bishop Cosby, murdered his wife. The late church leader’s body was exhumed in Florida during the dispute.

Florida law required an autopsy, which Cosby’s husband has fought. Cazares and her stepdad, Bishop Robert Cosby, who remains pastor of Faith Temple, engaged in a legal battle — punctuated by allegations of financial mismanagement and documents doctoring – over Mama Cosby’s multimillion-dollar estate.

On the show, Mary looks profoundly unhappy. Her home is filled with rooms of designer clothing. She doesn’t seem like a first lady of a church, she’s not warm or compassionate. Her son is the source of her love and joy.

On Andy Cohen’s “Watch What Happen’s Live” she said, she believed God called on her to star on the The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

Was it your Grandmother wishes or was it Maybelline?

During last weeks, part two of the SLC reunion ,we learned her there are cracks in her story.

Intially, she told us there was a will and that her late grandmother told her it was necessary for her to marry her stepgrandfather, saying in one episode: “I did marry him. I didn’t want to … That’s weird to me. But [my grandmother] really did want me to, so I obeyed her. I trusted every word.”

Last week, she said there were no receipts. Well, my grandmother told me for herself that she wanted me to take her place,” she explained, adding that the couple prayed for two years on their decision to get married. “So basically, Robert Sr. was 20 years younger than my grandmother,” she added. “My grandmother felt like she robbed his youth and so she said, ‘If something ever happens, I want you to marry one of my girls because I know they’ll be loyal to you and treat you good like you treated me.’” We also learned that the couple sleep in separate rooms and haven’t had sexin two years.

Mary’s life in Utah, is best summed up in a single sentence. That’s the women who married her grandfather”

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is a revelation and possibly a new start from the franchise. Its part New York, part Beverly Hills, with a dash of Atlanta. These women work, own businesses. Some live in a world we’ve never seen. Living in the shadows of the Mormon church. Some of these women have been shunned and damaged by the only community they’ve known. Then you add race into the mix and you have something different. No one will confuse Housewives with Masterpiece Theater, but you can learn something about human behavior.

SLC has been renewed for another year. Its overnight ratings are low ,about 700,000 viewers or .02 percent of the population. However, 2 million viewers watch it on their DVR’s The renewal comes amid strong ratings for the series, which ranked as a top five new unscripted series on cable in 2020 among P18-49. The season 1 premiere has drawn 3.2 million total viewers across all platforms to date and marked Bravo’s biggest series launch in nearly five years among P25-54 and P18-49.

SLC began strong, and sagged in the middle of the Season. Intianlly, I thought a three part reunion was unecessary for a show in its first season. However, the ladies brought it, the second week was better than the first and this week the final show of the season, we get to hear from Mary’s Crosby’s husband Bishop Robert C. Cosby, cant wait!

CityFella

Part Three of the SLC Reunion is Wednesday 7pm Eastern, 10pmPacific on Bravo

And there was Snow in 2 C


March 2020: The world was a terrifying place. It was scarier than an nuclear missile from North Korea.

Corona Virus

I’ve lived through Herpies, Aids, H1N1 and various flu’s and yet somehow this was different.

I couldn’t tell you, but one day I was scared. Someone died in Washinton State, then other places. Companies were closing, schools were closing, Sports events and Concerts were cancelled and people couldn’t breathe.

What’s next, its all too much.

It was a normal Sanday at the 19th Street Safeway store. Three days later. Meat, peanut butter, bottled water was in short supply and the toilet paper aisle was ransacked.

Man is powerless over this desease.

Our President said, it was nothing more than a simple virus that would be gone before you know it. People were getting sick but not in Sacramento. Then one I noticed there was no traffic on J Street at 7am. Few people were on the street at rush hour. A real life Zombie Apocalypse.

From that day forward, I wore a mask, not just at work. While a lot of people in Sac were wearing masks, in Yuba City, a man was yelling at people entering the Wal Mart calling mask wearers communist.

My days were filled with Cable News, Facebook, Twitter. On You Tube people the world over were fighting for Toilet Paper.

My world was/is my small apartment, work, social media and Safeway. I reached out to friends online, re-established contact with old friends. Reminded those important to me, that I loved them.

During the pandemic , I started many important projects to improve my little world, most are still waiting completion. I have mastered, new desserts. Discovered online couponing. Binge watching became normal. I watch and comment about the Housewives and other reality shows real time on Twitter.

When the walls started closing in, a long drive to the mountians or the ocean reminded me I was alive. I love Sacramento, I cant imagine living in the flat lands of Texas or Kansas.

The Toilet paper shortage was real. People beating the crap of out each other on you tube. Other’s had toilet paper bidding wars on Ebay. TP was never an issue for me. I buy the single ply, thousand sheet per roll Scott Toilet Paper.

I leaned quite a few of my friends shopped for Toilet Paper several times a week, even if they had a supply at home, they feared running out of TP.

For one friend, Toilet Paper was an obession. She lives alone in midtown with three cats. Her day would start at five in the morning and she would call stores all over Sacramento for Toliet Paper. She would befriend workers in the store to learn when the paper would be delivered.

Someone said, her apartment had more rolls of Toilet Paper than Costco before the pandemic.

As a joke, I called and asked her for a roll. “I don’t have extra she said” I kept pressing. “Your my only hope- I’ve called everybody-I am two sheets from armageddon!: She was not amused and hung up. I called back, and she said if I continued she would call the police. GOT IT!

She was not happy1 She called her friends wanting to find out who the leak was! ! She told a mutual friend “not to talk about her and her life! Okay, we all got it and someone should call Dr Phil!

Over a weekend, the super hoarder went to visit her parents. She didn’t completly close the golden door that held her bounty or Charmin, or Cuddle Soft. When she returned home, there was snow inside her apartment, the cats shredded rolls and rolls of Toilet Paper, every room, every piece of furniture was covered in toilet paper. The evil devil in me wanted to call…. But, I could push her over the edge and become Sacramento’s newest missing person., so I stayed in my lane.

For a lot of us, life as we know it, will never be the same. In the last year, Ive become more resilient. I’m know longer scared and have adjusted to the new normal. I’ve become more conservative in my spending, because I cant take tomorrow for granted. My love is deeper and stronger. I have a greater appreciation for my life today and the people in it.

A year ago, I didn’t know anyone who had the disease, today I know many. Covid took out family memebers young and old. Yes, there are people who still believe this is a hoax or a way to thin out the population. A family member said, the vaccine sterilizes black people. I plan to be on time when its time to get my shot.

Many years after the last pendemic, many Americans wore masks,. I think a mask will be a part of my life from 2020 forward. Meanwhile, I’m here,able to laugh, smile and love.

CityFella

Housewives of Color? its about time!


Image result for real housewives of dallas
2021 Cast of The Real Housewifes of Dallas

After years and years of watching variations of the same formula in different cities, the Real Housewives franchise has grown stale. Rich white women with nothing to do other than scream at each other or nearly rich black women with little to do, yelling at each other.

 

Through the years, I have reviewed many of the housewives franchises, with my favorite being New York.  Unlike the other franchises, the women of New York  actually work, they have sucessful businesses.  Their fights don’t last five episodes, and their lives don’t revolve around Birkin Bags, Designer Labels and cars. However, missing in these cities are women of color. The majority of the population of New York are people of color.   In New York, Atlanta, Beverly Hills, Dallas, Potomac, communities with a diverse population, the cast members are either black or white.  

One of the most intriguing aspects of  MTV’s “The Real World” was the gathering of different people ,from different background, religions, polictical belifes and put them together in one household.  Yes, there was screaming, disagreements, that’s the foundation of reality tv.  However, amidst all the drama, the viewer learned something new, about a culture, a religion.

Last year, a Latina was added to the Dallas cast, this year an Asian.  Last season, Leeanne Locken a very popular cast member said her Latina cast members. ” That fucking cunt wants to prove how fucking tough she is because she’s from Mexico” Later in the season there were other “Mexican” comments. Later, in the season she apologized and tried to walk the comments back with the classic “I have Mexican friends”  Locken and Bravo denies she was fired.  I hope not, I am of the opinion these momentarily racist outbursts should be filmed and the audience would be better served if we saw a natural conclusion. As we would in life.

 This season, one of the Dallas members was force to face a racist post about Asians.  Her Asian cast members shared her background. It was a very emotional scene. Her white castmate learned why the exaggerated Asian post was hurtful. This explanation has resulted in the beginning of a good friendship between the two women. This, in my opinion is better than any documentry or special on race.

Meanwhile, last season The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, added a black woman.  

Expectations were low for New York, after Bethenny Frankel’s last minute departure.  Enter, 38 year old Leah Mcsweeny, who owns a streetware company callled “Married To The Mob”  unlike the other cast members, her friends reflect the city and this season her friend Eboni Williams will join the cast. 

The ratings increased for both franchises.  Beverly Hills replaced Atlanta as Bravo’s highest rated franchise.

See what a little color will do?

CityFella

Driver who allegedly killed Nicki Minaj’s father, Robert Maraj, turns himself in to police


By: Rebecca Rosenberg/PageSix

Driver who allegedly killed Nicki Minaj’s father Robert Maraj turns himself in to police.

The alleged hit-and-run driver who killed Nicki Minaj’s father in Long Island turned himself in to law enforcement Wednesday morning, sources told The Post.

Robert Maraj, 64, was walking in Mineola on Friday when he was struck around 6 p.m. The driver fled, according to Nassau County Police.

“The “Super Bass” singer’s father was rushed to a local hospital and listed in critical condition — then succumbed to his injuries at some point over the weekend, police said.

The rap superstar — who was raised in Queens — had a fraught relationship with her father.

Police are scheduled to hold a press conference on the arrest later Wednesday.

Singles Awareness Day: The benefits of being single



By: Kristen Rogers/CNN

An increasing number of people around the world are opting to go solo.The number of American men and women who have never been married, are divorced or are living alone has been on an upward trend for several years, according to the US Census Bureau.Despite the fact marriages or relationships are less common these days, being single continues to have stigma and feelings of loneliness attached, no more so than on Valentine’s Day. Feelings of loneliness among singles not yet having found “the one” still abound.However, recent research shows that some people view singlehood as a happy destination rather than a stop on the journey to marriage.Content by Thrive MarketHealthy living that’s easy and affordableThrive Market, an online membership-based market on a mission to make healthy living easy and affordable for everyone.if you’re single, you can redefine the concept for yourself, according to Elyakim Kislev, an assistant professor at The Hebrew University of Jerusalem: You don’t have to be lonely, and you’re not a failure. Being single can be an advantage instead of a source of agony, he believes.Kislev analyzed US and European databases and conducted interviews to examine trends in singlehood and what made some singles happy — finding that for some, happiness was a choice lifestyle or something they came to accept.

“The fact is that many societies see tremendous growth in the single population and we need to change this image we have that being single means you are frustrated, less worthy or abandoned,” said Kislev, author of the research presented in his book “Happy Singlehood: The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living.”Singlehood and living alone are also on the rise in many countries including JapanItaly and Sweden, various studies have shown. There are ways to turn feelings of loneliness into the ability to feel empowerment and joy at any stage of your life, including during the pandemic.

Identifying the root of loneliness

If you’re going to try to pull yourself out of feeling lonely, identifying the cause of that loneliness is important, according to Kislev. There are differences between chronic loneliness, social isolation and feelings of loneliness.Chronic loneliness is defined as loneliness or social isolation that occurs over a long period of time and affects your mental and physical health, according to the American Psychological Association. It can “increase the risk of developing(health problems such as insomnia and heart disease), psychological distress and behavioral problems,” said Dr. Indra Cidambi, the medical director of the Center for Network Therapy in New Jersey.

Seven simple ways to cope with loneliness

Seven simple ways to cope with lonelinessFeelings of, or temporary, loneliness are based on subjective, self-perceived feelings of neglect or “a discrepancy between one’s achieved and desired levels of social relations,” according to experts.”Being alone does not make a person lonely, but the perception of being alone is what makes one lonely,” Cidambi said.Married people can be just as lonely and unhappy as their single counterparts, previous research has found.

New Year's resolutions, for couples

New Year’s resolutions, for couples“It was proven time and again that married people can be very lonely and emotionally deprived within their wedlock, sometimes exactly because they are committed to this one person and gave up on nurturing other connections,” Kislev said. “Instead of facing loneliness at its roots, many people chase partnership only to discover that loneliness is a standalone problem, the cure for which mainly lies within oneself, as researchers have repeatedly argued.”

What makes some singles happy

The databases Kislev used included the US Census Bureau and the European Social Survey. He examined relationship trends in more than 30 countries and conducted more than 140 interviews with single people in the US and Europe — people between ages 30 and 78 who comprised all genders, sexualities and socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds.He found key differences between happy singles and unhappy singles, generally dependent upon whether they internalized stereotypes about being single or shrugged them off.People who were unhappy with being single felt resigned due to reasons including having never found the right person, feeling they might grow old alone or as if they were missing out on life. In contrast, the happy singles enjoyed their solitude, “took responsibility for their lives and were satisfied with their social ties as a substitute for marriage,” Kislev wrote.Some happy singles’ solitude was also fortified by procuring exciting experiences that can be had outside of a relationship, such as traveling or finding new hobbies. They used their time alone to “replenish themselves” and “be empowered by focusing on themselves in these moments,” Kislev said.

More Americans living without partners, especially young adults

More Americans living without partners, especially young adultsOthers Kislev interviewed were happy because they intentionally built robust social circles as alternatives to intimate romantic relationships. They invited their friends to accompany them on outings more and spent more time talking to their neighbors and staying in touch with family.Widowed, divorced and never-married individuals socialized with their friends up to 45% more frequently than their married counterparts, the research found.”On average, singles have more friends than married people,” Kislev said. “We see a phenomenon of ‘greedy marriage,’ in which couples turn inwards and forget their friends and relatives. Instead, singles cast a wide net of friends that better support them in all walks of life.”Some single people did this because, at one point, they were lonely, while others chose this life because they valued the additional time and freedom that resulted from not being attached to a partner or family.

Sex and finances are better for married people. Don't worry, singles — you win sleep

Sex and finances are better for married people. Don’t worry, singles — you win sleep The research also found that in the case of never-married individuals, being more social “gave them the confidence to feel that they did not ‘miss out.’ “”Developing quality relationships with people who share similar interests, staying in touch with family and friends and pursuing enjoyable activities are key to alleviating loneliness,” Cidambi said.

Building self-esteem

Some studies have shown that people in relationships can have higher levels of self-esteem, but that may only happen if the relationship is well-functioning, stable and at least lasting for a year or longer — otherwise, that self-esteem has been shown to tank, a 2017 study found.”Some may want to be in a relationship, but are unable to find the groove,” Cidambi said. “This can lead to a loss of self-esteem and feelings of loneliness or even depression.”Some single people in Kislev’s studyalso found satisfaction in working toward their career goals.Fulfilling one’s potential and feeling more content with one’s alone time, yet also spending time with friends, helped to raise the self-esteem of those who were either once unhappy being single or who had chosen the solo life for themselves. They realized the opportunity for personal growth that was tied to the time they had alone, the study found.Get CNN Health’s weekly newsletter

Being single doesn’t have to feel desolate. During and after the pandemic, singlehood can provide many opportunities to find what you love, make new friends and discover new places — although doing so virtually is safest for now.”Singles must invest in their singleness,” Kislev said. “It might sound funny, but we must invest in any way of living we choose for ourselves. Exactly like couples invest in their marriage — they go to counselors, read books and have quality time with their partners — singles must do the same in order for them to feel good.”

Hajiya Gambo Sawaba: ‘The most jailed Nigerian female politician’


The political activist was publicly flogged, had her hair shaved off with a broken bottle and was imprisoned 16 times.

Hajiya Gambo Sawaba [The Makers of Northern Nigeria, published in 2004 by De lmam Ventures, Kaduna]
Hajiya Gambo Sawaba [The Makers of Northern Nigeria, published in 2004 by De lmam Ventures, Kaduna]

By: Tayo Agunbiade/Al Jazzera

Stories from the life of Hajiya Gambo Sawaba, one of northern Nigeria’s most important female political activists, who was born on this day in 1933, have become the stuff of folklore.

According to one, her fighting spirit was evident when, as a young girl growing up in northern Nigeria in the 1930s and 40s, she would always intervene in other children’s fights on the side of the loser, telling them: “I have bought this fight from you”, before carrying on the scuffle.

The fights came frequently, and her clothes would inevitably get torn. So, the story goes, in order to minimise the frequency with which she would have to replace her daughter’s damaged dresses, Sawaba’s mother, Malama Fatima, resorted to making them out of tarpaulin.

Whether or not this particular story was true, there was no denying that throughout her life, Sawaba never shied away from a fight, particularly when it was on the side of the downtrodden.

A teenage activist

Her story began on February 15, 1933.

In 1943, when she was 10 years old, her father died. Her mother died three years later and, soon after, at the age of 13, Sawaba was married to a second world war veteran named Abubakar Dan Sarkin. At 16, she gave birth to her only child, Bilikisu.

By the following year, her political activism had begun.

At the time, the British ruled over Nigeria using a system of Indirect Rule, whereby Native Authorities (NA) administered colonial policies in the 12 northern provinces through local emirs and district and village leaders.

The Northern Region was ruled by the conservative Northern Peoples’ Congress (NPC). But in 1950, a school teacher in Kano City called Malam Aminu Kano formed a new political party, Northern Elements Progressive Union (NEPU).

NEPU supported “women’s education in both religious and secular spheres and their being given enough space – politically and economically”.

It was in sharp contrast to the NPC, which controlled the Native Authorities and whose leadership was quoted as saying: “We in the north are happy, our women are happy about their condition. There is not a single Northern woman who has told anyone that she is unhappy. We know what is right for women and our men know what is right for themselves.”

NEPU’s messages resonated with Sawaba’s sense of justice and she became an early member of the party’s women’s wing.

By this time, there were already calls for women’s voting rights in other parts of Nigeria – by the likes of the renowned feminists, Olufunmilayo Ransome-Kuti and Margaret Ekpo in the western and eastern regions of Nigeria, respectively. Sawaba would soon lend her voice to theirs.

‘Freedom and redemption’

Sawaba was not her birth name. Meaning freedom or redemption, it was given to her by her political mentor, Malam Aminu Kano, after she had been elected president-general of NEPU’s women’s wing.

Although folklore gives an alternative version of how she came by the name. According to this, she became known as Sawaba after attending a political rally at Jakara Market in Zaria. As the crowd waited for the official speaker, a male Zaria council member known as Alhaji Gambo Sawaba, she took to the stage to talk about voting and education rights for women.

When Alhaji Gambo Sawaba arrived, he announced to the audience that as she had been the first woman to address a political rally in the north, she would henceforth be known as Gambo Sawabiya – the feminine version of Sawaba.

If this version of the story is correct, Sawaba clearly preferred the male version as that is the one she stuck to. From then on, in Zaria’s political circles, people differentiated between the two politicians by saying: “Gambo Sawaba [male]; Gambo Sawaba [female].”

Whatever the truth behind her name, Sawaba became synonymous with the politics of freedom and emancipation in northern Nigeria, especially for women.

Imprisonment

She openly advocated against child marriage, forced and unpaid labour and unfair taxes, and canvassed for jobs for women, education for girls and full voting rights.

Her husband’s family, however, were unhappy with her efforts to merge motherhood and political activism and an amicable separation soon followed. As was the custom at the time, her baby daughter was handed over to her in-laws.

But she had also attracted the ire of the authorities. As many women in the north followed the practice of purdah, a form of social seclusion, Sawaba went from house-to-house to speak to them. This displeased the Native Authority in Kano and, in 1952, she was hauled before the conservative Alkali (Magistrates) Court, on charges of “drawing out women who were in purdah”. The court sentenced her to three months in prison.

It was the first of 16 prison sentences she would serve during her lifetime. She was arrested so often, in fact, that she always kept a blanket with the words ‘Prison Yard’ inscribed on it nearby so that she could take it with her whenever the police came for her.

Later that year, the authorities in Kano ordered her to leave the city. To make sure she complied with the order, local law enforcement agents escorted her back to Zaria.

But she continued her political activism – and periods of imprisonment – in her hometown. As well as Zaira and Kano, she was also imprisoned in Kaduna and Jos.

According to the Daily Trust newspaper: “Whenever she was on trial, the courtroom was filled with her supporters.”

But it was not just jail time she endured.

The Daily Trust reported, “On two occasions she was stripped naked and given eighty lashes in Zaria Central Prison. She also endured the indignity and pain of having her hair shaved off with a broken bottle.”

In 1990, Sawaba’s political compatriot, the late Malama Ladi Shehu, told the First Nation Magazine about the abuses female political activists faced: “Gambo and some other NEPU women, very many of them who were imprisoned, had their hair shaven and were beaten up; and some of our members were even killed. Quite a number of them.”

The vote

But imprisonment did not stop Sawaba and other members of the women’s wing of the party campaigning for enfranchisement. In 1956, they marched to the office of the regional premier, Sir Ahmadu Bello, in Kaduna to demand the franchise for women in the north in future parliamentary elections.

The premier said he would consider it – but his pledge came to nothing.

Women in southern Nigeria had been granted a limited franchise in 1951. In 1954, the Eastern Region followed suit and the Western Region in 1959.

But, according to the book Imperialism and Human Rights: Colonial Discourses of Rights by Bonny Ibhawoh, in 1954, the ruling NPC in the Northern Region issued a statement saying: “Women would be given franchise, only in God’s time.”

Eight years later, during a debate in Nigeria’s Senate on voting rights for Northern women, Senator Wuraola Esan, one of the two women in the Senate and a representative from the Western Region, declared: “I daresay, God’s time may never come as far as franchise for women in the north is concerned.”

Again, in 1965, she told the Senate: “I would like to remind my Northern brothers that … it is time the women of the north had the franchise. It is relevant for me to remind our Northern brothers of their promise that the women of the Northern Region will be given the franchise in due course. I am only appealing to them to make that ‘due course’ soon.”

In his autobiography, Bello, who was assassinated during a military coup in January 1966, explained his stand on enfranchisement for Northern women: “I dare say that we shall introduce it in the end here, but – and this is important – it is so contrary to the customs and feelings of the greater part of the men of this Region that I would be very loth to introduce it myself. The education of women must reach a far greater strength, and the numbers of properly educated women must be increased to many times the present, before the vote would be used to full advantage.”

Sawaba did not forget his failure to grant women the right to vote and once declared that were it not “for the fact that women in the North were not allowed to vote or be voted for” she would have stood against him in his own constituency.

Northern women would eventually get the vote in 1976.

Sawaba, however, never achieved electoral success – either with NEPU or the two other parties she joined later on in her career.

In 1998, she announced her retirement, telling the New Nigerian newspaper: “Politics in the country has lost its flavour and is no longer a game of ideology, but a game of self-aggrandisement.”

A heavy price

But she had paid a heavy price during her 48 years in politics.

In an interview with the New Nigerian newspaper in 2000, the then 67-year-old Sawaba recalled one of her worst moments, describing how she “was beaten up by six men and left to die in a bush” while on her way to a meeting. No one was ever charged over the assault.

On another occasion, the New Nigerian had quoted her as saying: “There is no opening in my body – mouth, nostrils, eyes or anywhere else – from which blood did not gush out from because of torture.

“My front teeth are artificial. The originals were broken and pulled out.”

She also confirmed that as a result of torture she had endured in prison in 1957, she had needed surgery to remove her womb to save her life.

Having witnessed the emotional and physical pain her mother endured, Bilikisu never contemplated following in her path. Now a 71-year-old grandmother and retired civil servant, she lives in the family home in Benin Street where photos of Karl Marx, Thomas Sankara and Samora Machel had once adorned the living room walls.

“My earliest memories of her when I was growing up was she was fully engaged and involved in civic politics alongside her friends,” Bilikisu recalls. “Our home was the centre of political meetings and activities.”

It was not only political associates who were welcomed in the house.

“Throughout her life, she maintained an open-door policy that saw friends, associates and ordinary members of the public come to the house,” Bilikisu explains.

“[Our] home was never free of adopted children, house guests and visitors.”

While Sawaba was a political activist to the outside world, at home she was someone who loved to cook, her daughter recalls.

“[She] would not allow anyone to cook for her. She had particular favourites, the Nupe traditional dish of Dukuno, and also Tuwon Shinkafa or Sakwara [popular northern Nigerian dishes].”

Sawaba married – and divorced – three more times after her teenage marriage. Her second husband was a railway worker, her third a Cameroonian boxer, who was regularly threatened with deportation by her political opponents, and her fourth a businessman.

After her last marriage ended, Sawaba devoted her energies to caring for the children she had taken in.

After her death at the age of 71 in October 2001, the Daily Trust newspaper wrote: “Gambo Sawaba took on herself the task of training other people’s children. She relished the job of taking care of helpless kids. Apart from dozens of her sister’s children that she brought up and trained, she adopted many from the street … right now there are over 30 of such adopted children in her house. Among them is a baby less than a month old she had just brought from the hospital a few days before her death.”

Bilikisu says that until her dying day, her mother “never stopped hoping for a better society and remained optimistic that Nigerians, especially women, would be free from tyranny and dictatorial leadership in governance”.

Her political status was perhaps illustrated by the presence of two former heads of state at her funeral rites in Zaria.

In its tribute, the New Nigerian described her as: “Blunt, non-conformist and outspoken, the most tortured and jailed Nigerian female politician

Its Time To Move On


Image result for donald trump january 6

The January 6, attack on the US Capitol is one of the darkest days in our history. The Forty Fifth President of the United States directed. his supporters to create mayhem. The Commander and Chief watched and celebrated the disorder that was talking place minutes away, on the Cable News Networks in the White House.

After telling his invited guest to go home, he told them they were VERY SPECIAL and HE LOVED THEM as if the riot was the end of a Cocktail Party.

The Democrats did a masterful job during the second impeachment trial. It was chilling to see Mitt Romney running, and our Vice President and his family being rushed and protected from the angry crowd wanting his head.

Trumps crimes are memorialized on audio and video and yet the trial was a foregone conclusion. Many members of his party, despise him and fear him. As in life, the truly brave are few. Mitch McConnell on two occasions, publicly disagreed with the President and yet end of the day would not vote against him.

So its time to move on. Our hospitals are full, our economy is ailing and there is a new Administration in place.

It was predicted, 45 would destroy his party. More than 160,000 Republicans left the party last month. Many of his supporters who were apart of the attack on the Capitol are disappointed, they believed he would protect them as they now face serious criminal charges.

Forty Five’s life beyond the White House ,will be filled with meeting with his Attorneys where audio recordings and videos will play a important role in each trial. So lets move on and rebuild our country.

CityFella

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