Cussing in front of a nun, Exploding Diet Sodas, and will Life Alert make younger?


I need to exercise, I almost want to exercise, what I want is a machine that will give me a full workout as I sleep.    This day I figured I’d go outside before its gets hot.  After  Judge Judy and after the Housewives, and the news.  Well the next thing you know its three o clock -it’s important I get out now  because at 5, Judge Judy will be on again.

It hot, over a hundred (normal people workout in the morning-normal people)  not me…

THE GRAND PLAN  was to walk around capitol park.   After couple of blocks I’m drenched in sweat.  By the time I get to J street , I realized 3pm isnt a good time to take a walk.   As I waited for the light to change, a dime rolls out of my pants onto the street. (I must have a hole in my pocket)   Its hot and I’m  tired and I leave the dime, who knows ,someone might need a dime.   I altered my plans by K Street. (I’ll walk around the Auditorium then home)   As I stopped in front of the Crest to see what was playing, another coin rolled out of my pant leg.  I lost my balance as I scooped it up, crashing into the side of the theater.  More coins roll out.  I picked them up and put them in the opposite pocket.

Jackpot!!! everything in the right pocket was on the ground by the time I hit 11th street, coins going in every direction, why did I have so many coins? why didn’t I shift the coins to my left pocket?   “Shit, Dam,Fuck I scream, as might have to compete with the homeless people near the Cathedral for my change.

I quickly collect all the coins and proceed to put them into right side pocket.   FUCCCK!!!!!  SHIT, I scream as they crash onto the street.  As I’m picking  up the coins as I looked to my side, and I think I see a Nun, maybe its the heat?  No its a Nun!   A  N-U-N standing there with no expression.  Oh Jeez,  I nervously smile and  in a 5 year old voice, say sorry.  I stood motionless as she walked away, the walk- the exercise  is officially ovah!!!!    I’m going home, Judge Judy will be on at five.  I’m not catholic -but nuns scare me.

I find myself on edge these days with the talk of Judgement Day ,dead fish, dead birds, Earthquakes, tsunamis, radiation, tornados, flooding, and a new  Sacramento Arena.   Anything thing  out of place is a bit unnerving.     There was an explosion in my fridge.  I hesitated, I didn’t immediatly open the door.   What was it?  after the initial explosion, things were falling and other strange noised was coming from behind the white door.   I hesitated, I didn’t immediatly open the door.  I waited for the sounds to end.    I slowly open the door to find a can of diet Dr Pepper split in half, large ice chunks throughout the fridge.     When a diet soda explodes in your fridge, is that a warning sign? “The Apocalypse is near? I have had many sugary sodas and none of them exploded in my fridge…. My Italian cheese blend and my “I can’t believe its not butter” are still in shock!

She has slipped in the shower, she cant get up, the water is pouring on to her, there she is naked helpless slumped in her tub, cold water is pouring on her body, she’s simply not having a good day.  The front door opens, its her daughter-she screams” help”!, in the next scene in this commercial we find her composed, smiling and bestowing the virtues of the “Life Alert system, the last line, she looks into the camera and say’s ” I even feel younger”     Head trauma?

Cityfella

 

Published by CityFella

Moved to the Big Tomata in the nineties from San Francisco. No Suburbs for me with its single colored houses and lawns and the excitement of pulling out my trash can once a week. I'm a CityFella , a part time New Yorker. I'm happiest in the Center City where people the streets and people are alive. I'm still waiting to buy a 34th floor condo somewhere downtown/Midtown with a nightclub. "Hurry I'm old" My politics are somewhere in the middle with a needle that constantly moves. I'm too liberal to be a Republican and too conservative to be a Democrat. Everything interests me . I've come to love Sacratomato, Its a nice town in cheap sensible shoes .

%d bloggers like this: