That Mythical Magical #9

When you are super young you cant wait to grow older.    How old are you?  I’m am 8 and a half.

The rush to 18 means independence.  21 means you can have a Budweiser with the boys.

Then time passes at the speed of light and one day your 29.     All those things you thought you would be by now, all those things accomplished.    Those days of  I’ll get to it  and  ‘whatever” has caught up with you because in a few months you will be THIRTY.

By 34, you want the clock to slow down, who in the hell wants to be forty.   FORTY!  “Oh my gawd, I’ll be the same age as my parents.

Time waits for no man or woman, but control it we SHALL.

How old am I?

After all, there are no witness, and your mom isnt in earshot, who is going to question it?

39, thirty nine, 39. 39, 39, 39, fa-la- la- la. – 39 oh THIRTY NINE.

Then one day, after years of being 39, someone gives you that quizzical stare?  ( 39?-the jig is UP)     “I’m 44 (real age 47), but soooo many people think I look younger”

Da Nile is not just a river in Egypt.


Scan through the personals on Craiglist ( okay wait, not everyone on Craiglist is a sex offender troll-well  most are, moving on).and other personals, You will see a lot of 9’s   29,39,49,

No one’s 59, 69,  unless your trying to impress some hot chick at the senior center.  Over 49, is connecting the liver spots.   Anyone 49 or older could mean, your just a few years older than Halle Berry or I dated Nixon’s  younger brother.

IF you don’t have a sense of humor, don’t date online.    Profiles are often hilarious,reading too much can lead to disappointment.

Distant pictures, sprayed on tans, pictures from another era to get your attention.  Images of  late thirtysomething  trying to look like cast members of Jersey Shore. Note: Look at the cars in the picture-is that a Oldsmobile Vista Wagon? next to the Chevy Biscayne?

There are other online profile clues…..    I Look younger than 39 (he’s 50), most people tell me I look and act younger (60), I like  Kiss!-aren’t they groovy! or I’m hip and with it (followed by the snapping on finger)   (well-its possible you can fool someone over 47)

Some serial daters can pull if off, with carefully scripted conversations and dress.    Others blow it ,lost in clothing styles held on too long, dated smells, Charlie, Brut and Old Spice.  Current hairstyles  when they where in college ( back when personal music players where 30 pound boom boxes) are giveways.

Last year,  I received a random picture of a man on my phone with the caption “how old” the picture was taken on the sly. It was from a friend on a “first internet date”   A man desperately holding on to 39.   The dark (not a sprayed on ) tan was there, so was the hair color (distant blonde).The fit man was wearing a tight fitting shirt.   My response was 46, after the date was over (it wasn’t a match) my friend say try early fifties.

Apparently the man was poor at math and mentioned he had worked for a company for nearly 30 years,which in American means he started with the company when he was between 9 and 14..

Americans have accepted that there will be a  bit of online fibbing.  Weight, maritial status, and employement.

If your considering adding the Mythical Magical #9  to your personal profile, make sure your kids and other aren’t around and practice that math.



  1. A guy I dated recently told me that he was 34. Sorry my friend, Google just told me that you’re 39.

    This is proof that people are scared of being almost 40 on the dating scene and that no good can come of Google.


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