This year was different, this year I didn’t pig out at Thankgiving, This year I didn’t completely black out and eat an entire Chocolate Nativity Scene, includng baby Jesus (for the record-I’m not in the habit of eating baby Jesus’s-the basket was made out of a Cadbury egg-who knew Jesus was in there?). I’m on Weight Watchers having bits of dessert.
Last weekend I attended a dessert party, where I ate small slices of cakes and pies and drank bottles of water .I was very proud of myself. That was Friday night. Since Friday, my dreams have been of desserts, Chocolate houses and Gingerbread cookies dipped in chocolate. So, yesterday, I thought if I had a black bottom muffin from Freeport Bakery my cravings would go away. But no….. I had a dream about holding up a bakery…..’ I don’t want your cash-I want your eclairs” If I were going to hold up a bakery, it would probably be Ettore’s, their pretty pricey but good.
The holidays are hell! The goodies, the desserts. At work there are boxes of See’s Candies. And everyone tell you to eat, to stuff, to pig out. You have permission cause its Christmas. The problem is recovery… Some of us don’t, the gyms are full in January. So far this season, I’ve done pretty well, WW allows you to eat like regular people.
The deep dish butter south has come to Sacramento, in the form of Grandma Young. Grandma Young is old school, butter makes everything better. Not just store bought butter, she like a special butter that cost five dollars a pound. Grandma Young gave her grandchildren a list, 11 pound of butter, special eggs, flour. The sifting of flour begins tonight as a new generation will learn how to cook like a proper Oklahoman.
Grandma Young looked at me and said “oooh I can tell you like to eat” (no kidding-I block out the sun) “I bet your gonna like my ice box lemon pie” . OMG! (that’s oh my god-for those over a certain age) my mom made Ice box lemon pie-its made with condensed milk and lemon juice on a buttery graham cracker crust and a foamy meringue. Once again OMG! It was my favorite dessert. Come over and eat with us Christmas….Sorry, I’m working, I said, working on Christmas? -I’ll make sure Madaline makes you a plate. I brought fresh beef and pork with me from Oklahoma-I always bring too much. We gonna have fresh rolls and biscuits (kill me now) and she walked away,leaving me dizzy.
Here, she pushed a big mason jar into my chest- these are my peach preserves– from across the room I heard mmmmmmmmm. Great, I thought, this women could very well kill me.. They can already see me from space.. Please lady, please! I thanked her and she gave me that grandmother hug…..and I headed home.
I purposely left the peach preserves in my trunk, cause they kept telling me to stop at Raley’s and pick up a can of Grands Biscuits….
The phone rings, as I try to catch the last half hour of the Peoples Court” …”hey brotha” my grandma wants to know if you have a large pyrex dish… 10×13? Yes…. She is gonna make you a big ice box lemon pie… oh jeez,I thought. Wow, thank her for me… She likes you.
Well, I said to myself. I could cut it up and share it with friends, Bull, that’s not gonna happen” from the moment I sink a knife into that pie its on… I could see myself, pulling down the shades, turning off all the lights and the TV and eating slowly… no light. slowly taking in the lemon,the theory being, if you cant see what your eating, there are no calories.
I have eaten many things in the dark. with my clothing tv ready, for a detergent commerical. I have fallen alsleep to later find various pastas and meats stuck to various parts of my body. And it came to no suprise when the postal service assigned a special zip code to for my wide screen ass. Those days, I hope are behind me….
My pie will be ready for pick up on Friday, I’m thinking of having a few friends over and we can devour the pie together and it there is anything left-lights out.