For many women chivalry isn’t dead. The simple act of opening a door may determine if there will be a second date, a second meeting.
If your a woman from the west coast and the mid Atlantic states you may feel the chill in the air as your date is likely to walk ahead of you leaving you to wrestle with the door. However, opening doors seems to be in the DNA of men from Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas.
Age is a factor
For women over forty, a man opening a door isn’t an option. The same holds true for some young women in the southern states. As with women, for men age is a factor. The older the male, the more likely he is to open a door for a female.
One respondent said during the early years of her marriage ,she had to ask her husband to hold or open doors as she grappled with their three small children. “He would go into the restaurant and he would walk ahead of me and sit down! I had the bags the bottles and the strollers. ” Then one day he started opening the doors for me and insisted our son hold and open the doors for our daughters. We have been married 34 years and he opens the car doors for me .
Some men believe opening doors in this day and age of equal treatment and isn’t necessary. Others feel its part of a game, a test. ” One day they’ll wait for you to open a door and other times they will open the door themselves ”
The basis for this blog was a radio show in Sacramento. A man called into the show. (the date may have been set up through the show I’m not sure ) He told the host he was a bit perplexed. He met this woman, the date went fine, there seemed to be some chemistry and then after the date nothing. No calls. The station called his date, and asked what happened?
She said when they arrived at the restaurant, he walked ahead of her, closing the door on her and a woman with a stroller. She said he stood and watched her help the woman with the stroller. For her ,his actions or inaction, sealed the deal. He quite surprised by her comments and the comments on the female host on the radio who agreed with his date . Both women said t he was insensitive and as for his date, that was enough for her.
Using the social network Facebook and Google plus, these are some of the responses to the questions below.
CityFella: You meet a handsome man On the very first date, at the restaurant he enters first and the door closes in front of you…. Deal Breaker? (will there be a second date? What if he opens the door for you and lets it close on a female entering the restaurant ? What are your thoughts?
AC) Never had a guy to open the door for me before, my current boyfriend opens the door so I am taking full advantage of it
AL) I would think that was kinda weird, but I think it really depends on how the rest of the date goes in order for me to determine whether or not there will be a second date.
AL)If he opens the door for me, but lets it close on another female entering, that would be weird too, but does he apologize right after? Did he intentionally let it close? Did he not see her? It really all depend Honestly, can I just open my own door and keep it open for my date?
RO) I don’t care unless the door hits me or something.
CP) Okay to answer the first part of your question : opening the door for himself and close the door behind him, she is a great deal of selfishness. I believe as women we have grown accustomed to this behavior. Does it make it right no. If anyone looks back at someone that they have seen with this behavior, and are honest about it, SELFISH!!! And the second part of your question : the door closes on another woman after opening it for me, shows he’s not paying attention to anyone else. Would that bother me no. I am fortunate enough to have a husband from the south, who opens the door for everybody and their grandmother. So needless to say sometimes I have to wait a little while for him to get through the door. Does that bother me? Absolutely not!
CP) As far as a conversation afterwards, is there is more to be said about him, yes. Otherwise everything went well and he was pleasant probably not.
JG) I think chivalry is dead personally but there are still some respectful guys out there . it is not a dealer breaker .. I would make a comment in jest about it and see if it changes ..if he lets it close in someone else’s face I would have him apologize to her second date depends on many other things too
CityFella :Wrench…….. how would your mothers react if she witnessed the door? Would there be a look or a conversation later?
JG) If it was my mother there would definitely be both a look and conversation lol ..my mother would of grabbed him by the hand and made him come back to do it right!
TH) Perhaps not a deal breaker but I would mention it to him. Chivalry is not dead. It’s just not being taught like it was years ago. Men have to be taught how to be gentlemen and women have to be taught the Art of being a Lady.
CityFella: In addition to entrances, how important is that he opens the car door?
TE)Not important.. but if I unlock his door and I gotta walk around the car to unlock my side and he don’t reach over to unlock it for me.. then its a problem.
CityFella: So its not an real issue?
TE:Its not a deal breaker.. but I would definitely call him out on it. Now if it happened again on the second date.. there probably wouldn’t be a second date( unless he was hella fine!)
CR: rite baby mama
TE: I mean third date
CR) I’m just happy, she didn’t get hit in the face with the door, this is Cali.
CR} I happen to have a good one at home…
AW) I’ve been dating the same guy for over 2 years and he hasn’t opened a door or anything for me.
LC) I don’t miss California,everyone is rude. Here in Texas men go out of their way to open doors, i’m never coming back!
DS) If a man is trying to date me and we are together and this man can not open the door for me but enters first and let the door close behind him he didn’t want to be on a date with me anyway and there will be no other date. And when opening a door for a lady and if there is another one on her way in it is just polite to keep it open for her as well.
DO) Looking sideways! Wait, what? He let the door close on me? and went in first without me? What???? Deal Breaker? uhm, err to say the least, most definitely deal breaker. Second date? HAHAHAHAH!! Yeah, Uh, no!! First “not a date” was over when the door closed in my face! Would do my best not to blaze the back of his head! Ugh!
LC) How do you open the door for one woman and then let the door close on another woman coming in?
SG) I had a boyfriend in the ’60’s NYC who never held doors. I actually thought it was funny. One time he hopped on a city bus in front of me and that time I didn’t fight it .. I let the bus driver shut the door and drive off without me. I was only a block away from my apartment building so I just went home and waited to see if he’d notice I was missing .. he did.
.SG) I was brought up Greenwich, Connecticut debutante and hated it. I find sitting in the passenger seat wait for the guy to come around and open the door for me REALLY AWKWARD. I get bored sitting there, feeling stupid .. I should be doing something while I’m waiting, but what? And what if he wanders off, leaving me in the car? Nothing doing, won’t do that anymore.
SG) Male or female, no one should let doors close on friends or strangers.
LC) Depends on your limits. If he is that insensitive on the first date it isn’t gonna get better!
SH) My last long term relationship was with a man who would do stuff like that all the time. Sit down to dinner and before I could finish putting items on the table, he’d start eating- before I sat down. I kept forgiving his errors. But in the long run, he was simply a rude bastard and any feeling I had for him died. I don’t care if it’s a man or woman who enters first, but the friend should hold the door open for another. Now I have a load more respect for myself. A man I see now opens doors, pays for dinner, parks the car to make it easy for me to get out etc. He’s not perfect, but he is so adorable because of his little kindnesses, he’s a keeper.
SG) Male or female, no one should let doors close on friends or strangers.
CityFella : You meet a girl, hit it off, go out on date and have a good time and then she falls off the map…… Weeks later you learn, it was because you didn’t open a door for her. Would you call her, apologize or……
CG)She might fall off the map because she has a man at home. She was mad at him at the time so she went out met you and had a good time. Ok two! There’s no reason to apologize if ya had a good time, nine times out of ten a women want a man to chase them.
AH) It’s the chase.. It makes them feel wanted. Chase too hard and they feel stocked.. Don’t chase enough n they don’t feel wanted. It’s a balancing act. BUT something to thing about: if they get mad and vanish cause you didn’t open a door it makes me think that they are prone to blowing things out of proportion. It’s a red flag. If you are seriously interested then I’d call once. If you have to chase any harder you may be looking at some one who you will constantly have to be battling there self esteem Constantly as long as u know them.
AAH) Depends on how you’re feeling about her at the end of the date. If your diggin her than yeah talk it out. Me myself. I wouldn’t. But that’s me. Seems to me she might expect more than I can offer.
TS) Its stoopid! First, It could have been an accident , and she’s sitting there and wont say a thing… I say let her go!
RH) I personally would apologize and ask for a second chance. Worst thing she can say is no.
What are your thoughts?