Miscellaneous Ramblelings about Gym Towels and the American Penis

Although I have lost quite  a bit of weight I still have a long way to go.   So I am back at the gym.  Last year I joined a discount Gym in Natomas  8 miles away.   This price was good and the facilities  was well equipped  but there are no showers, which meant if I had a meeting I would have to go home to shower.

I’ve joined a new gym closer to home.

As in the real world, the towels in the gym are for what was once known as regular people.   From the moment  Sears and Target starting selling size 44 pants  regular change

Start up the rocking chair…..

Back in the day, big was anyone with a waist larger than an 38.  My waist size was 40 ,which meant I had many choices as long as they were straight legged white, navy blue, or black.   And I wanted to look like every other kid in the bay.  And the look at the time was bell bottoms….  (yes I said it! BELL BOTTOMS!)   I wanted to look like  band members of Sly and the Family Stone. They wore vest,scarfs, jewelry and of course BELL BOTTOMS!   “can you dig it”  ‘then right on!

Most stores rarely had pants larger than an 38.    So someone recommended Rochester’s on 3rd and mission in San Francisco.   Rochester’s had everything for the big and tall man, they catered to athletes,  which meant they were expensive and my mother wasn’t spending forty bucks for jeans.  Someone recommended another big and tall store in Oakland on San Pablo Ave and Stanford Ave called Stroms.      The store was very affordable and carried all the latest styles.   The pant sizes ranged from 34 to 70.    They also sold extra large bath towels…   None of this is really related to the story but I thought I take a stroll down memory lane.

The American Penis

I wasn’t prepared for junior high.  I vaguely remembered my mother buying gym clothes but no one told me at one point during the school day I would have to get naked in front of  strangers.    Of course, I was sweaty from running a lap. I couldn’t believe they wanted me to run around this huge oval AND they timed me.. What is this place-death camp?  I was a fat boy who wanted to go back to recess were I could discreetly eat a Twinkie.  Back in the gym  one of the coaches  said “hit the showers”.     Hit what? I thought to myself.  Suddenly kids around me started taking off their clothes… I sat my big ass on the bench…. I wasn’t the only one, the other Freshman’s were also in a state of shock.    ” Come on hit the showers”

The last time I was naked in front of strangers was in Bible Camp and that was different we were all Christians.    There is no way I was taking my clothes off  in front of these non-believers…   My hoo haa and my boyboobs were private.   I put my clothes on and slipped out of the gym.    At fifth period I was called to the office and they gave me a note for my mother to sign.

I wasn’t stripping,  so  I concocted a last minute near fatal illness and stayed home that day. Watched “Lets Make a Deal” and” Supermarket Sweep” on TV and caught up on the afternoon cartoons with Captain Satellite.  The problem with last minute near fatal illnesses is you never think it complete through,  in the morning you can barely lift you head. However, when your mom comes home and there are cherry Kool Aid stains on your face and six hundred dishes in the sink and toys kicked under the sofa, you have to go to school the next day.

I’m not quite sure what it is with Americans  .  We are obsessed with size,  big cars, V8 engines, breast, homes.   Only in America are there 30 cubic inch Refrigerators, giant washer and dryers.   We love our big Pick ups, Big Gas guzzling SUV’s  its an american thing.    Most of our cars are too large for the streets of Europe and  other countries . American have never embraced small.   Your average five foot five Oklahoman,  couldn’t  imagine ever  trading in  his Silverado pickup for a Fiat,even if the price of gas was five bucks a gallon .   We like things big.

The average American man is terrified of male nudity, it makes us uncomfortable.   The very same american man who frequent nude bars would shoot his sister before taking off his clothes.    The root is his own penis.   We fear being the small guy in the room.

In my teens, I traveled to Europe and stayed in a hostel.   The hostel didn’t have air conditioning and some of the men took off their clothes. placing towels on the chairs and sitting on them and just chatting away.   I remember being uncomfortable around naked men…   I remember wanting them to put  their clothes on and suffer like me.   American men wearing speedos  are rare on american beaches.

In junior high, I wasn’t the smallest, thank gawd..   There was one freshman who’s penis was like Genghis Khan. His penis moved like an elephant’s trunk and  from time to time some of the students inner voices slipped out “wow” .   Khan’s body issues was his thinness and being pale…     He reminded some  us of “Shaggy” in the old Scooby Doo” Cartoons.

With the exceptions of athlete,s most American men are uncomfortable being nude in the presence of another male.

The  Gym Towel

In college, the bath towel would go around me  I would have this huge slit on the side.   As the years went by-marriage-children-age and the remote control my waist grew thicker.      I held the towel with one hand..

When you reach a certain age , it is what it is..  Members at Gold’s gym got to see the real me… stretch marks, manboobs everything, while other big men struggled with the towel or tried to get dressed in the shower.  My american penis was out for show and tell.

Not only was it freeing, my american penis was air dried.   But my nakedness  made a lot of people uncomfortable… I was usually the only naked man in the dressing room as the other men would slip their undies on under the  gym towel .

I have joined a new Gym closer to home.   I am shopping for an extra large towel that doesn’t say Waikiki;      I’m not sure why as I enjoy being free.

I’m not in love with my xxxxxl body,  From the front, I am fantastic…who is that man!   How so nevah, when I view myself from the side I can hear the Alfred Hitchcock theme in my head.   The world isn’t perfect  and  I never thought I would ever be comfortable in my own skin….. The top is missing from the bottle. and I am okay with that.



Published by CityFella

Moved to the Big Tomata in the nineties from San Francisco. No Suburbs for me with its single colored houses and lawns and the excitement of pulling out my trash can once a week. I'm a CityFella , a part time New Yorker. I'm happiest in the Center City where people the streets and people are alive. I'm still waiting to buy a 34th floor condo somewhere downtown/Midtown with a nightclub. "Hurry I'm old" My politics are somewhere in the middle with a needle that constantly moves. I'm too liberal to be a Republican and too conservative to be a Democrat. Everything interests me . I've come to love Sacratomato, Its a nice town in cheap sensible shoes .

One thought on “Miscellaneous Ramblelings about Gym Towels and the American Penis

  1. There is truth in your humor, men are insecure about their penis size. I lived in the America for two years and a large part of the male population is homophobic. Your very funny,but you need to check your spelling sometimes. No worries. I am a new follower, your blog is interesting.


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