The Real Housewives of New Jersey (RHONJ) Season 5

Kimberly from Torrance called me a slacker, because  we haven’t reviewed  any RHONJ’s episodes this season.

Kimberly, I have watched all 4 episodes so far and the best I can say is yawn,  someone wake me for  the commercials.   Reality TV is all about the drama.    However, there is nothing new here.  This season began where the last season left off,  Joe Gorga  and his sister Teresa Guidice  and their families aren’t speaking.  Caroline Manzo, who clearly has empty nest syndrome volunteered meet with Teresa to intervene.  Caroline’s has a sister who isn’t talking to her.(SMH)       Meanwhile across town , Teresa’s sister in law wants to sell the house so her family can move to another town to avoid the Giudice’s   Excuse me ( I just sat in a pile of dog shit)  the real deal is they cant afford the house.

Kim, I’d  sure you chuckled during the house tour when  a piece of the  faux marble sink crumbled in the hands of a perspective buyer.     Jacqueline and hubby, dull..  The Manzo’s dull,  the Waklie’s has had a couple of moments but.

Episode 4 (Gym Rats)

Once again it was all about Teresa.   Jacqueline has a trainer,  Jolene who shows  up in full make up with complete  with  smokey eyes for the work out.   Perhaps there she was shooting  a Channel # 5 commercial afterward. (hysterical ).   The trainer once worked out with Teresa (damm New Jersey is small) .  This opened the flood gates for Jacqueline, instead of working out, she went on and an about Teresa, Jolene clearly didn’t care but her facial expressions were  lost on Jacqueline.  (Obsession is not only a perfume.)

At a birthday party for Waklie’s daughter Victoria and hubby Rich.  Caroline was asked about Teresa (I’m typing on the floor now) . Remember there is all kinds of dysfunction within the family-Teresa’s aunt (Kathy and Rosie mom) hasn’t spoken to her brother( Teresa and Joe’s dad) in years.

After a bit of drinking  Kathy’s  shares her disgust with Teresa “I’m Done with her”  with her hubby Rich and my favorite reality lesbian Rosie who was blitzed, makes a very famous gesture ( which means) Teresa take it up yo ass.  (Rosie specializes in polite quiet conversation)


Joe and Teresa ends up meeting at the gym ( ok Bravo your audience isn’t el-stupido) and had the fight of the century, with Joe pulling out all the stops.     Teresa for some reason goes after Melissa (her sister in law)  she tells Joe  he is Pussy Whipped,  and then she went all out and said  Melissa “Lip Synch’s”      Joe counters with .“Oh, and you cook? Everyone knows that you don’t cook. Your parents cook.”     OOOOh so low….  Teresa’s cook books are the BIG source of income for the family.

Joe’s got Teresa on the ropes now and now verbally hitting his big sister with sharp lefts and rights  .  “I’m a man. I don’t call my wife a c***.” “He said it on the phone to his friend, not to my face,” Teresa spits. Apparently, if words fall from her husband’s mouth and she’s not there to see them, they didn’t happen. “How does your husband treat your kids?” Joe asks.   I treat my wife like a queen,  my kids will know how to treat a women. 

Teresa was stunned and turned away from her brother , not before drenching him with some water and attacking poor defenseless grey garbage can .        But Joe, had the last word or words ….     You’re obsessed with my wife!” Joe yells as she goes out. “Go cook a book!”

You know Teresa is going to tell her hubby Juicy Joe  and you know its gonna be on like Donkey Kong.    Kimberly, I haven’t  totally given up on RHONJ but they have to move on.  As for Orange County I cant get into the blondes.  Thanks for writing and see you next week.