Relationships: The Well


Every now an again, you hear something that immediately strikes a chord in your life.    A few years ago I was sitting alone at a large table. the dinner was over and  I was sorta zoning out,people watching.

At the next table was a beautiful older woman sipping coffee, and sitting next to her was a women texting something on her phone.   After she’d finished the older women said, ” are you still going with whatz his name?  she said no?  “well when are you going to settle down?  the woman said mama “there are no good men in this town-I’m getting tired,      The older women. turned her chair towards her granddaughter and said, “where are you looking for these men?” She said everywhere!  “you can’t be looking everywhere-there are some good men in the church”  “grandmama”  I have met some wanna b players in the church”  I have gone online, the clubs, everywhere”       The Clubs?

The women looked my way (I thought I was busted) then she looked at her granddaughter and said, my mama told me if the water taste funny, time to dig another well.   But you can’t just dig anywhere, your gonna have to check the ground and whats around the ground.  Cause if there is a dump or garbage nearby that water is gonna be bad.. So you have to take your time to find good water.    But  you know, some people are lazy, they dig a hole next to the  old well. and live  with the bad tasting water.

I’m not sure if her granddaughter got it…… But I did?

After my divorce, my source for relationships was the net and the clubs.   For a hook up, online was quick,fast and easy. and for a while that was fine.    But at one point I wanted something more….   So I tried to convert the hook ups into real dates.  It was disastrous, for most of the people  just wanted casual sex , nothing too heavy.   Many of the people I came in contact with were in long relationships  or divorced and weren’t looking for a relationship.

My Well

Online, I changed from sites that specialized in hook ups to dating sites , however (yes there are people in dating site who simple wants to hook up) but these were dates.    After a while, I had to reevaluate my dating life and ask, if I were getting the results I wanted.

Online wasn’t working.

A friend met her current husband at Barns an Noble on Arden.  They shared a passion for science fiction and met at a reading.   Taking their Que ,I joined a dance class and met someone and while it didn’t work out ,the person was three dimensional.   I joined other groups and clubs and met people at places where I  had interest.   From a readings at local book stores to small music venues.  Those brief conversations grew into invites to dinners and parties outside of clubs.     There are many options , but they take  time . I find the quality of people higher than those I met via the net.   No hiding behind the screen, real people, real expressions.    i dug another well and improved the quality of my water.

There is a generation, people are afraid to meet people and simply cultivate relationships outside of the net.   A lot of us are looking for instant relationships (add water and stir) .  But the quick stuff ,like instant mash potatoes don’t’ taste like the labor intensive potatoes,.  Peeling, boiling,mashing. but the taste cant be duplicated.    I wonder if relationships are the same.    Yes, many have found love via the net.    But I wonder if it tastes the same?

Today I am in many organizations, not looking to date or love, but wanting to disconnect for the net but to reconnect with people ,

Dating is challenging, even more after a long marriage.   i think if we make it our only goal we may set ourselves up for disappointment,   I know of people who are simply want to be one half of a couple.and feel they aren’t aren’t complete without another person in their lives

I am one who believes it will happen if it is meant to be.  In the meanwhile, life and love your life to the fullest.  Some people have placed their life and dreams on hold until they have met that someone. Giving a choice, I ‘d rather talk to someone who has traveled  opposed to someone who wants to travel.   Live your dreams today as life ends in an instant.  Meanwhile, if your not getting the dating results you want, consider digging a new well .

CityFella

Published by CityFella

Moved to the Big Tomata in the nineties from San Francisco. No Suburbs for me with its single colored houses and lawns and the excitement of pulling out my trash can once a week. I'm a CityFella , a part time New Yorker. I'm happiest in the Center City where people the streets and people are alive. I'm still waiting to buy a 34th floor condo somewhere downtown/Midtown with a nightclub. "Hurry I'm old" My politics are somewhere in the middle with a needle that constantly moves. I'm too liberal to be a Republican and too conservative to be a Democrat. Everything interests me . I've come to love Sacratomato, Its a nice town in cheap sensible shoes .

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