Can’t Get Beyond the First Date? “Close Your Purse

“Close Your Purse” 

This term  applies to gay, straight, men and women. 

Cant seem to get beyond the first date?

Your out on the first date and the pause button on yourmouth malfunctions….and you proceed to tell your date about your past including everyone you ever dated.     Telling every thing, overwhelming your date with information that may push him or her out the door. Full disclosure is overrated and unnecessary. If your a nut, they’ll find out in time and get a restraining order or leave the country.   The first date is about discovery and building on that.

Are you ready to date?

It takes a while to recover from a divorce or relationship.    If you been in a long term relationship (good or bad) or recovering from a death it may take longer to recover.  Even though you’ve made a break, that person is in your system.

A few months after I was divorced,I met a nice women who on the first date, left.   After five minutes ,she said, I wasn’t ready to date, ” you’re not over your wife”    BITCH!  I said in my head.   A few days later I realized she was right.

If the tapes of the last relationship or relationships is still playing in your head,  your not ready for a new relationship.  The new person in your life may find herself competing with the last person in your life.


If you are insecure about your body.  Respect the person who took the risk to talk to you.  He has eyes and  it clear that he likes what he sees.  However, there are some us feel the need to tell our potential suitor all of our flaws.  I’ve gained weight BUT I’m working out.  My skin, I’m old.  Ripping your own product apart.

A wide opened Purse

I met someone and the chemistry was instant.   Dinner turned into breakfast.   Through the night we talked about Television, Sports, and talked about the Golden Girls.   On the pillow, I talked about my ex and all my experiences online . I talked about our sexual chemistry and went into great detail on why the others didn’t work.

I have no idea Why? (it wasn’t the first time) Perhaps insecurity or ego.  By  the time I returned home, I was hooked, it was love.   One, two, three days went by without a phone call or message.  I knew there was an attraction , this was not your run of the mill hook up.  Finally, I called, the call was very pleasant but direct I like you, but I live a simple life and you wouldn’t suit me and and the call ended.

Dazed, (u wouldn’t suit me!!! )  I became the male Effie in Dreamgirls. (A Stalker)  “And I’m telling you, I’m not going”  I made up reasons to call or email .  This wasn’t like me. I turning into  one of those scary girls you see on Lifetime.

Feeling out of control, I called a dear friend to share my story.   After listening to me” he said you have to learn to close your purse” no one wants or need to know who you’ve been with.  Why do need to tell all  your bizness”?   I had to sit with myself a while.   Life is a process, I think it was insecurity, or simply a bad habit.

The word is “available”

My heart was bruised and I survived.   I learned an important lesson.   The first date is an informational meeting, its about the possibilities.  Make sure you leave your baggage at home in your closet.  There is no real reason to unload that baggage at feet of your date.

 If you can’t get pass the last person you where in a relationship with ,then  your not available for a new one.  If your date is talking about an ex ,they are not available for you. If your perception of yourself is negative and your unable to focus on the person across from you. You simply may not be ready for dating.

If you suffered a loss of a partner, pace yourself. Allow yourself time to heal.

Its not attractive to kiss n tell, who you’ve been with and who you or he knows has nothing to do with your the person sitting across from you at the table.   There is no reason to share everything you know on the first, second or third date. Your past will be revealed in time.  So in the meantime have fun enjoy the Salsa and try not to double dip


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