ADVISORY: This blog is for mature readers over 40. There isn’t anything pornographic or language. If your over 50, you’ll get it. If your under 40, you will just think its gross.
Its nice to have a wide range of friends, older friends who can warn you of the future and younger friends who not only remind you of the past and make you appreciate being who you are at the moment, and they are especiallty handy to have around if your smartphone freezes.
One blink of the eye and your agonizing about turning 30
Two blinks, THE BIG FOUR OH
Three blinks followed by a dry cough, a half century
I had a friend who is six years older. When he turned fifty his language changed. He started about talking about diuretics, bladders,pressure, and accidents. I clearly remember him having a full blown orgasm at an Santa Rosa Wal Mart, Metamucil was on sale. “Get a cart! Get a cart! hurry! Get a cart” Being a supportive friend,I rolled my eyes and was happy to comply-Metamucil? Jeez!
On morning at the Pancake Circus on Broadway, I overheard a group of men talking about bladder control. Oh great, I thought to myself-this is what I want to hear. Some old ass men talking about their bladders as I eat. I thought about asking for another table. I couldn’t believe the conversation about misses and near misses, over pancakes. The men were laughing. with one trying to top the other-Jeez Louise.
One day I blinked and now I am that man of a certain age. A man who questions the wisdom of passing by a restroom. A man who is makes sure is airline seat isn’t too far from the restroom.
God has a sense of humor
Youth is wasted on the young. Just as your mind is at rest and at cruise control, your body fucks with you.
I remember a time when I would feel a bit of pressure and could ignore it for hours.
Today, not a chance, any hint of pressure means now!!! I’ve ignored it a couple of times and needed a hazmat crew. I dance, sing Negro Spirituals to distract my bladder. My Bladder has a real twisted sense of humor-it often waits for me to get to the door before it goes RIGHT NOW! It takes an enormous talent to dance,sing,squeeze and insert your key into the lock at the same time.
For those under 40, I’ve been checked out and my bladder is fine. Your time is coming -Just Wait!
For years I used to walk past adult diapers. I figured the people who wore them has a medical condition. I now walk past the diapers I think to myself, hmm freedom. I could just go, and it would be my secret,squish,squish. I wouldn’t have to have to excuse myself from the Conga line. I would have this satisfying smile, no one would know.
Metamucil, bladder control commercials now get my attention and those adult diapers with flex.
But not today. Today I plan ahead. I cut back on the liquids at night. I monitor certain foods.
There are times I think to myself not fair.and I call an older friend who calms me by saying
You fat fuck! Stop calling me with this shit! Your getting old as he gently slams the phone!