A Man of a certain age-I Gotta Go NOW!


By: CityFella

ADVISORY:  This blog is for mature readers over 40.  There isn’t anything pornographic or language.  If your over 50, you’ll get it. If your under 40, you will just think its gross. 

Its nice to have a wide range of friends, older friends who can warn you of the future and younger friends who not only remind you of the past and make you appreciate being who you are at the moment,  and they are especiallty handy to have around if your smartphone freezes.

One blink of the eye and your agonizing about turning 30

 Two blinks, THE BIG FOUR OH

 Three blinks  followed by a dry cough, a half century

I had a friend who is six years older.   When he turned fifty his language changed.  He started about talking about diuretics, bladders,pressure, and accidents.  I clearly remember him having a full blown orgasm at an Santa Rosa Wal Mart, Metamucil was on sale.  “Get a cart! Get a cart!  hurry! Get a cart”   Being a supportive friend,I rolled my eyes and was happy to comply-Metamucil? Jeez!

On morning at the Pancake Circus on Broadway, I overheard a group of men talking about bladder control.  Oh great, I thought to myself-this is what I want to hear.   Some old ass men talking about their bladders as I eat.  I thought about asking for another table. I couldn’t believe the conversation about misses and near misses, over pancakes. The men were laughing. with one trying to top the other-Jeez Louise.

One day I blinked and now I am that man of a certain age.  A man who questions the wisdom of passing by a restroom.  A man who is makes sure is airline seat isn’t too far from the restroom.

God has a sense of humor

Youth is wasted on the young.  Just as your mind is at rest and at cruise control, your body fucks with you.

I remember a time when I would feel a bit of pressure and could ignore it for hours.

 Today, not a chance, any hint of pressure means now!!!   I’ve ignored it a couple of times and needed a hazmat crew.    I dance, sing Negro Spirituals to distract my bladder.  My Bladder has a real twisted sense of humor-it often waits for me to get to the door before it goes RIGHT NOW!   It takes an enormous talent to dance,sing,squeeze and insert your key into the lock at the same time.

For those under 40, I’ve been checked out and my bladder is fine.  Your time is coming -Just Wait!

For years I used to walk past adult diapers.  I figured the people who wore them has a  medical condition.   I now walk past the diapers  I  think to myself, hmm freedom.  I could just go, and it would be my secret,squish,squish.  I wouldn’t have to have to excuse myself from the Conga line.  I would have this satisfying smile, no one would know.

No one

Metamucil, bladder control commercials now get my attention and those adult diapers with flex.

But not today.  Today I plan ahead.  I cut back on the liquids at night.  I monitor certain foods.

There are times I think to myself not fair.and I call an older friend who calms me by saying

You fat fuck!  Stop calling me with this shit! Your getting old as he gently slams the phone!

 

 

 

Published by CityFella

Big city fella, Born and Raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. Lived in New York (a part time New Yorker) for three years . I have lived in the Sacramento area since 1993. When I first moved here, I hated it. Initially found the city too conservative for my tastes. A great place to raise children however too few options for adults . The city has grown up, there is much to do here. The city suffers from low self esteem in my opinion, locals have few positive words to say about their hometown. visitors and transplants are amazed at what they find here. From, the grand old homes in Alkali Flats, and the huge trees in midtown, there are many surprises in Sacramento. Theater is alive is this area . And finally ,there is a nightlife... In.downtown midtown, for the young and not so young. My Criticism is with local government. There is a shortage of visionaries in city hall. Sacramento has long relied on the state, feds and real estate for revenue. Like many cities in America,Downtown Sacramento was the hub of activity in the area. as the population moved to the suburbs and retail followed. The city has spent millions to revive downtown. Today less than ten thousand people live downtown. No one at city hall could connect the dots. Population-Retail. Business says Sacramento is challenging and many corporations have chosen to set up operations outside the cities limits. There is vision in the burbs. Sacramento has bones, there are many good pieces here, leaders seem unable or unwilling to put those pieces together into. Rant aside, I love it here. From the trees to the rivers. But its the people here that move me. Sacramento is one of the most integrated cities in America. I find I'm welcome everywhere. The spices work in this city of nearly 500,000 and for the most part these spices blend well together. From Ukrainians to Hispanics and a sizable gay community, all the spices seem to work well here. I frequently travel and occasionally I will venture into a city with huge racial borders, where its unsafe to visit after certain hours. I haven't found it here. I cant imagine living in a community where there is one hue or one spice. I love the big trees, Temple Coffee House, the Alhambra Safeway, Zelda's Pizza, Bicyclist in Midtown, The Mother Lode Saloon, Crest Theater, and the Rivers. I could go on and I might. Sacramento is home.

3 thoughts on “A Man of a certain age-I Gotta Go NOW!

  1. An fascinating discussion is worth comment. I feel which you want to write more on this matter, it may possibly not be a taboo subject but typically individuals are not enough to speak on such topics. BTW your funny too.

    Like

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: