Adventures in Online Dating 2014C : “8 inches” Is that American?

From misleading measurements to old photos, unkept performance promises,all purpose lies and more.

The net is the easiest place in the world to assume an identity. Relative newcomers to the net are shocked.  Some long termed users are disillusioned and bitter.

Super long term users have learned (when it comes to personal relationships) to navigate the choppy waters and to have a sense of humor along the way…..


Meet Richard 46, he has been single for 7 years.  He no longer believes he will meet his life partner online and says  he is addicted to online sites. “ I fish for sport now, most times its a catch and release, every now and them I will meet someone interesting” 


One afternoon I was trolling online and came across a handsome man”s picture and I said hi.

After introductions the man told me how big his dick was.   Now I’m not a size king.   I just want  it to work and you get extra points if you have other skills. He went on to tell me, it was as thick as a coke can.


Well shit, now I’m curious…. and concerned…..  This is big, will I choke?   And what will happen if cant satisfy him.  What if I pass out will someone find me in some alley?    My imagination was running wild.  Coke can huh?

(Note: You have to love those men who say, its as BIG as a coke can..  Like, why would I want a coke can in my mouth?…..  I have never tried to put a whole soda can in my mouth or…....u-know)

So, I show up at Andy Anaconda’s place.    Its showtime…   Hell, I wanna see, I wanna SEE!     Can I handle a coke can or will this be my swan song?   Come on daddy I wanna see what’s  behind door # 3!

The curtain opened

Image result for curtain open gif


When the boy slash man, pulled it out.   I wanted to scream at the TOP of my lungs FAKE!   If the man, hadn’t gonna on about his dick  I  would have still come over and we might have had a good time…   But now I’m pissed, it was like going to the Amusement park and anticipating the terror of a Giant Roller Coaster and being directed to a  Kiddie Ride.  I was so pissed I wanted him to  pay for my gas and pay for the soap I used to shower!

But you know someone, somewhere at sometime said your serious right?

 Where is it?   I mean is it like a  lens you attach to a camera?    I could have pointed and laughed at his ass but I didn’t.  I made some vague excuse and left.

 But I sure laughed when I got in my car.


 Instead of an Anaconda, his meat was from Vienna.





Published by CityFella

Big city fella, Born and Raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. Lived in New York (a part time New Yorker) for three years . I have lived in the Sacramento area since 1993. When I first moved here, I hated it. Initially found the city too conservative for my tastes. A great place to raise children however too few options for adults . The city has grown up, there is much to do here. The city suffers from low self esteem in my opinion, locals have few positive words to say about their hometown. visitors and transplants are amazed at what they find here. From, the grand old homes in Alkali Flats, and the huge trees in midtown, there are many surprises in Sacramento. Theater is alive is this area . And finally ,there is a nightlife... In.downtown midtown, for the young and not so young. My Criticism is with local government. There is a shortage of visionaries in city hall. Sacramento has long relied on the state, feds and real estate for revenue. Like many cities in America,Downtown Sacramento was the hub of activity in the area. as the population moved to the suburbs and retail followed. The city has spent millions to revive downtown. Today less than ten thousand people live downtown. No one at city hall could connect the dots. Population-Retail. Business says Sacramento is challenging and many corporations have chosen to set up operations outside the cities limits. There is vision in the burbs. Sacramento has bones, there are many good pieces here, leaders seem unable or unwilling to put those pieces together into. Rant aside, I love it here. From the trees to the rivers. But its the people here that move me. Sacramento is one of the most integrated cities in America. I find I'm welcome everywhere. The spices work in this city of nearly 500,000 and for the most part these spices blend well together. From Ukrainians to Hispanics and a sizable gay community, all the spices seem to work well here. I frequently travel and occasionally I will venture into a city with huge racial borders, where its unsafe to visit after certain hours. I haven't found it here. I cant imagine living in a community where there is one hue or one spice. I love the big trees, Temple Coffee House, the Alhambra Safeway, Zelda's Pizza, Bicyclist in Midtown, The Mother Lode Saloon, Crest Theater, and the Rivers. I could go on and I might. Sacramento is home.

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