I’m very hesitant to speak on other people’s marital problems. Marriage is very easy to discuss when you’re not married. Everyone seems to have the answers and easy solutions to what married people need to do, but when you’re in a marriage, the lines are muddied by the waters of love, expectation, family and the such. But with all of that said… really Apollo?!
Last week we posted an article addressing how his life has been since his sentencing. As most people hypothesized, he addressed that his marriage to Phaedra might indeed be on the outs.
“I doubt [that my marriage will survive this],” the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” said during a recent interview with B100 Radio. “My wife didn’t even f—ing show up for my sentencing. I’m still kind of salty about that.”
Okay, now I was already feeling a level of disgust when he did that pathetic photo with the caption: “Who will ride with me?” But this is just too much for my sense of reality. Are you kidding me, dude?!
Now let’s be real, there’s always a level of deception in relationships, especially when you’re first dating. Chris Rock expressed this in his Bigger and Blacker stand-up comedy special. He explained that when you’re first meeting someone, you’re meeting their representatives. That’s true. Everyone’s on their best behavior, and it extends when the relationship begins to become serious. Men will adamantly tell you how they will always love you, protect you, be romantic, and offer you a never wavering shoulder of support. Women will do the same thing. They’ll cook for you, clean up after you, and will sing (or if you’re like me and don’t have great singing abilities, but have mastered the art of “talk-singing”) Kelly Rowland’s verse on “Cater 2 U,” expressing their desire of always being appealing to you, domestically, physically, and emotionally.
It’s not until you begin to get really comfortable, that you begin to let the façade fall and your true colors show. Especially if you introduce children into the mix (“You want me to cater to you? Change this child’s diaper, do that and then we’ll talk.”) Within a relationship you learn to either be a better version of yourself, due to wanting to keep the person in your life, or you just embrace your faults and hope the other person will accept them as well.
However, there’s something to say about men who want full acceptance of their flaws and expect their partner to mindlessly go along with the foolishness. Now, I’m not talking about all men, just the constant victim, the I want a ride or die chick, but will quickly drop a woman if she does the same thing that I do type of dudes.
I’ve seen men who have abused their wives and girlfriends only to get mad at her when she finally leaves, but blast her on Facebook to get back at her. Get back at her for what?! You were the one doing the dirt!
Which leads me back to the Apollo, who’s-gonna-ride-for-my-crap situation. Now, I’m not going to ever pretend like I knew what their marriage was like. But I do know that it probably wasn’t easy on Phaedra to have to constantly defend the character of her husband when he was released from prison the first time. When other people took any opportunity to bash him (and we have the entire third season or “Real Housewives of Atlanta” as proof of that), she defended him because she loved him. She was riding with you then. After “text-gate” with those inappropriate texts with Kenya Moore, she still rode for you. When you played her oh-so bogusly on episodes of last season’s RHOA and she stood there quietly, knowing that her silence would be broadcast to millions, she rode for you. Granted, we didn’t see her fall out, which I’m pretty sure happened when the cameras were gone, but she took a slide so you could look like a man. She rode with you.
But let me ask you something, when were you riding for her? Were you riding for her when you and your “right hand b—h” were defrauding innocent people? Were you riding for her when you so callously put your foot down in an attempt to prove that you’re a man, while also stomping her reputation?
It just bothers me when I see these men who demand women to be by their side, constantly, even in the face of not just their wrong doing, but sometimes in the face of infidelity. (And if I hear another man say: “But that’s just what men do, women can’t do what men do,” I’m going to vomit… all over your faces.) But the crazy thing about it is, if the shoe was on the other foot, would men stay? If a woman cheated on her husband or boyfriend, how many men would unabashedly leave, citing crap about their pride? But you expect women to just be empty shells of thoughtless obedience?
Men, respect needs to come from both ends. You can’t behave dirty and not expect to deal with some uncomfortable consequences. It’s like blaming a mirror for not liking your reflection. The mirror didn’t make you look this way, it’s only showing you how you look. Don’t question the mirror’s loyalty to you for not reflecting what you wanted to see.
You want people to ride for you, then ride for them as well. If not, catch a bus or something.
By Kendra Koger/madamenoir.com