10 Things No One Ever Tells You About Owning a Dog

No more all-night outings, last-minute travel, or sleeping in.




1. There’s no cute way to pick up poop.

2. “The dog ate my Louis Vuitton” is not a valid excuse for a refund.

3. You might have to cut a great date short to go feed the dog. Then again, “I’ve got to get home to the dog” is a good excuse to get out of a bad date.

4. You pup will not refrain from licking his own genitals just because you have company.

5. Passersby on the street will talk to the dog, not to you. They’ll ooh, ahh, and pet your pooch without so much as a glance in your general direction.

6. Until the dog hair look suddenly comes into style, you’ll have to keep a lint roller by the door. And in your car.

7. You get used to eating while holding your plate over your head. And propping the garbage up on the counter before you leave your apartment.

9. Your friends love coming over to play with your dog but, curiously, they will rarely offer to dog-sit. You want to take a vacation? Housing your dog for the week could cost more than housing you.

10. Your dog is a live-in therapist, security guard, doorman, exterminator, floor cleaner, movie-night companion, cuddle buddy and best friend. And you wouldn’t change them for the world.