” SHE URINATED ON MY FLOOR!”: 14 dating horror stories


Bridget Jones was no stranger to bad date stories – or bad hair on dates

The dating game, is tough and there are so many questions you have to ask yourself when you take the plunge and meet someone for the first time.

By: Nicola Oakley/UK Mirror

What on earth will you talk about? Will they notice that spot on your forehead? And most importantly, will they be able to smell that garlic on your breath from lunch?

These are all natural concerns, but spare a thought for those people who’ve had a TRULY terrible first date.

We’re talking getting into a fight on the subway, hiding behind wheel bins and your date urinating on your floor – yes, really.

Read on for 14 truly awful tales that will either make you glad to be single or appreciate your other half.

1. “I almost died – then pretended I had!”

“The first time meeting her she was extremely clingy and was already planning our wedding and how many kids we’re having – and I had only known her for an hour.

“Being 18,  I wasn’t ready for this and she was scaring me a lot, getting very obsessed over me. She was giving looks of disgust to everyone who looked at me who was female.

“Fortunately, after the meal we went to get snacks from a corner shop and I accidentally bought a chocolate bar with nuts in – me having a severe nut allergy.

“I was rushed to hospital where I almost died but the next day I was discharged and went to my mate’s, where he called her and said I died. We’ve had no contact since.”

Anonymous, London

This man wasn’t the first person to fake their own death to avoid a date. Last month we spoke to Ann from Cornwall, who did the same thing to get rid of an admirer.

2. “He shot himself”

“I met a guy in our local supermarket and we got talking.

“We arranged to meet up a few days later but he phoned me the night before and told me he’d shot himself in the leg and was in hospital so couldn’t make our date!”

“I visited him in hospital and we did eventually get out on our date but we both agreed that it wouldn’t work and I never saw him again.”

Ros, Belfast

3. “I hid behind the nearest wheel bin”

“I met a gent off a dating site. We met on the train at the local city, Chester. He drank about eight pints and then took me into a nearby B&B, demanding a room for the night!

“I ran off and hid behind the nearest wheel bin, ignored about 10 missed calls off him.

“He then had the cheek to text me the next day asking where I had gone and if we could meet for a drink.”

Julie, Wrexham

4. “We ended up rolling around the Central line”

“I took a girl to see Chicago and she spilled a glass of red wine over my new white shirt. This was straight after a big solo song in the first act, and I jumped up and shouted.

“I spent the rest of the show trying to clean it up while she sat and watched it.

“Following that, we jumped on the subway home and a man asked her if I was bothering her and started a row with me on the subway. We ended up rolling around the Central line.”

H, London

5. “He accused me of lying in his questionnaire”

“At dinner he pulled a notebook from his bag (I missed the man bag alert) and proceeded to ask me questions from a prepared list covering children, attitudes, work/life balance, hobbies etc. In other words, the full 360 interrogation.

“When the meal was finished, he asked for the bill and then proceeded to allocate costs against who consumed what, calculated my share and rather generously suggested we evenly split the tip.

“It was almost 11pm when we left the restaurant. He then hailed a cab, jumped in and left me on the pavement.

“He rang the next day, saying it was the best date he had been on for ages and asked for a second. When I declined, he asked me if I was telling the truth in the questionnaire.

“He accused me of lying – otherwise I would want to go on another date with him as we had some similar answers. He then said I should be ‘sued for false advertising’.

“He later called my landline over 15 times while I was on the phone, leaving increasingly irate messages including saying I was ‘pathetic’ because I wouldn’t answer the phone’.”

Michele, London

6. “He said he was going to prison”

“When I turned up to a date the guy asked me what I thought of him, I said: ‘On first impressions I really don’t think you’re for me.’ He replied: “Don’t worry, we can get our groove on tonight, baby, ’cause I’m going away.”

“I said” ‘Oh why, where are you going?’ His response: ‘Magabary Prison for five years.’

Annie, Northern Ireland

7. “She relieved herself on my floor”

“I had my first date with a lady – well, if you could call her that. The initial date was a success and we got along just fine.

“We decided to go to my house. When we made it to my bedroom she took out her contact lenses and then realised she needed the toilet.

“I gave her the directions to the bathroom. After a little while she returned saying she could not find it and she was too embarrassed to walk past the people in my house, as my flat mate had guests around.

“She took down her undies and proceeded to relieve herself on my floor. Thankfully it was not a carpeted floor. Needless to say there was no second date.”

– Simon, Norway

 

8. “She could barely stop her eyes rolling and kept slurring her speech”

“I met a girl online who looked nice and normal, when we met up nothing could be further from the truth! She wore a faux fur coat which was about 10 times too big for her, some sparkly leggings and some hideous trainers. She looked ridiculous.

“She also looked like she was under the influence of ecstasy and ketamine, she could barely stop her eyes rolling back and kept slurring her speech and staring into space – so I decided to have some fun with her.

“I told her I was a Satan worshipper and asked if she’d be interested in sacrificing a virgin goat at the weekend, then I told her I saw dead people and my best friend was a ghost named Fred.

“Anyway, she went to the toilet and came back saying her mate had been rushed to hospital and had to go, I was in stitches when she left the bar.”

– Guy, Brighton

9. “The barman had to drag him off me”

“I went on a date with a guy who looked nothing like his profile picture. When he said ‘well kept’ I think he meant well kept beer in his beer belly.

“With clenched teeth I got through a good amount of drink. He leaned in for a kiss and I turned my head away. He asked to see me again. I said no.

“He then paused and lurched for me, hands around my neck. The barman had to drag him off me.

“A few days after he text me asking if I had ‘called him’.

Pebbles, Bath

10. “He set me on fire”

He accidentally set me on fire and now he is my husband.

Alixe, Germany

11. “He launched himself at my cleavage”

“During the second date the man in question invited me for a me to his house.

“After a semi-pleasant evening I was sitting on the couch and he was sat on the floor and we were watching a film.

“Without encouragement or warning he launched himself at me and thrust his face into my cleavage.

GettyCleavage
Cleavage is not an invitation to lunge. Turns out, bras are good defence mechanisms

“I screamed and jumped up only to leave him in a heap on the floor with blood gushing from his face.

“Turns out the wire had protruded from my bra and got caught under his chin!”

JP, South Yorkshire

12. “I had to hide around the corner for half an hour”

“I met a guy online – he never washed his hair and was proud of that! It looked awful.

“He asked to be my boyfriend within five minutes of meeting! Then he told me he was surprised I wasn’t shy because he had a better body than me.

“He followed me home and invited himself in for a brew, then tried it on with me and wouldn’t listen when I said no until I kicked him.

“He then replied he liked his girls feisty and tried it again. So I had to make up an excuse for going out and chuck him out, and then hide around the corner for half an hour.”

Sarah, Lancashire

13. “He talked about his Neopets account the whole time”

“A friend tried to fix me up with her fiancées co-worker.

“She gave the person my phone number. We talked several times and decided to meet in person.

“He showed up for the date drunk and talked about his Neopets account the whole time, and was telling me what losers his room mates were.

Neopets
Neopets is predominantly a site for children…

“The next day I told him I just didn’t feel like we connected and didn’t want a long-distance relationship. He began calling me all through the night and singing in to the phone.

“He called about 10 days after our date and asked if he could live in his car in my driveway because his room mates had kicked him out. I declined.”

– Melissa, Kentucky USA

14. “The gravy went everywhere”

“I met a guy online through a social site. He seemed nice, and we bumped into each other a few times too.

“We finally went on a date, admittedly both a little hungover.

“It started off OK, but then he disappeared to the pub loo for about 20 minutes.

“When he returned, it was like he’d had a personality transplant. Suddenly, he was all handsy, slurring his words and saying totally inappropriate things to me and the bar staff about how he wanted me to get naked right then.

“I should have left at that point, but we ended up going to have Sunday lunch in the restaurant.

“We were seated at a low table, and my date, in his wisdom, decided that he would eat his roast in his lap. Needless to say, the gravy went everywhere.

“He then proceeded to fall asleep in his chair. Again, I should have just upped and left. People all around were giving us weird looks and smirking, not surprisingly.

“Eventually, he woke up. I had to pay, as he’d conveniently forgotten his wallet, and then as he couldn’t barely stand let alone walk, I ended up giving him a lift to the station. What a mug!

“He left me a couple of souvenirs – a gravy stain and his phone. Which of course I looked at, and found messages from 7 different women telling him what a stud he was. They had obviously met a different version of the man than I had!”

  • Kat, London

 

Advertisements