Alfred Hitchcock Returns

I have always been a big man,big tall and obese.   There are no sad tales, I dated in college, confident and did all the normal things.     Of course most of my life, I like a lot of people, didn’t measure up to the images on the big and small screens.

So I dieted, I’d  lose 50 pounds, gain 70 pounds, through the years I’ve have gained and lost enough pounds with to have created a TV family.

In high school, I sent away for a male version of a girdle.  I wore it to some event, and I looked fantastic, everything was in check, I had a flat front.  It squished everything, and I mean everything.  By fifth period, I was losing consciousness because my boys were being crushed.   With the girdle, you couldn’t simply reach in and re-adjust the twins…you had to unhook,zip, snap, and take the thing off.  After the event, I dumped it in some outdoor trash can.  I didn’t want anyone to come across it in my drawer and have to explain.

One year I lost over 100 pounds.  That year, I wasn’t going back.  In the past I kept my old clothes as insurance. (one never knows) but that year I gave away all my fat clothes.   I went to jeans store (this was the 70’s) and bought myself the tightest size 34 jeans they had, of course this meant a few square bottom shirts, made of the finest shiny polyester money could buy.

From the moment I tossed those clothes,away.  My world started to crumble.  As I walked by a KFC, a wayward button would pop off. I could never sit on a bus, even if it where empty.  I refused to buy a larger size because it meant failure.  At one point I was down to one pair of pants.   But God has a sense of humor.

It was a beautiful bright spring day in San Francisco, I had plans to meet with friends to see a movie. Witnesses tell me my pants had givin up the fight before I left home.  Somewhere between Leavenworth and Van Ness the rear end of my pants had  completely separated.  The square bottom shirt (now worn unbutton with a tee shirt underneath) spared me from total humiliation. Until my one of my friends noticed as I was walking up the stairs to the theater.   I stayed and watched the movie and my friends walked me home circled around me.   A friend bought me a larger pair of pants at Macys,but they were too short. Several inches too short, so I wore those short pants downtown to buy longer and larger pants.

Fast forward to 2015

I have re-gained that hundred and them some.  Still happy, losing weight now because of quality of life.  The Kardashians have taught me to look for my better side.  Through the years, I have found the fit, so I’m comfortable.

For the most part, I look pretty good.  Especially from straight on.   I am bright,cool, confident.  How so never things changes from the side.   I was at an event in Atlanta, and was photographed from the side.  When I first saw the picture, I didn’t recognized myself.   He looked familiar.  It was me.   From the side I my profile looks  like Alfred Hitchcock.  Of course this picture was taken Atlanta Journal Constitution,the city’s main newspaper.  It was a worthy event, but there was no way I was going to share this picture with friend and family.

I am very aware of the camera and whether its stationary or a video camera I’ve mastered the angles.  If you have seen me on TV, I am nearly always standing and the view is straight on.

I rarely look at myself from the side, one glance and I can hear the theme from the old Alfred Hitchcock TV show playing in my head.

A few weeks ago, a cable TV show asked if I would appear on camera.  I agreed, and then went into a panic.  Will they film me outside, from the side or straight ahead. Will I be sitting down and if I’m sitting down, will they film me straight on or from an angle.

I called a friend to ask for advice.  He is regularly on camera and via video chat he taught me how to stretch my body and breathe.

On Monday, I felt good and looked good.  I think I was okay during filming and I will know when it airs this fall.   As I was walking to the parking structure, I caught a brief  side glimpse.


Published by CityFella

Moved to the Big Tomata in the nineties from San Francisco. No Suburbs for me with its single colored houses and lawns and the excitement of pulling out my trash can once a week. I'm a CityFella , a part time New Yorker. I'm happiest in the Center City where people the streets and people are alive. I'm still waiting to buy a 34th floor condo somewhere downtown/Midtown with a nightclub. "Hurry I'm old" My politics are somewhere in the middle with a needle that constantly moves. I'm too liberal to be a Republican and too conservative to be a Democrat. Everything interests me . I've come to love Sacratomato, Its a nice town in cheap sensible shoes .

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