By Bronwyn Issac
Humans have been predicting the end of the world since the very beginning of human consciousness, but a giant inflatable duck falling on a Scotland highway is probably one of the more simultaneously absurd and convincing prophetic gestures of The End Times™ to date. Before apocalyptic winds broke it free from its tethers of captivity Saturday morning and it began rolling down the M8 motorway in Glasgow with the terrifying conviction specific to a Godzilla-sized bath toy, the giant inflatable duck was a promotional mascot for the Peter Vardy car dealership.
As the possessed duck moored into traffic, warning all drivers of their mortality and rapidly impending doom, one driver, Andrea McCall, tweeted at the dealership: “Your giant inflatable duck has just hit my car in the middle of the road in Glasgow!” Which is undoubtedly one of the most tremendous tweets McCall has earnestly typed.
The people running the Twitter account for Peter Vardy quickly responded to her dilemma, while likely shaking their heads at the beautiful mess on their hands. “Hi Andrea, I’m sorry to hear that our duck hit your car. Please can you DM me your details and we will call you back,” the dealership wrote.
I am currently printing out that tweet conversation to frame and meditate over in the few weeks remaining before the large all-powerful duck travels the oceans from Scotland and makes New York into kindling for the apocalypse.
I imagine that beholding the full scale of the duck fallen back on it’s head only added to the widespread yet hilarious terror for drivers in the Glasgow area.
We can only hope there was a filmmaker in need of an idea who felt a wave of horrible inspiration upon seeing the enormous rain-soaked duck who will make this nightmare fuel into an award-winning film. In the least, it could go straight to Netflix and sit in the corner of thousands of queues as a silent reminder that death is coming.