By:Grace Pamer/ Your Tango
Are you suspicious that your partner may be having an affair?
It may be something you really don’t want to think about, but it’s absolutely true: there are good liars and bad liars, and all sorts of in-between liars. By that I don’t mean liars who are good people — I mean they are good at lying, and vice versa.
When it comes to recognizing a cheating husband, it all depends on which part of the liar spectrum your particular liar lands on. If he’s very good at deception, and even if you have other reasons to believe he’s being unfaithful, the signs may be almost impossible to spot.
If he’s not good at the fib and the deception, it will be easier to know what’s going on. Always give him the benefit of the doubt, after all. But for most of us wives who suspect an indiscretion is happening, there are a few definite signs that we can count on to at least partially confirm our suspicions.
1. There’s a change in how frequent you have sex.
If your husband and you have an active sex life and you have a good idea of how his libido works, you’ll be able to notice any change. If he’s cheating, chances are he may have to slow down a little at home with you.
There are other reasons for going from 60 to zero, but you should know if there’s a good reason. And if he decides that after all this time he’d like to try some exotic sexual practice or two, you have a right to be suspicious. You’ll know if the idea came from a website or from a new partner in the sack.
2. He’s exercising more.
If he starts working out or jogging and never did before, if he suddenly becomes a vegetarian or a health food nut, or if he decides to get that check-up after you’ve been nagging him for years, be suspicious. Maybe he’s just realizing he’s getting older, or maybe not. If he’s aging and feeling the reaction, you can commiserate and help him through it, but don’t assume anything.
3. He’s changed his appearance.
Suddenly being concerned about how his body looks is a possible tell-tale sign of infidelity. This goes along with getting healthy, but there are other things to look for: jewelry, tattoos, all-over tans, facelifts, and so on.
The same idea applies to his wardrobe — if he starts dressing differently, you might want to inquire as to why after wearing penny loafers and Dockers he’s changed to Converse shoes and long baggy shorts. People can change, sometimes innocently and for the better, but it doesn’t hurt to show him you want to understand him.
4. He receives strange phone calls.
With cell phones on everyone’s belt these days, landlines are becoming less common, but any odd calls should be noted. And, of course, notice the accompanying behaviors. If his cell rings and he steps immediately into the bathroom, check the calls later. Obviously, calls at odd hours that never happened before are definite clues that an indiscretion might be occurring.
5. He’s picked up new habits.
If your husband used to come home, eat dinner, and crash in front of the TV until bedtime, that’s your baseline for his normal behavior. All of a sudden, he has to go out after dinner for cigarettes, to pick up something he desperately needs, or is just going out at odd hours.
These are signs that something is amiss, as are any other changes in habits. After all, we are all creatures of habit, and a change can be a hint that there is some stimulus for the change.
6. He’s spending money on things he doesn’t need.
You’ve had a 4-door Sedan for 20 years, and now he needs a 2-door sporty model with all the bells and whistles. Or he expresses a long-hidden desire for a powerful motorcycle, and he knows that you would never get on the thing even if he begged. Also look out for new watches, jewelry, and other accessories; he might be trying to impress someone other than you.
7. He has new hobbies and interests.
Suddenly developing new interests, taking up new sports, hobbies, or leisure time activities might be a suspicious thing to do, or it may just be another sign of a mid-life crisis. Only you can be the judge, but it’s one little piece of a puzzle that you might be able to put together. There’s nothing wrong with this on its own, but it could indicate a dalliance.
8. He has a new vocabulary.
Sometimes we start using words and expressions that people we spend time with use and don’t even notice it happening. We often notice this phenomenon in children who unwittingly prove that they are learning lots of new things from somebody. If he starts using some new vocabulary and turns of phrase that sound strange coming out of his mouth, he just might be taking an interest in someone new.
9. There’s a change in his work schedule.
You know your husband’s work schedule and his habits as far as when he likes to get ready and when he usually comes home. An abrupt change in his work schedule might be completely legitimate, but there may be other reasons for it as well. As his wife, it’s easy enough for you to check out and corroborate that something indeed has changed. Just don’t be surprised to find out the opposite.
10. He leaves things in his pants pockets.
We’re talking about lipstick on any article of clothing here, but that’s not all. Men are notorious for leaving things of all kinds in their pockets, things that just might tell a story to discerning eyes. Not many places have matchbooks anymore, but receipts, post-it notes, scribbled-on napkins, business cards with phone numbers inscribed on the back, any of these can be signs that something shady is going on.