Adventures in Dating: A man of a certain age

God has a sense of humor, when you were in your twenties with a perfectly firm body,  you didn’t appreciated it, you were too busy comparing yourself with someone else.

My twenties was a time of rebellion,exploration, and independence with major states of outrageous panic.  The mind of many twenty somethings are filled with Jello. My world was fantastically crazy.

Turning 40 was awkward,  I was 39 for three years.  In my head, I was 40 but my mind and mouth weren’t in sync.   I just couldn’t say 40 in a room full of strangers.

I celebrated turning 50.   I was looking forward to it. It was a milestone .  My father died at 42 and being overweight, I never thought I’d reach 50.   I was like a five year old holding up my fingers “I will be 50 in this many months”

But what did 50 mean?  Bulletproof polyester, with Velcro shoes?    I received an AARP application in the mail just before I turned 50.

(Now that I think about it, how did AARP know?)

Jane Fonda wrote, fifty is the beginning of cruise control. Your view of life is much different than someone in their thirties and even forties..  At 50, you’ve been there and done that enough times.  Life challenges rarely sends your world into a tailspin.


At fifty, my stretch marks were in the same places.  I still grunted as I tied my shoes and was still predisposed to uncontrollable farting after downing a vanilla large milkshake.

What ever 50 meant, I wasn’t ready for a fly swatter and elevator music in my car and I didn’t want to recapture my youth.  OMG that would be like a pencil in the eye.    So I lived my semi-normal life.

50 was like, a microwave bell going off, signaling to the youngsters that I was available. .   Suddenly, I was desirable to youngsters, many in their twenties.  While the attention was flattering, it also was very uncomfortable. I always had a negative view of old men dating youngsters. After all, I’m a father of grown children and what would they think?

Yes, while had a few friends dating outside their age pool, but that’s them not me.

The downside of fifty are the cracks, just as your mind is coming into its own, you have to worry about Acid Reflex.    At 50, your a little more aware of the coughs. (is this the last one?)   Then there is the ever present concerns about your mortality.  God has a devilish sense of humor.

Dating: Age is more than a number

Dating, someone near my age became challenging.  I found myself being intensely interviewed.  While I understood it  (You don’t  have time for the Bull Shit) it didn’t make me less uncomfortable, and where was the fun?

Younger people didn’t ask those  intense questions, they were more in the here and the now.    So I dated a youngster.  This person convinced me ,they were tired of dating immature men and wanted someone who was settled, more mature.

Conversations were fun and light, until they became the dreams and frustration of a twenty something and when you had twenty something children, its like reliving a bad dream.

I learned a lot from the youngster, but sometimes I wanted someone who could relate to the events of a 50 year old.     Someone 26, may have had a full life, filled with a lot of experiences.  What they don’t have is the life experiences of someone 50 and that difference can be as wide as the Mississippi.

I love the energy, but I needed more than the 26 year old had to offer.

Seeing both sides, there are some challenges.   A 50 years old has seen that ,been there.   The fifty year has done the clubs.  A 26 year old hasn’t.  To ask the 26 year old to assume the lifestyle of a 50 year old is unreasonable and a balance has to be found.  After dating the youngin, for a few months.  I dated someone near my age and found myself on a sofa watching three hours of Paula Dean.   There was no interest in going out.  Dancing, was out of the question and before I got an invite to a garden show, I was out of there.

For days, I fucking craved everything made of butter.

Dating someone your age, means your mortality is front and center looking back at you.   A truth that’s difficult for some 50 somethings and as a result they date younger people.

A friend turned 50 in March, and he is excited by the attention from the younglings.

Today, I am 61, I don’t know what my dating the future holds.  I’m still Velcro and polyester free. I can be found everywhere in Sacramento, from arcades and area dance floors.  I’m obsessed with tweeting and nearly all forms of social media.

I’m not actively trolling for children on a big wheels or avoiding baby boomers in mild pastels .  My dating circle has a wide range.  The urgency is gone, life is good.  I’m less concerned about age, figuring I will eventually end up with the person I’m supposed to be with.

Hello, I’m CityFella!  Text Me!

Published by CityFella

Moved to the Big Tomata in the nineties from San Francisco. No Suburbs for me with its single colored houses and lawns and the excitement of pulling out my trash can once a week. I'm a CityFella , a part time New Yorker. I'm happiest in the Center City where people the streets and people are alive. I'm still waiting to buy a 34th floor condo somewhere downtown/Midtown with a nightclub. "Hurry I'm old" My politics are somewhere in the middle with a needle that constantly moves. I'm too liberal to be a Republican and too conservative to be a Democrat. Everything interests me . I've come to love Sacratomato, Its a nice town in cheap sensible shoes .

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