There is nothing quite like family. Being with people who have been in your life forever. I’m educated,well respected and known for my presence and calm demeanor. However, after one visit with family, I turn into an eight year old screaming at or near the top of my lungs wanting to slap the shit out of a family member.
Of course you don’t.
I love my family. I am often mortified by my actions. How did I allow this wonderful mutha fucker set me off AGAIN!
Before the trip begins, I tell myself, no matter what happens, I will not react! Most times I’m successful, I hold it together as they poke the bear. However, every now and then they hit an especially sensitive area, catching me off guard and I’m off! Humiliating myself to the one billionth power.
Poking for Sport
I’m not the weak link in the family, there are others who are more sensitive and poked until they become violent and collapse into a sea of tears.
Interesting enough, the antagonists never change. They poke you with the same stick in the same area. They do it because they can. Getting a reaction is the reward. They knew you were humiliated in the seventh grade and now with an audience its show time, lets talk about something that took place in the sixteenth century, the theft of your pants in middle school.
You may never know why? Maybe they were dropped resulting in a horrible defect in character. ( If only, RIGHT! BASTARDS) Perhaps their jealous, perhaps this one thing makes them feel better about themselves, to attack you?
The ugly truth is, some family members may love each other but really don’t like each other. Family gatherings (Christmas, Thanksgivings, Anniversaries) is the perfect place to release these resentments in front of an audience.
I knew sisters in their eighties who resented each other for decades. While I think there was love between the two,they didn’t like each other. Their meetings were born out of a family obligation. After the visit both ladies were angry, and it took a few days for the anger to subside. The older sisters resentment could be traced back to when she was thirteen. Their mother spent more time with her younger sister teaching her how to sew on the families Singer Sewing Machine a sewing machine she wasn’t allowed to touch. The younger sister’s resentment was traced back to her sisters first husband, while she had a troubled marriage, her sister had a man who doted on her, bought gifts and loved her deeply until the day he died. She said she knew something and didn’t think her older sister deserved a man like that.
The Family Plot
Some families conspire against family members. If there is tension between a mother and daughter, the mother might encourage a sibling to do her bidding. After his son announced his engagement. A disapproving father encouraged two of his children to attack the integrity of his fiancee. To do this, he sent his eldest daughter and his wife to the store, as he knew they wouldn’t approve. The action of the father split the family. That evening, the son ended all communication with his father and two of his siblings. The father has never seen his son’s children or his great grandchildren.
I am a dad with adult children. No matter how old I am, there are some members of my family who can turn me into that 8 year old. The good news is there are only a few people who can trigger the 8 year old.
Even though you are bound by blood, some members of your family may be toxic to your mental well being. There are entire families who are toxic. Billions of people place themselves in harms way because they feel obligated to take part in family events: Birthdays, Holidays etc. to make matters worse they often bring their significant others and children to the infected site.
If you are unhappy each and every time you spend time with your family or with certain members of your family, then this may not be the environment for you. Try not to buy into the Hallmark version of what your family should be.
I love my family. My children are wonderful, from time to time I spend a holiday with my extended family. We are not connected by blood, we are connected by love. At these gatherings there is peace, joy and love. However, there are family events that I avoid, you can feel the anger and resentments between family members as you enter the house. Sides are formed and at one point during the event, there will be an explosion of some kind.
I choose not to spend a lot of time with CRAZY.
As we grow older some of us learn to except what IS! Yes, people can change, but the reality is you have to except who they are as they are.
If their purpose is to hurt you. You may need to limit contact with those individuals or eliminate all contact with them. FORGET THE, WELL ITS FAMILY BULLSHIT# and if you’ve been damaged by the contact, why would you bring your children or significant other to the contaminated site?
It often sucks being the nice guy, the voice of reason. There are moments when I want to slap the shit out of the antagonist in my life. But why, I don’t spend more than a few hours a year with them and it would fill me with guilt.
It took a long time to remove all the weeds in my life. The hard work has paid off . Today, I’m blessed ,my life is filled with wonderful people. Life can end in an instant! Why spend that time in an joyless environment.