12 Unexpected Struggles Interracial Couples Face


By /Cosmopolitan.com

When it comes to interracial dating, the people who’ve been there will tell you there can definitely be struggles. In a recent Ask Reddit thread, interracial couples laid out the real obstacles they encounter daily that they weren’t expecting before they got together.

1. When literally no one thinks you’re together. “My husband and I went to Disney World with my side of the family. So there’s 11 black people and only one white man. We’re in line and when it’s our turn for the ride, they always cut the line off when it got to him,” says Reddit user captawesome1794. “Everyone had to explain that he was in fact part of our group and no, he wasn’t trying to cut us….”

2. When couple pics require more work than you’re used to. “I am white, she is black. Taking selfies in the sun is a bitch,” says Reddit user ehs5. “The picture either turns out way too dark or way too bright.”

 

3. When you both have to adjust to a few linguistic differences. One white man with a Hindu wife explains that “there’s a word in Tamil [her language] that literally translates to ’useless,’ but the Tamil word is often used colloquially to mean something closer to ’not currently needed,’” says Reddit user YWAK98alum. “But that doesn’t stop my wife from describing all kinds of people (including me, frequently) as straight-up ’useless,’ including to their faces, and then wondering why these people either get angry or just avoid her.”

4. When people make backhanded comments about your significant other’s race. Reddit user PM_ME_UNIFORMS, a white woman married to a Southeast Asian man, explains, “The worst part for me is the number of people (OK, women) who, after learning I’m married to an Asian guy, say something along the lines of ’Oh, I couldn’t, I’ve just never been attracted to Asian men!’ This is way worse than the people who ask things like ’does he speak much English?’ when he’s lived in Canada longer than they’ve been alive.”

5. When you have to deal with “jokes” about your race. Reddit user BananaTwinkie, an Asian woman, describes meeting her husband’s father, who is of German descent. She says he told her, “’You don’t have to squint, it’s not that dark in here.’ This was meant as a joke and I took it as such since there was not malicious intent, just ignorant joking. I replied with, ’Fuck you! Where’s the beer?’”

6. When people try to “guess” your partner’s ethnicity. “I’m a white woman married to a man who’s half Egyptian and half Native … The most surprising was how tactless some people are. ’What is he?’ just sounds so rude and I hear it way too damn often,” says Reddit user CatherineAm. “I’ve had people ask if he’s Mexican, Columbian [sic], Middle Eastern, Singaporean, and at one point someone asked if he was a Syrian refugee. Like I know that Egyptian/Native is uncommon, but it was like the people asking that had never even seen people from the backgrounds they were guessing.”

7. When people hit on you or your significant other because they don’t think you’re a couple. “I am a black woman married to a Korean man … people assume we are never together in lines, at bars, or social events (can’t tell you the amount of times men openly hit on me right next to my husband),” says Reddit user bflowyngz. “Usually only happens if we are just standing next to each other and not really talking. If we are talking, they assume we work together.”

8. When your kids aren’t sure of how to self-identify. “My wife is white, I am Asian. Children go through stages of self-identifying white or Asian,” says Reddit user unreplicate. “When he was young, my son was annoyed when my wife visited him during school lunch because his friends ’found out he had a white mother.’ Now, older, he is not much into Asian culture.”

9. When people don’t believe your kids are actually your kids. “I’m half-Korean and my wife is white. I have two kids. One kid is obviously of ambiguous ethnic heritage and the other is blond hair and blue-eyed … I never thought I would have to explain to my daughter that she is really my daughter,” says Reddit user gamerplays. “I have had people come up to me and tried to stop me from picking her up. I’ve had people straight out ask me who her father is.”

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10. When you’re surprised by who accepts you as a couple and who doesn’t. A white woman married to a South-Asian woman, Reddit user breakingupishard22, says, “The only thing that’s ever stood out to me is that people are always surprised that her Muslim parents are cooler with us than my white atheist parents. My dad has practically disowned me and hasn’t spoken to me in six years. My father-in-law is just happy his daughter married an accountant with a nice car.”

ABC

11. When you can be harassed just for being in public together. “We were around a liberal town right outside NJ (New Hope) and we were spit on by a motorcyclist on his way out of main street,” says Reddit user Zeroeh, a white man with a black wife. He also added, “I was stopped by the police before and the cop actually pulled me out of the car and asked me if she was a prostitute and would not believe me until I showed our wedding photo that’s in my wallet.”

CBS

12. When you learn that your relationship is so much more than what anyone else thinks. “At the end of the day, you are married to each other and not each other’s cultures or families,” says Reddit user bflowyngz. “You have to respect and love the person you lie down with at night.”

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