Photo: Google

A big heartfelt thanks to the readers who have stuck it out with me throughout the years.  You have asked for it and the old format is back.  I was trying to go high, but it seems you like it tacky and tasteless.

Kandi sees the Lake Bailey house for the first time.  Kenya joins them fresh from her grandmothers funeral.  We learned hubby joined her, or so she says.  Cynthia catches her up on the mess in  San Francisco.  While she defended Kenya, it DID bother her that the meeting, engagement, and wedding took place without her, and they are Besties.

De-nile is not just a river ! It took Sheree nearly ten years  to turn a pile a dirt once known as NEVERLAND  into Chateau Sheree or by its real name Chateau Thelma.   So she in an expensive store with Porsha frontin for the cameras saying her unfinished basement is gonna be dope, with a theater, a sauna, a spa, and a wine cellar  The delusional woman is looking at ONE DOOR that costs 8 grand..     Even Porsha, who confused China and Japan, questioned Sheree!   Sheree you need to stop!  JUST STOP! and  Keep making payments on your layaway at BIG LOTS in Decatur so you can fill another room. 

Atlanta’s thickest Vegan, Porsha wants to be hooked up. WITH A MAN? (for now!)  Our Resident Scholar, has hired some wemen to find her a man.   They asked to take a tour of Porsha’s Palace to get a sense of who she is.  Porsha, bought the house ready made for a family complete with a predesigned boys and girls room and a swing set in the backyard. She fails to see how the home might intimidate a man.  Can you just see it, after the first date the man asks, do you have children? and Porsha responds, no but WE WILL! 

There is still some heat and business between Peter and Cynthia.  They meet at a construction site where Peter is gonna build Bar one or Bar Two in Atlanta.  Cynthia owns 25%.   Sexy Sexy isn’t dressed for construction, she is dressed for sex.  This isn’t lost on Peter, who says she makes 50 looks like 32.  The heat is so hott ,if the camera’ weren’t there they would be against a cool wall..  (A mind wonders) 

Kandi is still feeling like a bad mom, because.(who cares! moving on!) Do we want talk about the mother and daughter outing no!  (yawn) 

Sheree finally had THE TALK with her kids about domestic violence.  I know your like me.  The episode was ON, reviewed by bloggers on you tube podcasts on Entertainment Tonight.  Hell Putin, knew Bob was jumping on Sheree.  And her kids didn’t know?  One of her children said Bob tried to talk to her about, but she wasn’t feeling it.   Sheree said one of the reasons she didn’t tell, is she was trying to protect Bob.  Even with the cameras on its clear that her children love her.  Case closed.

 

The Main Event 

Kandi Morphs into Mama Joyce and the Streets are Tawkin! 

The dates of Cynthia.  We are yet another date with the handsome Will Jones and Sexy Cynthia.   This time with Kandi and Todd  joining them on a boat ride.   Kandi is happy that Cynthia is dating and getting freaky, but she is also very protective of Cynthia and her celebrity status.   Kandi says that in Atlanta, “There’s a lot of people who fake it ’til they make it  So, STAY WOKE. ”   From the moment, they sat down, Kandi grilled Will like a cheap pork chop.  She was relentless and knew stuff. she found out that he was once on a dating episode of  The Steve Harvey Show.  Her sources said he was on another dating show. and Kandi basically wanted to know why a successful man would be on these show?   IF MAMA JOYCE WAS THERE SHE WOULD BE SO PROUD. Kandi had home cheese on the ropes. “I’m not an opportunist, he said”  Mama Kandi isn’t sure, and he better watch his ass, cause Kandi is connected with the Old Lady Gang, and Aunt Bertha know how to handle meat. 

Bravo is so trashy and we love it.   On the front of the boat the women are chatting, in the rear the men.    Cynthia has been divorced from Peter for more than a year now and Kandi wants to know who’s hitting it?  She learns it aint Will.  Cynthia says, that she doesn’t want to get serious with him and then find out the sex isn’t good, but she also doesn’t want to have sex too early.  Kandi comes back and said what if you get together and he has a lil dick?   Yikes!!!   Kandi says  to check out the thickness of his hands and our Trashy Bravo zooms into his hand.  hmmmm? 

 

Porsha’s Date of Death!!!

Blind dates are scary.  Its like a mystery gift.  Your either gonna love it or…….

Porsha told the matchmaker she was down for anything including interacial dating.  The horny Vegan was sexy for her date.  ON the phone she learns her date is wearing jeans while she is sexy as she wants to be.  Perhaps that was a sign.  When Porsha walkins in and sees him, she freeks out a little and makes a u-turn like ooooh shit. Home cheese wasnt uggly, he was just a bit plain.  But she was there.  She meets him and makes up some lie about her mother living with her and that she needed to leave in an half an hour. 

Dude was just stupid, it was textbook.  This is how you fuck up a first date!  From telling Porsha  that she didnt have a huge ego cause most good looking women do.  To suggesting she drink ,so maybe SHE would loosen up.   He was a simply a dumbfuck and Porsha left that resturant and him on to Freedomland. 

 

When Yo Man calls collect from Prison!

Jack Daniels, (yep dats his name) Sheree’s life coach comes over for an update.  He say’s Sheree is glowing!   She tells him, she has told her children about the abusive relationship. Jack D is happy.   RING!  You have a collect call from a correctional facility.  (well thats awkward?)  Sheree excuses herself to chat with TYRONE, her locked up SOULMATE!    Sheree is head overheels in LOVE.  She cooes when TYRONE talks to her  and makes plans for the future.  (Like he has anything else to do, the Bitch is in PRISON. He gots hours and hours to think about the future.)     Sheree choose her masters ,cause she’s paying for both the, collect call and Jack Daniels. (The man not da drink)   Off the phone, she tells Jack D she is in love and he his happy 4 her. UNTIL! she says he’s in PRISON.   Jack Daniels face drops a little and his expression is like. SAY WHAT?   Sheree gushes as she’s says “I love him and I love how he treats me. I love the communcations that we have.     Like what the fuck?   I love Sheree, but we need the OLG gang to give her some ligon. BTW, where is Thelma in all this?  Bitch you probably the only one taking collect calls from his azz?   Sure he’s gonna treat you well, hell if you didn’t talk to him, he’d be force to watch Ellen! 

After giving him some background. Jack D asks what’s going to happen when he gets out? But Sheree’s gone… OOOOOh its going to be beautiful, were gonna see each other without glass or guards (she didnt say that). and were gonna touch each other and la la la la la, la la la la.

TYRONE, hopes to be out of da BIG HOUSE the end of this year . But if that doesn’t happen he will be in for four more years.  TYRONE (more gush) makes her happier than ANY man ever has! Lawd, please call your mamas and aunties, we got to get our prayer circles on for Sheree.  The women is lost and that phone bill!   

See ya next week

CityFella