Fart in the box


8:42am

I entered a packed lobby of  a large skyscraper in San Francisco.   I’m texting my friend to confirm her location in the building.  People are pushing on the elevators.  As soon as the a doorsopens the crowds are packing the elevator, making it difficult for those on the elevator to exit.

I’m in the wrong area.  I need to be in the area with the express elevators to the 38th floor.

8:46am

I put my phone in my pocket and jump on an packed elevator just before the door closes.

First stop ,is the 30th floor.

Within seconds someone farts.  It was wheezing fart, like someone was trying to hold it, but it escaped.     There was shift in the elevators, I side eyed someone, side eyeing.  Its elevator etiquette. all eyes forward.   I so wanted to look back and say DAMM!   Finally ,were on the thirtieth floor, the majority of the occupants exited.   I intended to follow the herd, then the door closed.

Oh well…. more room for me, there were three of us.    One person gets off at the 32nd floor. and then the 35th.   The door opens and as the man was leaving, he farted, the little bitch didn’t say excuse me or anything.   I’m alone with his personal gift in the elevator.

I’m so pissed, I’ve forgotten the suite number.  Luckily my friend was looking for me.  I tell her about the little bastard and she is enjoying my anger.  I’m making her day, oh goodie!

  As I leave her office, I realized that I was obsessed with the little man.   I was hoping  I would see him again in an elevator.  Oh course after drinking a quart of milk, lactose is real baby!    Fuck everybody, they would just be casualties of war.   I wanted the little bitch to pay!   Time to leave, hugs and kisses.

As I get on the elevator, I’m talking to myself in my head.    I really need to get a grip!   What is this fart rage?

The doors open,to the ground floor.  I’m being completely ridiculous, I thought to myself.

As I enter the parking garage, I thought I saw him again, I increase my speed to the elevator.

Calling Dr Phil!

 

CityFella

 

 

 

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Published by CityFella

Big city fella, Born and Raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. Lived in New York (a part time New Yorker) for three years . I have lived in the Sacramento area since 1993. When I first moved here, I hated it. Initially found the city too conservative for my tastes. A great place to raise children however too few options for adults . The city has grown up, there is much to do here. The city suffers from low self esteem in my opinion, locals have few positive words to say about their hometown. visitors and transplants are amazed at what they find here. From, the grand old homes in Alkali Flats, and the huge trees in midtown, there are many surprises in Sacramento. Theater is alive is this area . And finally ,there is a nightlife... In.downtown midtown, for the young and not so young. My Criticism is with local government. There is a shortage of visionaries in city hall. Sacramento has long relied on the state, feds and real estate for revenue. Like many cities in America,Downtown Sacramento was the hub of activity in the area. as the population moved to the suburbs and retail followed. The city has spent millions to revive downtown. Today less than ten thousand people live downtown. No one at city hall could connect the dots. Population-Retail. Business says Sacramento is challenging and many corporations have chosen to set up operations outside the cities limits. There is vision in the burbs. Sacramento has bones, there are many good pieces here, leaders seem unable or unwilling to put those pieces together into. Rant aside, I love it here. From the trees to the rivers. But its the people here that move me. Sacramento is one of the most integrated cities in America. I find I'm welcome everywhere. The spices work in this city of nearly 500,000 and for the most part these spices blend well together. From Ukrainians to Hispanics and a sizable gay community, all the spices seem to work well here. I frequently travel and occasionally I will venture into a city with huge racial borders, where its unsafe to visit after certain hours. I haven't found it here. I cant imagine living in a community where there is one hue or one spice. I love the big trees, Temple Coffee House, the Alhambra Safeway, Zelda's Pizza, Bicyclist in Midtown, The Mother Lode Saloon, Crest Theater, and the Rivers. I could go on and I might. Sacramento is home.

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