When They’re No Longer Funny:The Family Racist


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They are often naturally charming. Well liked by nearly everyone in the family. As a child they made you laugh. As you grew older, you laughed however the jokes made you uncomfortable.

You weren’t the only one. Family members saying while laughing ” Ohh you shouldn’t say that” or “That’s wrong” in mid laughter.

Despite the outrageous behavior. they are often protected by other family members. “Oh he doesn’t mean it.” “He would take the shirt off his back” “She would give you her last quarter”

Over time this charming individual has made you uncomfortable when non family members are present.  Your on the edge, as you wait in terror, for the off color or racist remark to be delivered in front of the unsuspecting visitor.

Then there it is!

In living color.

As the family laughs, you look away ashamed

Your options are few. Confrontation or exit.  Ideally, you should wait for to talk, away from family.  Calmly tell him or her what you find offensive and why.  Once you’ve done this leave it.  Don’t go back and revisit the conversation, it only brings animosity.

These individuals exists in every family. They’ve may have gone unnoticed for years. Until you view the family member through the eyes of a non family member..

“We teach people how to treat us “

One thing is clear you should never subject your friends to this racist person.  Why would you subject your friend, spouse, child to someone who makes YOU uncomfortable?

I’ve found some success in silent eye contact.  After all they are entertainers. They’re goal is to make everyone laugh however a good entertainer  knows how to read and make adjustments for the audience.

Their are others, who simply don’t care how their words affect others. “This is who I am! ”    When this occurs, I quietly leave.   Heckler the entertainer and he still has a audience. Quietly leaving the room or if need be the home, has a far greater impact!

 We love our families, we don’t have to like or agree with their actions.  Expecting them or  demanding that they change is unreasonable.  The adjustment has to come from us.

If you don’t like or are uncomfortable in an environment. remove yourself from that environment.

 

This is when it’s on us to make the adjustment ,as we teach people how to treat us.

CityFella

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Published by CityFella

Big city fella, Born and Raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. Lived in New York (a part time New Yorker) for three years . I have lived in the Sacramento area since 1993. When I first moved here, I hated it. Initially found the city too conservative for my tastes. A great place to raise children however too few options for adults . The city has grown up, there is much to do here. The city suffers from low self esteem in my opinion, locals have few positive words to say about their hometown. visitors and transplants are amazed at what they find here. From, the grand old homes in Alkali Flats, and the huge trees in midtown, there are many surprises in Sacramento. Theater is alive is this area . And finally ,there is a nightlife... In.downtown midtown, for the young and not so young. My Criticism is with local government. There is a shortage of visionaries in city hall. Sacramento has long relied on the state, feds and real estate for revenue. Like many cities in America,Downtown Sacramento was the hub of activity in the area. as the population moved to the suburbs and retail followed. The city has spent millions to revive downtown. Today less than ten thousand people live downtown. No one at city hall could connect the dots. Population-Retail. Business says Sacramento is challenging and many corporations have chosen to set up operations outside the cities limits. There is vision in the burbs. Sacramento has bones, there are many good pieces here, leaders seem unable or unwilling to put those pieces together into. Rant aside, I love it here. From the trees to the rivers. But its the people here that move me. Sacramento is one of the most integrated cities in America. I find I'm welcome everywhere. The spices work in this city of nearly 500,000 and for the most part these spices blend well together. From Ukrainians to Hispanics and a sizable gay community, all the spices seem to work well here. I frequently travel and occasionally I will venture into a city with huge racial borders, where its unsafe to visit after certain hours. I haven't found it here. I cant imagine living in a community where there is one hue or one spice. I love the big trees, Temple Coffee House, the Alhambra Safeway, Zelda's Pizza, Bicyclist in Midtown, The Mother Lode Saloon, Crest Theater, and the Rivers. I could go on and I might. Sacramento is home.

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