I wanna be buried in See’s Buttercream Chocolate

Image result for see's factory

Originally Printed April 17, 2006

I’m not planning to die soon and I gave this five minutes of thought

(so it must be perfect RIGHT!)

I want to be placed in the coffin naked, then I want Mother See’s Buttercream Chocolate poured up to my botton lip.

Apologizing in advance to the pallbearers.

If we do come back-I want soft skin (the buttercream) and I may need a snack (yes I’m dead-try thinking inside the box-okay!) and what’s better than chocolate.

Please surround my casket with a lot of Grant’s Ant Stakes.

I want the same carriage as the sista in the movie ” Imitation of Life”

And while I am fond of Sacramento ,its too bloody hott. I want the carriage to be pulled about the Tenderloin of San Francisco. In Sac, no one would slow down to notice, in fact someone would try to run the carriage off the road. In San Francisco, the sight of the carriage might reform a crack whore. A July day, would be about 63 in the City.

My memorial would be held at Bimbo’s or some comedy club. Visitors would be required to wear bright colors and like powdered blue or lime green. and y’all know someone will wear red. Attendees will be instructed to throw Twinkies at people who arrive in Black or Navy Blue.

Jokes, jokes, and more jokes told at my expense, the more embarrassing the better. The only tears I want at my event are tears brought on by ruckus laughter. Pre-split Twinkies are to be thrown at people telling sad stories.

Everyone attending will receive a small box of See’s Candy, those people who have sensitive teeth and have difficulty chewing will receive a box of nuts and chews.

I was Certified Crazy and Weird before I died and I want my friends and family to remember.



Published by CityFella

Big city fella, Born and Raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. Lived in New York (a part time New Yorker) for three years . I have lived in the Sacramento area since 1993. When I first moved here, I hated it. Initially found the city too conservative for my tastes. A great place to raise children however too few options for adults . The city has grown up, there is much to do here. The city suffers from low self esteem in my opinion, locals have few positive words to say about their hometown. visitors and transplants are amazed at what they find here. From, the grand old homes in Alkali Flats, and the huge trees in midtown, there are many surprises in Sacramento. Theater is alive is this area . And finally ,there is a nightlife... In.downtown midtown, for the young and not so young. My Criticism is with local government. There is a shortage of visionaries in city hall. Sacramento has long relied on the state, feds and real estate for revenue. Like many cities in America,Downtown Sacramento was the hub of activity in the area. as the population moved to the suburbs and retail followed. The city has spent millions to revive downtown. Today less than ten thousand people live downtown. No one at city hall could connect the dots. Population-Retail. Business says Sacramento is challenging and many corporations have chosen to set up operations outside the cities limits. There is vision in the burbs. Sacramento has bones, there are many good pieces here, leaders seem unable or unwilling to put those pieces together into. Rant aside, I love it here. From the trees to the rivers. But its the people here that move me. Sacramento is one of the most integrated cities in America. I find I'm welcome everywhere. The spices work in this city of nearly 500,000 and for the most part these spices blend well together. From Ukrainians to Hispanics and a sizable gay community, all the spices seem to work well here. I frequently travel and occasionally I will venture into a city with huge racial borders, where its unsafe to visit after certain hours. I haven't found it here. I cant imagine living in a community where there is one hue or one spice. I love the big trees, Temple Coffee House, the Alhambra Safeway, Zelda's Pizza, Bicyclist in Midtown, The Mother Lode Saloon, Crest Theater, and the Rivers. I could go on and I might. Sacramento is home.

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