916 Lyft Uber Tales #1 (Life is like a car of chocolates) You never know what your gonna GET!!!!

This is my first chapter and Id like to start by giving you a little background.  My car was totaled in an accident last spring.   I live in downtown Sacramento and thought I would try taking uber, lyft and public transit.

I am a complete GIANT.  I stand 6.4 weight 370 pounds and have feet so large it makes Bozo’s look like he buys his shoes from Baby Gap

The first thing I learned about Uber (comfort) and  Lyft’s (XL) is you never ever know what car your getting until it arrives.

A assumed would get a large car or SUV.  The very first Uber,Uber UBER ( I like saying it three times ) was Kia Suv.  It was okay, maybe large for Koreans but marginal for Sac’s Black Giant.  In my mind I thought it would be an “AMERICAN” (flashing lights)  Ford Explorer.  I made due, the Korean car welcomed me.   Days went by, no Suburbans, Dodge Durango’s or Ford’s.     Everything was alright until they sent a Buick Encore to pick me up.  HAVE YOUR SEEN AN ENCORE !!!!!

Image result for buick encore

The Buick Encore is a bite size SUV, perfect for a size 0 who thinks she’s chubby!

The driver was nice and very friendly.. “Oh come on you’ll fit” “I have a large uncle and he is 5.8 and he easily fits in..   I shouldn’t have gotten into the car,  I mean, didn’t she notice the full moon was suddenly missing?   Jeezus!

Wait ,5.8 is large? Girrrrl, If I trip and fell on your Buick you and your CD’s would die.

After a taking off my jacket and vest, lubing my shoulders I was in.  Breathing was possible on wide right turns. Being Black, she couldn’t tell I was turning code blue in the dark, (Neither can most people-but what cha gonna do).

When we arrived at my destination in Natomas, I had to figure how to get out, with out the small Suv buckling.

The very perky driver told me to take my time, don’t worry.  (again she’s comparing me with her 5.8 uncle who probably weighs less than my socks) . I reclined the seat and swung out my ginormous feet, scraping the headliner. and then rolled my self out of the car   I noticed Miss perky derky holding her forehead, possibly a victim of a wayward Nike.  She said thank you holding said forehead as she drove away.

After that experience I started taking the cheapest fare.    The cars can range from triple small to pickup.  I’ve been in Range Rovers and Mercedes.

One driver, who I’d like to call Pot hold Benz.  A very pretty girl in a late model E Class Mercedes seems to have an affinity for pot holes.  Even the pot holes that were out side minding their own dammed business, she’d hit.   What  killed me, she was surprised and TALK as she’d hit on. .  Ohh, ouch, oooooh!  followed by stupid!

Its non of my bizness but this chick needs to be driving something made by Tonka. She’s sweet but slow.

Strong Sturdy Feet   

You can tell me to lose weight, but my feet are still going to be longggg!

Standing on the sidewalk and I can hear drivers saying when did they put speed bumps here.?