Bad Behavior from the beginning…….


It was a packed flight from Philadelphia to Phoenix.  The second of three legs to Sacramento.  My day started 3 hours earlier in Providence, Rhode Island.  I’m a big man 6.4 over 300 pounds wedge into a airline seat designed for someone under 5.10 under 170 pounds.

The man sitting in front of me in 33C , is riding my knees.  I was too tired to unscrew his head from his body.  So I tolerated it.   At one point my knees became his bouncy house, at this point I’d  reached my limit, and said Hey, knock it off!   He unbuckled his seat belt and stood up “your knees are killing me”  I gestured look at me?  and said there is an empty seat next to you.    The man was 5.6 maybe 140 pounds..

A patient woman appeared and I watched as she took him to the front of the plane and  to the rear of the plane and finally to row 33 and she pointed to seat B.

 

When does poor or bad behavior start?

We were in a supermarket and there were some balls in a large cylinder.  A four year boy was bouncing the ball and his mother told him to take it back.  The boy ignored his mother and kept bouncing the ball in line.  A large family entered and the young boy seemed to be trying to get the attention of the boys waiting with their parents.  Out of nowhere he threw the ball and hit one of the boys. The ball bounced off the boy behind the family.   The young boy threw the ball again at the boys and the mother caught it.     Gimmie, Gimmie , the boy screamed, throwing a tantrum.     I wanted to intervene but it wasn’t my place.   His mother left the line and returned with another ball.  The family inline was shocked and angry.  “Why did you give him another ball?”  the woman asked?

He is high strung and he wont do it again.   He stared at the boys in line and started to throw the ball.  He mother grabbed the ball and he hit her and ran toward the boys and spit at them.  The family left the line.    Has his mother held onto the ball.he hit her and demanded candy.     I went outside.

Through the years he had bad reputation.  He wasn’t welcome at many family gatherings.  He had trouble at school.  Fought with teachers and students.  His professional family showered him with expensive sneakers, and other expensive gifts.

I didn’t see him again until he was about 12 and 13. It was a picnic.   He would take a bite of food and it didn’t please him he would spit it out and drop it on the ground.   Many adult spoke to him and his parents about his behavior.   The parents were clearly embarrassed but not enough to parent.   His dad left the picnic and returned with Taco Bell.  Throughout the day the young boy  was the center of many fights and would spit on various people at the picnic.

By the time he was sixteen, he was tossed out high school, for being combative.

On one outing with my children he had a tantrum and threaten to hit me.  I grabbed him in took him into a restroom.  In the restroom, he attempted to spit on me!

I lost it…….

Two years later he went to jail…..   I am told for assault.

As an adult, he has physically attacked his parents, girlfriends and others.  The system knows him.

He is now approaching his fourth decade and his brothers tells me, I am the only older person who has ever disciplined him.

I’ve always wondered when does bad behavior begin.  Not every child who was a terror becomes terrible adults.   I don’t subscribe to physical violence as the go to ,raise a child.  I do believe in guidance,my children are not my friends they are my children!  Who should have their own friends.

Rasing children is not for the faint of heart.  If you doing it correctly, there will be days that your children don’t like you and you don’t like them.   Your not a terrible person, your just a normal parent.  But Parent you must!   They need your guidance.  Kindness, Respect, Tolerant, patience and all of those have  to come from you, your children take their life’s cues from you. Not the teachers or a friend or stranger.   If you are not kind, respectful,patient don’t be surprised if your children aren’t.

Some bad behavior  began at home.

CityFella

Published by CityFella

Big city fella, Born and Raised in the San Francisco Bay Area. Lived in New York (a part time New Yorker) for three years . I have lived in the Sacramento area since 1993. When I first moved here, I hated it. Initially found the city too conservative for my tastes. A great place to raise children however too few options for adults . The city has grown up, there is much to do here. The city suffers from low self esteem in my opinion, locals have few positive words to say about their hometown. visitors and transplants are amazed at what they find here. From, the grand old homes in Alkali Flats, and the huge trees in midtown, there are many surprises in Sacramento. Theater is alive is this area . And finally ,there is a nightlife... In.downtown midtown, for the young and not so young. My Criticism is with local government. There is a shortage of visionaries in city hall. Sacramento has long relied on the state, feds and real estate for revenue. Like many cities in America,Downtown Sacramento was the hub of activity in the area. as the population moved to the suburbs and retail followed. The city has spent millions to revive downtown. Today less than ten thousand people live downtown. No one at city hall could connect the dots. Population-Retail. Business says Sacramento is challenging and many corporations have chosen to set up operations outside the cities limits. There is vision in the burbs. Sacramento has bones, there are many good pieces here, leaders seem unable or unwilling to put those pieces together into. Rant aside, I love it here. From the trees to the rivers. But its the people here that move me. Sacramento is one of the most integrated cities in America. I find I'm welcome everywhere. The spices work in this city of nearly 500,000 and for the most part these spices blend well together. From Ukrainians to Hispanics and a sizable gay community, all the spices seem to work well here. I frequently travel and occasionally I will venture into a city with huge racial borders, where its unsafe to visit after certain hours. I haven't found it here. I cant imagine living in a community where there is one hue or one spice. I love the big trees, Temple Coffee House, the Alhambra Safeway, Zelda's Pizza, Bicyclist in Midtown, The Mother Lode Saloon, Crest Theater, and the Rivers. I could go on and I might. Sacramento is home.

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