It’s a lot, the world!
Civil Unrest, a pandemic virus without a cure, ecomonic crises, looming unemployment.
In the last few weeks, I’ve gone from kay sera sera to a dark place Its sadness and depression. Too sad to cry. My new normal is work, supermarket and home. For nearly two weeks, I avoided all phone calls, perfering to communicate via text or social media.
Social media is a god send, it my real connection to the world on it ,I discoved I wasn’t alone. On social media I learned its not just America, the shelter in place has overwhelmed millions across the world.
Alone, worried about everything, The only beneficiary of my anxiety, is my apartment. For the untrained eye it looks cluttered, but it is really clean and organized.
I felt my world closing in a month ago, but spending money for pleaure seemed irreponsible in this unknown world. I could feel myself slipping and desided my mental health was worth it and rented a car and headed west.
I needed to see the water, the ocean it calms me. The plan was to go home, my place for calm, the ocean beach in San Francisco. Unfortunatly, I chose Memorial Day weekend, it seemed we all had the same idea. It was bumper to bumper on I-80 in Fairfield. After arriving into San Francisco, I realized the ocean wasn’t going to happen, so lets try Marin. As we drove across the Golden Gate Bridge another realization being from the city, Stinson Beach would be a zoo ,as other San Franciscians would be heading to Marin, so I pushed north on 101 to Sonoma County. In Sonoma County, all the parking lots along the coast was blocked but one could access the beach At 3PM and we were two of four people at the beach.
The visit wasnt long enough, I feeling ill, it was time to return to my tomb in Sacramento. For 2 days my head was filled with do I have it? and the I’ve had a long and wonderful life….
The change in venue did help. however my trips to the supermarket were alarming, there were fewer people wearing masks, even fewer on the streets. Last week, the resturants opened in Sacramento and few people had masks on. Some people were moving tables at one of the resturants to sit closer.
On Sunday, I had an epiphany perhaps I’m am focusing too much on things and people. The reality is ,I have no control over anything or anyone.
Monday morning here comes the sun. I’m plugged in to the seventies music. Singing with the Beatles, Carly Simon and Aretha. Focusing just on me as I have no control.. I will contine to wear my mask around others. I will continue to keep a distance from people until I cant. I will wear my gloves and wash my hands.
My smile has returned, so has my optimism. Despite the Virus, there are flowers awaiting my admiration, there are songs to sing as I clean and iron, smiles to share. I’m planning a vacation to the East Coast and I am binging on British Cooking shows and HGTV’s “Love it or List it” I’m slowly coming back
“Here comes the sun”
It’s all Right