Ask the Rodfather: He is a smoker and I cant stand smoke, help!

Rodfather: My father was a heavy smoker and he died when I was nine years old, he was only 32. No one smokes in my immediate family, none of my friends smoke and kissing somebody who smokes is like licking an ash tray.

I met the love of my life online two years ago. In my profile, I said smoking was a dealbreaker. After three months, we met up in Las Vegas, and agreed we would have our own rooms. The Casino’ were filled with smoke and after a couple hours, it was too much for me, I had to go outside, feeling sick I went back to my room.

The second day, we walked around and that evening and kissed for the first time. I could taste smoke, but I thought it was because we were in and out the Casinos. When I went to his room, I could smell smoke and after a long silence he told me he smoked. He told me he was sorry and that he was attracted to me and tried to stop smoking before he arrived. He showed me anti smoking gum, and he was wearing a patch and he said he only smoked one cigarette a day. He said he had wanted to stop smoking for years and would stop smoking for me.

Over the course of the last year and half we have travled back an forth. I live on the west coast, he lives in the midwest. No one in my family smokes, everyone in his family does. At his favorite cousins house every ash try is overloaded with cigarette butts and everything wreaks of smoke. His mother has emphysema and smokes.

He has made a lot of changes for me, he has painted, replaced furniture. He even stop smoking in his own house. He has done the patch, and other things to stop smoking but nothing is working so far. I am hopelessly in love with this generous man. He wants to get married. I am considering transferring to a job 40 minutes away from his home.

Rodfather, he is generous, kind, well respected in his town and I don’t think I could find anyone like him. I see couples where one smokes and the other doesn’t, what do you think? Somewhere in the mid west


This is a difficult question. Nicotine is very addictive, some believe Nicotine, is as addictive as Cocaine or Herion. I don’t know the age of your partner. but the longer he has been smoking the more diiffcult it will be for him to stop. This will not be a quick fix.

Living in a community where his friends and family smokes will make it more difficult and you will have to adjust to his WORLD where people smoke.

The heart wants love and to be loved. Sometimes, we have to turn down the heart and listen to what are needs are, as love isn’t enough. The man you describe sounds wonderful, however you have to accept him for who he is at this very moment. Despite his love for you, he may not be able to end his addiction to smoking. It would be unkind to reject his affection or to become resentful. Remember, marriage is not holiday, its a lifetime.


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