She told me to zip it, but I didn’t understand


What happened to the nice, kind, gentle people of yor?

I can be discrete. Sir your dragging six miles of toliet paper.  None of the BS filming an embarrassing moment for thousands of strangers on Tik Tok to enjoy.

When I see a man or women exposed I will discretely tell them.  Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you?

Here is my story.   It’s more than a couple of decades old.  I’m a speaker at a convention. Back stage there are many people in motion.  Minutes before I was due to speak. I unzipped my pants and smoothed out my shirt. 

I walked by several familar faces. Not stage hands and directors, but people who knew me by my full name.

I overheard someone say it was full house and there were many people standing. 

Just look down and read until your comfortable enough to look out. I told myself.   The podium was plexiglass my name was called, the introduction was brief.  I stood straight up as I  walked across the stage.  I made the mistake of looking out to a sea of people.  Suddenly, a real bad case of the nerves.  I squeezed both the sides of the podium and said “good morning”  It was 7:30pm. ” Just testing you I said”  Enough people laughed to calm me. 

The first page was perfect.  I hit my points perfectly.   Somewhere on the final page, I noticed this older lady in a shiny yellow dress. She was taking her two fingers and moving them from left to right.  She kept making the same motions, over and over and over. 4000 people and  I couldn’t shake her glance and stumbled on the very last paragraph. 

Everything, comes to end.  Was I that boring? I walked off the stage disappointed. How could I let one person get to me?  I tripped over something, I don’t know what but it forced me to look down. My zipper was fully down and it much worst then I could ever imagine.    My shirt was sticking out of my pants And skin was on display.

Shock! Horror!  Good thing I was wearing my trusty J.C. Penny’s briefs. No black man magic.

Pissed!! I retire to my hotel room. I ordered room service. I never order room service, I’m too cheap. But I hate humanity! All those people. Some who knew my name. My white shirt clearly sticking out from my pants. No one said “hey buddy” If it were two decades later. I might have been a You Tube sensation.

I woke up to the local news and a calmer. I no longer wanted the people behind the stage to die in a fiery explosion. While it was embarrassing, no one saw big Johnny and I did have one friend, that lady in the yellow dress.

I didn’t understand at the time. She wasn’t heckling me or being a jerk. She was telling me to zip my pants.

CityFella