Ani’t nothing like REAL thang baby.
Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
What the Fuck ?
Nothing could prepare us for the season two opener. Hell !!! I’ve watched it three times. It was like a James Bond Movie with music.
Its the beginning of a bus trip, there are pillows with names, indicating where each housewife will sit. Heather, Whitney and Lisa are there. Jen appears with long braids ,cheetah boots and a brown fur. As she sits down she gets a call, when she hangs up she asks Whitney to help her turn her mic off. She leaves the bus and jumps into a Ford Pickup.
Next thing we hear are sirens and helicopters.
At this point you are one minute and thirty five seconds into the new season!.
As you are catching your breath ,Whitney reads off her phone, Jen Shah and 1st Assistant Stu have been charged with stealing people’s money in a MASSIVE money laundering scheme.
“Ain’t nothin like the real thang baby”
The police weren’t from the Salt Lake City Police Department, these were the FEDS!
Earlier this year, Jen Shaw ware arrested on charges of wire-fraud conspiracy and money-laundering conspiracy for her role in an alleged telemarketing scheme. What we saw was REAL SHIT, and her jumping off that Bus in those store bought braids was real. If she is found guilty, were talking serious time.
Stepping into the wayback machine, a couple of months before the FEDS. We see Jen’s nice new digs, complete with a huge walk in closet that’s the size of my living room, filled with clothing and questionable boots. She’s got a new 2nd assistant (lets hope-homeboy has an attorney) who is helping with the dinner. Pal Lisa is visiting and we learn that Jen, and Sharrieff (her hubby) almost got divorced. Jen’s beloved, Auntie Nani stops by and in a cringe worthy moment pulls up her pants to show off her new bionic legs post-double amputation. Yikes, and bless her heart.
Time to visit Meredith. She has also moved into a new home. (those checks must be nice) In Salt Lake it seems its all about the view and this house doesn’t dissapoint. Her fahter died and she and her family having a Shabbat, Lisa and her family will be attending.
Whitney, for those new to Salt Lake, here is a lil info, about one of my favorite SLC ladies. Whitney and her current husband were married to other people. They were both excumnated from the Mormon church, hubby is quite a bit older than our Whitney, his children are closer to her age. Are you with me so far???? (Pencils Down). Its one of her step sons birthday, and whats a good step mom to do in the dead of winter. I KNOW, she and the fam can get in their Bikini’ and swimware do a few shots and HOT TUB BABY. A lit hot stepmama drops the Birthday Cake several times until it resembles a white ball with candles. “She’s a hit”
Heather’s oldes,t is choosing a college. Heather who was born, raised, married and divorced Morman, went to BYU and wants her daughter to have any experience than a Morman experience.
Mary Crosby is lonely, Covid has shuttered her Faith Temple Pentecostal Church. Her husband slash grandfather is stuck in Florida with Covid (we looks at him with a side eye) Florida Huh? How’d you get to Florida and who you know in Florida? Meanwhile back in Utah, Mary’s teenage son is not speaking to her so she is speaking to her wig heads. We see the premier of her podcast “Talking Facts With Mary Cosby.” Where the first lady of Faith Temple admits to smoking weed.
Enter the newest housewife, Jennie. It seems Jennie and Lisa are friends, they were pregger at the same time. We learned she came to the States at age 7 after escaping Vietnam, being captured by Thai pirates, and then converting to Christianity to get sponsored refuge by a church in Long Beach.
Lisa’s long term friendship with Meredith has hit a BIG bump because of her friendship with Jen who has been on social media making gay remarks about her son. Mary Crosby has nothing nice to say about Jen. Heather, Mary, Whitney, and Meredith gather in a parking lot igloo to chat about their various Shah-rguments. Jen has called both Heather and Mary racist. Whitney asks why you’d want to be friends with someone who calls you racist, as if being called racist is worse than actually being racist. Mary just says she doesn’t need Jen’s friendship juice.
Lisa attempts to convince Meredith that she needs to take the first step and open herself to an apology from Jen. Meredith calls bullshit. Heather is still pissed with Lisa, who pretended she didnt know Heather in collage.
Jen gonna need some friends, people who think she is just swell…….
This was the best opener ever!…..Wonder what the rest of the season has in store? See ya next monday?
??????Wonder who dropped a dime on Jen Shah? How did the Feds know where she was? She’s not a popular cast member could have been anyone?