The Gold standard of the Bravo housewives begins with a look back to the first season.
Take a look.
Hell Froze Over!
Jen and Meredith are friends. I guess Jen’s online gay slurs’ about her son, is in her rear view mirror now. After Lisa’s last season’s juicy hot mic rant. Where she called ,Meredith was a whore and said Meredith fucked half of New York (that’s a LOT of people) and went deep in other areas in Meredith family, the two aren’t like sisters anymore. Meredith isn’t ready to forgive and don’t give two shits about an apology from Lisa. A lawyer, Meredith is slowly building a case against Lisa. She want Lisa’s blood to fry on some random fast food griddle!
Lisa is desperate and in denial. She is talking to Heather, who she doesn’t really like. She wants Heather’s sage advice on how to get in Meredith’s good graces. Our girl, Heather always keeps it real and tells Lisa, bitch! put down dat 44oz soda cause she gonna need room for all the crow you gonna have to eat! Cause you done, called her everythang. Talked about the woman’s HUSBAND-said he can’t hold a job and that’s why they don’t own a home! Lisa, thinks what she said about Meredith wasn’t that bad. In the immortal words of Whoopi Goldberg. “Lisa gurl, you in danger “
Meanwhile, our girl Heather, still wants to be Lisa’s friend. The woman who said she looked like Shrek. The women who denied knowing the chubby girl in high school. Sad!
Mormon No More
The cousins Whitney and Heather meet at the Rose’s house. Whitney wants to cut all ties with the Mormon church. Whitney said she was doing it for kids so that they did not fall into her cycle of limited beliefs and feeling not being good enough and not being heard.
‘Having my name on the record of the Mormon church means that they’re still tracking what I’m doing,’ Whitney said. ‘That means that they still send people to my house to check on me. They still come to collect money. Even when you move, they know where you move, and your record transfers.’ Whitney said all she needed to do was to go to I Quit Mormon dot com.
It appears Heather, who has left the church, written about the church and the people including her family and friends who have painfully shunned her, is still on this list. She feels if she removes her name, this could be the final blow that could end any hope of a possible reconciliation with her mother and father and she struggles with Whitney decision.
Poor Poor Poooor Jen
Jen Shah, is the last man or woman standing in case where she been accused of bilking old people out of their money. With all her money going to Attorney’s, she and hubby Coach Shah had to downsize. They left a 9000sq home for a 4000sq feet home, no giant closets, and (get your hankies ready) she had to DOWNSIZE HER SHAH SQUAD! Yes, we don’t know how bad it is, but there are fewer people available to help her get dressed , to squeeze dat body into her spanks, to help her choose to right hair pieces, and to put on her make up! (THIS IS FREEKIN TERRIBLE!)
Where’s da black people in Utah?
Jen is having a 51st birthday party for Coach Shah at a friend’s house. The theme is his favorite movie Harlem Nights. Coach loves his wife, but how many white people in SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH know about the movie or Harlem? Not knowing the film was based in the 1920’s. Lawd, somebody could show up in a natural wig gold chains, and platform shoes.
Jen was ahead the game, she is planning to invite his local frat brothers and import other black people.
Jen wants to invite the ladies. Despite all the drama with the ladies, the husband’s are all cool. Coach has seen The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and doesn’t want his birthday party to become a screem fest.
Get Heather Gay a Brotha Stat!
Yes, Heather was married to a nice Mormon man, had children with him and then he dumped her. Something tells me that Mormonism doesn’t embrace interracial marriage or relationships. CAUSE IF THEY DID, HEATHER WOULD HAVE MARRIED A BLACK MAN!
From the first season, Heather had a special twinkle in her eye, for da brothers. Not just any brothers. She likes the big and tall Hefty, Hefty, Hefty brothers and at Coach party, there was a selection of old skol brothas.
Heather’s eyes went to former Celtics, Glen Davis aka “Big Baby” Home Cheese is 6.8 and well into the upper 3’s
This isn’t the first melanin twinkle for sista Heather. Two years earlier she met another one of Coach friends in New Orleans named “Big Daddy” Heather is anything but shy around the brothers…pulling them close to her. In her confessional she says “the upgrade from Big Daddy to Big Baby is like going from a Shirley Temple to a Pina Colada”
Coach Sharrieff Shaw Won’t Like It
Heather approaches Meredith at the party. She wants Lisa and Meredith to mend their 10 year friendship. Whitney suggested they all take a girls trip before Jen had to go to New York and face trial.
Lisa’s husband John and Meredith’s husband Seth says despite their wives issues. they are still cool.
Lisa, hugs Meredith and says they should talk later. In her confessional Meredith is cold as Ice and says Lisa had two months to talk to her and NOW leave me alone.
Lisa hugs Meredith husband Seth and Seth kept it real, he said Meredith was hurt by Lisa words and he was surprised about the things she said about him. Lisa says she can’t believe the things she said, and it’s not how she feels about them. Crying, Lisa was trying to explain herself. To innocent eye it felt like she is the victim.
Lisa seems to believe a simple apology should make everything better and life should return to normal.
Meredith was furious that Lisa cornered Seth. Seth says, “Lisa seems to be excusing but not taking accountability for it. Is it an apology, he asks, when your excusing the behavior.?
This was a good start. See you next week.
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Wednesdays on Bravo