Wife spills all the tea after 62 yo Hubby ditched her for 19 year old


John Copsey has ditched his wife Jacqui, 63, for 19-year-old Daisy Tomlinson (pictured, the pair together)
John Copsey was once the Conservative mayor of Bridlington, UK .  After over 30 years of marriage to his wife Jacqui he left her for his 19 year old mistress.  The two share a flat and he tells friends its the real thing and he wants to get married. 
The current Mrs Copsey said the saga has been a nightmare and that she feels they are a laughing stock and she spills the tea to the Daily Mail.
Daisy Tomlinson is 43 years younger than former mayor John Copsey.

 

John and Jacqui Copsey had been through a lot together. Their connection weathered jealously, divorce, children, an election and even a brain tumor. While it seemed like the couple who had drifted apart and found each other later in life were built to last, all it took was a pretty 19-year-old girl to tear them apart.

Charismatic, outgoing and larger than life, the electrical engineer with a passion for local politics was a popular choice in the East Yorkshire seaside town.

And John, looking distinguished in his mayoral robes and chains, took to civic duty like a duck to water. He never missed an official function, even though Jacqui, 63, was often too ill to join him as mayoress after treatment for a brain tumour.

A tireless charity-fundraiser, John, 62, let people try on his mayoral chains for a £1 donation to the local air ambulance and was a natural in front of the cameras.

John in mayoral robes and Jacqui as mayoress in 2015

John and Jacqui 2015

He and Jacqui, who first got together 38 years ago, were respected VIPs and regulars at the local yacht club and have a 34-year-old son who is first officer on luxury boat charters.

Jacqui was so proud of John. But not any more: today, she is devastated, humiliated and betrayed.

The whole town was scandalized when it emerged the former mayor had ‘ditched’ Jacqui for 19-year-old agricultural student Daisy Tomlinson — a young woman 43 years his junior.

It’s one thing to have to deal with your husband trading you in for a younger model, but another thing altogether when it’s for someone who’s young enough to be your granddaughter.

Splashed all over the papers were photographs of the new couple out and about, hand-in-hand, looking less — it must be said — like lovebirds than a teenager taking her doddery grandad out for the day.

‘I think he’s gone completely nuts,’ says Jacqui, still in shock by the sudden and tawdry end to her partnership with John.

‘He must have gone mad, because I can’t find any other way to explain it. He’s too old for a mid-life crisis.’

For Jacqui, the whole saga has been nothing short of a ‘nightmare’. She says she feels like a ‘laughing stock’ every time she leaves the house.

The love-struck pair, however, remain defiant.

Now sharing a flat with his teenage lover, Mr Copsey said after the scandal broke: ‘We are very much in love and intend to marry. You can put that down as our official engagement. There is nothing more to it.’

Daisy added: ‘We are very happy. We are at a loss why anyone is interested. It’s quite boring. My parents are happy. They say they are happy as long as I am happy.’

Mr Copsey, who met Daisy at a rock concert when she was only 17, insisted their friendship turned to romance only recently, adding that there was ‘no abuse of position’.

But in her first interview, wife Jacqui claims Daisy admitted she and John had been seeing each other once a week for the past two years.

Furthermore, Jacqui denies being ‘ditched’, saying that she kicked John out of the marital home last month after her attempts to reason with the star-crossed lovers fell on deaf ears.

When contacted by the Daily Mail, Mr Copsey  who though no longer mayor is still a town councilor said he had no further comment to make either on his relationship with Daisy or on anything his ex-wife has to say.

‘At first, I thought it was just a foolish schoolgirl crush which would fizzle out with time,’ says Jacqui, who now faces having to sell their jointly owned £235,000 three-bedroom home in a painful division of assets.

‘I don’t know how many times I said to John: “She’s only 19!” I thought he’d come to his senses and realize he was being a silly old fool, flattered by the attention.

‘John was a very good mayor and someone in his position shouldn’t have given her the time of day. It’s just crazy.

‘I can’t even begin to understand what she sees in him. I asked him: “What do you speak about? What do you have in common?” He just told me: “Oh, we get on very well.”

‘Perhaps it’s because she’ll just listen to him and not question anything, whereas I don’t. Or it’s the sex and his brain is in his crotch. I just don’t know.’

Jacqui says the couple’s son is horrified at his father’s behavior.

‘He says that even he, at 34, wouldn’t entertain going out with a 19-year-old,’ she says.

‘Even Daisy’s mother, at 49, is too young for John. The whole thing is ridiculous.’

Married in 1980, seven months after meeting in a nightclub, Jacqui admits her relationship with John has not been without problems.

In 1992, following a series of rows over what Jacqui calls John’s roving eye, they divorced. She claims he has always been ‘a ladies’ man’ and a ‘bit of a player’.

Nevertheless, in 1997 they reconciled after John’s second marriage broke down and Jacqui split from her policeman boyfriend. She says they had both realised they still loved each other.

The couple never got round to remarrying, although weddings were booked twice, but they had lived as man and wife ever since.

‘We just kind of drifted back together,’ says Jacqui. ‘We had a son, who was still a teenager, and I was feeling vulnerable after the death of my father from cancer. Our marital home was still in joint names. John was tall, good-looking and — despite being full of himself — a lively man to be with.

‘I thought it was better second time round, but now I think I was deluded and blinkered. I wish we’d never got back together.’

In 2011, shortly after John was elected to Bridlington council, Jacqui had an MRI scan to investigate loss of hearing and night-time seizures, and was shocked to be told she had a brain tumor.

John was so upset when I phoned him with the news,’ she recalls. ‘He had to pull over in the car he was crying so much.’

John was with her when she underwent radiotherapy in Sheffield to successfully treat the 2cm tumour, but the after-effects continue to this day.

Ever since, she’s suffered seizures, dizziness, tinnitus and extreme fatigue, forcing her to retire from nursing through ill-health.

John was elected deputy mayor in 2014, but Jacqui found herself unable to fully support him in his civic duties.

‘I remember John telling me after I was diagnosed with the brain tumour: “Don’t worry, Jacqui, I will stand by you,”’ she says. In 2015, three weeks before John was elected mayor, Jacqui collapsed at home following a massive seizure.

It was their son, who was home at the time, who called the ambulance.

‘I was so poorly, I was like someone with Alzheimer’s for a couple of weeks,’ she recalls.

‘I was on anti-epileptic drugs, which I shall be on for life, and steroids to reduce inflammation. The steroids caused me to put on three stone — not that I was bothered what I looked like — and my head felt full of polystyrene, but during that time John never dropped one civic engagement.’

Jacqui blames her illness for not noticing the warning signs sooner.

She says she knew Daisy only as a local teenager who belonged to a troupe of amateur performing artists, dressing up as trolls and wearing grotesque masks to entertain crowds at civic events and lark around for the cameras.

So no alarm registered when last year she saw a photograph of Daisy — minus her troll mask — posted on Facebook, showing her wearing John’s mayoral chains, with the caption: ‘Decided being mayor is not for me — I’m sticking to farming.’

‘One day John told me: “Oh, Daisy came up to me in the street and pinched my bum while I was talking to a gentleman.” And I replied: “Aren’t you the lucky one to have such a young admirer?”

‘I thought her a funny little thing, quite plain and nondescript, and I made a joke of it, because why on earth would such a young girl be interested in someone of John’s age? Later, at a civic lunch, I teased him and told everyone, “Oh John’s got a follower called Daisy” — and they started singing the song “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do, I’m half crazy over the love of you”.

 

‘John laughed it off and said: “I don’t know about Daisy, but you’re all crazy!”’

At a Dickensian festival at Christmas, Jacqui made a rare appearance with John and happily chatted with Daisy, telling the teenager she’d been poorly lately, but was feeling better.

But Jacqui’s suspicions were raised when, on Christmas Eve, John’s mobile phone kept ringing with calls from the teenager.

‘John told me Daisy just wanted some electrical advice because her grandad had been trying to fix their kettle and she was worried,’ says Jacqui.

‘I thought then it was a bit strange and wondered if she had a schoolgirl crush. Maybe that’s what it was in the beginning, but John should have had the control and decency not to follow it.’

Jacqui believed Daisy’s infatuation would quickly fizzle out if she ignored it, and claims John assured her that he, too, regarded it as a bit of a nuisance.

‘He told me Daisy was just a silly girl who wouldn’t leave him alone,’ she says. ‘He said he wished he’d never set eyes on her and was giving her the brush-off — and, more fool me, I believed him.’

But this year Jacqui found out John and Daisy had been on dates and had enjoyed a picnic together.

She then received a message — sent from a fake Facebook account — informing her that the pair were seeing each other behind her back.

There followed tears, rows, accusations and denials, so Jacqui decided to contact Daisy to ask what was going on.

‘I tried to reason with her, telling her: “Daisy, you’re young — your heart will soon mend. John is old enough to be your grandfather,”’ Jacqui says.

‘I thought maybe she was looking for a father figure, but she insisted that wasn’t the case.

‘She said that she was in love with John and he with her. I couldn’t believe it.

Daisy (pictured) said she was 'very happy' with Mr Copsey and that her parents were 'happy' with her relationship

Daisy (pictured) said she was ‘very happy’ with Mr Copsey and that her parents were ‘happy’ with her relationship

‘She told me: “I have messages that prove John told me he loved me and wants to be with me. I know I shouldn’t have got involved with him, but I fell in love with him deeply.”’

Jacqui opens her laptop and reads — in a flat, beaten voice — the text messages she says Daisy forwarded to her as proof of John’s love for her.

In one, John apparently tells Daisy he wants her to have his baby. He calls her his one love, his possession, his dream and — reassuring her she is not just a bit on the side — his future wife.

‘When I confronted John, he told me the text messages must have been doctored,’ says Jacqui. ‘I believed him at first, but I don’t see how they could have been.

‘I felt so hurt and angry, but I’m not a nasty person and I gave them both more leeway than I should have because Daisy was so young and naive.

‘I gave John chance after chance to end it, and he kept insisting that he had or that he was trying to.

‘He told me: “I’ve told her all sorts to put her off.” But, in the end, he just couldn’t do it — or he didn’t want to.’

Matters came to a head on Friday September 8 after John and Jacqui both attended a memorial at the yacht club, where an old friend’s ashes were being scattered.

Afterwards, they went into town together to have a drink and then get a takeaway to bring home, but ran straight into Daisy.

‘I took one look at her and instinct told me that the relationship wasn’t over. “You’re still together, aren’t you?” I said — and they both said “Yes”.

‘I was very calm, but the next morning I thought, “That’s it, Jacqui, enough is enough”, and chucked him out.

‘John moved into lodgings first, and then he and Daisy got a flat together.’

Today, relations remain strained, to say the least. Jacqui reckons it is only a matter of time before Daisy tires of her elderly fiance, and she says she wouldn’t be surprised if John asked if he could come home.

She says he recently sent her a text message, apologizing for all the upset and adding: ‘I understand you hate my guts, but I will help you in any way, shopping, financial, whatever you need.’

‘I do miss him and I don’t like being on my own, but I’d be a complete idiot to have him back,’ she says. ‘I can’t humiliate myself further.

‘I gave him all those chances. He didn’t have to do this.

‘I’d be unhappy if Daisy was 50 or 60, but the fact she’s only 19 makes it so horrible. She’s so young, and he’s old enough to know better.

‘It makes me wonder if John ever really loved me, or if he knows anything about love at all.’

 

From Daily Mail/UK

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He blabbed about their secret and she tried to mow him down in her Mercedes Benz


Image result for kATHLEEN DAVIS florida

Photo: Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office

This story has the ingredients to fill a segment on “Jerry Springer”

“Ready”

Jupiter Florida mom AND Mercedes Benz owner. 58 year old Kathleen Regina Davis

HAD an affair with her daughters husband !  Yes, Yess Yessssss

Her 33 year old son in law (soon to be EX) told her daughter of the affair!

Kathleen wants him to DIE!

She blames him for ruining her relationship with her daughter and she is beyond mad!

Image result for i live in denial

Someone is in denial

On Sept 20th 

She drove to his Crestdale Street home and allegedly tossed several eggs at his residence and vehicles.

Pissed!

Image result for pissed

When the Palm Beach Gardens police arrived, they saw Mommy in law driving in circles in the front yard of the house while attempting to hit her former lover with her Mercedes.

He told police he was nearly hit by the Mercedes “multiple times”

I wanted to run him over and I wanted him to DIE!!! is what Kathleen told Police.

Davis is facing a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill and was released from the Palm Beach County Jail on Sept. 22 after posting a $3,000 bond.

 

This sounds perfect for the ID channel

Related image

Murder by Mercedes 

Mercedes Dearest?

Bent by da Benz? 

These are all lame, So will end here.

Your Welcome

CityFella

Are You Datable or Are You a Fling?


Image result for korean Couple

Photo/Google

Our sex and relationships writer breaks it down

 

By:  Megan Drillinger/ Men’s Health

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to make relationships out of booty calls. Because all great relationships are built on a foundation of phenomenal sex and the occasional inside joke, right? (RIGHT?!) I mean, if you’re making me orgasm multiple times a week, why wouldn’t I want to keep you around long term and try to build a solid, lasting relationship with openness, honesty, and commitment. I can totally tell you’d be good at that while your head is between my legs…

Or so I though. Turns out, as I’m coming upon the crest of 30, just because he’s hot and his junk gets hard, doesn’t actually make him “boyfriend material.” Go figure. This may be the biggest lesson I’ve learned in my 20s. So what then does make a man a potential Mr. Right, versus a potential Mr. Right Now? And which of these two men do you want to be?

Click on the Link below for the rest of the story

http://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/datable-or-fling-what-women-think/slide/1

dating: THE CHECK


Image result for check for dinner

There was a time when the lines were clearly drawn, roles defined.   When it came to dating, it was the man who paid.  It was the man who decided where the couple was going to dine.

 This was pre Phil Donahue, and Murphy Brown.

After Donahue, there were some feminists who believed the man wasn’t obligated to pay and that equal rights meant just that, equal.   Separate checks leveled the playing field between men and women as some men believed dinner, obligated women.   On the other side, were the traditionalist, the man pays the man made the decisions. A women role was supportive as it was for their mothers and grandmothers.

It was a very confusing time, especially for men.   In the eighties, you never knew who who was paying until the check arrived. Was she a feminist or traditionalist?  Most men struggled with the notion of a women paying.  For some men, a women picking up the check was demoralizing.    For many years, my former wife would slip the money to me, my fragile ego wouldn’t allow her to pay in public.

The world has changed since Murphy Brown went off the air in 1998.  The internet and social media looms large in this new age.  However what hasn’t change  is who picks up the check on a date, especially the first date?

As in the eighties, there seemed to be more traditionalist then feminists who believed the man should always pick up the check.  It didn’t matter who earned more,the man paid.

There are some traditionalists in the gay community who believes the person who initiates the date pays.  There are many young gay men and women online who have never experienced dating. Preferring to wait to be asked out.

Susan Johnson Taylor’s “The Etiquette of Paying for Dates Today” ( For US News Magazine)  Who should pick up the check on a first date?  In a 2014 poll, three quarters of respondents men and women, said men should pay for the first date.

Many men want to treat and provide.  Some women expect to pay, while others feel diminished or less special if they aren’t treated to the date.  Its a conundrum.

Much of this is generational.  Younger daters are more equitable, sharing the cost more or talking about who is paying for what’ says psychotherapist Tina Tessina.  ” Older daters are more traditional , with the man paying more often, although even older women are likely to offer to pay then traditionally”

Those in the gay dating scenes don’t struggle as much with these concerns.  “Since there is less gender-enforced  expectation for one or the other to pay, gay and lesbian daters tend to share the responsibility by either splitting the check or by both at least offering to pay”. says Trish McMermott, dating adviser at LGBT online dating site OneGoodLove.com

Keep early dates low-key. Suggesting low-cost activities such as outdoor concerts or festivals for a first date relieves financial pressure, especially on guys who might be concerned about making less than their date or may not have the means for a lavish night on the town. “Some of the best first dates are the most simple, low-cost activities,” say Brenden Dilley, a Phoenix-based life coach. “If a man or woman suggests one of these, don’t take it as the other person being cheap or not taking you seriously – perhaps they just want an opportunity to spend more quality time with you and decide if there is a match.”

 Offering to pay shows good manners.  Instead of the “fake purse or wallet  grab,”  the other party  should ask, “May I help?” Now the ball is in the other person’s court. “He can say, ‘Oh no, I got this,'”  “Or, ‘Yeah, please get the tip. It’s $15.’ Or, ‘Your half is $30.'”

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CityFella

My first dates take place at a coffee house.  It can be a long evening once you’ve learned your not a match. Especially, before they’ve served the salad.    I order a small coffee, with an option for a second cup or dessert if there is a connection.  Half the time I pay for the coffee.    Thank you’s is crucial afterward, or in a text or preferably a voice call .  Even when the date isn’t successful, I call my date and thank them.

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After the first date (from Match.com) If you’re not comfortable with forking out, sensible dating advice would be to suggest that you pay half each once the first date is out of the way. If things are going well and you are both enjoying each other’s company, you may even find that your date pays for some elements of the date (such as entry tickets to a show or exhibition) whilst you pay for the drinks or food.

After the fourth or fifth date, you should be comfortable enough to take it in turns to pay for each date. Don’t worry about being the first to bring it up; he or she will be flattered that you’re keen to plan for future dates with her. Setting the tone for a happy, well balanced relationship early on is sound advice for successful dating.

Finally, if you’re still not sure about who should pay, here’s some final advice to prevent any potential dating faux-pas:

• In the initial stages of dating, try not to splash the cash too much as you’ll look too eager to impress and might give a false impression of your day to day lifestyle and what you can afford. Remember that charm and charisma go a long way and are far more important than the size of your bank balance.

• To avoid awkwardness, choose dates which don’t cost too much until you have an idea of each other’s financial limitations.

• Don’t talk too much about money in the initial dating stages. Our advice is to be subtle about this topic so you don’t come across as money obsessed!

• Remember on most outting your date will be looking for a genuine connection rather than at how much you earn. If money becomes a genuine problem on a date you should think about moving on to greener dating pastures.

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 Final Words From CityFella
If you waiting to be asked out, stop.   A cup of coffee is a cup of coffee.  Having a cup of coffee with a potential friend or partner beats being alone in front of a computer.  Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.  If your not a match its not a failure, you were simply not a match.  The success is leaving your comfort zone.
A sign of the times.  Many individuals have become prisoners of their PC’s, they have become fearful of the real world fearing rejection.  The reality is most people still meet people the old fashion way via social gatherings and referrals. The internet is a good source and just one place to meet people.
Its very difficult for some to convert online relationships into actual dates.  Here are a few tips.   If your looking to date, remove all sex from the conversation.  Get a feel if he or she are actually wants to meet.  If there a lot of hesitation or questions about after the date,there is more than a 80% they will flake.    Listen to their interest, are they looking forward to meeting you?
Once you’ve established a meeting time and location. Call a few days before the date to confirm.  Remember to listen..  Call  the day of.  Tell them your on your way and tell them your looking forward to meeting them,  and once again listen.    Bring a book, or your smartphone.   When they arrive, put down your book and turn off your smartphone and give an upbeat summary of who you are.  Full disclosure is overrated and overwhelming on the first date.    Carefully, listen to your date. DO NOT ASK WHY THEIR SINGLE AND ABOUT PAST RELATIONSHIPS.  Keep it light and breezy.
If your date flakes…..Stay, don’t leave, you didn’t fail. Order a dessert, look around.  The next date just may be in that Starbucks.  Read your book or turn on your smartphone.  Look around, enjoy your victory.  Don’t call the flake, no need to tell him or her off, its not worth your time because they weren’t worthy of you.    If you see someone who catches your eye and they are near.  Rave about your dessert, ask them if they’ve tried it.  If you not comfortable on this visit, you may the next.   On this day ,congratulate yourself, you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone.

 

Adventures in Dating: A man of a certain age


God has a sense of humor, when you were in your twenties with a perfectly firm body,  you didn’t appreciated it, you were too busy comparing yourself with someone else.     My twenties was a time of rebellion,exploration, and independence with major states of outrageous panic.  The mind of many twenty somethings are filled with Jello. My world was fantastically crazy.

Turning 40 was awkward,  I was 39 for three years.  In my head, I was 40 but my mind and mouth weren’t in sync.   I just couldn’t say 40 in a room full of strangers.

I celebrated turning 50.   I was looking forward to it. It was a milestone .  My father died at 42 and being overweight, I never thought I’d reach 50.   I was like a five year old holding up my fingers “I will be 50 in this many months”

But what did 50 mean?  Bulletproof polyester, with Velcro shoes?    I received an AARP application in the mail just before I turned 50.  (Now that I think about it, how did AARP know?)

Jane Fonda wrote fifty is the beginning of cruise control. Your view of life is much different than someone in their thirties and even forties..  At 50, you’ve been there and done that enough times, that life challenges rarely sends your world into a tailspin.

“50”

At fifty, my stretch marks were in the same places.  I still grunted as I tied my shoes and was still predisposed to uncontrollable farting after downing a vanilla large milkshake.

What ever 50 meant, I wasn’t ready for a fly swatter and elevator music in my car and I didn’t want to recapture my youth.  OMG that would be like a pencil in the eye.    So I lived my semi-normal life.

50 was like, a microwave bell going off, signaling to the youngsters that I was available. .   Suddenly, I was desirable to youngsters, many in their twenties.  While the attention was flattering, it also was very uncomfortable. I always had a negative view of old men dating youngsters. After all, I’m a father of grown children and what would they think?

Yes, while had a few friends dating outside their age pool, but that’s them not me.

The downside of fifty are the cracks, just as your mind is coming into its own, you have to worry about Acid Reflex. At 50, your a little more aware of the coughs. (is this the last one?)   Then there is the ever present concerns about your mortality. God has a devilish sense of humor.

Dating,Age is more than a number

Dating, someone near my age became challenging.  I found myself being interviewed, while I understood it  (You don’t  have time for the Bull Shit) It was uncomfortable, and where was the fun?   Younger people didn’t ask those questions, they were more in the here and the now.    So I dated a youngster.  This person convinced me ,they were tired of dating immature men and wanted someone who was settled.

Conversations were fun and light, until they became the dreams and frustration of a twenty something and when you had twenty something children, its like reliving a bad dream.

I learned a lot from the youngster, but sometimes I wanted someone who could relate to the events of a 50 year old.     Someone 26, may have had a full life, filled with a lot of experiences.  What they don’t have is the life experiences of someone 50 and that difference can be as wide as the Mississippi.

I love the energy, but I needed more than the 26 year old had to offer.

Seeing both sides, there are some challenges.   A 50 years old has seen that ,been there.   A 26 year old hasn’t.  To ask the 26 year old to assume the lifestyle of a 50 year old is unreasonable and a balance has to be found.  After dating the youngin, I dated someone near my age and found myself on a sofa watching three hours of Paula Dean.   There was no interest in going out.  Dancing, was out of the question and before I got an invite to a garden show, I was out of there.  For days, I fucking craved everything made of butter.

Dating someone your age, means your mortality is front and center looking back at you.   A truth that’s difficult for some 50 somethings and as a result they date younger people.

A friend turned 50 in March, and he is excited by the attention from the younglings.

Today, I am 61, I don’t know what my dating the future holds.  I’m still Velcro and polyester free. I can be found everywhere in Sacramento, from arcades and area dance floors.  I’m obsessed with tweeting and nearly all forms of social media.  I’m not actively trolling for children on a big wheels or avoiding baby boomers in mild pastels .  My dating circle has a wide range.  The urgency is gone, life is good.  I’m less concerned about age, figuring I will eventually end up with the person I’m supposed to be with.

Hello, I’m CityFella!

11 Signs You’re Not Emotionally Strong Enough For A Relationship


Whether most people want to admit it or not, it takes a certain amount of emotional strength to have a healthy relationship. It takes dedication, honesty, integrity, confidence, and, to a point, understanding when it’s time to walk away.

All those traits take strength to put into action, and without that strength, you’re going to end up ruining good relationships  Here are 11 glaring signs you’re not ready for a relationship.

By Ossiana Tepfenhart/ Your Tango.com

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1. You can’t be alone, even if the alternative is an abusive relationship.

The biggest thing that people don’t realize about emotional strength is that it takes a lot of strength to be alone in this world. It really does. If you can’t handle being totally solo, you’re at a very high risk of becoming totally codependent once you do end up with someone.

2. You feel like the only way you can be validated is via a relationship or through sex.

I’ve been there. As hard as it is to understand when you’re in that zone, seeking external validation isn’t doing you any favors. The fact is that putting all the power to make you feel happy and confident into another person’s hands is a horrible idea. At best, you may end up creeping out the person because you put them on such a pedestal. At worst, you’re going to end up in a bitter cycle of hatred and self-esteem bashing.

3. You’re legit afraid to speak your mind or be yourself.

Yes, there are definitely moments when it’s better to keep your mouth shut, but I’m not talking about those times when it’s just rude to say what you really think of your aunt’s casserole. I’m talking about the times where you don’t even want to admit to likingsomething or even feel like you need to copy other people just so that you could be liked.

That’s not healthy, and it’s a sign that you haven’t found yourself yet. If you don’t know who YOU are, then how can someone else like you?

4. You’re desperate.

As totally messed up as it is for me to say this, desperation is also a sign that you aren’t strong enough to be in a healthy relationship. The reason is because desperation makes us do crazy things — things that we really aren’t supposed to do, and we do it because we’re not strong enough to put our feet down and have standards.

5. You can’t say “no.

Yes, it’s nice to be agreeable, but that doesn’t mean that you should be a doormat.  Even in the happiest relationships , there will be points where you need to be able to say no. If you can’t do that, then there’s going to be problems down your path if you go into a relationship.

6. You can’t admit that you’re wrong.

This is a very, very bad trait to have and it’s  often indicative of a personality disorder. Unfortunately, a very large part of having any healthy relationship is being able to admit that you’re wrong, apologize, and try to make things better. If you can’t do this unless the person’s already walking away, there’s very little chance that you will be able to have a healthy, happy, normal relationship.

7. You also can’t communicate well with others. 

Do you have a tendency to bottle things up until you explode over something stupid? Do you stonewall others to get your way? Do you flip out at people on a regular basis? Or, do you pout and whine when you don’t get your way? If so, then this is a problem that may have already impacted your relationships in the past.

These kinds of communication methods aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship with anyone, and what’s worse is that they may even come off as abusive. What’s odd about this is that it also tends to be a problem that comes from a need to always be right. Before you get into your next relationship, you may need to fix this problem.

8. Most people have called you selfish.

Generally speaking, being selfish isn’t a bad thing. However, if you don’t have empathy for others and can’t care for anyone but yourself, then there’s something wrong here. Sadly, being too selfish is a sign that you may not be strong enough to make a relationship work.

9. You’re angry and bitter at men.

 

Technically, anger doesn’t make you emotionally weak. However, it does make things way harder to do right by them. In fact, you may even get tempted to slam them just because you can. It’s not a good look, and it’s a sign that you may need to heal before you try again with someone else because you are definitely not ready for a relationship.

10. You have a serious issue that you need to deal with — but won’t.

We all have issues, but how well we actually get on in life will depend on how well we handle it. If you’re ignoring problems, they will multiply. You may want to work things out before you dive in.

11. You can’t take rejection.

If you honestly can’t take rejection, then you probably are not ready for a relationship. After all, there will be times when your partner can’t or won’t want to be around you. So, perhaps it’s time to work on yourself before you try to get with someone else?

Texting: Is It Ever Okay to Dump Someone Via Text?


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“I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me—”

Experts weigh in on tech etiquette for saying sayonara to a relationship.

From: You Beauty.com

That’s how Berger broke up with Carrie Bradshaw via a Post-It note on an infamous episode of Sex In the  City  back in 2003. A decade later, he likely would have done it through a text message, instant message, email or heck, even Twitter. But is it really wise to break up with someone in so few words and through such an impersonal form of contact?

“All you have to do is ask yourself if you want to be ‘that person,’ ” YouBeauty relationship expert David Sbarra, Ph.D., argues.

That said, there are cases in which you can absolutely tidily end things via text. First and foremost, if the person has been a real jerk, feel free to curtly cut them loose. Or “[after] one or two dates, then perhaps it’s not a big deal, especially if texting is one of the main ways you communicate,” Sbarra advises.

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When dating, Dana*, 37, relies on texting her beaus. It makes her feel bolder in the beginning and also, in the end. She has no problem letting go of guys she’s casually dating via text, and on occasion, she’ll even hand over her phone to a good friend to draft the farewell message.

Dana argues, “Why look someone in the eye foran uncomfortable conversation when you don’t have to?”

But karma believers beware: Even though breaking up via text is as easy as typing “C U l8er,” it’s not good form. “This is about showing respect for the other person,” Sbarra points out. “I cannot respect you in 150 characters—it just doesn’t work.”
Stephanie*, 31, was dating a guy for six months when he decided to go on a European vacation and send her an email that he didn’t want to keep seeing her when he got back.

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“At the time, I wished he would have approached me more directly,” she recalls. “Breaking up via email or text is cowardly. It allows the person to keep a shield of supposed strength, when in fact it really only disguises weak characteristics.”

Without the chance to get answers, the dumpee can go into a tailspin of whys and what ifs in an attempt to get the closure they crave. We’ve all heard it takes two to tango, so isn’t it only fair that it takes two to break up?

“[Dumping someone] is easier to do in writing, that’s for sure,” notes Sbarra. “And, that’s why so many people do it this way. [A face-to-face break up] might well be hurtful and painful, but that’s part of the pageantry of life.”

Benjamin Le, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Haverford College and co-founder of the  Science of Relationships,  would even argue that dumping someone via email or text is actually harder for the dumpee to cope with than saying it to his or her face. “The key [part of a break up] is to give and get closure,” Le notes. “The uncertainty of not knowing why a relationship has ended is one of the problems with a short and impersonal breakup.”

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Anika can relate. The 28-year-old, who had already suffered through a break up via a Post-It note (guess that old boyfriend didn’t have HBO), was dumped by another boyfriend via email. They had been together for almost a year and although in the emails he explained that it wasn’t her fault per se and that he just needed space, she still struggled with the break up because she hadn’t got the chance to talk it through with him.
Anika was finally able to move on, but “only after I told myself that person no longer existed and wiped them from my memory.”

If she could do that break up again and have it her way, Anika thinks she might choose to save the time of a face-to-face meeting and have the conversation over the phone. “At least with a phone call it can be done from the comfort of my own home,” she reasons.Image result for break up texts

But perhaps the only thing worse than a tactless dumping is no dumping at all. Le points out that study after study has shown that “one of the most hurtful things that one person can do to another is ignore them or give them the cold shoulder.”

With that in mind, Le insists that if you aren’t interested in pursuing a relationship with someone, you have to at least send a polite response text or email declining his or her invitation or communication. It’s absolutely your prerogative to want to break up. You’re not a villain, unless you allow yourself to be cruel with your words or by sticking with the silent treatment.

So when you’re just not feeling it after a couple of dates, Sbarra suggests a simple text will suffice like, “John, I don’t think this is going to work out for us. I am sorry. I wish you the best. Take care.”
Now if you’re on the receiving side, you can still take closure into your own hands. If you receive a beep on your smart phone that turns out to signal a break up message, you have every right to hit reply.
Sbarra says, “Why not send something like, ‘What’s the story? Wanna talk …  like, for real talk?’” And hopefully, you’ll get the closure you need to move on to bigger and better things.