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Opinion: Oprah for Prez?


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Who doesn’t love Oprah?   I think you have to look for far and wide to find someone who hasn’t heard of her.    She is compassionate and inspiring.  Her quiet humanitarianism is astounding.    Her speech on Sundays Golden Globes  may have been her best ever.

The argument for Winfrey is image.  In 2020, America will need an Ambassador to restore the damage done by President Trump.   The argument against is the absence of political experience.

We currently have an experiment in office and the majority of the Jury say’s he isn’t working out.

 

The world of politics is ugly and brutal. Citizen Winfrey knows of the ugliness. Politician Winfrey has never experienced it.   If Oprah, could bypass our election system she would be President today.   But she can’t, in the months leading to November 2020 her brand will be tarnished.   The opposition will find something that will stick.

I”m one of the millions worldwide who love Oprah Winfrey, an incredible human being.   As much as I love her, I don’t believe she is qualified to be our next president.

CityFella

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Before I Do: Why History Matters


His or Her Past, may have a major impact on your future as a couple

Sex and the Heart has ruined many relationships because they often distract from reality.    

The heart wants one thing and one thing only, love.   The heart is hopeful, it tells the brain to overlook what it sees because love concurs all.

The euphoric feeling after sex has led to many spontaneous marriages, where virtual strangers have married.

But what do you really know about this person?  Of course, the feeling with this person is unlike any you’ve experienced.  And you have bared your souls, but what do you really know about this person other than they make your heart pound?

Were going to exlore some topics you should consider before moving in or saying I do.

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___________________

Money

1 Us Bank Note

It’s not as sexy as infidelity, but most people divorce over (control) MO-NAY!

You’ve moved away from home, your making a living and you buy what you want, when you want it!    No one can tell you want to do or buy your-your own person.  Now your married or living with someone and now you have to compromise, have limits to how you spend your hard earned mo-nay.  Its a challenge for most relationships.

If you enjoyed his spontaneity while your where dating.  Trips to Las Vegas or Paris, gifts just because…. the best seats and restaurants.  Your view of him may dim after marrying him when he can’t pay the mortgage.

If your partner likes the finer things in life…..clothes, jewelry and cars, this unlikely to change after I do.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this as long as the two of you are on the same economic page(A meeting of the minds) before you move in together or marry.

Asking to see their portfolio may be a wee bit invasive 

Image result for signs signs read the signs

1.Does he or she buy clothes, jewelry, parts for the car every weeks.  The priority is things. For some of these people, the future is the future, they believe they work hard and should have things to make them happy.  The downside, these people rarely have substantial savings.  So if saving for a home, retirement or for a rainy day is important to you. This may not be your life mate. 

  1. Have they moved a lot, say four or five times in the last three years in the same area This is often an indication of instability.  If there are flaws in the home, neighborhood  this person moves.  It also may mean he/she has difficulty paying his rent. 

3. Do they spend a lot of time online showing you things they are interested in purchasing? See #1

  1. Are they are over 30 living with family members?  A lot of us fall on hard times.  However,there are a few who are repeat offenders.(approach with caution)  If you see a future with this person. Wait until he or she lands completely on their feet (3 or 4 years) AND WHAT EVER YOU DO? DO NOT OFFER FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE!
  2. Is your potential mate always running short of money, or juggling money! Warning!    Eventually they may ask you for financial assistance OR you may want to help.  Dont!!!

DO NOT:  Co sign for anything, add them to your phone plan, open joint accounts/merge accounts.  Issue Credit cards Offer to rescue them and should they ask you for financial assistence within the first six months!  RUN FAST! RUN FAR!      

There is a reason they have bad credit, a reason they came to you instead of a friend or family member they have known much longer.(What do those people know, that you don’t?) 

Turn down your heart.  You may want to help -but take a moment.  If your partner is having financial problems now. When you marry or move in, you inherit their financial problems and those problems are often much greater than you anticipated.  In the long term, this may affect your credit and limit your abilty to purchase a home or buy a car.?                                        __________________

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“Our friendships is often a reflection as to who we are as person”  

Long term relationships often indicate stability.  How does he or she interact with his friends? Is there joy or ongoing conflicts? (Not to be confused with disagreements)  Is he or she short tempered with his friends?

Image result for signs signs read the signs

  1. Anytime he or she talks about their friends or family its nearly always negative.  She or he may be projecting or have a negative view of the world.
  2. They never talk about their friends. Not a good sign, has she or he burned their bridges? Wanted by the police?  Ask questions! 
  3. After a year, you have never met more than one of his or her friends.  See#2
  4. Has a trail of severed friendships. Impatience, anger.  He/she hasn’t attacked you yet? Give it time!  Run! 
  5. Rude to their friends.  If she or he will eventually be rude to yours See#4

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Are you in sync with your partner? This is the conversation that most couples avoid.  Sometimes out of fear and other well, love will fix it.   The truth is, love isn’t enough. Its very complicated as it has many moving parts.  Are you on the same page politically?  For most marriages this isn’t a deal breaker but for a special few, it could be.

Deal breakers! (Disccusions you MUST have before the committment)

Children?   If children is very important to you.  You need to know if your potential life partner is on the same page.  DON’T ASSUME,ask?   Don’t make a deal with the devil hoping that he or she might eventually change their minds. If he or she has children, do you like them?  What is your relationship with them?  Will they live with you?  The reality is they will be a part of your lives.  If your partner children do not like or respond to you.  The relationship will suffer.

Religion?  Similar to the issue of children.   Can your coupling survive a different Religion?  If there are children.  What religion?  This could affect relationships with in the families. 

Family?  Is your partner a caretaker? Elderly or disable family members who require his time?  Will they live with you?   

( A week after their honeymoon, her husbands friend and two siblings moved in with them?)

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The heart says, if I love hard enough.    If I believe.   Love will find a way to make it better.  If this is you.  I suggest you talk to a few divorced individuals before making a commitment.    Relationships take time and requires ongoing maintenance.

Early on in the relationship its not uncommon to feel as if we are overthinking  relationships, but there are important signs we cant afford to overlook.  The first time your hit.   If their drinking and recreational use of alcohol and drugs make you uncomfortable.   The second time they disrespect you.  The first time they asked you for assistance.  Do they value you?

There are no guarantees in life, but trust what you see and hear.

 History matters.

CityFella

 

daring to listen (Political Addition)


 

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Lets be clear the nation IS divided.  It’s Democrats against the Republicans and Fox News against other cable networks.

The polarization between the two parties has grinded our government to halt, our government isn’t working.  Most of the states have closed primaries not only binding the hands of voters but severely limit the reach of politicians.

The polarization has spilled over into our daily lives with some Democrats believing  Republicans are inherently evil and Republicans believe Democrats are attempting to eliminate traditions and values they hold dear.

At a resent social event, a gentleman announced his family would LEAVE if there were any Republicans there.

She watches MSNBC and can’t be trusted.  He’s clearly a right winger, because he watches Fox News, they all are.

Throughout my travels it’s not uncommon for people I know to say.  Why are you going there?  Its dangerous for black people or I wouldn’t visit that state because they are (fill in blank)  The reality is most of these people who have developed these strong opinions have never visited these places.  Or get all their information from one source.   They make their decisions based on rumors or wise tales ” I know this women who went there and “

If its printed it has to be true.

It isn’t difficult to manipulate people who rely on one source for their information. Fewer people read newspapers today, the credibility of the stories created by the organization. can damage that organization.

There is no such standard online.     An blog say Sacratomatoville post can create a story and that can be shared with millions of people within minutes.  Only a very small segment on social media fact checks a story with a few established media outlets they simply share the story.

Last year a blogger created at story that accused Hillary Clinton was running  a child sex ring out of a Pizzeria in Washington DC. One man was arrested for firing a gun into the restaurant.  A poll conducted by Public Policy Polling on December 6–7, 2016, asked 1,224 U.S. registered voters if they thought Hillary Clinton was “connected to a child sex ring being run out of a pizzeria in Washington DC?” The poll showed that 9% said that they did believe she was connected, 72% said they did not.     The Russians were very astute as there are millions of Americans who get most of their news via social media, manipulation isn’t difficult.

Everyday People

Last year I visited 17 states .  I left the interstate and got lost on the smaller highways and roads linking rural communities. Visited places like Ozuna,Texas, Missoula, Montana, and Clines Corners, New Mexico.  You get a good sense of what the community issues are at local a non-chain restaurant.  Where some of the locals gather everyday, you hear their opinions about local and national issues.

One man in a restaurant  didn’t see me in the diner in Sweetwater Texas when he said “that Nigger Obama has ruined his country.  While he didn’t didn’t noticed the 6.4 350 pound black man, everyone else did.   One waitress said, she thought he was a good man .   Most of the conversations ended in the restaurant as the patrons waited  for my reaction.   I continued to read my book and eventually things returned to normal.

The man who made the comment, stood by my table and slowly apologized for calling Obama  a nigger.  He just didn’t like him, he was too high and mighty.  He wanted to take away  guns from good law biding people. He has had a gun since he was six year old.  Everybody in his town did, its how people lived in small towns.  He made it clear that he didn’t hate black people and he wasn’t prejudiced or anything like that .  He knew all black people voted and loved Obama.  He just didn’t like all things he changed around, notably “Gay Marriage.  He said, he didn’t hate the gay people, he just believed marriage was between a man and a women.   He said he had no faith in the Supreme Court because they get everything they want and they ignore God believing people.

Before we knew it, he was sitting at my table exchanging views.   He knew I was from California because of my accent and that I was educated because I sound like the blacks on TV.      We talked about Gay Marriage, crime, Donald Trump ,  black lives matter (he supported Ted Cruz and had a thought Ben Carson was a decent black man) .

I learned the world was moving too fast for him.  He grew up in a world a personal checks and pay phones.   Throughout the conversation he kept apologizing for saying nigger in my presence.  It was Black people who helped pull big truck out of the mud during a downpour.  Even though he will never visit California, especially San Francisco.  We sort of had a meeting of the minds. That gay people being married wont affect him or his family.  We learned from each other, no opinions were changed but we both left with greater understanding and respect.

I met many amazing people in 2016 in places I wouldn’t imagined and made a few friends along the way.   My only agenda was to listen, not to convert.  Every person, town or community has a story.  Being a very curious person, I simply wanted to hear the story.

In 2018, I hope to have an extended visit in the south and to visit Appalachia.

“Dare to Listen”

I believe its important to hear the other side.     We can learn from many things from anyone at anytime.  If we dare to listen freely and without judgement.

Until enough of us are willing to hear the other side , we will continue to be divided.

CityFella

 

Forgiveness: Impossible?


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Photo: Google

At fifteen, Alice knew she wanted a different life. Her mother was overbearing and very religious, demanding every one attend church.  Her mothers world revolved around church.  She and her younger sister went to church several times a week.  She couldn’t go to he movies, she wasn’t allowed to listen popular music or secular. She had a better relationship with her dad, when see saw him, he had three jobs.  He was easier to talk too as long as her mother wasn’t present.   The relationship between her mother and father seemed distant, their lives were very different.

In High School, she met a boy and fell in love, the boy played football and very popular in school, however his life was very different than hers.   He family was middle class and she had a younger sister.  He had eight other siblings who lived with various family members.  There was no relationship with his mother or father and he and his two sisters lived with his grandmother in a very small apartment across town.    While both her parents worked, his grandmother received aid.  He worked part time at a hamburger stand near his grandmothers apartment.

She and her boyfriend were inseparable.  Just after her 17th birthday she learned she was pregnant.  When she told her mother, her mother demanded that the two marry before the child was born.  ‘

They had a son.   The couple lived seperatley until he found a better job at a hosptial where they were able to afford a small aparment.

Neither of them was prepared to be a family.  She wasn’t prepared to be a mother and he wasn’t prepared to be a husband or a father.    Over time their disagreement turn violent. To escape the violence, she spent extra time with her mother, at one point her mother said she should work it out with the father of her son as it was better to have a man then to be a single mother. Her advice to her daughter was to learn not to make him mad.

By the time she was 19, she had two more children a boy and a girl.   The violence increased, her husband resented being  a young father.  She resented being at home with the children while her friends were going out to the movies and dance clubs.   Over time the violence subsided,

Her husband was having an affair and rarely home.  She didn’t miss him, when they were together there was constant arguing over the simplest of things and the children seemed happier when he was away.  The one day she would see him was on Fridays.  He dropped money for the family.    She had an affair with the clerk at supermarket where she shopped and became pregnant.  The man offered her a better life but wasn’t interested in supporting another mans children.

One day she dropped off her three children with her mother and never returned.

The two moved out of state and started a new life. Without getting a divorce from her first husband, she married again.  This man did not hit her or raised his voice.  In short order, the  couple went on to have four children, one after the other.  To save money for their own home, they moved in with his mother.

Like her mother, his mother was overbearing.  Everything had to have her approval and that included, what she wore and how the children were raised.  Her husband never questioned or challenged his mother.

Alice always wanted to go to college.  When she told her mother in law she wanted to go to college, her mother in law said no.  Her job was to be a mother and a wife. She said her son would never agree to it.

Alice  knew her husband would never go against his mother.  So she found a job at a local store.  She thought with the job and paying her mother in law to watch the children, she might agree.   He  mother in law refused.  A good friend lent her $300 and with the money she was able to pay for the first semester of college and pay for childcare.

One day, her husband asked to speak to her outside.  Once outside he slapped her and demanded that she quit school and her job.   She refused.   Fresh from the slap,  mother in law said, he should have put you in your place a long time ago.    “You are nothing and if didn’t obey her son ,she and her son would take the children away form her.

Weeks later,  she returned from work to find an empty house.   Everything was gone including her belongings   She stayed at her friend  until she was able to find a room to rent  near her job.  Once a week she would go by the house.  Her heart ached for her children, when she called her husbands job, they told her he hadn’t reported to work.

Several weeks later, she walked by the house and looked inside.  It was like she had never left everything was in its original place.   When she knocked on the door, there was a lot of commotion in the home.    When the door finally opened it was her mother in law who gave her a large white envelope and closed the door.    She pushed back on the door began knocking loudly she called for her husband and children.   Inside she could hear the children  crying and calling for her.  She ran to the back of the house hoping to find an open door, she tapped on the windows hoping to see one of the children.

As she was running around the house, she ran into a police officer who asked to speak to her in the front of the home.    Another officer was talking to her mother in law with her husband  standing silent.   One of the police officers said, they were told she disappeared after having a mental breakdown and was a danger to the children.

What the officers didn’t know her husband had filed for divorce saying that she abandoned the marriage.  They told her she was not to return to the home, if she returned she could be arrested after she.  In the envelope was the divorce papers.

The court appointed an attorney to represent her.  Her husband had an outside attorney and currently had full custody of the children.  She was asking for visitation since she only had a room in someones home.    The court awarded her supervision, and on the first outing, her children were quiet.  Her oldest child was told  she didn’t’ want them, she wanted a new family, the other children started crying as she tried to reassure them, it wasn’t true.   Her other daughter began screaming she wanted to go home, the other children started crying.  Defeated, she left sobbing and never asked to see the children again.

She finished college with a four year degree.  She took a job as representative for a Pharmaceutical company.   She quickly went up the ranks and took a job on the west coast.  She didn’t contest the divorce and her husband had full custody of their children.

Many years have past without seeing any of her children.   Though her friend, her eldest child reached out to her.  Alice cried, but what would she say to him?  She wrote back to him and said told him she loved him but was unable to meet at this time.

As time past, she thought about her children frequently.  She often fantasize about seeing them all together.  But they all probably hated her.  She could understand their hatred.  What kind of mother would abandon her children?   And what if she reached out to them?   The first husband like the second had probably poisoned their minds, turned the children against her and what could she tell them without offending them and hurting them any further.

She dated, but never seriously, her focus was on her career where she was very successful.  She owned a home in Washington and one in Arizona.  At 43, she learned she was pregnant. She struggled with the idea keeping the child, she believed she was a terrible mother and she didn’t want to damage the life of another child.   However, this time she didn’t know who the father was and no one could take this child away from her and this time she was going  to be the best mother in the world to this child.

Her pregnancy was challenging ,she was forced to go on bed rest.    The child came into the world healthy .   She took a less demanding job, with the company so she could dedicate her time with her daughter.  In her forties, not only was she a different person she was a different parent.   Over time her daughter wanted to know about her father, she kept it real and said, she didn’t know.

Through the years her daughter became angry and resentful , if she had a dad, she might have a sister or a brother.   The anger grew intense through the years and one day without warning, she told her daughter, she had brothers and sisters.    This enraged her daughter who now demanded to meet them.

One day, she sat her fourteen year old daughter down and told her the full story.  How she abandoned her first three children and how her other four children were taken away from her.

The fighting ended between to two of them.  The two rarely spoke.  Her daughter said when she turned eighteen, she would move away from her mother and  probably never see her again.  Her daughter was a straight A student and had two jobs.  She saved her money and was determined to be free of mother in every way.

Meanwhile she wanted to meet her siblings. She demanded that her mother did whatever it took to contact her siblings.   For the first time she was forced to face her life.  Her daughter didn’t care if her siblings hated her mother. After all could you blame them?

Her mother slowly drifted into a deep depression. She was overwhelmed with a reality that she placed somewhere.  She was unable to work and sought help.  The home in Washington was sold and they relocated to Arizona permanently.   The move was especially difficult on her daughter who was more determined than ever to separate herself from her mother.

Alice’s  therapist told her she  would eventually need to meet with all of her children,  One child at a time for her life to move forward.   She would told to simply listen with no expectations of a relationship.  She needed to know how her actions affected her children .

She first reached out to her eldest who was now in his late thirties.   He did not respond to her letter.   She wrote him again and ask if he would give her number to his brother and sister.

With the help of an investigator she located two of her children with her second husband.

Two her surprise, her youngest daughter with her second husband called her and said she wanted to meet her. Through the younger daughter she was able to reach out to her other children she hadn’t seen in nearly 20 years.

She flew her daughter out to Arizona, on route to her home, her daughter asked her for ten thousand dollars.  She needed the money because she had fallen on hard times.  When she said she didnt have it, because she too had fallen on hard times, her daughter demand that she’d be taken back to the airport, after all she owed her this for what she did to her and that she would never see her other siblings and her grandchildren.

Over time she did see some of her children.   All where curious, and all were angry and hurt.  Some of the anger manifested into rage, and this rage effected their relationships with the men/women and children in their lives.

Some of the children had alcohol and drug issues.  A lot of her children simply learned to live without her.  They attached themselves to mother figures, aunts, grandmothers, mothers of friends. Some where no longer angry. others were enraged.  Some despite their successes in life had abandonment issues.

Her youngest child successfully met most of her siblings.  Some resented the relationship she had with their mother.  Others greeted her with open arms.  The youngest kept her promise, she moved away from Arizona and started a new life in Chicago without her mother.  His hurt her mother deeply. Despite the issues between them, this was the one constant relationship in her life.

Twelve years has gone by.   A child wanting to see his grandmother reconnect them. Her mother, now in her seventies is different, shes frail but stronger.   Other siblings now in their forties and fifty have connected with their mother.  Their relationship are friendly and cautious.

Some of the siblings resent the other sibling who are contact with the mother.  They feel what their mother did was unconscionable. After all a mother fights for her children, she didn’t.  it didn’t matter is she was embarrassed and guilt ridden, she is the mother, it her her duty to find her children!

In my opinion, the mother was awful and self centered. She abandoned three small children and didn’t fight for four others.

We will never know why, she did what she did.  If I were one of her children, would anything she said would be acceptable?  I don’t know?

As we grow older we learn the world is less black and white and more grey.    Some of us can look back at our lives, and look at the mistakes we made.  None of our lives unfolded as planned.  We  have misspoke, been self centered at times and over time we become are less judgmental and possibly more forgiving. Possibly because we were able to look at our own shortcomings. Perfection is a myth, if you are a parent your children are often mirrors.   You want to look away, but you cant.

Most of us survive horrific moments in our lives.  Some of us take longer to heal.  Other choose not to heal, to move forward, for some reason they need to relive the event.

There are many who believe it isn’t healthy to hold on to anger.  After it is history, that can never change.   Some of us as painful as it was can chalk it up as a lesson.   However some of us need the anger and resentment.  Need to relive the hurt.   Hopefully in time that person might choose to examine the anger and its importance.   The question is how do I benefit from the anger?

There is an assumption that the perpetrator is without,guilt or shame.  The reality is most are.  They live with the guilt of their misdeeds, often for a lifetime.

I  suspect the children who forgave their mother are living healthier lives. It is a nearly impossible hurdle and I’m sure it took time and reflection to get over that hurdle.  Its quite possible they have children and like most of us made mistakes rearing their children.

 

Forgiveness is possible, if its something you want.

CityFella

 

 

 

John McCain: Honor at no extra charge


My mother said dont, send me flowers after I’m gone.  For months,I had planned to write about Senator John McCain a man I have admired since 2008.  Being the master procastinator I am, I’ve waitied until what could be his final days.

Perhaps service wasn’t an option for John Sidney McCain III.  His father,   John Sidney McCain jr and his grandfather John McCain Sr were Admirals.   Everyone knows of his heroic service, capture and torture by the Vietnamese.

I became a fan of John McCain in 2008 when he was running against Barack Obama.  After defeating Hillary Clintion in the primaries, I chose to support Obama.

I always loved politics.  Politicians generally play it safe, playing to audience where they have support.  John McCain got my full attention when he visited Memphis Tennessee to commemorate the death of Martin Luther King Jr.      Congressman McCain, voted against establishing a holiday for Dr King, saying it wasn’t nessarary to have another federal holiday, it was too expensive and other “President’s ‘ weren’t recoginized.  In fact, Arizona did not honor the holiday until in 1993.

So there he was in Memphis, courting black voters, having a press conference at the Lorraine Motel where Dr King was killed.   There he was in hostile territory being booed and heckled.  He said he was wrong for voting against the holiday.

Now some may say his trip to Memphis was a desperate attempt to woo black voters, others a photo opt.   But I don’t remember a single politician attending an  event where he knew, he would face an hostile audience.  John McCain did!

   I later learned he often stood alone. This was evident at a rally where one of his supporters said “I can’t trust Obama. I have read about him,  he’s an Arab.”  Most politicians would have been silent.   But the Gentleman from Arizona corrected her.  He said his opponate was a decent family man, a citizen that he just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues.   “He is a decent person and a person that you do not have to be scared of as President ,”  “If I didn’t think I’d be one heck of a better President I wouldn’t be running, and that’s the point. I admire Sen. Obama and his accomplishments, I will respect him. I want everyone to be respectful, and let’s make sure we are. Because that’s the way politics should be conducted in America.   

This wasn’t well received by members of his campaign committee and members of his party. In fact, he was bood by some of his supporters in the audience.

I began following the man who was often a thorn for some in his party.  A man who was well respected on both sides of the aisle.

The Senator, the Gentleman from Arizona, stood alone aganist his party as he was one of the few who challenged our current President.  His loyality to the people outweighed his loyalty to his party.    

Again, some might say its personal.  The candidate said he wasn’t a hero.  But those who know McCain, say’s it isn’t personal, its John McCain.

These are ugly times in the nation, our leaders have openly participated in dividing a nation.  It’s grade school , where if your his friend, he can’t be mine! Leaders of the parties have said you will NOT be seen socializing or talking to members of the other party.

John McCain(Republican) and former Vice President Joe Biden’s(Democrat) friendship has lasted nearly 40 years

A few months ago, he was diagnosed with an aggressive tumor called glioblastoma a brain tumor.   It was the same tumor that took Biden’s son Drew in 2015.

Biden appeared on ” The View” Wednesday.  McCain daughter Megan is one of the panelist.   Taking her hand he said “One of the things that gave Beau courage was John. You may remember, when you were a little kid, your dad took care of my Beau. Beau talked about your dad’s courage. Not about the illness, but about his courage.”

Vice President Biden,breifly talked about his best friend, the disagreements they’ve had through the years and how solid that friendship is today.

The days have been difficult for the McCain family. After the dianoses, others may have retired, but they aren’t John McCain.   Staffers senses he’s tired, but he smiles and tells jokes.

I have long admired mavericks, individuals who aren’t rubber stamps.  There aren’t enought of them.  It inst easy to stand alone and disagree.  It takes a lot of courage. There are few John McCains in the world.  I hope he survives for personal reasons.  America needs him RIGHT NOW!

I try not to live my life assuming.  Assuming that they know.   Using real words, I tell my family and those in my circle I care for them, I love them.   As my mother said, at the funeral its a bit late.  

This is simply a check list for me, all self serving.   I will never meet Senator McCain and he will never see this blog about him and how much I admire him as an invidudual.   All the best to him and his family.

   Check!

CityFella

A surprising number of adults are still scared of the dark and check for monsters under their bed


A shocking 64 per cent admit to still being scared of the dark in a new poll (Image: Getty)

According to a new poll, 17% sleep with a light on while 18% jump into bed with their kids if they’re too scared to sleep alone. A staggering 64% of British adults admit they are still scared of the dark, according to a new study.

Researchers discovered that nearly two thirds of the nation dislike putting the lights out at bedtime, while 36% regularly get the feeling someone or something is in the room with them.

As many as one in five (20%) of the 2,000 adults polled by sleep experts Bensons for Beds said they regularly check under the bed for lurking monsters and close cupboard and wardrobe doors before they get into bed.

Nearly two thirds hate putting the lights out at bedtime (Image: Getty)

A further 17% sleep with a light on most nights of the week.

The new poll comes days after a  John Lewis Christmas Advertisement which sees loveable Moz the Monster befriend little boy Joe after he sets up home under his bed.

But according to Bensons’ research, not everyone is expecting a friendly monster – as the average adult wakes up at least twice a month feeling scared that something creepy and untoward is hiding in the room.

One in five admitted to checking their beds, cupboards and wardrobes before bed (Image: Getty)

Almost half (48%) said they have an overactive imagination, which leads to them feeling scared and frightened of the smallest sounds and noises.

In fact, 22% of the nation confessed they do not like to poke their foot out from underneath the duvet in case something grabs it, while a quarter of adults believe they have seen a mysterious shadow in their bedroom.

WATCH THE 2017 JOHN LEWIS CHRISTMAS ADVERT IN FULL

The survey showed 18% of parents have even hopped into bed with their children as they were too scared to sleep alone.

In fact, women are the most likely to suffer, with 53% of women saying they are scared to be in the house alone compared to 25% of men.

Henry Swift, Chief Customer Officer at Bensons for Beds said: “This research highlights that some of the fears and insecurities we have as children, stay with us well until adulthood.

“Whilst it’s sensible to double and triple check doors and windows are locked securely, there is probably little need to check the wardrobe or under the bed for monsters, but at some point we have all felt nervous during the night when we hear a floorboard creak or can’t make out a shadow clearly.

36% regularly get the feeling someone or something is in the room with them (Image: Getty)
When it comes to worrying about things that go bump in the night, the most common time for adults to become alarmed is 2:30am.

Four in ten adults regularly peer out from behind the bedroom curtains to check no one is lurking outside – however there is safety in numbers as one in five adults even drag their other half to the toilet with them if they have to spend a penny during the night.

como estas


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I’m a Californian, lived here most of my life.  I’ve had Mexican/Latin friends all of my life

Roommates, housemates, friendships, spanning decades. Our families are interchangeable.   Recently, returning from LA , I called a friend to tell him I was planning to visit his family in Tulare on my way home.  After, I arrived, he told me, his abuela, who is in her nineties cooked throughout the night for my visit.  I still have her delicacies in my freezer.

I met Roberto, my first year of school in Fresno.  I struggled the first few months on my own.  With the exception of my mother in the Bay Area, no one knew of my dire situation.  The only food on my shelves was spaghetti, no meat, no sauce, just pasta and salt until my next pay check.

His family lived in Corcoran, a small city in Kings County.  On my first visit, everyone in his very large family was warm except for the old lady in the green chair (his abuela) I later discovered I was the families first black visitor and abuela didn’t trust black people.

Returning home, they loaded up the back of his truck with boxes of food for him.  I  remember being envious and wishing the food was for me.   When we arrived at my apartment, he said the food WAS for me.  Five boxes of food with cans of soda.  Somehow they knew.  We carried the boxes of food to my door,  I was so ashamed  I wouldn’t let him in my bleak apartment with a small black and white TV and a mattress on the floor.

Through the years my family has become more latin, english is their second language .

Despite my exposure to Spanish, my Spanish sucks.  Some,members of my family, go out of their way to make fun of me.  “I know you know this, say it!  and I do know it, dammit!  but I get it wrong.   Of course they love this.  This winter, I plan to take a few of them, to an isolated area in the mountains, where some of them may be discovered after the spring thaw .

 I can speak 30 words with confidence. I understand about 100 words.  Many friends assume I’m fluent.  Of course, this is usually after they’ve had a few drinks.

Through the years I have purchased, cassettes, books, Cd’s to increase my knowledge of the language, most are unopened.  I only remember the books then is when I’m visiting friends and family.    When it comes to como esta , I’m VERY CONFIDENT!  ‘bien, muy bien.   

WINNING!!!   

If you need an enthusiastic spanish speaking greeter  I’m your man!   I’m friendly!  Buenos días.  Buenas tardes, Buena noches ,adios with a big smile, beyond that it’s uh huh!  

CityFella

 

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