Oh hell no! No U Didn’t!


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Mama, don’t play!  Please believe her!  Noah, didn’t but he knows now!

The nineteen year old Noah Sullivan-Lincoln was having an argument ovah a CHEESEBURGER with his mother Cheryl.  

Da Boy

Lost his mind!

He

Spat in his mothers face!

Then he went off the rails

He smacked the CHEESEBURGER out of her hands and hit her and on her hand and her arm.

 

57 year old Mama Cheryl ani’t no punk!

That hamburger meat, the bread, the my-o-naise, katsup, mustard, lettuce, tomato, onion, and CHEESE!  Cost money!

That lil bitch boy is getting out of my house!!!!  

Mama, called the Po Po to escort her lil CHEESEBURGER smacken money wasten Bitch boy out of her House.

Po Po took Noah, to the county jail and the boy was ordered by the Judge to have no contact with MOM.

Now she can cook and eat all the CHEESEBURGERS when evah and where evah she wants. 

“Lil Bitch Boy”

Mama don’t play!

 

CityFella

 

 

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Sheep in Reverse


Fuck it, like it or not most of us are like sheep.  You see it everyday in many forms. We drive in packs, walk in packs and travel in packs.  At Costco, people wait in the long center lines often 20 deep on weekends.  I heard people waiting in line say, maybe we should look and see if there are shorter lines-then to hear them sigh and stay put..  For me it a win win, at the far sides of check out there are fewer people, saving me a half hour in line. “I COMMAND YOU TO STAY IN YOUR STUPIDITY”    

 At one point in popular music you realize that everything sounds the same. This isn’t new, throughout the ages someone said, sound like her or them, because this is popular!  But every now and then an Adele or Louis Armstrong appears, breaking the mold of what a performer should look or sound like. 

We copy each other.  If someone else is doing it, then we should too.  From clothing, to music, we copy each other, it doesn’t have to make sense as long as we are doing what others do.

Dah, its the rage, “Your nothing, your nobody until you’ve adopted a pet rock”

Remember that insane shit? and why couldn’t I have invented it?   Can you imagine, just walking down the street picking up various rocks -giving them names and packaging um for say $2.99,within a year, you could lunched with Gail King ( Oprah’s bff)

MY KINGDOM FOR A ONE HUNDRED LIKES!

Let’s take a picture of our Feta Cheeseburger- OMG,We are so cosmopolitan

Here we are standing in the line at the movie theater (LET’S GO LIVE)

Oh man, lets bore people into suicide at my sisters graduations (ooh she is soo cute)

I am sooo proud of myself, I’ve lost 6 ounces this week, I feel so slim! 

Facebook, Snapchat allows everyone a few seconds of fame. “Look at Me”

There are some of us who color outside the lines.  We march by the sounds of our own drums.  Our style isn’t conventional or trendy and not determined by a 30 second commercial, a picture in magazine or moved by what a celebrity is wearing or tweeting about.

I’ve always been attracted to those people.  I’m drawn to Mavericks, regular people who defy convention.  The person on the street with his or her own style.  I saw man in his mid twenties getting out of  a clean 63 Ford Galaxy sedan it was nothing special, no 20 inch wheels, no custom paint just a well preserved car  He said he put more then 8 grand in this old car.  His parents was born in the sixties and he likes this era. He looked as if he was an extra on Mad Men.  He dress ,was from the sixties. I wanted to know more.  Who are his friends, what do they say about is style?  but he was late for a meeting.

With the exception of bell bottoms.  I wasn’t that person to walk the line.   I didn’t listen exclusively to “black music”  it was controversial (I’m still known in my family for listening to white folks music) there is some insane unwritten rule out there that says if you are of a certain hue you MUST exclusively listen to music assigned to that hue or religion. Failure to follow the rule could mean expulsion.   I was that sheep who always strayed.  At five years old, I was banned from Church events without my mom. They said I was lost for hours.  I didn’t think I was lost, I even bought myself a hat at the San Francisco Zoo, AND I found them.

Playing it safe and doing what others do is boring.  I’m that single man who dreams of the Chrysler Pacifica Minivan.  I would have it tricked out with fat wheels and custom paint.  I cant imagine being part of the herd, driving some ungainly SUV.  There is a huge world out there, but there are people, when faced with 31 choices of ice cream ,will choose chocolate or vanilla.

Straying comes with its own set of problems.   To go it alone means your open to ridicule, why isn’t he or she just going along, they’re troublemakers. Why don’t  they simply just follow the path.  Celebrities like Whoopi Goldberg, Cher, Clint Eastwood, Adele and the late James Garner,  Joan Rivers, Bette David and Prince.  These people collectively say “Fuck it and Fuck You” should I fall flat on my face, I did so being my own person.

CityFella

 

 

SLAPPING THE ONE YOU LOVE


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There is nothing quite like family.  Being with people who have been in your life forever.  I’m educated,well respected and known for my presence and calm demeanor.  However, after one visit with family, I turn into an eight year old screaming at or near the top of my lungs wanting to slap the shit out of a family member.

Of course you don’t.

I love my family.   I am often mortified by my actions. How did I allow this wonderful mutha fucker set me off AGAIN!

 Before the trip begins, I tell myself, no matter what happens, I will not react!   Most times I’m successful,  I hold it together as they poke the bear.  However, every now and then they hit an especially sensitive area, catching me off guard and I’m off!   Humiliating myself to the one billionth power.

Poking for Sport 

I’m not the weak link in the family, there are others who are more sensitive and poked until they become violent and collapse into a sea of tears.

Interesting enough, the antagonists never change.  They poke you with the same stick in the same area.  They do it because they can.  Getting a reaction is the reward.  They knew you were humiliated in the seventh grade and now with an audience its show time, lets talk about something that took place in the sixteenth century, the theft of your pants in middle school.

You may never know why? Maybe they were dropped resulting in a horrible defect in character. ( If only, RIGHT! BASTARDS) Perhaps their jealous, perhaps this one thing makes them feel better about themselves, to attack you?

The ugly truth is, some family members may love each other but  really don’t like each other.  Family gatherings (Christmas, Thanksgivings, Anniversaries) is the perfect place to release these resentments in front of an audience.

I knew sisters in their eighties who resented each other for decades. While I think there was love between the two,they didn’t like each other.  Their meetings were born out of a  family obligation. After the visit both ladies were angry, and it took a few days for the anger to subside.   The older sisters resentment could be traced back to when she was thirteen.   Their mother spent more time with her younger sister teaching her how to sew on the families Singer Sewing Machine a sewing machine she wasn’t allowed to touch.    The younger sister’s  resentment was traced back to her sisters first husband, while she had a troubled marriage, her sister had a man who doted on her, bought gifts and loved her deeply until the day he died.  She said she knew something and didn’t think her older sister deserved a man like that.

The Family Plot

Some families conspire against family members.   If there is tension between a mother and daughter, the mother might encourage a sibling to do her bidding.  After his son announced his engagement.   A disapproving father encouraged two of his children to attack the integrity of his fiancee. To do this, he sent his eldest daughter and his wife to the store, as he knew they wouldn’t approve.   The action of the father split the family.  That evening, the son ended all communication with his father and two of his siblings. The father has never seen his son’s children or his great grandchildren.

Survival

I am a dad with adult children. No matter how old I am, there are some members of my family who can turn me into that 8 year old.  The good news is there are only a few people who can trigger the 8 year old.

Even though you are bound by blood, some members of your family may be toxic to your mental well being.    There are entire families who are toxic.    Billions of people place themselves in harms way because they feel obligated to take part in  family events:   Birthdays, Holidays etc. to make matters worse they often bring their significant others and children to the infected site.

If you are unhappy each and every time you spend time with your family or with certain members of your family, then this may not be the environment for you.  Try not to buy into the Hallmark version of what your family should be.   

   I love my family. My children are wonderful, from time to time I spend a holiday with my extended family. We are not connected by blood, we are connected by love.  At these gatherings there is   peace, joy and love.  However, there are family events that I avoid, you can feel the anger and resentments between family members as you enter the house.  Sides are formed and at one point during the event, there will be an explosion of some kind.

I choose not to spend a lot of time with  CRAZY.  

 As we grow older some of us learn to except what IS!   Yes, people can change, but the reality is you have to except who they are as they are.

If their purpose is to hurt you.  You may need to limit contact with those individuals or eliminate all contact with them.   FORGET THE, WELL ITS FAMILY BULLSHIT#  and if you’ve been damaged by the contact, why would you bring your children or significant other to the contaminated site?

It often sucks being the nice guy, the voice of reason.   There are moments when I want to slap the shit out of the antagonist in my life.  But why, I don’t spend more than a few hours a year with them and it would fill me with guilt.

It took a long time to remove all the weeds in my life.  The hard work has paid off . Today, I’m blessed ,my life is filled with wonderful people.       Life can end in an instant!  Why spend that time in an joyless environment. 

CityFella

“In Large Typeface” Bill Maher say’s he’s a House Nigger and the crowd goes wild


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_____________

Offensive Date:  June 2, 2017 (A Friday)

Offensive Setting: “Real Time With Bill Maher. on HBO

Guest: Senator Ben Sasse from Nebraska who was promoting his book

The offensive banter

Mr. Maher: “I gotta get to Nebraska more.”

Mr. Sasse: “You’re welcome. We’d love to have you work in the fields with us.”

Mr Maher : Senator,” he said, throwing up his hands, “I’m a house nigger.

____________________

This black man thought it was funny. 

There are many people, black and white who will disagree with me.

What ya gonna do?

I know my Fellow Americans

For some, it doesn’t matter that he called himself a nigger.

He isn’t a member of the club

In the bylaws of the club there are severe penalties for non members using nigger in any form.

If Mahar, called a black man nigger my opinion would be different.

The world is slowly changing.

Some have remodeled the word

For a generation, “Nigga” Has a different meaning.  Its a greeting, friendship,even love.

Like Nigger, club membership is required. However, membership isn’t reserved to one hue.

I am of Mahar’s, generation nigger and nigga has a sting.

Unlike Mahar, I don’t use the word at any time.

Mahar slipped, he knew better and in the future will do better.

There are some who are unforgiving.

They want him off the air

I know my Fellow Americans

What cha gonna do? 

Carry on!

 

CityFella

 

 

 

My words

 

Lifestyles of the Rich and Entitled: Jaden Smith


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Now this is a story all about how

His life got flipped-turned upside down

And I’d like to take a second
So sit right tight pronto

This was Jaden’s weekend  in a town called Toronto

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 Jaden Smith, the eighteen year old son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett

Was in Toronto making a film.

Young Mr Smith was staying at the swanky  Five Star

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Four Seasons Hotel in Toronto wouldn’t extend his stay.

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He was not HAPPY! 

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And went on a 45ish twitter Tirade!

A vegan, he accused the hotel of spiking his pancakes with cheese

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Toronto is a BEAUTIFUL city, but one suspects,a four or dare I say a three star hotel wouldn’t do.

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Jaden, we almost, not quite ,feel your pain……

“Not really”

Your Just being too 

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So, Boo 2 da hoo!

 

CityFella

Adventures in Dating: A man of a certain age


God has a sense of humor, when you were in your twenties with a perfectly firm body,  you didn’t appreciated it, you were too busy comparing yourself with someone else.     My twenties was a time of rebellion,exploration, and independence with major states of outrageous panic.  The mind of many twenty somethings are filled with Jello. My world was fantastically crazy.

Turning 40 was awkward,  I was 39 for three years.  In my head, I was 40 but my mind and mouth weren’t in sync.   I just couldn’t say 40 in a room full of strangers.

I celebrated turning 50.   I was looking forward to it. It was a milestone .  My father died at 42 and being overweight, I never thought I’d reach 50.   I was like a five year old holding up my fingers “I will be 50 in this many months”

But what did 50 mean?  Bulletproof polyester, with Velcro shoes?    I received an AARP application in the mail just before I turned 50.  (Now that I think about it, how did AARP know?)

Jane Fonda wrote fifty is the beginning of cruise control. Your view of life is much different than someone in their thirties and even forties..  At 50, you’ve been there and done that enough times, that life challenges rarely sends your world into a tailspin.

“50”

At fifty, my stretch marks were in the same places.  I still grunted as I tied my shoes and was still predisposed to uncontrollable farting after downing a vanilla large milkshake.

What ever 50 meant, I wasn’t ready for a fly swatter and elevator music in my car and I didn’t want to recapture my youth.  OMG that would be like a pencil in the eye.    So I lived my semi-normal life.

50 was like, a microwave bell going off, signaling to the youngsters that I was available. .   Suddenly, I was desirable to youngsters, many in their twenties.  While the attention was flattering, it also was very uncomfortable. I always had a negative view of old men dating youngsters. After all, I’m a father of grown children and what would they think?

Yes, while had a few friends dating outside their age pool, but that’s them not me.

The downside of fifty are the cracks, just as your mind is coming into its own, you have to worry about Acid Reflex. At 50, your a little more aware of the coughs. (is this the last one?)   Then there is the ever present concerns about your mortality. God has a devilish sense of humor.

Dating,Age is more than a number

Dating, someone near my age became challenging.  I found myself being interviewed, while I understood it  (You don’t  have time for the Bull Shit) It was uncomfortable, and where was the fun?   Younger people didn’t ask those questions, they were more in the here and the now.    So I dated a youngster.  This person convinced me ,they were tired of dating immature men and wanted someone who was settled.

Conversations were fun and light, until they became the dreams and frustration of a twenty something and when you had twenty something children, its like reliving a bad dream.

I learned a lot from the youngster, but sometimes I wanted someone who could relate to the events of a 50 year old.     Someone 26, may have had a full life, filled with a lot of experiences.  What they don’t have is the life experiences of someone 50 and that difference can be as wide as the Mississippi.

I love the energy, but I needed more than the 26 year old had to offer.

Seeing both sides, there are some challenges.   A 50 years old has seen that ,been there.   A 26 year old hasn’t.  To ask the 26 year old to assume the lifestyle of a 50 year old is unreasonable and a balance has to be found.  After dating the youngin, I dated someone near my age and found myself on a sofa watching three hours of Paula Dean.   There was no interest in going out.  Dancing, was out of the question and before I got an invite to a garden show, I was out of there.  For days, I fucking craved everything made of butter.

Dating someone your age, means your mortality is front and center looking back at you.   A truth that’s difficult for some 50 somethings and as a result they date younger people.

A friend turned 50 in March, and he is excited by the attention from the younglings.

Today, I am 61, I don’t know what my dating the future holds.  I’m still Velcro and polyester free. I can be found everywhere in Sacramento, from arcades and area dance floors.  I’m obsessed with tweeting and nearly all forms of social media.  I’m not actively trolling for children on a big wheels or avoiding baby boomers in mild pastels .  My dating circle has a wide range.  The urgency is gone, life is good.  I’m less concerned about age, figuring I will eventually end up with the person I’m supposed to be with.

Hello, I’m CityFella!

The REAL President of the United States S1 E5: ” Make Russia Laugh Louder”


On Wednesday, the White House blocked US reporters from photographing the meeting, of Russian officials in the White House opting to allow only White House and Russian photographers to capture images of Trump’s interactions with Lavrov.   The Russians , posted images every where including Twitter.   The White House is Furious, the Russians LIED! OMG!!! Can you IMAGINE!

45 and Ambassador Sergey Kislyak

Meet Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak .  This is the man who had interesting chats with former National Security Adviser Michael (yeah I took illegal money from the Russians) Flynn.   Current and former US intelligence officials have accused Kislyak of being a top spy and recruiter of spies, a notion that Russian officials have dismissed.

They Fired Comey?  Your Kidding!