How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?


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Photo: Google 
By James Allen Hanrahan/Your Tango

Time will tell, and here’s how you’ll know.

If you’ve been dating someone new and you’re in the those first exciting stages of a relationship, after a while it’s common tow wonder how and when you’ll know if he’s the one and you’re both falling in love.

How long does it take to fall in love, anyway?

Dating apps have made it easier to initially meet people, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to tell when you’re really meant for one another.

And when you finally meet someone you’re confident you really do like, that’s often the most anxious love stage of all. How can you tell if this is something that’s going to last or not?

 

With this in mind, here are three signs that will give you a solid indicator of where things — or aren’t going — and how long it will take for you both to fall in love.

1. Chemistry

If you’ve ever been under the overwhelming effect of chemistry then you know already how long it takes to fall in love.

Chemistry is almost instantaneous. It’s a feeling you can’t deny.

The problem with chemistry is it’s not foolproof. How many times have you had chemistry with someone and they broke your heart?

Chemistry may give you the sensation of falling in love, but it is far different than being in love. For that, we’re going to need more information, which brings us to number two.

2. Compatibility

The rarefied air you breathe when you finally meet someone you have chemistry with is intoxicating. It can lead you to believe that the hard work of boring dates is over.

And to a certain degree, it is, but now the real work begins, because now you have to find out if you’re compatible.

Compatibility means that your lives fit together.

Do you both want to live in a similar location? Do you both have similar relationship goals? For example, do you both want marriage and children?

The reason compatibility is so important is that falling in love is a feeling. Being in love is a decision.

To this point, compatibility always trumps chemistry. If you have chemistry with someone who lives in Peru, unless you’re planning to move to Peru, the compatibility aspect of your relationship will be its demise.

Falling in love is a decision and one of the most important you’ll ever make. Which brings us to number three.

3. Communication

Falling in love could lead you to believe that harsh words will never be spoken. In fact, if the chemistry is strong enough you don’t have to say anything.

And yet as much as we enjoy falling in love at the end of the day we want to be heard and we want to be known. This requires communication. Communication means, the ability to ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t want.

People who know how to love, know how to communicate. They don’t expect to get their way every time, and they’re willing to negotiate with you.

The harder truth about love is it takes time. It takes time for someone to build a trustworthy record with you. It takes a year to truly get to know someone.

But, that does not mean the journey isn’t worth it, in fact, it is the most rewarding thing there is.

Without chemistry we will never make it, it is that special gift that sparks something in us that makes us want to explore love.

Compatibility gives us a chance to explore this chemistry. Falling in love is a feeling, being in love is a decision.

Communication is a conversation that doesn’t end. It means we keep coming back to the table even on the bad days. Relationships aren’t built on the good days, they are built on the bad days.

To a certain extent, how long it takes to fall in love is a moment-to-moment decision based on chemistry, compatibility, and communication. It is a measure of our integrity and how committed we are to the journey, regardless of the turns it takes.

It is not how long it takes to fall in love that matters, it’s who we become in the process.

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Rodfather: Our life is hell!!!


Dear Rodfather……

I married my bride 22 years ago. She is 14 years older than me.  She has three grown children from her first marriage.  Only one of her children is worth anything. The other two are drugged up entitled snots . One is in her late forties and the other one is 51.  My wife had a bad divorce and is filled with guilt,she blames herself and almost never say no to them

Through the years we have paid for rehab, helped them with their bills and even bought her son a car so he could get to and from work.   We’ve had to pay for their apartment we co signed on.  We have watched them walk away from their responsibilities  lose cars and everything they own and it’s never their fault.  I should have retired four years ago but I can’t afford it now.

They have been in and out of our lives throughout most of our marriage.   My wife had to retire early due to major health issues including a hip replacement and heart surgery . The straw that broke the camel’s back is when her son, pushed my wife to the floor.  We called the police and just got a restraining order.    While her daughter hasn’t come back buy my stepson has. Our neighbors watch our house and he recently arrested. So far he’s  been arrested three times. He send his friends over and they knock on our door through the night.    I have lived through broken windows, slashed tires and have been personally attacked several times.   I cant do this anymore.  I want to sell my home and leave the state.   What I’m worried about is that one of these worthless shits will call her and she will send them a ticket.      Rodfather, people in hell have it better than we do, I need some real advice you can call me sick and tired.

 

Dear, Sick and tired……..

Parental guilt is a lifetime and is overrated.  Nearly every parent does the best they can. However, they should not feel guilt for the choices their adult children make!  Her guilt has crippled her children and she has created a life long dependents.   While I agree with you, should leave the area and start a new life, you shouldn’t move until she gets therapy and chooses each other over her children. (A longshot)

Your devotion to your wife is commendable, however you may have to save yourself.  Her children view you as a roadblock to what they believe they are entitled to.  They’ve pushed her, a woman they love who has had heart and hip surgery.  You are simply someone in the way.  The two of you should be living a golden life, but if she choose them, you need to leave and create a new life for yourself.

 

Rodfather

 

 

Trump: Is it in his Kiss?


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What is it about Donald John Trump?  That makes him so bloody irresistible that people discard every thing they know is true to get his approval?  Some go so far as to go to jail for this man.    A man who’s loyally is limited to his last name.

Well respected individuals who have spent decades building their personal brands only to have their credibility destroyed after working for the 45th President of the United States.

Sean Spicer, who was a well respected communication director for the Republican National Committee for nearly six years before becoming Trumps Press Secretary.  From day one, he was asked to lie about the size of Trumps Inauguration. The American Press was told to ignore what they see and believe the cow chunks he was attempting to sell.

Kelly Ann Conway, was largely responsible for Trumps presidential victory.  The woman is a power house, a political consultant, a strategist, who is largely responsible for the term “Alternative Facts” adopted by many Trumpers.   Ignore, your eyes,ears and focus on the possible alternatives.  Yes, I saw the bus run him over and kill him, however, it is possible, he died before the bus hit him.

One relationship, I will never understand and one that left many of us scratching our collective heads. Lindsey Graham and Donald Trump.   The only thing I can come up with is the two must be Lovers.   For years, Graham blasted Trump.   Graham was the late Senator John McCain of Arizona best friend and is Megan McCain’s Godfather. It must be sex. (Don’t picture it, you may never want to see again)

It there was one loyal friend who walked through the fire it was Jeff Sessions. His first Attorney General and former two term ator from Alabama was uber loyal to the President.  Not loyal enough to do Jail time.  During the confirmation hearings Sessions said he didn’t have contact with the Russians during presidential campaign.  How so nevah, the press said “Oh but you did!” Sessions recused himself from the Russian Investigation.  This set the Trumpster on fire!!! Any possible fix was gone and Session became enemy number one and endured many insults from the Prez.

Mother of three, a daughter of banjo playing preacher man. Sarah Huckabee Sanders lied to the press every single day.  The pearl necklace wearing lady was Sean Spicers replacement as the Press Secretary.    Mr’s Sanders admitted her sins during the Mueller probe.   While she later called it “A slip of the tongue” she lied about Comey and the FBI staffers not having confidence in him,  lied about Trump Jr and Russian adoptions and the list goes on…………

 3 who knew!

While the Trumpster may have a devastating kiss, there were a few who Immune and had their own agenda.  All of these individuals arrived at the White House dirty and they charmed Trump.

Actually there were four.  A Tide wash couldn’t whiten Mike Flynn’s whites.   Obama, and others warned Trump. This man is more than tainted he’s nasty!  The retired US Army Lieutenant General had a poor reputation.  After retirement as a consultant he took money from companies based in Russia. Before becoming the National Security Advisory Flynn told the Russians, the new Trump Administration would remove some the sanctions placed by the Obama Administration.  Even after Flynn’s conviction for lying, Trump remains loyal to him.   (His sentencing is pending)

Paul Manafort was beyond dingetta.  He is rumored to be a member of organized crime (some say for 30 years or more).  Manafort  has taken millions from the Ukraine, above and under the table. He is been under the watch of several governments for years.   Various stories say Trump and Manafort were casual acquaintances and Trump just hired him in early 2016.  It is believed, he wanted in the Trump Administration to benefit his interest in the Ukraine.   In jail, the 70 year old Manafort could be out by 2024.

 Those who Tape

Does anyone really know what Omarosa Manigault Newman’s job was in the White House?  Donald Trump’s favorite African American relationship began when she was a contestant on The Apprentice in 2004 . She took the role literally and probably knows the Trumpster best.  Like DT, she was a Democrat and Republican.   Like DT, she can be charismatic unless your black women.   Like DT, her credibility is routinely questioned.    On Oprah, she accused a cast mate on The Apprentice of calling her a nigger.  No one on the show could verify Omarosa’s account.

January 2018, Omarosa was fired, by John Kelly the White House Chief of Staff.   Reports say she didn’t go willingly.  She fought to see the President and was physically removed by the Secret Service.   She denied being fired, however, she went on Meet the Press and played a tape of her firing.

Turns out that wasn’t the only thing she taped. Shortly after, she appeared on the reality show Big Brother, where she suggested that country is in trouble with Trump at the helm.  Omarosa said, she would never vote for him again.

August 2018, Omarosa’s book about her time in the White House  “Unhinged” reached number one on the New York Times best seller in its second week.   In her book she says the President’s Cognitive functioning is declining.  Omarosa has called Trump a racist. She says there are tapes and that witnesses have confirmed the existence of tapes of Trump repeatedly saying “nigger ” during filming of The Apprentice.   So far, no one had come forward with of these tapes.   There are tapes of Lara Trump attempting to buy her silence.

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If there was anyone devoted to Donald Trump it was his Michael Cohen.  Cohen was his personal Attorney from 2006 to 2018.  I don’t believe his children is as loyal as Michael Cohen.  He was once the Vice President of the Trump Corporation. He was willing to go the jail for Trump and then Trump turned on him.  Cohen who?  But Cohen made recordings of his conversations and while Bill Clinton lied about Monica, Cohen has receipts and copies of checks.  While Mueller couldn’t use the recordings, the copies and the checks.  New York Southern District Court could, and the court reportedly has everything and poses a much greater threat to Trump than Mueller’s Russian probe.  Next week, Michael Cohen begins his three year prison term.

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William Barr was the Attorney General under George W Bush and he could have lived  his life outside the turbulent waters of the Trump the Administration.  In February, he waded in.  He seems to be.everything to the President, that Jeff Sessions wasn’t and it could cost him.  A few months later he finds himself in troubled waters.  Did he lie to Congress in April, when he said that” he didn’t know whether Special Council Robert Mueller supported his conclusions regarding the Russia Report?”   The New York Times reported Barr received a letter from Mueller indicating he was not satisfied with Barr’s conclusions.  In his letter, Mueller specifically says that Barr’s summary laying out the bottom-line conclusions of the report “did not fully capture the context, nature, and substance of this Office’s work and conclusions.   

There are those who believe, he will be a no show and not appear in front of the House, tomorrow.   Should he not appear, he will be in contempt of Congress  That penalty comes with a fine and a maximum one year in jail.   If its is proven he lied to Congress , he could face up to five additional years in prison.

 

William Barr has several pensions, he didn’t need this job. Perhaps the kiss was too powerful! Maybe he wanted back into the game.  But home cheese is scared, rightfully so!  Senator Kamala Harris chewed him up and forced him to say, he hadn’t read the report.  Yikes!    Just think, he could have been at home, watching Maury!

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CityFella

 

 

 

Baggage


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Everyone has baggage. The older we get the more baggage we have. Some of us take a few pieces of Samsonite with us. It represents our disappointments in life. Others drag our complete ensemble where ever we go. hoping it will protect us. So much baggage that it often prevents people from getting close to them.

I’ve been out with people, who talk about all the people who have done them wrong. You’ve seen them. Victims, who seem to enjoy telling their tales of woe. A narrative, creating a force field so powerful, it prevents others from entering.

We all have baggage, some of it has made us wiser. Other pieces represent hurt and disappointment. Its a part of who we are. No amount of baggage can protect us from the world. Too much can guarantee a life of being alone. Remind yourself despite everything the world has hurled your way. You are still amongst the living. So take a few bags. A few small bags,a combination of wisdom and pain so we can stay woke and some new large bags filled with hope and optimism.

CityFella

We have an African American and here she is…..


 

Could someone offer her a chair?

Rep. Mark Meadows, R-N.C., speaks to Michael Cohen during a House Oversight Committee hearing as Lynne Patton stands behind him. (Screengrab: Yahoo News Video)

I think one of the reasons that black people loved Bill Clinton, is he knew black people, had black friends.  He and Hillary, didn’t seem out of place in a black church and didn’t need to bring a prop, when he spoke to people of color.

Unfortunately, the need of a prop is still a part of politics today.  There are some politicians, who believe they are more effective if they have a prop when they address a  crowd of people who do not resemble them ,to make those people comfortable.

Yesterday, North Carolina Congressman Mark Meadows brought a prop.  In the form of Lynne Patton.   President Trump former Attorney Michael Cohen testified before the House Oversight Committee. Said  Trump is a racist who told him that African Americans were too stupid to vote for him.  Lynne Patton sole purpose was to tell the world, that she is black and as a black woman she would never work for a racist.

I was troubled as this black women stood in a sea of white faces.  I guess they didn’t have an extra chair.

No one in America, will ever question if our President is a racist.

” Ms Patton very presence offended nearly every woman of color”

Congresswomen Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts posed a question to Michael Cohen

“Would you agree that someone could deny rental units to African-Americans, lead the birther movement, refer to to the diaspora as ‘shithole countries,’ and refer to white supremacists as ‘fine people,’ have a black friend, and still be racist?”  Yes he answered.

 When it was Congresswoman  Rashida Tlaib of Michigan turn to speak, she went further.  “Just because someone has a person of color, a black person working for them does not mean they aren’t racist,” Tlaid said. “And it is insensitive, and some would even say that the fact that someone would actually use a prop, a black woman, in this chamber, in this committee”—here she took a heavy sigh—”is alone racist in itself.”

Congressman Meadows responded angrily, demanding Chairman Cummings strike the Congresswoman’s comment from the record.

Congressman Meadows double down by saying he wasn’t a racist, as his nieces and nephews are people of color.  Clearly the Congressman isn’t close to his family as its very unlikely they would approve the use a person of color as a prop.

Congressmen Meadows lives in a world where people would never work or support anyone who is racist sexist, or homophobic with one exception, if he were President or Congressman from North Carolina.  Some will remember back in 2012, he told his supporters that they were going to send President Obama home to Kenya or wherever it is?

Turns out, Michael Cohen was responsible for Trump hiring Mrs Patton.   Cohen told the Congressman that there were no black executives in the Trump Organization.

Remind me, it is 2019, right?

CityFella

 

 

The Bump


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“Ask The Rodfather”

The best friendships/relationships hit a bump now and then. In short time that bump get larger and instead of looking for a solution or a cure we pick at the bump, it which builds anger and resentment.
Silence is the enemy
Left on its own, the bump becomes infected. No one wants to be the first to reach out. No one wants to talk about the bump which is front and center in their lives. Over time silence overwhelms the relationship and the infected bump has left a scar.
We can prevent this from happening
Putting ego aside, break the silence. Leave a message that says I miss your voice. You can always talk about the bump later. The most important thing is to re-establish contact. As long term silence can destroy the strongest long term relationships. Can we meet or go for……….
Bumps happens over time. They often occur when one or both parties are uncomfortable telling their truth. They sometimes fear they will be misunderstood or rejected. So they hold on to it until a bump appears.
Remember the things you love and cherish about the your friend or partner. Make an effort to spend time together. Just the two of You. Over time some people forget about the bump. However, if the bump is still present. Write about the bump. Give a copy to your friend and realize everything won’t be resolved today. It will take time. Today you have your friend or partner.
Ask The Rodfather is an Common Sense Advisor  he can be found on facebook

“Till Death Do Us Part”


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A week or so ago, some of the panel on “The View” were disturbed after seeing images of actress, model, television hotel, author and restaurateur Barbara Smith (B Smith to the world) who has Alzheimer’s. Other’s, notably host and friend of the couple Sunny Hostin who was angry that Dan Gasby has a girlfriend who lives part time with the couple.

Host, Sunny Hostins, grand father left her grandmother who had Alzheimer’s, she and her family cared for her grandmother.

Last December, Gasby announced on Facebook that he was “feeling great” with his new girlfriend, Alex Lerner,

writing “#WhyLie.” It became clear from social media posts that Lerner was occasionally staying at the couple’s home.

Since the posting, Gasby has faced a backlash from the public.  Most were troubled by his relationship with his girlfriend.  Beleving it was being disrespectful to his wife and  their marriage for others, its his white girlfriend.

Mr Gasby, appeared deeply hurt on “The View” yesterday. He said that his wife is in remarkably good shape from the eyebrows down, but mentally. she is a toddler.

He talked how she would escape from their former home and freely get into any car with a black man thinking that man was him.

He said when his wife got the diagnosis in 2013, She told him, She wanted him to go on.

However, some of the co-host wondered how Gasby could know Smith was consenting to his extramarital relationship, and Lerner’s presence in their home. He said,“I’m not doing anything we didn’t discuss — we were in business, we were two sides of a coin.”

He said many wouldn’t understand how “extremely difficult” it is to “love someone, to have done what we’ve done and what we’ve accomplished together… to be criticized and not have a forum like I’m having today to have my side of the story told.”

One thing I know is consistent is I’ve listened to what she said. We made these plans a long time ago. What I’ve seen Alex deal with, my daughter, myself… makes me realize I’m doing the right thing. I’ve gotten grief no matter what I do.

“I wanted her to have the dignity of freedom. Sanity for me.” He insisted, “I’m keeping my vows. Vows are to protect, to care for.”

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One thing Gasby brought up was the preparation for death and preparation to take care of you spouse should they fall ill. He said, in his will, there are do not resuscitate instructions.

I’m not, prepared for death and I imagine few are. Should I die today, my death would cause a lot of stress to my love one.. They don’t know where my insurance papers are , or burial plans. I hope to change this.

Its difficult being a caretaker, no matter what the illness is. I’m not sure how I feel about Gasby having a girlfriend. On one hand, he has someone to help him through this very difficult journey. On the other hand, it seems inappropriate. No one knows, what he and his wife discussed. The fact that his daughter seems to be on board with this, makes him believable. He has options, but he is honoring his vows “Till Death”

CityFella