Baggage


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Everyone has baggage. The older we get the more baggage we have. Some of us take a few pieces of Samsonite with us. It represents our disappointments in life. Others drag our complete ensemble where ever we go. hoping it will protect us. So much baggage that it often prevents people from getting close to them.

I’ve been out with people, who talk about all the people who have done them wrong. You’ve seen them. Victims, who seem to enjoy telling their tales of woe. A narrative, creating a force field so powerful, it prevents others from entering.

We all have baggage, some of it has made us wiser. Other pieces represent hurt and disappointment. Its a part of who we are. No amount of baggage can protect us from the world. Too much can guarantee a life of being alone. Remind yourself despite everything the world has hurled your way. You are still amongst the living. So take a few bags. A few small bags,a combination of wisdom and pain so we can stay woke and some new large bags filled with hope and optimism.

CityFella

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We have an African American and here she is…..


 

Could someone offer her a chair?

Rep. Mark Meadows, R-N.C., speaks to Michael Cohen during a House Oversight Committee hearing as Lynne Patton stands behind him. (Screengrab: Yahoo News Video)

I think one of the reasons that black people loved Bill Clinton, is he knew black people, had black friends.  He and Hillary, didn’t seem out of place in a black church and didn’t need to bring a prop, when he spoke to people of color.

Unfortunately, the need of a prop is still a part of politics today.  There are some politicians, who believe they are more effective if they have a prop when they address a  crowd of people who do not resemble them ,to make those people comfortable.

Yesterday, North Carolina Congressman Mark Meadows brought a prop.  In the form of Lynne Patton.   President Trump former Attorney Michael Cohen testified before the House Oversight Committee. Said  Trump is a racist who told him that African Americans were too stupid to vote for him.  Lynne Patton sole purpose was to tell the world, that she is black and as a black woman she would never work for a racist.

I was troubled as this black women stood in a sea of white faces.  I guess they didn’t have an extra chair.

No one in America, will ever question if our President is a racist.

” Ms Patton very presence offended nearly every woman of color”

Congresswomen Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts posed a question to Michael Cohen

“Would you agree that someone could deny rental units to African-Americans, lead the birther movement, refer to to the diaspora as ‘shithole countries,’ and refer to white supremacists as ‘fine people,’ have a black friend, and still be racist?”  Yes he answered.

 When it was Congresswoman  Rashida Tlaib of Michigan turn to speak, she went further.  “Just because someone has a person of color, a black person working for them does not mean they aren’t racist,” Tlaid said. “And it is insensitive, and some would even say that the fact that someone would actually use a prop, a black woman, in this chamber, in this committee”—here she took a heavy sigh—”is alone racist in itself.”

Congressman Meadows responded angrily, demanding Chairman Cummings strike the Congresswoman’s comment from the record.

Congressman Meadows double down by saying he wasn’t a racist, as his nieces and nephews are people of color.  Clearly the Congressman isn’t close to his family as its very unlikely they would approve the use a person of color as a prop.

Congressmen Meadows lives in a world where people would never work or support anyone who is racist sexist, or homophobic with one exception, if he were President or Congressman from North Carolina.  Some will remember back in 2012, he told his supporters that they were going to send President Obama home to Kenya or wherever it is?

Turns out, Michael Cohen was responsible for Trump hiring Mrs Patton.   Cohen told the Congressman that there were no black executives in the Trump Organization.

Remind me, it is 2019, right?

CityFella

 

 

The Bump


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“Ask The Rodfather”

The best friendships/relationships hit a bump now and then. In short time that bump get larger and instead of looking for a solution or a cure we pick at the bump, it which builds anger and resentment.
Silence is the enemy
Left on its own, the bump becomes infected. No one wants to be the first to reach out. No one wants to talk about the bump which is front and center in their lives. Over time silence overwhelms the relationship and the infected bump has left a scar.
We can prevent this from happening
Putting ego aside, break the silence. Leave a message that says I miss your voice. You can always talk about the bump later. The most important thing is to re-establish contact. As long term silence can destroy the strongest long term relationships. Can we meet or go for……….
Bumps happens over time. They often occur when one or both parties are uncomfortable telling their truth. They sometimes fear they will be misunderstood or rejected. So they hold on to it until a bump appears.
Remember the things you love and cherish about the your friend or partner. Make an effort to spend time together. Just the two of You. Over time some people forget about the bump. However, if the bump is still present. Write about the bump. Give a copy to your friend and realize everything won’t be resolved today. It will take time. Today you have your friend or partner.
Ask The Rodfather is an Common Sense Advisor  he can be found on facebook

“Till Death Do Us Part”


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A week or so ago, some of the panel on “The View” were disturbed after seeing images of actress, model, television hotel, author and restaurateur Barbara Smith (B Smith to the world) who has Alzheimer’s. Other’s, notably host and friend of the couple Sunny Hostin who was angry that Dan Gasby has a girlfriend who lives part time with the couple.

Host, Sunny Hostins, grand father left her grandmother who had Alzheimer’s, she and her family cared for her grandmother.

Last December, Gasby announced on Facebook that he was “feeling great” with his new girlfriend, Alex Lerner,

writing “#WhyLie.” It became clear from social media posts that Lerner was occasionally staying at the couple’s home.

Since the posting, Gasby has faced a backlash from the public.  Most were troubled by his relationship with his girlfriend.  Beleving it was being disrespectful to his wife and  their marriage for others, its his white girlfriend.

Mr Gasby, appeared deeply hurt on “The View” yesterday. He said that his wife is in remarkably good shape from the eyebrows down, but mentally. she is a toddler.

He talked how she would escape from their former home and freely get into any car with a black man thinking that man was him.

He said when his wife got the diagnosis in 2013, She told him, She wanted him to go on.

However, some of the co-host wondered how Gasby could know Smith was consenting to his extramarital relationship, and Lerner’s presence in their home. He said,“I’m not doing anything we didn’t discuss — we were in business, we were two sides of a coin.”

He said many wouldn’t understand how “extremely difficult” it is to “love someone, to have done what we’ve done and what we’ve accomplished together… to be criticized and not have a forum like I’m having today to have my side of the story told.”

One thing I know is consistent is I’ve listened to what she said. We made these plans a long time ago. What I’ve seen Alex deal with, my daughter, myself… makes me realize I’m doing the right thing. I’ve gotten grief no matter what I do.

“I wanted her to have the dignity of freedom. Sanity for me.” He insisted, “I’m keeping my vows. Vows are to protect, to care for.”

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One thing Gasby brought up was the preparation for death and preparation to take care of you spouse should they fall ill. He said, in his will, there are do not resuscitate instructions.

I’m not, prepared for death and I imagine few are. Should I die today, my death would cause a lot of stress to my love one.. They don’t know where my insurance papers are , or burial plans. I hope to change this.

Its difficult being a caretaker, no matter what the illness is. I’m not sure how I feel about Gasby having a girlfriend. On one hand, he has someone to help him through this very difficult journey. On the other hand, it seems inappropriate. No one knows, what he and his wife discussed. The fact that his daughter seems to be on board with this, makes him believable. He has options, but he is honoring his vows “Till Death”

CityFella

30 Positive Quotes To Help You Rid Your Life Of Negativity And Live Like An Optimist


With all that’s going around in the world and maybe even in your personal life, it can be difficult to stay optimistic. Still, we must somehow try to find ways to be optimistic no matter what life throws at you.

It is easy to fall victim to negative thought and to allow negativity to consume you. Training yourself to be optimistic is a way to bring happiness to both yourself and others.



Optimism even has numerous health and life benefits. For instance, some believe that optimism can help entrepreneurs succeed in their work. Similarly, in our daily lives, an optimistic outlook could help us relentlessly pursue and ultimately achieve our wildest dreams and goals. Optimism also promotes happiness, something we all strive for.

A little taste of optimism can go a long way. A few inspirational words can help bring out that optimism and remind us of all of the positive things in life.

Words have magical powers because they can move us, make us feel good and positive, and incite us to take action. That is why quotes are so well-loved by people, who sometimes want words of affirmation or just that extra push.

 

Without further ado, let’s check out these 30 optimistic quotes that will inspire you to be more positive.


1. Embrace the uncertainty.

“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.” — Mandy Hale


2. Choose kindness.

“The world is filled with nice people. If you can’t find one be one.” — Nishan Panwar


3. Hard times don’t last forever.

“Be strong because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever.” — Unknown


4. The possibilities are endless.

“Just because the past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagined.” — Unknown


5. Embrace your imperfections.

“Real are never perfect and perfect are never real.” — Rita Pereira


6. Patience is a virtue for a reason.

“Everything will fall into place, just be patient.” — Unknown


7. Not everything is meant for us.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” — Helen Keller


8. Optimism attracts happiness.

“Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.” — Mary Lou Retton


9.  Distance yourself from negativity.

“Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity.” — Unknown


10. Let your dreams guide you.

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” — Roy T. Bennett


11. You will make it.


12. Appreciate what you have.

“Each morning you wake be thankful, grateful and appreciate who you are, you have life, you’re blessed and you’re beautiful.” — Unknown


13. Don’t be afraid to be a dreamer.

“I am and always will be the optimist, the hoper of far flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.” — Doctor Who


14. Happiness is the goal.

“Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.” — Mark Twain


15. Always look on the bright side.

“Turn your face towards the sun, and the shadow fall behind you.” — Unknown


16. Everything is a lesson.

“I am strong, because I’ve been weak. I am fearless, because I’ve been afraid. I am wise, because I’ve been foolish.” — Unknown


17. There is a bright side to everything. Find it.

“No one ever injured their eyesight by looking at the bright side.” — Unknown


18. It’s just one day.

“Don’t make a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.” — Unknown


19. If you can’t find door, just make one.

“I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can’t make it through one door, I’ll go through another door- or I’ll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.” — Rabindranath Tagore


20. Become the best version of yourself.

“Give yourself permission to become who you already know you are.” — Unknown


21. Your inner light is more powerful than any darkness on the outside world.

“Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.” — Maya Angelou


22. Our cracks reveal how strong we are.

“One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.” —​ Linda Poindexter


23. You always end up where you need to be.

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” — Douglas Adams


24. The world is full of opportunities.

“The world is ripe with new opportunities and chances. It’s up to you whether or not you’re going to take them.” — Unknown


25. Always choose light.

“Life is a fragile dance between light and darkness. Always choose the light.” — Unknown


26. Life is all about learning.

“Never regret a day in your life: good days give happiness, bad days give experience, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories.” — Unknown


27. The bigger our obstacles, the sweeter our victories.

“The greater your storm the brighter your rainbow.” — Unknown


28. Tomorrow will be a better day.

“No matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.” — Maya Angelou


29. Optimism isn’t easy but it’s worth it.

“Pessimism isn’t smarter than optimism. In this life, the bravest thing can be is optimistic.” — Iris West


30. Speak optimism into existence.

“The eternal optimist very rarely speaks on the negative things. She/he realizes how ridiculously common they are. She realizes speaking on them – gives them more power than they deserve, and, in the end, chooses to redistribute that power to something she can actually use.” — Doc Waller

Adventures in Online Dating 2019A “I wont show anyone”


Dating has always been challenging with one exception, Adam and Eve.    Adam spotted Eve in the Malt shop, she was easy to find. Eve looked at Adam, the first or only boy she has ever seen and said Hi, the rest was biblical.

For the rest of us , its what do I do? how do I do it?  

Online, a Cardigan sweater wont generate many likes or traffic on your site, unless your only wearing a Cardigan

Its the hot pictures, the chiseled man without shirt, or a woman wearing something with little left to the imagination.

Some of us are like SHEEP

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Without rhyme or reason, some of us are like sheep.  “I did it, because other people are doing it”. He has his shirt off and he’s popular, so I’ll try it.  With her breast front and center, that’s what I’m going to do.

Its a form of marketing.   Who are you marketing to? Skin and nudity will generate traffic, question is the person your looking in that group?   If your thinking long term, the person you seek may not be in this group.

If you’ve been online longer than two hours, someone has asked you for a nude picture.

Come on, I want to see what I’m getting?  I wont’ show anyone, I like you.  What are you a prude ? 

Online vets will tell you one or two things will happen:  They will ask you for another picture or completely fall off the planet, to later return as another life form.

What happens to those pictures?

Imagine a piece of paper you’ve discarded.  Some one picks it up, that paper is now his.

Those pictures of your goodies that you entrusted to a complete stranger,belong to him. There are laws that prevent him or her from using the image to extort, and in some states, penalties for posting your image on social media.  However, he can certainly share the picture you gave him with his friends and yours.

   My shirtless likeness ended up on a porn site and on a few altered profiles.

CityFella, what is Sextortion?

Sextortion is defined as blackmail in which sexual information or images are used to extort sexual favors and/or money from the victim.

This online blackmail is often conducted by sophisticated organized criminal networks operating out of business-like locations similar to call centers.  Teenagers often blackmail other teenagers for sexual favors.

There is not one method by which criminal target their victims, many individuals are targeted through websites including social media, dating, webcam or adult pornography sites.     Criminals often target hundreds of individuals around the world simultaneously, in an attempt to increase their chances of finding a victim.

How does it happen?

The blackmailer might assume the identity of an attractive man or woman then, after gaining the victim’s trust, will record footage of the victim in the nude or performing a sexual act.  He then threatens to circulate this footage to the victim’s friends or post it online unless a certain amount of money is paid.

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The drive to find a preferred mate is extremely powerful,” said Lucy Brown, a clinical professor of neurology at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, who studies the brain activity of people in love. “It’s a reflexive urge, like hunger and thirst,” which can cloud judgment and make people less likely to question the motives of an online match.

Moreover, she said, romantic love can produce feelings of euphoria similar to the effects of cocaine or heroin, which explains why otherwise intelligent and accomplished people do irrational things to get a fix. Of course, people have always been fools for love — it’s just that the global reach and altered reality of the Internet increases the risk and can make the emotional and financial damage more severe..”

Click on the link Below for the complete story

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While all police agencies recommend you don’t pay, there are thousands who choose to pay the blackmailer.  For them its  too much at stake career and family.

 

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If you take online pictures using one of these

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you need to read this……

Your wonderful, I can’t live without it-Smartphone has the ability to tell where you are, the location, date and time the picture was taken.

GPS coordinates are stored as “metadata” embedded in the photo files themselves. All you have to do is view the file’s properties and look for it. It’s a bit like the potentially incriminating information that can be stored along with Microsoft Office documents or PDF files

In Windows, all you have to do is right-click a picture file, select “Properties,” and then click the “Details” tab in the properties window. Look for the Latitude and Longitude coordinates under GPS.

In macOS, right-click the image file (or Control+click it), and select “Get Info.” You’ll see the Latitude and Longitude coordinates under the “More Info” section.

Sure, you may be able to see this information with an “EXIF viewer” application, but most operating systems have this feature built in.

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Match the Coordinates to a Location on a Map

These are standard GPS coordinates, so you just need to match them to a location on a map to find where the photo was actually taken. Many mapping services offer this feature—you can plug the coordinates straight into Google Maps, for example. Google offers instructions for properly formatting the coordinates for Google Maps.

Using Google earth, your wonderful smartphone can take me directly to the place where the picture was taken…  The roof top, the cars in the driveway all in wonderful color.

To prevent this from happening.  Learn where your GPS switch is on your phone and make a habit of turning it off.   Not only will it place information in your pictures it can tell others where you are.

Recommendations

Should you choose post any picture on the internet, make sure the GPS switch is off.  If its a nude picture take the picture against a blank wall.   Some people take pictures with other pictures in the background.  “Hey, isn’t that Ryan’s mom in the back ground”   Beware of reelections and mirrors.  Many years ago, a man took a picture of a dining room table and posted it on Craigslist for sale.   In the mirror, was a reflection on him in the nude, taking the picture.

Finally, always be your authentic self.  Take a picture that best represents you.  If your taking a profile picture, you might consider having a good friend take it, someone who knows the real you and can possibly capture the best you.   As for those other pictures, do it if only your comfortable, don’t allow yourself to be pressured by a complete stranger.  Ask yourself, before you upload, would you be fine with friends and family seeing the picture?

CityFella

Next Up:  Adventures on a Online Dating (Stepping up your dating game)

 

The weight of the truth


 

There is a issue in a  relationship/friendship.  It isn’t new in fact, its been an issue for some time.  You’ve ignored it, hoped it would go away on its own.  But now the issue has  grown larger.  An event in your life has placed the issue front and center.

The remedy may be a phone call away, or it may be sleeping beside you.

You avoid the asking the question, because the truth could change the relationship.  You may have long idealized the relationship and even though it hasn’t met your  expectations you have learned to live with the question burning inside.

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A Lifetime of Speculation 

With the issue now front and center, some people choose to outsource the question.  Asking complete strangers who aren’t invested in your life for theories and advice.

Quickly dismissing those who suggest you speak directly to the source.

A lifetime filled with doubt and fear often with the other person, unaware of your feelings.  A lifetime of misplaced anger and resentment.

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You may not like your options, anger and resentment or clarity?

Only one of these will allow you to move forward, no matter the outcome.

If you need a Guarantee THAT every thing will go well 

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There aren’t any guarantees how that person will respond to the question or to your pain.  In the movies, the writer can guarantee the outcome and at the end, the music swells, the rain stops, a bright rainbow appears, then the movie star kiss, slow fade, the perfect ending.

If your conversation must end with a perfect ending, you aren’t ready to have the conversation.  The goal is truth.  The truth will determine which direction your friendship/relationship will go.

Choose a moment ( this is NOT to be conducted electronically via text, or a face app) where the two of you (no more than two) can speak face to face.   Be aware of your tone as your tone and emotions can determine the direction of the conversation.

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Before you speak.  Practice what your going to say, being very Specific. (You may consider writing it down).   If there was an incident, be succinct, tell them how the event made you feel. Don’t dilute the moment with multiple questions.  Then stop and breathe.

Allow them to respond (without interruption) with their truth.  Take their words in, allow a full ten seconds before you respond.    Stay on Topic!    Once the conversation ends, put a period ,not a comma on it.   Accept what you hear.

 

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“It is a choice”.

Life end’s in an Instant, which box will you choose?

The RodFather