How gay Chinese hide their relationships behind ‘sham marriages’


In China – where same-sex unions are not legal and homosexuality remains taboo – gay men and women are marrying each other

When Xiaoxiong and her lesbian lover wanted to hide their relationship from their parents, they decided to find men willing to marry them. They had a specific type in mind: gay.

Searching out suitors for such a marriage of convenience proved difficult, so she created an online matchmaking forum to help others like her conform with family and societal pressures in China, where same-sex marriage is not legal and homosexuality remains taboo.

“I was so relieved that there was a way to please my parents without getting trapped in a marriage with some poor straight man,” said Xiaoxiong, self-described tomboy, who did not want to give her surname to protect her privacy.

“Some of us wish we could trick ourselves, too,” the 35-year-old added.

She lives with her partner, Xiaojing, 36, their dog and two cats in Shenyang, the capital of northeastern Liaoning province, one of China’s more conservative regions.

But during holidays and special occasions, they separate to be with their husbands and families, pretending to be traditional wives.

In China being openly gay is still fraught with difficulties. Dressing a certain way or public displays of affection can draw stares and lead to family turmoil.

Some Chinese parents have even brought gay children to “conversion” clinics for treatment.

Homosexuality was classified as a mental illness in China until 2001 and a crime until 1997, and authorities have arrested gay rights activists.

Around 90 per cent of 20 million gay men in China are married to women who are usually straight and do not initially know their husband’s real sexual orientation, according to a 2012 study from Qingdao University. The study did not look at lesbians’ behavior.

But gay men and women are increasingly marrying each other in so-called cooperative marriages.

There are no estimates on the number of gay-lesbian marriages, but several websites dedicated to them have popped up in recent years.

The largest one, Chinagayles.com, says it has amassed more than 400,000 users and facilitated more than 50,000 cooperative marriages in the past 12 years.

Homophobia in China

“When I turned 25, my parents started to really pressure me to get married. So I searched the internet for ideas,” Xiaoxiong said.

She started her own forum on the popular QQ social media platform to help gays like herself find the ideal fake spouse in northeast China.

Some of the men she spoke with had unrealistic expectations, such as wanting her to grow out her buzz cut or move to a different city to live in the same house as in-laws.

In 2012, she married a high school maths teacher 10 years her senior whose laid-back demeanour immediately made her feel comfortable.

But she cringes at the wedding photos of herself in a white gown and curly black wig. The video makes her “want to vomit”, she concedes.

Within weeks of the ceremony, Xiaojing, her partner for eight years, had also wed a gay man.

The two women run a traditional Chinese medical practice together, and they dedicate several hours each week to answering questions on the online matchmaking forum.

But Xiaojing warns people interested in cooperative marriages to be prepared for potential complications.

“Some people rush into a marriage with someone they barely know,” she said. “But just like real marriage, it only works between people who agree on important things like where to live and whether to have children, and who genuinely care about each other.”

But some gay rights activists frown upon such arrangements.

“By pretending to be straight and enjoying the social benefits, they are abandoning other LGBT people to face the pressure alone,” said Ah Qiang, a prominent activist who leads China’s PFLAG group – Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

“I think a reason homophobia is still so strong in China is that many straight people don’t know any openly gay people,” he said.

Xiaoxiong and Xiaojing believe their families likely know the truth about their relationship, but nobody wants to acknowledge the obvious.

“We don’t wish for much,” Xiaoxiong said. “When we are home, when we are sitting side by side, we just feel so peaceful and happy.”

South China Morning Post

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RHOA: S10 Ep2 Not Over It


Image result for porsha williams and shamea morton

Ladies and Gentlemen!  I give you Cynthia Bailey.!  All of her!   I’ve watched all the Bravo franchises and have never seen a housewives getting in the tub and shaving her legs in the tub.  Yes, Angela Stone from the Real Housewives of Auckland took pictures for the cover of her book in the tub.  This seemed like a commercial for a woman’s shaver or bubble bath.   Just an observation and yes she has it.

We join Ms Bailey on date in what looks like a giant chicken coop.  He date blindfolds her and reveals they are in his studio. Dinner is prepared.  Did I mention her date is  a photographer,who takes pictures of her. The cynical me says the photos are to boost his career.   At dinner they discuss age, he’s 29 she’s not end of story.

Across town at Porsha’s sister Lauren and her child is moving in, there is some baby daddy issues.

Sheree sees a Life Coach, the abuse that surfaced last season with Bob is a heavy cloud she can’t shake.  Despite the show airing, she still hasn’t had the discussion with her children. Her Coach recommends a dry run, where she inacts a conversation with friends. She has the dry run at Kandi’s House.

After Cynthia divorced, she thought she and Kenya would be burning up the streets as two single women.   We learn the beginnings of Kenya super fast relationship.  Sounds like hubby has a couple of coins.  Problem is he is a private person who married a public person and she is worried about their future.

Shamea, Porsha’s bestie is  getting married in Kenya.   From the moment Phaedra entered Porsha’s life her relationship with Shamea has been bumpy .    The Bentley driving Porsha, says she cant afford a 10K first class ticket to her besties wedding. and she has a medical condition that prevents her from flying coach.

Shamea has an shower.  Everyone is in hats.   I didn’t recognize Sheree ,wearing a dark blonde wig.  Porsha said she looked like Kim Zolciak (yall leave Porsha alone, only Porsha would think Sheree looks like white woman.)   Porsha also thinks she and Kandi are okay.  When she joins the table, Kandi gets up and leaves.

Kandi returns with friend Carmon on the other end of the table.  (we know Carmon has jokes)   Shamea and Porsha have known each other since they were children and she wanted to know why wasn’t she attending?  Porsha, well I sent you a not from my doctor.   Carmon reached into her purse and said she has a note for everything.   Porsha at one point said she basically has low blood pressure that wont allow her to set for long periods.   Carmon came back with yes she not used to having her legs down that long cause they are usually  up in the air . (Now come on Bravo, yall was being shady and we love it. I question if they were sitting at the same table cause Porsha would have turned over that table if she heard any of Carmon’s comments. )

Image result for the real housewives of atlanta season 10 episode 2

The episode ended with Shamea and Porsha arguing.  Porsha’s upset, that Shemea brought this up in front of Kandi.    Clearly there are deep feelings from Shemea wanting her bestie at her side.  As the door was closing Porsha called Shemea a bitch and said she will love her from afar .

This Episode was a 5 out of 10

CityFella

como estas


Image result for como estas

I’m a Californian, lived here most of my life.  I’ve had Mexican/Latin friends all of my life

Roommates, housemates, friendships, spanning decades. Our families are interchangeable.   Recently, returning from LA , I called a friend to tell him I was planning to visit his family in Tulare on my way home.  After, I arrived, he told me, his abuela, who is in her nineties cooked throughout the night for my visit.  I still have her delicacies in my freezer.

I met Roberto, my first year of school in Fresno.  I struggled the first few months on my own.  With the exception of my mother in the Bay Area, no one knew of my dire situation.  The only food on my shelves was spaghetti, no meat, no sauce, just pasta and salt until my next pay check.

His family lived in Corcoran, a small city in Kings County.  On my first visit, everyone in his very large family was warm except for the old lady in the green chair (his abuela) I later discovered I was the families first black visitor and abuela didn’t trust black people.

Returning home, they loaded up the back of his truck with boxes of food for him.  I  remember being envious and wishing the food was for me.   When we arrived at my apartment, he said the food WAS for me.  Five boxes of food with cans of soda.  Somehow they knew.  We carried the boxes of food to my door,  I was so ashamed  I wouldn’t let him in my bleak apartment with a small black and white TV and a mattress on the floor.

Through the years my family has become more latin, english is their second language .

Despite my exposure to Spanish, my Spanish sucks.  Some,members of my family, go out of their way to make fun of me.  “I know you know this, say it!  and I do know it, dammit!  but I get it wrong.   Of course they love this.  This winter, I plan to take a few of them, to an isolated area in the mountains, where some of them may be discovered after the spring thaw .

 I can speak 30 words with confidence. I understand about 100 words.  Many friends assume I’m fluent.  Of course, this is usually after they’ve had a few drinks.

Through the years I have purchased, cassettes, books, Cd’s to increase my knowledge of the language, most are unopened.  I only remember the books then is when I’m visiting friends and family.    When it comes to como esta , I’m VERY CONFIDENT!  ‘bien, muy bien.   

WINNING!!!   

If you need an enthusiastic spanish speaking greeter  I’m your man!   I’m friendly!  Buenos días.  Buenas tardes, Buena noches ,adios with a big smile, beyond that it’s uh huh!  

CityFella

 

the Confession


 

By: Madeline Klosterman/The American Italia

I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time,” he said. “But it never seemed right. I felt awkward with my feelings. But I really liked you. I was really attracted to you. I just couldn’t say it.”

On a crisp autumn day in upstate New York, Joel told me the truth about his feelings for me, and what had held him back those many years ago.

He was married at the time. That I already knew. He tried to kiss me at of 49th and 6th Avenue in Manhattan. I remember the bright city lights and the setting sun casting its shadows. I turned my head.

“Why can’t we get closer,” he asked. “Why can’t we make-out in some corner?”

“You’re married, remember?” He seemed to have forgotten.

“Yes I’m married, but I care for you,” he said, “One day I’ll tell you why the marriage no longer matters. I just can’t tell you now.”

Lines, I thought to myself. Where did he get these lines? But I did like him. Otherwise I wouldn’t have stood so long at that street-corner saying goodbye.

Now, years later sitting in a field overlooking a sloping valley, Joel told me the rest of the story.

When we met, his wife was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. She was losing recognition of the most basic things. It was a new marriage to boot, less than five years old, and his second. He hadn’t signed up for this, for his new partner to slip away so quickly, to be transformed from husband into caregiver.

But he stayed by her side. He watched as disease stole her memories, of friends, belongings, of her entire world. And as she repeated questions, lost direction, and read the same magazine over and over, his loneliness set in. She was there but gone.

“I’m a partner kind of guy,” he told me. “I like having someone to check in with and share my day.”

“Who do you check in with?” he asked me. “Who do you tell your day to?”

I realized then that I had no such person in my life. But I didn’t care. I’ve never felt the need to report to anyone. So said nothing.

“When did she die?” I asked.

“February, seven months ago.”

“And did she remember you until the end?”

“Yes, just before she died, she had a moment of lucidity and looked at me and said, barely audible, “I love you.” Then she disappeared into the abyss and died shortly after.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m really sorry.”

“I learned so much from caring for her. So much. I wouldn’t change any of it. Caring for someone in this way is the greatest gift.”

A long silence followed.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Joel asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “I see someone. But I can’t say where it’s going. He never wants to say. It’s a guy thing I guess.”

“If there’s an opening, I’d really like to see you. I’m in the city once a week, usually on Wednesdays. Can I give you a call for lunch?”

I smiled and nodded. Maybe it was worth exploring. As I drove back to the city, I considered how much of a full circle it would be if Joel, now single, re-entered my life.

He was outdoorsy, ready to travel, and he had feelings for me. What might I discover about my feelings for him? I let my mind wander.

Three weeks have passed since that autumn afternoon. The days are colder and winter is slowly creeping in. Joel has vanished. There have been no calls. There was no lunch date. I’ve stopped waiting for anything further.

It’s as if the day we met was his confessional, a chance to reveal his story and explain why he’d once been willing to be unfaithful. And perhaps to have the confession witnessed, before it slipped from memory and was gone for good

 

More: The American in Italia: http://www.theamericanmag.com/

Fresh Not Frozen: Luann De Lesseps husband is engaged to her former friend


Image result for anna rothschild tom D agostino

Photo: Radaronline

The Dick continues his Dickish (Not a word) ways.

According to #Radaronline Luann De Lesseps current husband  Tom D’ Agostino has proposed to her former friend  Anna Rothschild.

#The Real Housewife of New York filed for divorce from last month due to several cheating rumors.

Click the link below for the Full Story

http://radaronline.com/videos/luann-de-lesseps-divorce-husband-tom-dagostino-engaged-anna-rothschild/

 

Online Dating: She spent two years online with a man she never met


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This is a repost of an 2012 article :I Wasted 2 Years on a Man I Never Met

By Laurie Sandell, in New York City

 

.I remember the first e-mail I received from Jamie; it wasn’t exactly poetic. “Hello, you sound interesting,” he wrote. Looking back, it’s hard to believe what that simple line would lead to.

He’d sent his note via Match.com. At the time, I was nearing 30 and working as a secretary at a big investment bank in New York City — not exactly the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. Checking my Match.com inbox was the highlight of my day. So I checked out his profile immediately, but wrote him off just as fast — he lived in the Midwest and, more importantly, hadn’t posted a photo. “Sorry, I’m not interested,” I replied. He persisted and e-mailed a few snapshots, along with a note. Turns out he was reasonably cute, and really funny.

We started shooting flirty e-mails back and forth. This went on for a couple of weeks until I said, “So, do you want to come to New York for a date?” Suddenly, his e-mails stopped. For two days, I heard nothing. Then he wrote: “Listen, I’m sorry. I really screwed up. I’m not looking for a relationship; I was just trying to have some e-mail fun.”

“E-mail fun? E-MAIL FUN??” I wrote. Furious, I deleted every last one of his notes.

A few weeks later, he resurfaced. “Let me explain myself,” he began. “Ever since my father died, I’ve been terrified to get too close to anyone . . .”

 

Click on the Link Below for the rest of the story

https://sacratomatovillepost.com/2012/03/03/i-wasted-2-years-on-a-man-i-never-met/

A Near Perfect First Date?


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After talking online for weeks, they agreed to meet for dinner.  He is impressed with what he sees.  From the beginning, the couple enjoyed their conversations, first online then on the phone.  She received major bonus points for truth in advertising as she looked like her online pictures.

At dinner the conversation flowed from TV to Trump.  They talked about hobbies and dreams and then, without warning the conversation took a hard left.  When she asked if there was anything he could change about his appearance what would it be?  His response was nothing,  I go to the gym three days a week, and I run.

I can tell she said, your a very cute ,but I think its important to look our very best .  I regularly get botox injections to remove the fine lines in my forehead, you could use some around the eyes.  I noticed  you have slight ponch when you came in. You know there is a non invasive procedure to tighten your stomach.

I have always been fit. I eat right and I work out every day.  I even worked out when my legs was broken.  Of course, I couldn’t run, but I used the other machines in the gym.  Both my parents are in their seventies and they are very fit.   In fact, most of my family are fit except for my sister who ballooned up after having her kids.  She has completely let herself go ,its just horrible and none of us have anything to do with her!   Is there anyone overweight your in family?

She thought the date, went well and wants to see him again

She lost him at botox injections.

CityFella