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Rodfather: Our life is hell!!!


Dear Rodfather……

I married my bride 22 years ago. She is 14 years older than me.  She has three grown children from her first marriage.  Only one of her children is worth anything. The other two are drugged up entitled snots . One is in her late forties and the other one is 51.  My wife had a bad divorce and is filled with guilt,she blames herself and almost never say no to them

Through the years we have paid for rehab, helped them with their bills and even bought her son a car so he could get to and from work.   We’ve had to pay for their apartment we co signed on.  We have watched them walk away from their responsibilities  lose cars and everything they own and it’s never their fault.  I should have retired four years ago but I can’t afford it now.

They have been in and out of our lives throughout most of our marriage.   My wife had to retire early due to major health issues including a hip replacement and heart surgery . The straw that broke the camel’s back is when her son, pushed my wife to the floor.  We called the police and just got a restraining order.    While her daughter hasn’t come back buy my stepson has. Our neighbors watch our house and he recently arrested. So far he’s  been arrested three times. He send his friends over and they knock on our door through the night.    I have lived through broken windows, slashed tires and have been personally attacked several times.   I cant do this anymore.  I want to sell my home and leave the state.   What I’m worried about is that one of these worthless shits will call her and she will send them a ticket.      Rodfather, people in hell have it better than we do, I need some real advice you can call me sick and tired.

 

Dear, Sick and tired……..

Parental guilt is a lifetime and is overrated.  Nearly every parent does the best they can. However, they should not feel guilt for the choices their adult children make!  Her guilt has crippled her children and she has created a life long dependents.   While I agree with you, should leave the area and start a new life, you shouldn’t move until she gets therapy and chooses each other over her children. (A longshot)

Your devotion to your wife is commendable, however you may have to save yourself.  Her children view you as a roadblock to what they believe they are entitled to.  They’ve pushed her, a woman they love who has had heart and hip surgery.  You are simply someone in the way.  The two of you should be living a golden life, but if she choose them, you need to leave and create a new life for yourself.

 

Rodfather

 

 

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The World of Me!


You gotta love people who believe THEY are the most important people in the world.

They purposely cut you off on the roadways.   They appear in the express lane in the supermarket with 200 items.  They demand immediate attention, the line is for pedestrians.

When I travel, I’m usually the last one on the plane and the last one off.    Being last, usually mean I simply walk to my seat, most people are settled in, no waiting for people to stow there belonging.   I normally sit in the aisle seat near the end of plane.

One evening in Portland, I wasn’t the last passenger.  There was a lady, demanding the plane wait for her friend’s WHO were waiting for pizza.    The young woman at the counter said the flight to Sacramento was full and they were going to close the door.  NO! she shouted,  your not full, were not on, so you’ll have to wait!  They should be coming now!

Well, Hell, this is much better than the Housewives or any of the Reality shows. I wanted to see how this was going to end.    However, to see the end, would mean I would miss my flight.  So, I faked a slow limp.  DAMM!     On board, I strained my neck to see if the lady and her friends made it on the plane.        Ding, (the seat belt sign came on) as the plane was being pushed backward.   Guess they will enjoy their pizza at PDX!

What is it about those individuals, who has Chutzpah, to cut in line, push others and simply disregard all others and feel there actions are justified.

Turning the other cheek

Were human, sometime you can swallow and say to yourself, let it go, it isn’t worth it.  Then  there is that one time that your not feeling particularly Christian.  No fucking way!  Not Today!

Philadelphia:   I’m on my second leg of three legs to Sacramento.  A man enters the cabin, he’s not flight staff, he’s another passenger.  He opens the  overhead above my seat and begins to relocated the belongings of other passengers items to other bins.  I can’t believe no one isn’t saying anything.  In my head, I’m daring him to move my bag with my PC.   Sure enough, he takes my bag and I tell him to leave it where it is.   He said, he is gonna move it down.  You could feel the heat in my little section.   I told him, your going to fucking leave it where it is!  (This is unusual for me,  I’m not one for making scenes or swearing in public)  He angrily stared at me, as if!    In my head, I said to myself. you gonna end up seeing Jesus on this plane, ain’t nobody playin wit ju!      Somewhere during the flight, when the man went to the restroom, a man in the row behind me  tapped me and said, could you believe that guy, he moved MY stuff!    I’m thinking to myself, why didn’t YOU say anything.

 

Who are these people?  Did they Have indulgent parents?

One wonders, how were these people formed?  Did this form of narcissism begin as a child.  That one child who is throwing a tantrum because they don’t want to wait their turn and that indulgent parent who makes excuses and exceptions for their child’s poor behavior.    Is this the beginning, of  a skewed perception of the world that insists that their needs or demands comes before others, at any cost!

 

“We teach people how to treat us” 

One of my favorite movies is “Avalon”, directed by Barry Levinson.  It follows a Russian Jewish family as they slowly build a new life in  America.  Through the years the family immersed themselves in American culture.  Including Thanksgiving, one branch of the family is notoriously late. (not minutes,hour or so) not once ,but every time.  This was before (microwaves) and the very large family waits for the uncle and his familyto arrive before cutting the Turkey.  The children are hungry.   But they wait.  The apologies aren’t genuine.   After many years.  They start without them.   This action divides the once close family.  its very sad.    But….

We teach people how to treat us.   It is my theme.     I cant stand by and dine or travel with anyone who doesn’t  have any consideration for others.   I refuse to watch someone I know, berate another person , because he or she doesn’t want to don’t want to wait.  Those individuals don’t care if their friends are humiliated.  They simply want what they want!    When that happens, I quietly leave. No Drama, no scene’s or explanations.  I leave. All human beings deserve respect and if I should stay, I’m condoning bad behavior, it isn’t worth it…

 

CityFella

Are you being ‘GASLIGHTED’? The subtle red flags you’re being emotionally manipulated in the office, at home or in your relationship


GASLIGHTING, is a term to describe people who emotionally abuse others

They can distort your mind by planting seeds of self-doubt without you knowing

behavioral expert Grazina Fechner reveals the warning signs

By:Cindy Tran/Daily Mail Australia

To the outside world, they lead a seemingly happy life.But behind closed doors, they can deliberately distort your mind by planting seeds of self-doubt without you even knowing.

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Meet ‘gaslighters’ – a term to describe people who emotionally abuse others with such conviction and confidence that the victim starts to feel uncertain themselves.

So given they can manipulate people so subtly, how easy can you spot one?

Here, Sydney‘s behavioural expert Grazina Fechner reveals the warning signs to help you identify whether you’re a victim of gaslighting.
'Gaslighters is a term to describe people who emotionally abuse others with such conviction and confidence that the victim starts to feel uncertain themselves (stock image)

‘In the whole gaslighting arena, you generally think you’re going crazy. It’s the emotional abuse, thinking you’re going crazy and lack of control,’ she told The Morning Show.

‘There’s lots of different ways to spot a gaslighter – everything from you starting to doubt yourself, so straight away, you’re on the back foot all the time.

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How to Spot A Gaslighter

Always Lying

Correcting Your Memory

Calls You Crazy

Plant seeds of self-doubt

There mistakes becomes yours

‘They’re always lying and they’re correcting your memory – so what will happen is, you’ll say “no, I didn’t do that” but they’ll say “yes, you did, that’s exactly what happened”. They’ll call you crazy, so often you’ll sit there and go “far out, maybe I am going crazy”.

And their mistakes often become yours. So when they’ve made the mistake, they’ll bring it back to you and say “you know what, that was all about you, nothing to do with me”.’

Describing their behaviour, Ms Fechner said gaslighers have a ‘fake little persona’.

Sydney's behavioural expert Grazina Fechner (pictured) reveals the warning signs to help you identify whether you're a victim of gaslighting

Sydney’s behavioural expert Grazina Fechner (pictured) reveals the warning signs to help you identify whether you’re a victim of gaslighting

Behind closed doors, they can deliberately distort your mind by planting seeds of self-doubt without you even knowing (stock image)
Behind closed doors, they can deliberately distort your mind by planting seeds of self-doubt without you even knowing (stock image)

‘So to the outside world, they live this glamorous life, and they are the perfect husband, the perfect father and the perfect employer,’ she explained.

‘They feed off drama, so they love drama. They have that “perfect” image, they rationalise everything, they always think they’re right, and they stay in control.’

‘When they can manipulate and when they can emotionally abuse, that means they have control over you… It’s in various situations and they are very good at doing it.’

And it’s not just couples who are suffering emotionally. Ms Fechner said employers can also gaslight by shifting the blame onto you after they made a mistake at work.

She said mother-in-laws or family members are also good at gaslighting – but when they are with their friends, they have a different persona because they know they don’t have control over them.

Broke Down Diva


What is a”Broke Down Diva?”

A woman who wants everything her way and nothing else! (Jennie.G)

A Female that expects everything from someone else (Trophy wife) ( Stephanie F)

A pretender, a Diva wanna be, who gets off on belittling others, wants to live the lives of the Rich and famous but she eats at Denny’s and shops at Ross (Wayne. C)

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The Sacramento Applebee staff knows who she is.  She visits the restaurant on Friday nights with an entourage (6 to 10 people) during the restaurants busiest period  between 7-8.   She doesn’t want to wait and has on occasion slipped onto table as the patrons were leaving insisting, her table cleaned immediately!   She makes the staff wait, as she inspects the water glasses and if one doesn’t meet her standard then she demands all the glasses replaced.   Everyone food, must meet her standards, or they’re returned.   Ignoring her means DRAMA, something she seems to enjoy.  If doesn’t matter if “A” server has her hands full of hot platters, doesn’t have to be her server.  SHE must be attended to immediately.   Loud disagreements are common place, if she isn’t getting her way!   ” Any in fraction should come with a discount, after all it wasn’t perfect, something she expects every time. She has memorized the customer service number and has complained in the past when her all demands weren’t met!     She openly tells her friends the wait staff  should be thankful that they are receiving a tip from her.    She feels  her 4% or 9% tips are more than generous considering the service!

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She arrives at the hotel in her signature gold outfit, with matching purse, polyester on parade.   She wants nothing but the best, her initial tone is pleasing, if she is displeased it becomes shrill.   She arrived at 1am with a story.  Another hotel had her on hold for more than an hour  OMG! OMG! she cried!   She wanted a suite but a suite wasn’t available.  She was appalled! “You don’t have a suite!  (They expected her to say OMG-but she didn’t)   She is expecting a visitor.  She has always stayed in a suite at this hotel.  And her demeanor says she had  never experienced a pedestrian room!    A room without a sofa and amenities!   She reluctantly accepts a “pedestrian room.  A few minutes later, she returns and says she is sick to her stomach.  How could she face her company in such a room?   She calls the reservation line to locate a suite in the greater Sacramento Area, however, she doesn’t want to spend much.  They locate a reasonably priced suite near Cal-Expo that’s 20 dollars more.    She apologizes, and thanks the front desk for not charging her for THAT room.    Oh my gawd!

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Tracee is well known to the merchants of this small foothill community.  For her outrageous behavior, demanding discounts and returns.     Some of the cashiers go on a break when she walks in.  She is always over dressed and over perfumed.  She wears stilettos in the rain, everyone knows where she is at all times by the clacking sounds of her shoes. She often keeps the items until the last day they can be returned.   She will argue past closing time.   One supervisor said, I hate to say it, but I think we all hate her.  She goes out of her way to be mean and just nasty!    There is no reason for her to be like that!    If anyone in this town is a Broke Down Diva, Tracee (not her real name) fits the bill.

 

 

Verbally Abusive Relationships Are Far More Common Than Anyone Wants To Believe


verbally abusive relationship
By: Rhoberta Shaler PhD/Your Tango.com

My mother berated me throughout my entire childhood. But there is hope.

Being in a verbally abusive relationship is far more common than anyone would like to think. The line between someone being strict and someone being verbally abusive can be a fine one for some. For others, there is no question of what’s what, and they can recognize the signs of verbal abuse without hesitation.

Our experience as a victim of verbal abuse becomes a part of us, seems somehow normal, and we go on, even tolerating it from our partners, parents, or co-workers. When you’ve been verbally abused, one of three things usually happen:

1. You repeat the verbal abuse to others.

2. You live in fear and become a people-pleaser, taking whatever others hand out.

3. You get help, become your own person, learn to live according to your own values and vision, and you take back control of your life. And, that life does not include being verbally abusive to yourself or anyone else … particularly not to your children.

Being verbally abusive is a way for the abuser to feel they have a sense of power over someone else. 

This form of violence — which it is — has been well-defined by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, applies to this type of behavior in any type of relationship:

Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of abuse can be going on at any one time.

Scary, right? And, it’s far more common than you or I think.

 

My own mother was both verbally and emotionally abusive. Did I know that as a kid? Yes. But I didn’t have a name for it. It just felt really bad, and I hated the way she constantly put me down, and found daily things — hourly things — to criticize. One of her “best” was how often she told me she had never wanted kids. No wonder I’m an only child.

So, even though it felt all wrong, as a child I was powerless to define another way of thinking about myself other than through the lens of opinions my mother served up daily. Where was my father in all this? He was away from the home as often as possible. He couldn’t stand her, either.

Looking back, it’s not surprising he decided to become a commercial fisherman when I was young. He had an ironclad reason for being away six months of the year. Not surprisingly, he also had serious health issues. That put him in the hospital most years for at least three months of his time at home. And the rest of that time? He spent it in the pool room, which was off limits to women.

Another example of abuse in my young life stemmed from that very room. My father often wouldn’t come home for dinner on time, and my mother would drive to the pool room and force me to go in and get him. Do you see that’s abuse? I hope so. It just wasn’t appropriate on any level.

None of us who experience verbal and emotional abuse are alone, although most of us feel extremely alone.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s December 17th, 2010 edition of their Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report disclosed that:

About a quarter of the more than 26,000 adults surveyed reported experiencing verbal abuse as children, nearly 15 percent had been physical abused, and more than 12 percent — more than one in 10 — had been sexually abused as a child… Almost one in five respondents (19.4 percent) had lived as a child with someone who was depressed, mentally ill, or suicidal.

Because the verbally abusive relationship becomes horribly “normal” to those who experienced it, they often don’t see it as it is happening.

You may well see it in others, but not in yourself. You may not actually get in touch with what has happened to you (if you ever do) until you find yourself trying to figure out why it is you can’t find love, or until you find yourself stuck in (yet another) relationship that just isn’t working.

When the pain and  loneliness — yes, you can feel terribly lonely even when you are in a relationship — become too much, you finally get some professional help. That’s when you discover that what you absorbed so early in your life, unintentionally and definitely without your permission, has been silently sabotaging every relationship you have ever entered.

https://giphy.com/embed/6hgbok7YssOFGvia GIPHY

You can heal.

You can stop feeling there is something wrong with you.

You can stop blaming yourself.

You can stop blaming your partner.

You can find your own personal power.

You can release yourself from the shackles of your past — and finally feel free. 

This discovery can give you a new lease on life with your partner and your children.

Verbal abuse, whether hidden behind closed doors or screamed loudly in the supermarket, has a definitive negative effect on everyone involved. It’s far too common, and it can be keep you from experiencing love, respect, and safety in relationships.

That’s too high a price to pay … and, yet you will keep on paying until you see it, name it, and eradicate it from your daily life. And you deserve to be free.

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor, is a relationship consultant and educator. Author of sixteen books, she specializes in helping the partners, exes, and adult children of chronically difficult people. If you have been or are being verbally abused, start freeing yourself from it with a free half-hour consultation with her.

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