Wife spills all the tea after 62 yo Hubby ditched her for 19 year old


John Copsey has ditched his wife Jacqui, 63, for 19-year-old Daisy Tomlinson (pictured, the pair together)
John Copsey was once the Conservative mayor of Bridlington, UK .  After over 30 years of marriage to his wife Jacqui he left her for his 19 year old mistress.  The two share a flat and he tells friends its the real thing and he wants to get married. 
The current Mrs Copsey said the saga has been a nightmare and that she feels they are a laughing stock and she spills the tea to the Daily Mail.
Daisy Tomlinson is 43 years younger than former mayor John Copsey.

 

John and Jacqui Copsey had been through a lot together. Their connection weathered jealously, divorce, children, an election and even a brain tumor. While it seemed like the couple who had drifted apart and found each other later in life were built to last, all it took was a pretty 19-year-old girl to tear them apart.

Charismatic, outgoing and larger than life, the electrical engineer with a passion for local politics was a popular choice in the East Yorkshire seaside town.

And John, looking distinguished in his mayoral robes and chains, took to civic duty like a duck to water. He never missed an official function, even though Jacqui, 63, was often too ill to join him as mayoress after treatment for a brain tumour.

A tireless charity-fundraiser, John, 62, let people try on his mayoral chains for a £1 donation to the local air ambulance and was a natural in front of the cameras.

John in mayoral robes and Jacqui as mayoress in 2015

John and Jacqui 2015

He and Jacqui, who first got together 38 years ago, were respected VIPs and regulars at the local yacht club and have a 34-year-old son who is first officer on luxury boat charters.

Jacqui was so proud of John. But not any more: today, she is devastated, humiliated and betrayed.

The whole town was scandalized when it emerged the former mayor had ‘ditched’ Jacqui for 19-year-old agricultural student Daisy Tomlinson — a young woman 43 years his junior.

It’s one thing to have to deal with your husband trading you in for a younger model, but another thing altogether when it’s for someone who’s young enough to be your granddaughter.

Splashed all over the papers were photographs of the new couple out and about, hand-in-hand, looking less — it must be said — like lovebirds than a teenager taking her doddery grandad out for the day.

‘I think he’s gone completely nuts,’ says Jacqui, still in shock by the sudden and tawdry end to her partnership with John.

‘He must have gone mad, because I can’t find any other way to explain it. He’s too old for a mid-life crisis.’

For Jacqui, the whole saga has been nothing short of a ‘nightmare’. She says she feels like a ‘laughing stock’ every time she leaves the house.

The love-struck pair, however, remain defiant.

Now sharing a flat with his teenage lover, Mr Copsey said after the scandal broke: ‘We are very much in love and intend to marry. You can put that down as our official engagement. There is nothing more to it.’

Daisy added: ‘We are very happy. We are at a loss why anyone is interested. It’s quite boring. My parents are happy. They say they are happy as long as I am happy.’

Mr Copsey, who met Daisy at a rock concert when she was only 17, insisted their friendship turned to romance only recently, adding that there was ‘no abuse of position’.

But in her first interview, wife Jacqui claims Daisy admitted she and John had been seeing each other once a week for the past two years.

Furthermore, Jacqui denies being ‘ditched’, saying that she kicked John out of the marital home last month after her attempts to reason with the star-crossed lovers fell on deaf ears.

When contacted by the Daily Mail, Mr Copsey  who though no longer mayor is still a town councilor said he had no further comment to make either on his relationship with Daisy or on anything his ex-wife has to say.

‘At first, I thought it was just a foolish schoolgirl crush which would fizzle out with time,’ says Jacqui, who now faces having to sell their jointly owned £235,000 three-bedroom home in a painful division of assets.

‘I don’t know how many times I said to John: “She’s only 19!” I thought he’d come to his senses and realize he was being a silly old fool, flattered by the attention.

‘John was a very good mayor and someone in his position shouldn’t have given her the time of day. It’s just crazy.

‘I can’t even begin to understand what she sees in him. I asked him: “What do you speak about? What do you have in common?” He just told me: “Oh, we get on very well.”

‘Perhaps it’s because she’ll just listen to him and not question anything, whereas I don’t. Or it’s the sex and his brain is in his crotch. I just don’t know.’

Jacqui says the couple’s son is horrified at his father’s behavior.

‘He says that even he, at 34, wouldn’t entertain going out with a 19-year-old,’ she says.

‘Even Daisy’s mother, at 49, is too young for John. The whole thing is ridiculous.’

Married in 1980, seven months after meeting in a nightclub, Jacqui admits her relationship with John has not been without problems.

In 1992, following a series of rows over what Jacqui calls John’s roving eye, they divorced. She claims he has always been ‘a ladies’ man’ and a ‘bit of a player’.

Nevertheless, in 1997 they reconciled after John’s second marriage broke down and Jacqui split from her policeman boyfriend. She says they had both realised they still loved each other.

The couple never got round to remarrying, although weddings were booked twice, but they had lived as man and wife ever since.

‘We just kind of drifted back together,’ says Jacqui. ‘We had a son, who was still a teenager, and I was feeling vulnerable after the death of my father from cancer. Our marital home was still in joint names. John was tall, good-looking and — despite being full of himself — a lively man to be with.

‘I thought it was better second time round, but now I think I was deluded and blinkered. I wish we’d never got back together.’

In 2011, shortly after John was elected to Bridlington council, Jacqui had an MRI scan to investigate loss of hearing and night-time seizures, and was shocked to be told she had a brain tumor.

John was so upset when I phoned him with the news,’ she recalls. ‘He had to pull over in the car he was crying so much.’

John was with her when she underwent radiotherapy in Sheffield to successfully treat the 2cm tumour, but the after-effects continue to this day.

Ever since, she’s suffered seizures, dizziness, tinnitus and extreme fatigue, forcing her to retire from nursing through ill-health.

John was elected deputy mayor in 2014, but Jacqui found herself unable to fully support him in his civic duties.

‘I remember John telling me after I was diagnosed with the brain tumour: “Don’t worry, Jacqui, I will stand by you,”’ she says. In 2015, three weeks before John was elected mayor, Jacqui collapsed at home following a massive seizure.

It was their son, who was home at the time, who called the ambulance.

‘I was so poorly, I was like someone with Alzheimer’s for a couple of weeks,’ she recalls.

‘I was on anti-epileptic drugs, which I shall be on for life, and steroids to reduce inflammation. The steroids caused me to put on three stone — not that I was bothered what I looked like — and my head felt full of polystyrene, but during that time John never dropped one civic engagement.’

Jacqui blames her illness for not noticing the warning signs sooner.

She says she knew Daisy only as a local teenager who belonged to a troupe of amateur performing artists, dressing up as trolls and wearing grotesque masks to entertain crowds at civic events and lark around for the cameras.

So no alarm registered when last year she saw a photograph of Daisy — minus her troll mask — posted on Facebook, showing her wearing John’s mayoral chains, with the caption: ‘Decided being mayor is not for me — I’m sticking to farming.’

‘One day John told me: “Oh, Daisy came up to me in the street and pinched my bum while I was talking to a gentleman.” And I replied: “Aren’t you the lucky one to have such a young admirer?”

‘I thought her a funny little thing, quite plain and nondescript, and I made a joke of it, because why on earth would such a young girl be interested in someone of John’s age? Later, at a civic lunch, I teased him and told everyone, “Oh John’s got a follower called Daisy” — and they started singing the song “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do, I’m half crazy over the love of you”.

 

‘John laughed it off and said: “I don’t know about Daisy, but you’re all crazy!”’

At a Dickensian festival at Christmas, Jacqui made a rare appearance with John and happily chatted with Daisy, telling the teenager she’d been poorly lately, but was feeling better.

But Jacqui’s suspicions were raised when, on Christmas Eve, John’s mobile phone kept ringing with calls from the teenager.

‘John told me Daisy just wanted some electrical advice because her grandad had been trying to fix their kettle and she was worried,’ says Jacqui.

‘I thought then it was a bit strange and wondered if she had a schoolgirl crush. Maybe that’s what it was in the beginning, but John should have had the control and decency not to follow it.’

Jacqui believed Daisy’s infatuation would quickly fizzle out if she ignored it, and claims John assured her that he, too, regarded it as a bit of a nuisance.

‘He told me Daisy was just a silly girl who wouldn’t leave him alone,’ she says. ‘He said he wished he’d never set eyes on her and was giving her the brush-off — and, more fool me, I believed him.’

But this year Jacqui found out John and Daisy had been on dates and had enjoyed a picnic together.

She then received a message — sent from a fake Facebook account — informing her that the pair were seeing each other behind her back.

There followed tears, rows, accusations and denials, so Jacqui decided to contact Daisy to ask what was going on.

‘I tried to reason with her, telling her: “Daisy, you’re young — your heart will soon mend. John is old enough to be your grandfather,”’ Jacqui says.

‘I thought maybe she was looking for a father figure, but she insisted that wasn’t the case.

‘She said that she was in love with John and he with her. I couldn’t believe it.

Daisy (pictured) said she was 'very happy' with Mr Copsey and that her parents were 'happy' with her relationship

Daisy (pictured) said she was ‘very happy’ with Mr Copsey and that her parents were ‘happy’ with her relationship

‘She told me: “I have messages that prove John told me he loved me and wants to be with me. I know I shouldn’t have got involved with him, but I fell in love with him deeply.”’

Jacqui opens her laptop and reads — in a flat, beaten voice — the text messages she says Daisy forwarded to her as proof of John’s love for her.

In one, John apparently tells Daisy he wants her to have his baby. He calls her his one love, his possession, his dream and — reassuring her she is not just a bit on the side — his future wife.

‘When I confronted John, he told me the text messages must have been doctored,’ says Jacqui. ‘I believed him at first, but I don’t see how they could have been.

‘I felt so hurt and angry, but I’m not a nasty person and I gave them both more leeway than I should have because Daisy was so young and naive.

‘I gave John chance after chance to end it, and he kept insisting that he had or that he was trying to.

‘He told me: “I’ve told her all sorts to put her off.” But, in the end, he just couldn’t do it — or he didn’t want to.’

Matters came to a head on Friday September 8 after John and Jacqui both attended a memorial at the yacht club, where an old friend’s ashes were being scattered.

Afterwards, they went into town together to have a drink and then get a takeaway to bring home, but ran straight into Daisy.

‘I took one look at her and instinct told me that the relationship wasn’t over. “You’re still together, aren’t you?” I said — and they both said “Yes”.

‘I was very calm, but the next morning I thought, “That’s it, Jacqui, enough is enough”, and chucked him out.

‘John moved into lodgings first, and then he and Daisy got a flat together.’

Today, relations remain strained, to say the least. Jacqui reckons it is only a matter of time before Daisy tires of her elderly fiance, and she says she wouldn’t be surprised if John asked if he could come home.

She says he recently sent her a text message, apologizing for all the upset and adding: ‘I understand you hate my guts, but I will help you in any way, shopping, financial, whatever you need.’

‘I do miss him and I don’t like being on my own, but I’d be a complete idiot to have him back,’ she says. ‘I can’t humiliate myself further.

‘I gave him all those chances. He didn’t have to do this.

‘I’d be unhappy if Daisy was 50 or 60, but the fact she’s only 19 makes it so horrible. She’s so young, and he’s old enough to know better.

‘It makes me wonder if John ever really loved me, or if he knows anything about love at all.’

 

From Daily Mail/UK

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RHOA: S10 Ep2 Not Over It


Image result for porsha williams and shamea morton

Ladies and Gentlemen!  I give you Cynthia Bailey.!  All of her!   I’ve watched all the Bravo franchises and have never seen a housewives getting in the tub and shaving her legs in the tub.  Yes, Angela Stone from the Real Housewives of Auckland took pictures for the cover of her book in the tub.  This seemed like a commercial for a woman’s shaver or bubble bath.   Just an observation and yes she has it.

We join Ms Bailey on date in what looks like a giant chicken coop.  He date blindfolds her and reveals they are in his studio. Dinner is prepared.  Did I mention her date is  a photographer,who takes pictures of her. The cynical me says the photos are to boost his career.   At dinner they discuss age, he’s 29 she’s not end of story.

Across town at Porsha’s sister Lauren and her child is moving in, there is some baby daddy issues.

Sheree sees a Life Coach, the abuse that surfaced last season with Bob is a heavy cloud she can’t shake.  Despite the show airing, she still hasn’t had the discussion with her children. Her Coach recommends a dry run, where she inacts a conversation with friends. She has the dry run at Kandi’s House.

After Cynthia divorced, she thought she and Kenya would be burning up the streets as two single women.   We learn the beginnings of Kenya super fast relationship.  Sounds like hubby has a couple of coins.  Problem is he is a private person who married a public person and she is worried about their future.

Shamea, Porsha’s bestie is  getting married in Kenya.   From the moment Phaedra entered Porsha’s life her relationship with Shamea has been bumpy .    The Bentley driving Porsha, says she cant afford a 10K first class ticket to her besties wedding. and she has a medical condition that prevents her from flying coach.

Shamea has an shower.  Everyone is in hats.   I didn’t recognize Sheree ,wearing a dark blonde wig.  Porsha said she looked like Kim Zolciak (yall leave Porsha alone, only Porsha would think Sheree looks like white woman.)   Porsha also thinks she and Kandi are okay.  When she joins the table, Kandi gets up and leaves.

Kandi returns with friend Carmon on the other end of the table.  (we know Carmon has jokes)   Shamea and Porsha have known each other since they were children and she wanted to know why wasn’t she attending?  Porsha, well I sent you a not from my doctor.   Carmon reached into her purse and said she has a note for everything.   Porsha at one point said she basically has low blood pressure that wont allow her to set for long periods.   Carmon came back with yes she not used to having her legs down that long cause they are usually  up in the air . (Now come on Bravo, yall was being shady and we love it. I question if they were sitting at the same table cause Porsha would have turned over that table if she heard any of Carmon’s comments. )

Image result for the real housewives of atlanta season 10 episode 2

The episode ended with Shamea and Porsha arguing.  Porsha’s upset, that Shemea brought this up in front of Kandi.    Clearly there are deep feelings from Shemea wanting her bestie at her side.  As the door was closing Porsha called Shemea a bitch and said she will love her from afar .

This Episode was a 5 out of 10

CityFella

the Confession


 

By: Madeline Klosterman/The American Italia

I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time,” he said. “But it never seemed right. I felt awkward with my feelings. But I really liked you. I was really attracted to you. I just couldn’t say it.”

On a crisp autumn day in upstate New York, Joel told me the truth about his feelings for me, and what had held him back those many years ago.

He was married at the time. That I already knew. He tried to kiss me at of 49th and 6th Avenue in Manhattan. I remember the bright city lights and the setting sun casting its shadows. I turned my head.

“Why can’t we get closer,” he asked. “Why can’t we make-out in some corner?”

“You’re married, remember?” He seemed to have forgotten.

“Yes I’m married, but I care for you,” he said, “One day I’ll tell you why the marriage no longer matters. I just can’t tell you now.”

Lines, I thought to myself. Where did he get these lines? But I did like him. Otherwise I wouldn’t have stood so long at that street-corner saying goodbye.

Now, years later sitting in a field overlooking a sloping valley, Joel told me the rest of the story.

When we met, his wife was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. She was losing recognition of the most basic things. It was a new marriage to boot, less than five years old, and his second. He hadn’t signed up for this, for his new partner to slip away so quickly, to be transformed from husband into caregiver.

But he stayed by her side. He watched as disease stole her memories, of friends, belongings, of her entire world. And as she repeated questions, lost direction, and read the same magazine over and over, his loneliness set in. She was there but gone.

“I’m a partner kind of guy,” he told me. “I like having someone to check in with and share my day.”

“Who do you check in with?” he asked me. “Who do you tell your day to?”

I realized then that I had no such person in my life. But I didn’t care. I’ve never felt the need to report to anyone. So said nothing.

“When did she die?” I asked.

“February, seven months ago.”

“And did she remember you until the end?”

“Yes, just before she died, she had a moment of lucidity and looked at me and said, barely audible, “I love you.” Then she disappeared into the abyss and died shortly after.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m really sorry.”

“I learned so much from caring for her. So much. I wouldn’t change any of it. Caring for someone in this way is the greatest gift.”

A long silence followed.

“Are you seeing anyone?” Joel asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “I see someone. But I can’t say where it’s going. He never wants to say. It’s a guy thing I guess.”

“If there’s an opening, I’d really like to see you. I’m in the city once a week, usually on Wednesdays. Can I give you a call for lunch?”

I smiled and nodded. Maybe it was worth exploring. As I drove back to the city, I considered how much of a full circle it would be if Joel, now single, re-entered my life.

He was outdoorsy, ready to travel, and he had feelings for me. What might I discover about my feelings for him? I let my mind wander.

Three weeks have passed since that autumn afternoon. The days are colder and winter is slowly creeping in. Joel has vanished. There have been no calls. There was no lunch date. I’ve stopped waiting for anything further.

It’s as if the day we met was his confessional, a chance to reveal his story and explain why he’d once been willing to be unfaithful. And perhaps to have the confession witnessed, before it slipped from memory and was gone for good

 

More: The American in Italia: http://www.theamericanmag.com/

THAT GOOGLE MANIFESTO REALLY PUT EXECUTIVES IN A BIND (Google and Women)


Image result for google and women

By: Nitasha Tiku/Wired

A GOOGLE EMPLOYEE’S screed against workplace diversity thrust company executives into a tight spot: Discipline the author and risk criticism that Google is censoring speech, or stand by and inflame concerns that the company does not welcome women, an issue that is already the source of internal debate and a government investigation.

The 10-page missive was posted on an internal discussion board and went viral inside, and outside, the company Friday and Saturday. The document cited purported principles of evolutionary psychology to argue that women make up only 20 percent of Google’s technical staff because they are more interested in people rather than ideas, which the author considers an obstacle to being a good engineer. The author, James Damore, said Google’s liberal leanings and emphasis on training around “unconscious bias” have created an ideological echo chamber that make it difficult to discuss these issues openly inside the company.

Late Monday, Damore told Breitbart that he had been fired. (He confirmed this to WIRED, saying he was “fired for ‘perpetuating gender stereotypes.'”) Also Monday, Google CEO Sundar Pichai told employees that the missive’s author had violated the company’s Code of Conduct, a Google spokesman confirms. In a memo first reported by Recode, Pichai said the author had crossed “the line by advancing harmful gender stereotypes in our workplace.”

The post sparked an internal and external uproar, with many Google employees shedding their traditional deference to the company’s confidentiality agreement to criticize the memo, and their employer, on social media.

Google’s new vice president of diversity and inclusion posted a response late Saturday that underscored the internal tension. “Like many of you, I found that (the post) advanced incorrect assumptions about gender,” wrote Danielle Brown, in a company-wide memo first reported by Gizmodo. At the same time, she added, “building an open, inclusive environment means fostering a culture in which those with alternative views, including different political views, feel safe sharing their opinions.”

Nicole Sanchez, the recently departed head of diversity at GitHub, understands the tension. “I guarantee this is the struggle they have inside the company: people who want to come out really strong against this manifesto and say there isn’t a place for this at Google,” she tells WIRED, while still maintaining “that an opinion shouldn’t jeopardize your job.”

“How do we ride that line that by law you are entitled to your opinions and write whatever you want but the culture we are trying to build does not support these ideas?” says Sanchez. “What you end up getting when something finally comes out is a such a compromise, a Frankenstein monster of a statement. Everyone got what they wanted and no one got everything they wanted.”

The controversial memo landed amid national debates over the limits of free speech and tensions within Silicon Valley over the role of women in tech companies, where most engineers, and top executives, are men. Speeches by political conservatives have been disrupted or blocked on many campuses. At the same time, several prominent venture capitalists have resigned their posts in recent months, following allegations that they harassed employees or entrepreneurs seeking funding. Google itself is under investigation by the U.S. Department of Labor, which says it has found evidence of a gender gap in pay.

The post also drew some supportive comments on discussion boards for Google employees, underscoring that executives may alienate significant numbers of employees – and users – no matter what their response.

Before the firing, activists said Google’s response to the memo would demonstrate the company’s commitment to diversity. “Google can claim they value inclusion but this is a test of whether or not their values actually have any teeth,” Erica Baker, a former Google employee and cofounder of Project Include, told WIRED. “If they choose not to take measure against someone who has gone out of their way to make a large percentage of their coworkers feel excluded, then their inaction will speak much more loudly than their words have.”

Elizabeth Ames, the senior vice president of marketing, alliances, and programs at the Anita Borg Institute, which aims to advance women in technology, said tech companies historically have been reluctant to fire bad actors. “For years whenever anybody stepped forward with sexual harassment allegations, did anybody get fired? Not so much. Now we’re seeing at least some people held to account,” says Ames. She believed the author should have been fired for creating a “very divisive issue” inside the company.

In the memo, Damore took particular aim at Google’s recent emphasis on unconscious bias training, effectively claiming that hiring women and minorities is lowering the bar and he should be free to say that.

Even some Google employees who support the company’s diversity efforts wonder whether the company’s internal documents may have emboldened the memo’s author. Tim Chevalier, a Google engineer, says one internal document for reviewing prospective hires specifies that Google is not lowering the bar by hiring more women. The comment “came off as defensive and conceding ground,” he says.

UPDATED: 6:36 pm PT, August 7. This story has been updated to include Google CEO Sundar Pichai’s memo to employees. UPDATED: 7:02 pm PT, August 7. This story has been further updated to include Damore’s statement to Breitbart that he has been fired. UPDATED: 8:04 pm PT, August 7. WIRED included Damore’s confirmation that he was fired from Google.

Just Another Woman Bullied by the President of the United States


Image result for mika brzezinski twitter

No surprises nothing new to see, its just another women under attack by the 45th President of the United States.  As a candidate he attacked women and made fun of a person with a disability.  As a citizen he often objectified women and made crude comments about women in public.

As bullies go, our President is your basic male chauvinistic bully.  Thinned skinned, insecure and paranoid. An individual who rarely directly attacks an equal.  Women are ornaments is his world, their role is to stand and look pretty.

A women below his standard of beauty would never enter his orbit.

He will never be challenged by a woman.  Our President would never choose to appear on a national talk show featuring a woman or women.  Losing debates to Hillary Clinton was devastating.  Winning the election was bittersweet as he will go to the grave before conceding he lost the popular vote to a woman.

Despite his words and criticism, our President regularly watches  MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” host Joe Scarborough was a four term member of The House of Representatives  representing Florida’s first district.  Scarborough is well respected and watched by other politicians.

A Republican, he has been critical of his party and the President .  No more than other news pundits.  He has been more critical of the President than his co-host Mika Brzezinski

On their show, Scarborough said that he was concerned about the very personal attacks on Brzezinski. He noted that he will insult the president and call him a racist. “And for some reason, he always goes after Mika,” he said.

Scarborough elaborated during Morning Joe: “He attacks women because he fears women.”

“The president’s unhealthy obsession with our show has been in the public record for months, and we are seldom surprised by his posting nasty tweets about us,” Scarborough and Brzezinski wrote, adding that they “believe it would be better for America and the rest of the world if he would keep his 60-inch-plus flat-screen TV tuned to ‘Fox & Friends.'”

Americans should not  be shocked, by the actions of our president.  He long told us who he is.  Supporters say, she and other news people had it coming . He is human and should be allowed to hit back !

But isn’t that counter to what we teach our children?  Sticks and stones.   Criticism is often the price that comes with being a public person. Before Trump, there was Obama, Bush. Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter, Nixon, Johnson, Kennedy and 35 other President who were criticized.  At 71, the cement is cast.  Its unlikely that the President will change.

Bullies are neutralized by calling them out. Saying this is unacceptable. The impact is greater when its amongst your peers.  Yesterday, many GOP women came forward and denounced his actions, some male leader came forward. While the women were more direct in their criticism of the President, the men were less so.

           Paul Ryan: “Obviously I don’t see that as an appropriate comment.” “What we’re trying to do around here is improve the tone, the civility of the debate. And this obviously doesn’t help do that.”    Sen. Ben Sasse “Please just stop. This isn’t normal and it’s beneath the dignity of your office,” Sen. Lisa Murkowski “do you want to be remembered for your tweets or your accomplishments?” Sen. Lindsey Graham, “Mr. President, your tweet was beneath the office and represents what is wrong with American politics, not the greatness of America.”Rep. Lynn Jenkins,”This is not okay. As a female in politics I am often criticized for my looks. We should be working to empower women.”  Sen. Orrin Hatch: “It’s incumbent on all of us, then — from the President to Congress on down — to be responsible for our speech.”Sen. Susan Collins “This has to stop — we all have a job — 3 branches of gov’t and media. We don’t have to get along, but we must show respect and civility.”

The male dominated members of his party must speak forcefully not just for the country, but for  their mothers, grandmother’s ,aunt’s, sisters and the daughter’s they love.   This form of bullying is not acceptable at anytime by anyone.

 

CityFella

 

 

 

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When YOU have to make an excuse for your significant other


There are people who were born with mental defects, there are many names for them. The defects are challenging  for those individuals to navigate in society.

There are others who simply behave badly.  They’re are rude, self centered , some are mentally and physically abusive and yet they are able to hold down a job . Some  maintain solid relationships .

After the first date you saw it!

Unexplained anger, the lack of patience and other flaws.  Short and rude with the waitress, aggressive driving,stories of his or her victimization.

Alone, you reasoned it away.  Perhaps you were over thinking it.  After all he was very kind to you and you felt good with him.  Weeks, months later he screamed at you.   She apologized , she would never scream or hurt you, the man she loves.

Again you questioned it.  When the two of  you were together the feelings were wonderful, he treated you like a king.  After a few months of dating you find yourself  nervously on standby for an outburst or unexpected flare up even though he hasn’t attacked you.

At a social event with friends and family, an outburst!  You make up an excuse; nerves, tired, work, something to protect your significant other.    On the ride home he rages at you. You weren’t supportive, your friend or family are bullies or said or did something  to provoke him

A friend or family calls ,to discuss the event.  They question your choice. You make excuses for him and at the same time concluded, there will be no more social events.

Perhaps, she was deeply wounded. Perhaps your love will change her.  If  he loves you  enough he will want to change.

Over time, you find him screaming at you more.  You’ve become the waitress, the bitch, the bastard ,one of the inferior people in her life who provokes her. By this time you have made a commitment to each other.

Occasional tender moments together gives you hope.  Then she tells you how inferior you are.  You use those tender moments as reference of what could be.   You avoid certain friends and family members.  When it comes to your significant other you play defense.

Your life becomes his ,as his defender and your constantly working on an offence to limit her outbursts!  

_________________________

Is this the life you you want?

What is amazing about some of these people, is despite their words and actions they are often quite in control.  At work, with certain friends, family members and at the workplace where you learn that they are kind, patient and supportive.

People tell us who they are, if we dare to listen

 We can see into their past , through their words when they describe  friends, family and former mates.   If she is thirty five and has no long term friends, it could be signal.  If he has five divorces and a boat load of children, that he rarely talks about ? another signal.  The signs are always present, if we dare to listen and watch how he or she interacts with others.  If there are no signs, that’s a reason to pause.

We teach people how to treat us! 

If someone you know continues to scream at you, its because you’ve gave them permission.   We have choices, they’re not easy.  You can say STOP this is not acceptable, and should she do it again, leave. and should the disrespect continues, leave forever.    If there ins’t a change in his demeanor.  He has told you, he has no regard for your feelings and who you are as a person.   If you stay, the disrespect will continue.  So the question becomes, why do you allow the disrespect.

You lower you self worth when you tell others you the are victim

Nice try!   No one is buying it.!

You have chosen your life.  You are vert adapt at excuses for your significant other, its like putting on a pair of shoes.

Should you leave?

If the abuse is physical, immediately.

Some individuals wont acknowledge the problem,they fear that they may be abandoned .

If this is you, the first step is talking to your significant other addressing the problem.

Someone said, you can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.

“Do not expect an immediate change is him or her”

 

Small changes in your behavior should be considered.  First things first, is to stopping making excuses for his bad behavior.

The most important change is to know why?

You need to know why you find it acceptable to make excuses for poor behavior.  Why you allow yourself to be treated poorly.   Chances are, your significant other isn’t the only  person your making excuses for.  If you don’t know why your choosing these types of relationships then your bound to repeated them.   If their are children, they learn their communication skills from you.

Seek a professional, to help you through it.  The next step is more difficult, couples counseling. You have to learn to function as a couple with the weight distributed equally.  In making excuses for you significant other your carrying most of the load and at one point the weight may overwhelm you.  it isn’t likely you can do this alone.   The decision has to be mutual , it doesn’t matter if your not married, homosexual or heterosexual, there are services available.

There aren’t any guarantees, through counseling it’s very possible one of  you may choose to leave the relationship. It’s also very possible the relationship comes out of counseling, stronger.

Life is short and can end in an instant. One shouldn’t have to make excuses for the bad behavior for your significant other.

CityFella

 

 

 

dating: THE CHECK


Image result for check for dinner

There was a time when the lines were clearly drawn, roles defined.   When it came to dating, it was the man who paid.  It was the man who decided where the couple was going to dine.

 This was pre Phil Donahue, and Murphy Brown.

After Donahue, there were some feminists who believed the man wasn’t obligated to pay and that equal rights meant just that, equal.   Separate checks leveled the playing field between men and women as some men believed dinner, obligated women.   On the other side, were the traditionalist, the man pays the man made the decisions. A women role was supportive as it was for their mothers and grandmothers.

It was a very confusing time, especially for men.   In the eighties, you never knew who who was paying until the check arrived. Was she a feminist or traditionalist?  Most men struggled with the notion of a women paying.  For some men, a women picking up the check was demoralizing.    For many years, my former wife would slip the money to me, my fragile ego wouldn’t allow her to pay in public.

The world has changed since Murphy Brown went off the air in 1998.  The internet and social media looms large in this new age.  However what hasn’t change  is who picks up the check on a date, especially the first date?

As in the eighties, there seemed to be more traditionalist then feminists who believed the man should always pick up the check.  It didn’t matter who earned more,the man paid.

There are some traditionalists in the gay community who believes the person who initiates the date pays.  There are many young gay men and women online who have never experienced dating. Preferring to wait to be asked out.

Susan Johnson Taylor’s “The Etiquette of Paying for Dates Today” ( For US News Magazine)  Who should pick up the check on a first date?  In a 2014 poll, three quarters of respondents men and women, said men should pay for the first date.

Many men want to treat and provide.  Some women expect to pay, while others feel diminished or less special if they aren’t treated to the date.  Its a conundrum.

Much of this is generational.  Younger daters are more equitable, sharing the cost more or talking about who is paying for what’ says psychotherapist Tina Tessina.  ” Older daters are more traditional , with the man paying more often, although even older women are likely to offer to pay then traditionally”

Those in the gay dating scenes don’t struggle as much with these concerns.  “Since there is less gender-enforced  expectation for one or the other to pay, gay and lesbian daters tend to share the responsibility by either splitting the check or by both at least offering to pay”. says Trish McMermott, dating adviser at LGBT online dating site OneGoodLove.com

Keep early dates low-key. Suggesting low-cost activities such as outdoor concerts or festivals for a first date relieves financial pressure, especially on guys who might be concerned about making less than their date or may not have the means for a lavish night on the town. “Some of the best first dates are the most simple, low-cost activities,” say Brenden Dilley, a Phoenix-based life coach. “If a man or woman suggests one of these, don’t take it as the other person being cheap or not taking you seriously – perhaps they just want an opportunity to spend more quality time with you and decide if there is a match.”

 Offering to pay shows good manners.  Instead of the “fake purse or wallet  grab,”  the other party  should ask, “May I help?” Now the ball is in the other person’s court. “He can say, ‘Oh no, I got this,'”  “Or, ‘Yeah, please get the tip. It’s $15.’ Or, ‘Your half is $30.'”

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CityFella

My first dates take place at a coffee house.  It can be a long evening once you’ve learned your not a match. Especially, before they’ve served the salad.    I order a small coffee, with an option for a second cup or dessert if there is a connection.  Half the time I pay for the coffee.    Thank you’s is crucial afterward, or in a text or preferably a voice call .  Even when the date isn’t successful, I call my date and thank them.

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After the first date (from Match.com) If you’re not comfortable with forking out, sensible dating advice would be to suggest that you pay half each once the first date is out of the way. If things are going well and you are both enjoying each other’s company, you may even find that your date pays for some elements of the date (such as entry tickets to a show or exhibition) whilst you pay for the drinks or food.

After the fourth or fifth date, you should be comfortable enough to take it in turns to pay for each date. Don’t worry about being the first to bring it up; he or she will be flattered that you’re keen to plan for future dates with her. Setting the tone for a happy, well balanced relationship early on is sound advice for successful dating.

Finally, if you’re still not sure about who should pay, here’s some final advice to prevent any potential dating faux-pas:

• In the initial stages of dating, try not to splash the cash too much as you’ll look too eager to impress and might give a false impression of your day to day lifestyle and what you can afford. Remember that charm and charisma go a long way and are far more important than the size of your bank balance.

• To avoid awkwardness, choose dates which don’t cost too much until you have an idea of each other’s financial limitations.

• Don’t talk too much about money in the initial dating stages. Our advice is to be subtle about this topic so you don’t come across as money obsessed!

• Remember on most outting your date will be looking for a genuine connection rather than at how much you earn. If money becomes a genuine problem on a date you should think about moving on to greener dating pastures.

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 Final Words From CityFella
If you waiting to be asked out, stop.   A cup of coffee is a cup of coffee.  Having a cup of coffee with a potential friend or partner beats being alone in front of a computer.  Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.  If your not a match its not a failure, you were simply not a match.  The success is leaving your comfort zone.
A sign of the times.  Many individuals have become prisoners of their PC’s, they have become fearful of the real world fearing rejection.  The reality is most people still meet people the old fashion way via social gatherings and referrals. The internet is a good source and just one place to meet people.
Its very difficult for some to convert online relationships into actual dates.  Here are a few tips.   If your looking to date, remove all sex from the conversation.  Get a feel if he or she are actually wants to meet.  If there a lot of hesitation or questions about after the date,there is more than a 80% they will flake.    Listen to their interest, are they looking forward to meeting you?
Once you’ve established a meeting time and location. Call a few days before the date to confirm.  Remember to listen..  Call  the day of.  Tell them your on your way and tell them your looking forward to meeting them,  and once again listen.    Bring a book, or your smartphone.   When they arrive, put down your book and turn off your smartphone and give an upbeat summary of who you are.  Full disclosure is overrated and overwhelming on the first date.    Carefully, listen to your date. DO NOT ASK WHY THEIR SINGLE AND ABOUT PAST RELATIONSHIPS.  Keep it light and breezy.
If your date flakes…..Stay, don’t leave, you didn’t fail. Order a dessert, look around.  The next date just may be in that Starbucks.  Read your book or turn on your smartphone.  Look around, enjoy your victory.  Don’t call the flake, no need to tell him or her off, its not worth your time because they weren’t worthy of you.    If you see someone who catches your eye and they are near.  Rave about your dessert, ask them if they’ve tried it.  If you not comfortable on this visit, you may the next.   On this day ,congratulate yourself, you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone.