How white women use strategic tears to silence women of color


‘Often, when I have attempted to speak to or confront a white woman about something she has said or done that has impacted me adversely, I am met with tearful denials and indignant accusations that I am hurting her’
 ‘Often, when I have attempted to speak to or confront a white woman about something she has said or done that has impacted me adversely, I am met with tearful denials and indignant accusations that I am hurting her’ Photograph: Caro/Alamy

The legitimate grievances of brown and black women are no match for the accusations of a white damsel in distress

 

By: Ruby Hamad: The Guardian Uk

That the voices of “women of color” are getting louder and more influential is a testament less to the accommodations made by the dominant white culture and more to their own grit in a society that implicitly – and sometimes explicitly – wants them to fail.

At the Sydney writers’ festival on Sunday, editor of Djed Press, Hella Ibrahim, relayed the final minutes of a panel on diversity featuring writers from the western Sydney Sweatshop collective. One of the panelists, Winnie Dunn, in answering a question about the harm caused by good intentions, had used the words “white people” and “shit” in the same sentence. This raised the ire of a self-identified white woman in the audience who interrogated the panelists as to “what they think they have to gain” by insulting people who “want to read their stories.”

In other words, the woman saw a personal attack where there wasn’t one and decided to remind the panellists that as a member of the white majority she ultimately has their fate in her hands.

“I walked out of that panel frustrated,” Ibrahim wrote. “Because yet again, a good convo was derailed, white people centred themselves, and a POC panel was told to police it’s [sic] tone to make their message palatable to a white audience.”

Trauma assails brown and black women from all directions. There is the initial pain of being subjected to gendered racism and discrimination, there is the additional distress of not being believed or supported, and of having your words and your bravery seemingly credited to others.

And then there is a type of trauma inflicted on women of color that many of us find among the hardest to disclose, the one that few seem willing to admit really happens because it is so thoroughly normalized most people refuse to see it.

It is what that writers’ festival audience member was demonstrating, and what blogger and author Luvvie Ajayi called the “weary weaponising of white women’s tears”.

To put it less poetically, it is the trauma caused by the tactic many white women employ to muster sympathy and avoid accountability, by turning the tables and accusing their accuser.

Almost every BW (black woman) I know has a story about a time in a professional setting in which she attempted to have a talk with a WW about her behavior & it has ended with the WW (white woman) crying,” one black woman wrote on Twitter. “The WW wasn’t crying because she felt sorry and was deeply remorseful. The WW was crying because she felt “bullied” and/or that the BW was being too harsh with her.”

When I shared these tweets on my Facebook page asking brown and black women if this had ever happened to them, I was taken by how deeply this resonated, prompting one Arab woman to share this story:

A WW kept touching my hair. Pulling my curls to watch them bounce back. Rubbing the top. Smelling it. So when I told her to stop and complained to HR and my supervisor, she complained that I wasn’t a people person or team member and I had to leave that position for being ‘threatening’ to a coworker.”

For the doubters, here is a mild version of this sleight-of-hand in action:

Pinterest
Jully Black and Jeanne Beker

Notice it is the white woman – Jeanne Beker – who first interrupts the black woman – Jully Black – who takes the interruption in her stride. Black continues to speak passionately and confidently, which Beker interprets as a personal attack on her even though Black is clearly talking in general terms (just as Winnie Dunn was). Beker then attempts to shut Black down by essentially branding her a bully.

Had Jully Black not stopped and repeated Jeanne Beker’s words back at her – “Why are you attacking me?” – they would have passed largely unnoticed, just another woman of colour smeared as an aggressor for daring to continue speaking when a white woman wanted her to stop.

It doesn’t usually end this way. “White women tears are especially potent … because they are attached to the symbol of femininity,” Ajayi explains. “These tears are pouring out from the eyes of the one chosen to be the prototype of womanhood; the woman who has been painted as helpless against the whims of the world. The one who gets the most protection in a world that does a shitty job overall of cherishing women.”

As I look back over my adult life a pattern emerges. Often, when I have attempted to speak to or confront a white woman about something she has said or done that has impacted me adversely, I am met with tearful denials and indignant accusations that I am hurting her. My confidence diminished and second-guessing myself, I either flare up in frustration at not being heard (which only seems to prove her point) or I back down immediately, apologizing and consoling the very person causing me harm.

It is not weakness or guilt that compels me to capitulate. Rather, as I recently wrote, it is the manufactured reputation Arabs have for being threatening and aggressive that follows us everywhere. In a society that routinely places imaginary “wide-eyed, angry and Middle Eastern” people at the scenes of violent crimes they did not commit, having a legitimate grievance is no match for the strategic tears of a white damsel in distress whose innocence is taken for granted.

“We talk about toxic masculinity,” Ajayi warns, “but there is (also) toxicity in wielding femininity in this way.” Brown and black women know we are, as musician Miss Blanks writes, “imperfect victims”. That doesn’t mean we are always in the right but it does mean we know that against a white woman’s accusations, our perspectives will almost always go unheard either way.

Whether angry or calm, shouting or pleading, we are still perceived as the aggressors.

Likewise, white women are equally aware their race privileges them as surely as ours condemns us. In this context, their tearful displays are a form of emotional and psychological violence that reinforce the very system of white dominance that many white women claim to oppose.

Ruby Hamad is a journalist and PhD candidate at the University of New South Wales, Australia.

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Hanging on to HIS Mercedes


Just another day on Florida’s I-95

Image result for junior francis florida

Love is 4 EVA, until it isn’t! 

When Junior Francis and Patresha Isidore bought their C class, they knew their love was forever, after all they share a daughter.   Forever meant a joint title.

On Sunday, forever wasn’t home.  Patresha message was simple  my car, MY car, MY CAR, talkin bout MY CARR.

Men are very attached to their wheels and Junior Francis attached himself to the hood of the Mercedes.

With his former Boo inside the car and him outside the car,there wasn’t much  of a real meeting of the minds.

Petresha wasn’t feeling a chat anyway as she drove through the streets of Lauderhill Florida with her Boo on the hood their car.

She couldn’t shake Junior on the streets, so she headed to Interstate 95.  With Junior on the hood, Petresha qualified for the Express Lane, where baby girl was going to see how aerodynamic Junior was.

Junior was some kinda man. As his baby mama was trying to knock him off the car. Home cheese was holding on with one hand and calling 911 with the other,telling the police operator that his baby mama was “swerving the car and he was on top of the car.” I really need help.” 

His nineteen mile terror ride ended at an intersection, where they intercepted by Broward County Sheriff’s Office deputies.

The Sheriffs department said Patresha Isidore   had “multiple opportunities” to stop the car and call 911 and willfully put her baby daddy in danger.

Francis, didn’t want to prosecute his ex , because they have a five-year-old daughter. and refused to provide a sworn recorded statement.  But she was arrested and charged with negligence (risk injury or death) .    Patresha,bonded out of custody on the misdemeanor charge.

The Mercedes is now, his car, His car, His CARR ! They talking about his carr.

It’s clear, they haven’t watched Judge Judy.   Never, evah, evah, EVAH, share a bank account, co-sign, or buy a car with someone until your married.   The future of the Mercedes is in question.  Someone will have to buy someone out.

*This was a dramatization for my pleasure.  I’m in Sacramento and they are in South Florida.

CityFella

 

 

 

 

 

 

World’s confidence in US leadership under Trump at new low, poll finds


  • In just under half of the world’s countries – 65 out of 134 – US standing collapsed, by 10 percentage points or more.
In just under half of the world’s countries – 65 out of 134 – US standing collapsed, by 10 percentage points or more. Photograph: Kham/AFP/Getty Images

 

  • Approval for US falls to 30% from 48% under Obama

  • ‘Historic low’ of Gallup poll ‘sets a new bar for disapproval’

 

By: Julian Borger/UK Guardian

Global confidence in US leadership has fallen to a new low, and the country now ranks below China in worldwide approval ratings, according to a new Gallup poll.

The survey of opinion in 134 countries showed a record collapse in approval for the US role in the world, from 48% under Obama to 30% after one year of Donald Trump – the lowest level Gallup has recorded since beginning its global leadership poll over a decade ago.

The result comes after a separate Gallup survey found that Trump reaches the first anniversary of his inauguration with the lowest average approval rating of any elected president in his first year.

https://interactive.guim.co.uk/uploader/embed/2018/01/archive-zip/giv-3902O7VEVpcWiCO7/

That poll showed that Trump has averaged just a 39% approval rating since his inauguration. The previous low was held by Bill Clinton, whose first-year average was 10 points higher than Trump’s, at 49%.

The latest study confirms some of the worst fears of foreign policy analysts in the US and Europe that Trump’s “America first” approach, combined with his volatile and irascible personality, is weakening cohesion among western democracies in the face of a growing challenge from autocracies in Russia and China, and the rise of illiberal democracies and xenophobic nationalism inside Europe.

Germany is now seen as a global leader by many more people (41% of the sample), with China in second place on 31%. Russia has 27% approval for its global role according to the poll.

In just under half of the world’s countries – 65 out of 134 – US standing collapsed, by 10 percentage points or more. Some of the biggest losses were among Washington’s closest allies in western Europe, Australia and Latin America.

 

“This year marks a significant change in our trends,” wrote Gallup’s managing partner, Jon Clifton. “Only 30% of the world, on average, approves of the job performance of the US’s leadership, down from 48% in 2016. In fact, more people now disapprove of US leadership than approve. This historic low puts the US’s leadership approval rating on par with China’s and sets a new bar for disapproval.”

As part of his “America First” policy, Trump took the US out several multilateral agreements on the grounds they did not serve national interests, including the proposed Trans-Pacific trade partnership and the Paris Climate Change accord. He walked out of talks on a new trade and investment deal with Europe and has threatened to leave the North American Free Trade Agreement with Canada and Mexico.

Approval of US leadership climbed by 10% or more in only four countries: Belarus, Israel, Macedonia and Liberia. It increased moderately in Russia, the former Soviet states in central Asia and parts of west Africa.

Trump’s first year in office has aroused particular intense antipathy. Gallup found that the median of worldwide disapproval of US leadership has hit a new record of 43%, higher than disapproval of Russia (36%), China (30%) or Germany (25%).

The US has fallen below China in the Gallup global poll once before, in the last year of the George W Bush administration in 2008, but both the US and China were significantly more popular then than they are now.

The collapse in support is particularly dramatic in Canada and Latin America, where 49% approved of the Obama administration’s leadership, with 27% disapproval in 2016. After Trump’s first year, the ratings graph has scissored sharply, with only 24% now expressing faith in US leadership – a new low – and 58% disapproving.

The Gallup report said that China, which has overtaken the US as the leading trading partner in parts of Latin America, “may be positioned to take further advantage”. It’s approval rating across the Americas is four percentage points higher than the US, but disapproval is much lower at 35%. Many Latin Americans have not made up their minds about Chinese influence.

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Daniel Drezner, a professor at the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy said that the most serious finding was the severe drop in approval for US leadership in the world’s democracies.

He said: “Elected leaders care what their publics think about the United States. These numbers will make it harder for those leaders to publicly cooperate with the Trump administration – even when it might be in their interest to do so.”

However, Mike Gonzalez at the Heritage Foundationsaid the poll was probably more about personal factors and that the reality was not as dire as the numbers suggested.

“It is difficult to interpret this polling result as anything other than a visceral reaction to Donald Trump. In reality, this administration has devoted itself to renewing and rebuilding alliances which had been neglected for years, from Great Britain to Japan to various partners in eastern Europe,” Gonzalez said.

“While China has consistently attempted to expand its global reach, it still has no soft power – worldwide, there is no Chinese version of blue jeans, cinema, TV shows, way of life, music, and the like. There are no 700 million people wanting to move to China. President Xi’s ‘Chinese Dream’ is a transparent attempt to mimic the American model.”

President Trump: “I learned he’s a very talented man. I also learned that he loves his country very much,”


Cartoon: New York Times

 

It’s challenging to find something positive about our President.  But there he was in Singapore, meeting with the North Korean leader Kim Jong Um.   I was frighten yet hopeful.  We know our Donald, he doesn’t like to study, he doesn’t like to prepare.  However, this meeting is much better than Armageddon.  However, like most world leaders Kim Jong Um is prepared .

I can’t get mired down with the juxtaposition of the flags.  I don’t care if the Republicans would have objected of Obama did what Trump did.    What I care about is world peace!

I wanted a win for the President, a win for the world.   It would have been a fantastic coup for the President after having an disastrous weekend at the G7 summit. ( I’m still wearing my burka)  My expectations was low, but world peace.

When they came out all smiles. I was hopeful.  The President told the press, they will be signing a document.

The President was glowing  with wonderful accolades about the North Korean leader.  “I learned he’s a very talented man. I also learned that he loves his country very much,”   The man who starves his people.   Who has tortured, executed, reportedly involved in the killing of his uncle and half brother and …. I’m sorry

Image result for world peace gif

 

The man who is like no other in making deals.  Got Played, by the 34 year old

Our Presidente,ordered the suspension of US military exercises with South Korea without telling South Korea.   He said,  “the war games, involving planes flying long distances, were too expensive. “We will be saving a tremendous amount of money. Plus, it is very provocative,” 

The US had previously ruled out such a move on the grounds that the exercises were a key element of its military alliance with Seoul and deterrent against  North Korea. 

In return for the US concession, Kim signed a joint statement committing to denuclearisation, but it was a vaguely worded commitment that the regime has made several times before over the past three decades. Asked what would be different this time, Trump pointed to his instincts as a deal maker.

“We got to know each other well in a very confined period of time,” Trump told reporters. “I know when somebody wants to deal and I know when somebody doesn’t.”As proof of Kim’s good intentions, Trump said Kim had offered to destroy a missile engine testing site. “I got that after we signed the agreement,” he recalled. “I said: do me a favor. You have this missile engine testing site … I said can you close it up. He’s going to close it up

Kim Jong Um wins, he has achieved what his country has long wanted, recognition.   Will we have a truce with North Korea?  The country’s reputation is poor.

The west has been destabilized.  Our allies can no longer rely on a stable United States.  If we leave South Korea as the president suggests.  Japan and South Korea might arm themselves with nuclear weapons.  Other countries may seek a nuclear alternative to possibility get a seat at the table.    China’s arms has extended to Africa, South America and other emerging nations.

 A nation in serious debt. (21 trillion dollars)   Our influence in the world  is rapidly fading .  With barrage of   tweets we have alienated our allies. The Russians may have already won, our President may have exceeded their wildest dreams.

CityFella

 

 

Survey: 1 in 5 Americans would deny Muslims the right to vote


  1. Related image

picture:Google

A minority of Americans believe that many Muslims in the U.S. are not “American” enough, according to a new study by the Democracy Fund Voter  Study Group

They also see little difference between Muslims from other countries and Muslim Americans, “suggesting that ‘Americanness’ alone does not lead to more positive views,” the study of 5,000 respondants found.

Further, nearly 20 percent of those sur-veyed would deny Muslims who are U.S. citizens the right to vote and many would support a temporary ban on Muslims enter-ing the country, according to the study by the Democracy Fund Voter Study Group.

Perceptions split dramatically down party lines, with Democrats believing that more than two-thirds of Muslims wanted to fit in, while Republicans believed only 36 percent did.

Overall, respondents believed only 51 percent of Muslim Americans respect American ideals and laws, and only 56 per-cent want to fit in. While the survey found major partisan lines in how people responded, Republicans and Democrats agreed on three perceptions: Muslims tend to be religious, have outdated views of women and outdated views of gay people.

Muslims were ranked the lowest of any demographic group – just behind feminists, with a score of 48 on a favorability scale in which respondents rated various demo-graphic groups on a scale of 0 to 100.

The perceptions among non-Muslims were inconsistent with how Muslims view themselves, with a large portion saying they consider themselves patriotic. “While these are disturbing perceptions, the survey itself shows that they are not a reflection of reality  in that American

Muslims are well-integrated, patriotic and productive citizens — but are instead a product of misinformation and the active promotion of Islamophobia in our society,” said Ibrahim Hooper, a spokesman for the Council on American-Islamic Relations.

Hooper put the blame squarely on Donald Trump for the overwhelmingly negative perception of Muslims.  The president has been criticized by politicians on both sides of the aisle for his positions on Muslims – including his false statement that he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheering over the September 11 terrorist attacks.

During the 2016 Republican presidential primary race, Republican Governor Jeb Bush said, “You talk about closing mosques, you talk about registering people  that’s just wrong.”

But reactions like those haven’t deterred the president from imposing policies that restrict people from several majority-Muslim countries from entering the U.S. The number of Muslims living in the United States is projected to double as a share of the U.S. population by 2050, according to the Pew Research Center.

Survey: 1 in 5 Americans would deny Muslims the right to vote

• Those surveyed view many Muslims in the United States as insufficiently “American.” On average, they believe that only 56 percent of Muslim Americans want to fit in and be part of the U.S., and that only 51 percent of Muslim Americans respect American ideals and laws.

• Perceptions of Muslims are strongly related to partisanship and cultural conservatism. For example, on average Democrats believed that a substantial majority of Muslims (67 percent) wanted to fit in, but Republicans believed that only 36 percent did.

• On three dimensions, however, perceptions of Muslims cross partisan and ideological lines: That tend to be religious, outdated views of women and, separately, have outdated views of gays and lesbians.

• There is significant support, especially among Republicans, for policies that would temporarily ban Muslims from entering the country and, for Muslims within this country, subject them to additional surveillance. In fact, almost 20 percent of those surveyed would deny Muslims who are American citizens the right to vote.

• Negative perceptions of Muslim Americans do not match what Muslim Americans themselves believe. For example, large majorities of Muslim Americans express patriotic sentiments

Drones replace models at Saudi Arabian fashion show


 

 

A fashion show at a luxury hotel in Saudi Arabia skipped the human models and featured drones carrying pieces of clothing down the runway.

Mohamad Aljefri, a leader at Red Sea RC team, the company which flew the drones, shared photos and videos of drones carrying dresses at the event Sunday.

The annual fashion show takes place at the Hilton in the city of Jeddah during Ramadan and a spokesman for the Hilton’s events told CNN they decided to “bring a change” by using drones instead of mannequins this year.

Videos of the unique fashion show appeared on social media, noting the floating dresses made it appear as if ghosts were modeling the clothes.

Alia Khan, chairwoman of the Islamic Fashion & Design Council in the United Arab Emirates, said hanging from the drones caused the dresses to lose their shape.

“It’s great to think out of the box. They were trying to do something different and fashion is such a creative space. However, this was not really something I would encourage or would like to see again,” Khan said. “You lose the shape; the dress is just hanging on the drone.”

How I tackled life in Sweden as an Indian woman


 How I tackled life in Sweden as an Indian woman

 Vanitha Durai explains how she managed to get Indian women in Gothenburg to form a strong online community.

MY SWEDISH CAREER: The Local speaks with Vanitha Durai, an Indian Volvo Cars worker in Gothenburg who started a popular community for Indian women in Gothenburg.

From: The Local Sweden

So what do you do when you arrive in a foreign city and find yourself convinced that you’re not the only Indian housewife struggling to find something to do?

Well, if you’re Vanitha Durai, you simply create the group that you want to join.

And so the Indian Women in Gothenburg community was born, an online group that has flourished and now  hosts all kinds of events for its community of hundreds.

“I felt the need for a small group to discuss the difficulties of moving here, things like not having a job, or what it’s like to follow a spouse to Sweden,” she tells The Local.

“At first it was a kind of recreational thing, but then we started thinking how to expand it, and soon it became a place for people to find job-finding help, to have discussions, and to find things for their children.”

The group has since hosted events for Diwali Day, which marks the culmination of the week-long Hindu festival of lights, and summer camps for children.

Most recently, the group has hosted a flashmob event in a Gothenburg mall.

“The point of the flashmob was to celebrate the beauty of womanhood. Half of the women aren’t trained dancers, it was more a matter of accepting who we all are and sharing positive vibes,” she says.

Finding work for herself was another challenge that the 34-year-old tackled, eventually landing a job in business management with Volvo Cars.

Now in her fifth year in Sweden, Durai admits that it’s rarely an easy path when you’re looking for a career in Sweden.

“Of course you have a barrier with the language, that’s the main thing, and that isn’t helped that there aren’t many job opportunities,” she says.

“I think the main thing is you need to know a little bit of Swedish, enough to understand what’s going on, then also enough to express yourself in a way that people can understand.”

But her main tip, she says, is to really make the most of any interview opportunities.

“The interview is the place where you can really prove yourself. You have to use that opportunity to the fullest to prove that you can really do even more than what’s shown on your CV,” she says.

Of course, you have to adapt to life in Sweden too – which was an easy step for Durai, who originally hails form Chennai in southern India – some 7,500 kilometres from Gothenburg.

“The job culture is very welcoming here, but you have to get in – the entry part is the toughest step,” she says.

“But Sweden is a very good place to live and to bring up kids. The benefits are excellent and it’s a safe environment for the family.”

Indeed, the value placed on family life in Sweden is one of the things Durai highlights about Sweden in general.

“I feel the quality of life is good, you get a lot of time with the family, evenings, weekends, there is no pressure – you have your vacation,” she says.