Sheep in Reverse

Fuck it, like it or not most of us are like sheep.  You see it everyday in many forms. We drive in packs, walk in packs and travel in packs.  At Costco, people wait in the long center lines often 20 deep on weekends.  I heard people waiting in line say, maybe we should look and see if there are shorter lines-then to hear them sigh and stay put..  For me it a win win, at the far sides of check out there are fewer people, saving me a half hour in line. “I COMMAND YOU TO STAY IN YOUR STUPIDITY”    

 At one point in popular music you realize that everything sounds the same. This isn’t new, throughout the ages someone said, sound like her or them, because this is popular!  But every now and then an Adele or Louis Armstrong appears, breaking the mold of what a performer should look or sound like. 

We copy each other.  If someone else is doing it, then we should too.  From clothing, to music, we copy each other, it doesn’t have to make sense as long as we are doing what others do.

Dah, its the rage, “Your nothing, your nobody until you’ve adopted a pet rock”

Remember that insane shit? and why couldn’t I have invented it?   Can you imagine, just walking down the street picking up various rocks -giving them names and packaging um for say $2.99,within a year, you could lunched with Gail King ( Oprah’s bff)


Let’s take a picture of our Feta Cheeseburger- OMG,We are so cosmopolitan

Here we are standing in the line at the movie theater (LET’S GO LIVE)

Oh man, lets bore people into suicide at my sisters graduations (ooh she is soo cute)

I am sooo proud of myself, I’ve lost 6 ounces this week, I feel so slim! 

Facebook, Snapchat allows everyone a few seconds of fame. “Look at Me”

There are some of us who color outside the lines.  We march by the sounds of our own drums.  Our style isn’t conventional or trendy and not determined by a 30 second commercial, a picture in magazine or moved by what a celebrity is wearing or tweeting about.

I’ve always been attracted to those people.  I’m drawn to Mavericks, regular people who defy convention.  The person on the street with his or her own style.  I saw man in his mid twenties getting out of  a clean 63 Ford Galaxy sedan it was nothing special, no 20 inch wheels, no custom paint just a well preserved car  He said he put more then 8 grand in this old car.  His parents was born in the sixties and he likes this era. He looked as if he was an extra on Mad Men.  He dress ,was from the sixties. I wanted to know more.  Who are his friends, what do they say about is style?  but he was late for a meeting.

With the exception of bell bottoms.  I wasn’t that person to walk the line.   I didn’t listen exclusively to “black music”  it was controversial (I’m still known in my family for listening to white folks music) there is some insane unwritten rule out there that says if you are of a certain hue you MUST exclusively listen to music assigned to that hue or religion. Failure to follow the rule could mean expulsion.   I was that sheep who always strayed.  At five years old, I was banned from Church events without my mom. They said I was lost for hours.  I didn’t think I was lost, I even bought myself a hat at the San Francisco Zoo, AND I found them.

Playing it safe and doing what others do is boring.  I’m that single man who dreams of the Chrysler Pacifica Minivan.  I would have it tricked out with fat wheels and custom paint.  I cant imagine being part of the herd, driving some ungainly SUV.  There is a huge world out there, but there are people, when faced with 31 choices of ice cream ,will choose chocolate or vanilla.

Straying comes with its own set of problems.   To go it alone means your open to ridicule, why isn’t he or she just going along, they’re troublemakers. Why don’t  they simply just follow the path.  Celebrities like Whoopi Goldberg, Cher, Clint Eastwood, Adele and the late James Garner,  Joan Rivers, Bette David and Prince.  These people collectively say “Fuck it and Fuck You” should I fall flat on my face, I did so being my own person.





dating: THE CHECK

Image result for check for dinner

There was a time when the lines were clearly drawn, roles defined.   When it came to dating, it was the man who paid.  It was the man who decided where the couple was going to dine.

 This was pre Phil Donahue, and Murphy Brown.

After Donahue, there were some feminists who believed the man wasn’t obligated to pay and that equal rights meant just that, equal.   Separate checks leveled the playing field between men and women as some men believed dinner, obligated women.   On the other side, were the traditionalist, the man pays the man made the decisions. A women role was supportive as it was for their mothers and grandmothers.

It was a very confusing time, especially for men.   In the eighties, you never knew who who was paying until the check arrived. Was she a feminist or traditionalist?  Most men struggled with the notion of a women paying.  For some men, a women picking up the check was demoralizing.    For many years, my former wife would slip the money to me, my fragile ego wouldn’t allow her to pay in public.

The world has changed since Murphy Brown went off the air in 1998.  The internet and social media looms large in this new age.  However what hasn’t change  is who picks up the check on a date, especially the first date?

As in the eighties, there seemed to be more traditionalist then feminists who believed the man should always pick up the check.  It didn’t matter who earned more,the man paid.

There are some traditionalists in the gay community who believes the person who initiates the date pays.  There are many young gay men and women online who have never experienced dating. Preferring to wait to be asked out.

Susan Johnson Taylor’s “The Etiquette of Paying for Dates Today” ( For US News Magazine)  Who should pick up the check on a first date?  In a 2014 poll, three quarters of respondents men and women, said men should pay for the first date.

Many men want to treat and provide.  Some women expect to pay, while others feel diminished or less special if they aren’t treated to the date.  Its a conundrum.

Much of this is generational.  Younger daters are more equitable, sharing the cost more or talking about who is paying for what’ says psychotherapist Tina Tessina.  ” Older daters are more traditional , with the man paying more often, although even older women are likely to offer to pay then traditionally”

Those in the gay dating scenes don’t struggle as much with these concerns.  “Since there is less gender-enforced  expectation for one or the other to pay, gay and lesbian daters tend to share the responsibility by either splitting the check or by both at least offering to pay”. says Trish McMermott, dating adviser at LGBT online dating site

Keep early dates low-key. Suggesting low-cost activities such as outdoor concerts or festivals for a first date relieves financial pressure, especially on guys who might be concerned about making less than their date or may not have the means for a lavish night on the town. “Some of the best first dates are the most simple, low-cost activities,” say Brenden Dilley, a Phoenix-based life coach. “If a man or woman suggests one of these, don’t take it as the other person being cheap or not taking you seriously – perhaps they just want an opportunity to spend more quality time with you and decide if there is a match.”

 Offering to pay shows good manners.  Instead of the “fake purse or wallet  grab,”  the other party  should ask, “May I help?” Now the ball is in the other person’s court. “He can say, ‘Oh no, I got this,'”  “Or, ‘Yeah, please get the tip. It’s $15.’ Or, ‘Your half is $30.'”



My first dates take place at a coffee house.  It can be a long evening once you’ve learned your not a match. Especially, before they’ve served the salad.    I order a small coffee, with an option for a second cup or dessert if there is a connection.  Half the time I pay for the coffee.    Thank you’s is crucial afterward, or in a text or preferably a voice call .  Even when the date isn’t successful, I call my date and thank them.


After the first date (from If you’re not comfortable with forking out, sensible dating advice would be to suggest that you pay half each once the first date is out of the way. If things are going well and you are both enjoying each other’s company, you may even find that your date pays for some elements of the date (such as entry tickets to a show or exhibition) whilst you pay for the drinks or food.

After the fourth or fifth date, you should be comfortable enough to take it in turns to pay for each date. Don’t worry about being the first to bring it up; he or she will be flattered that you’re keen to plan for future dates with her. Setting the tone for a happy, well balanced relationship early on is sound advice for successful dating.

Finally, if you’re still not sure about who should pay, here’s some final advice to prevent any potential dating faux-pas:

• In the initial stages of dating, try not to splash the cash too much as you’ll look too eager to impress and might give a false impression of your day to day lifestyle and what you can afford. Remember that charm and charisma go a long way and are far more important than the size of your bank balance.

• To avoid awkwardness, choose dates which don’t cost too much until you have an idea of each other’s financial limitations.

• Don’t talk too much about money in the initial dating stages. Our advice is to be subtle about this topic so you don’t come across as money obsessed!

• Remember on most outting your date will be looking for a genuine connection rather than at how much you earn. If money becomes a genuine problem on a date you should think about moving on to greener dating pastures.


 Final Words From CityFella
If you waiting to be asked out, stop.   A cup of coffee is a cup of coffee.  Having a cup of coffee with a potential friend or partner beats being alone in front of a computer.  Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.  If your not a match its not a failure, you were simply not a match.  The success is leaving your comfort zone.
A sign of the times.  Many individuals have become prisoners of their PC’s, they have become fearful of the real world fearing rejection.  The reality is most people still meet people the old fashion way via social gatherings and referrals. The internet is a good source and just one place to meet people.
Its very difficult for some to convert online relationships into actual dates.  Here are a few tips.   If your looking to date, remove all sex from the conversation.  Get a feel if he or she are actually wants to meet.  If there a lot of hesitation or questions about after the date,there is more than a 80% they will flake.    Listen to their interest, are they looking forward to meeting you?
Once you’ve established a meeting time and location. Call a few days before the date to confirm.  Remember to listen..  Call  the day of.  Tell them your on your way and tell them your looking forward to meeting them,  and once again listen.    Bring a book, or your smartphone.   When they arrive, put down your book and turn off your smartphone and give an upbeat summary of who you are.  Full disclosure is overrated and overwhelming on the first date.    Carefully, listen to your date. DO NOT ASK WHY THEIR SINGLE AND ABOUT PAST RELATIONSHIPS.  Keep it light and breezy.
If your date flakes…..Stay, don’t leave, you didn’t fail. Order a dessert, look around.  The next date just may be in that Starbucks.  Read your book or turn on your smartphone.  Look around, enjoy your victory.  Don’t call the flake, no need to tell him or her off, its not worth your time because they weren’t worthy of you.    If you see someone who catches your eye and they are near.  Rave about your dessert, ask them if they’ve tried it.  If you not comfortable on this visit, you may the next.   On this day ,congratulate yourself, you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone.


Booty Call Confusion

A CityFella re-enactment)

A Text message:


KJoy: Thinking about you

Kjoy: I NEED you

Kjoy:  You can have that (attachment)

Kjoy:  coming ovah now

Kjoy: I’m gonna make your scream!

Krystina Joy Rivera (facebook picture)

KJoy, drove over to her ex boyfriends Ronald Koch around 5 am Tuesday morning to knock some boots . There was just one small problem. Ronald never responded to any of her text messages.

The 27 year old Clearwater ,Florida women somehow forced her way into his home.

At the time, Ronald  “was lying in bed” with current girlfriend Julie Thomas.

According to the reports Kjoy, walked into the bedroom and started punching Julie Thomas in the face.

Isn’t it interesting?  women rarely attack the man (often the offender) always the woman in this case the sleeping Julie.

Kjoy ,told the Police she didn’t hit Thomas ( Prob the victim of a violent dream where she beat herself across the face ) she also told the Po Po she was invited to the house.

Kjoy was arrested for assault or battery (for which she has pleaded not guilty)  Kjoy was locked up in advance of a June 13 bond hearing, has been ordered to have no contact with her ex or the women who beat her self up.

The mother of two has had a few prior convictions for marijuana possession, drunk driving, possession of drug paraphernalia, public urination, theft, and violation of probation.

The last one is scary. I’ve seen enough Lifetime movies.  Her ex should move!


removing the KING! an unhinged unpredictable TRUMP making the world uneasy

Image result for donald trump russia

As  cable news pundits are shaking their collective groomed HD heads.  An anxiety ridden Trump is reportedly attacking his own, undermining his own programs through a series of tweets.    The Commander and Chief finds comfort in tweeting, however there is Huge difference when your tweeting as a private citizen.  As the Commander and Chief those insomniac words could cause an international incident.

Anxiety is the key word ,as the nation awaits to hear Former FBI Director James Comey testimony on Thursday.  Not since John Dean testified at Watergate in hearings has their been so much attention focused on one individual.  The testimony from the hearings has Trump off center.

President Trump’s daughter Ivanka and son in law Jared Kushner have long been said to be a calming influence on him.   Where are they?  Kushner is under fire for reportedly asking for a back channel to speak to the Russians.  The issue may be related to real estate.  A 27 year old Kushner took a bath on 666 Fifth Avenue paying a record 1.8 billion dollars for a troubled property that reportedly has a balloon payment due in a couple years.   Kushner has sought Chinese and Russian investors. There are some who believe without a proper suitor the Kushner Empire may crash.  Jared and Ivanka supported the Paris Climate Accord. Ivana Trump and Jared Kushner, were not present during the Rose Garden ceremony.

The Republican Party is at a loss. How do the navigate around the President who was elected because he was outsider?  The insiders could face voter backlash for criticizing the outsider.   The outsider who have abandoned the insiders with a proposed budget and change to the health care plan that will undoubtedly damage them in he election cycles.      Meanwhile the Democrats, are the Democrats a fractured bunch.   Mavericks who are screaming impeachment before the facts are revealed.  Meanwhile, seasoned Democrats are calmly asking for patience know they are powerless to the shell shocked Republican dominated House and Senate.   However, the mavericks make good TV!

Our allies don’t trust our Commander and Chief.  In short order, he has shared classified information with our mutual enemies.  He has leaked intelligence and failed to reassure Nato countries that America has their support.

The hearings could go on for months or longer.

The president’s approval rating dipped from nearly 42 percent to just 36 percent over the weekend, according to a Gallup daily tracking poll published Monday. Trump’s declining popularity is inching closer toward his all-time low of 35 percent as president in March, when Gallup had the president’s approval at just 35 percent. What’s more, nearly 43 percent of American voters support the idea of beginning the official impeachment process for Trump, according to a Politico/Morning Consult poll published Wednesday.


How to Impeach a Republican President, with an Republican House and Senate?

(An Idea in Progress)

The Beginning

  1. Actively court the nearly 40% of Republicans who have grown uneasy with the President in their districts . The focus must be limited to areas where all sides agree.  Paris Climate Accord, Russia, Relationship with Allies, Credibility etc
  2. Reject Democratic Involvement, No leaders or Speakers from Democratic Party!
  3. All  meetings, Demonstrations should be focused in Republican Districts.


To be continued




Lifestyles of the Rich and Entitled: Jaden Smith

Image result for angry Jaden Smith

Now this is a story all about how

His life got flipped-turned upside down

And I’d like to take a second
So sit right tight pronto

This was Jaden’s weekend  in a town called Toronto

Image result for toronto canada

 Jaden Smith, the eighteen year old son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett

Was in Toronto making a film.

Young Mr Smith was staying at the swanky  Five Star

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Four Seasons Hotel in Toronto wouldn’t extend his stay.

Image result for hotel sold out

He was not HAPPY! 

Image result for angry Jaden Smith

And went on a 45ish twitter Tirade!

A vegan, he accused the hotel of spiking his pancakes with cheese

Image result for shock horror

Toronto is a BEAUTIFUL city, but one suspects,a four or dare I say a three star hotel wouldn’t do.

Related image

Jaden, we almost, not quite ,feel your pain……

“Not really”

Your Just being too 

Image result for extra extra

So, Boo 2 da hoo!



Romance hit by a wrecking ball in the modern world

Love, it is said, is a many-splendoured thing. But in its modern avatar, it seems to have got jaded, conscripted, hashtagged, abbreviated to something a mite less grand. Tks luv

By: Bikram Vohra\

When we were young we went to the beach and wrote love letters in the sand. No one does that now. Instead, they put up three sticks and play cricket with a softball.or they send messages in abbreviation. Not much romance in that.

These days the priorities are different. Wealth, a steady job and income and everything in situ are vital for romance to flourish. Not so long ago, a man and a woman started out to make a life together. They climbed up the stairs from a sublet to find room at the top over the years. It was fun. Now it all comes pre-packed. You have to tick all the boxes. Do you have a house? What is your earning power? Car? Fridge? Medical insurance? Prospects? How far away do your parents live? Cupid cannot be like the Emperor, not wearing any clothes. He had better polish his wings and show some style. And a decent bank balance to boot. And she had better pull her weight.

Both men and women have lost the stamina for the long haul, they want it all on Day One. What, you haven’t got me a diamond ring? You call this love? And what about the down payment on the flat? No way am I sitting in this toy car.

All marriages that end on the rocks at any level of society are doomed by material demands. Over property, over land, over money, over the ‘why can’t I have what they have’ overriding sentiment.

Most importantly, we lose out because we get bored so easily. A generation or two ago nobody got bored. We had imagination and our minds were ours, not sold to the digital store and downloaded. If we did any downloading it was from the mind, our minds. Consequently, we were so busy inventing games, ideas, things to do, reading, we never had time to get bored. Now that we have surrendered our minds to third parties and they control us in a not so remote fashion the same mind has rusted over and has nothing to do. Hence the boredom.

This state spills into all relationships but impacts most devastatingly on freshly painted marriages. The couples get jaded. So trained are we to respond to fresh stimuli that the novelty wears off and the effort to make it work is just that. too much of an effort. We often blame the woman for being the wicked witch. Like he was a wonderful son and brother until she came along and ruined him.

Not always true. He wanted to be ruined, that was in his DNA, maybe she just pushed it along but don’t let him off the hook.

Imagine in today’s grab-and-grasp world if the Titanic was hitting an iceberg.

Rose: Jack, I think we have hit an iceberg.

Jack: Hmmmm… yes, the boat is tilting a bit.

Rose: We will have to go down together.

Jack: We.lll, you know about that, I was thinking, maybe we should wait a while, like I am taking the next lifeboat, if you get one, catch you on shore.

Rose: What, you would leave me here to drown?

Jack: You can swim and you have a life jacket. You’ll be fine. Toodle-oo then! Here’s a wave; did you get it? A wave, like that one over there about to break over the bow?

The only wooing one hears about is politicians doing it to their electorate. In the old days people sang songs below balconies and shoved daggers into their heart, made major gestures of undying love. Remember Sir Walter Raleigh? He took off his silken cape and flung it across a rain puddle and the Queen walked over it and was so impressed she gave the old chap a whole fleet of ships to go wreck the world.

Give it a shot today.

She: What are you doing, Mani?

He: Taking off my Dh4,000 branded suit from Italy, my love?

She: Whatever for, have you gone nuts?

He: To fling it over that flipping pool of mucky water forming around that leaky pipe, that’s why, my chickadee.

She: But why would you do it? That’s the one my mother bought you. Don’t you have any respect for her? I know you don’t like her but ruining a perfectly good suit.

He: I am doing it so you can walk over it in your unwashed sneakers, poppet.

She: Why would I want to walk over your silly coat over a silly puddle? Have you gone bananas? Mother! Mani’s ruined the gift you got for him.

In days gone by, men burst into poetry when they spotted the beaming light of their lives. Don’t quite get the same result with ‘Hey’ or ‘Howdy’ or ‘See ya’ or any of those abbreviated forms of greeting we abide by these days. You can’t leap into shining poetry from a ‘yep, dude, my bad, cool.’ And in any case, pretty foolish you’d look erupting into poetry with everyone watching.

He: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

She: Be quiet, will you.

He: Your eyes, like sapphires in the sky, no need to wonder why. Just one smile and I’ll walk a mile.

She: I don’t believe this, stop him someone, don’t ever call me again, ever, ever. I’m deleting you from my WhatsApp.

Fine, I exaggerate. Everyone is not callow and pathetic. But we cannot deny that the texture of romance has changed.

Guess it’s the era we live in. I mean, how much pure romance can you dredge from a WhatsApp message.

#luvu #pls 4giv# CFY#BC# TC#

Go figure.

What It’s Like To Love A Gay Man Who Isn’t Out (And Tells His Pals I’m A WOMAN)

dating someone who is not out of the closet

He told his friends my name was “Ashley.”

Ten years ago, I met the second love of my life. I say “second” because there have been three loves of my life. He wasn’t the first, he wasn’t the last, but he was the most influential. I don’t mean that to downplay the importance of the other two. However, he was the one I was with the longest and he was the one that I learned the most from. For the sake of his privacy, we’ll call him L.

I met L on a hookup website. This was not the kind of website that you go to find a partner; this was a place to meet someone, satisfy your needs fairly instantly, and then move on about your life. If you were lucky, you might land a friend with benefits, but it was mostly for one-night stands.

I saw his picture and was immediately into him. I instantly messaged him and anxiously awaited his response. He finally messaged me back and we ended up talking for 4 hours.

Click the Link for the Rest of the Story