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What It’s Like To Love A Gay Man Who Isn’t Out (And Tells His Pals I’m A WOMAN)


dating someone who is not out of the closet

He told his friends my name was “Ashley.”

Ten years ago, I met the second love of my life. I say “second” because there have been three loves of my life. He wasn’t the first, he wasn’t the last, but he was the most influential. I don’t mean that to downplay the importance of the other two. However, he was the one I was with the longest and he was the one that I learned the most from. For the sake of his privacy, we’ll call him L.

I met L on a hookup website. This was not the kind of website that you go to find a partner; this was a place to meet someone, satisfy your needs fairly instantly, and then move on about your life. If you were lucky, you might land a friend with benefits, but it was mostly for one-night stands.

I saw his picture and was immediately into him. I instantly messaged him and anxiously awaited his response. He finally messaged me back and we ended up talking for 4 hours.

Click the Link for the Rest of the Story

http://www.yourtango.com/2017302481/what-its-like-dating-someone-not-out-of-closet

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Policing: Its not just Black and White


Related image

Tone

  1. a musical or vocal sound with reference to its pitch, quality, and strength. “the piano tone appears monochrome or lacking in warmth”

synonyms: timbre,sound,sound quality, voice, voice quality,color tonality “tone             of the tuba”

  1. the general character or attitude of a place, piece of writing, situation,etc. “trust            her to lower the tone of the conversation”

synonyms: mood, air,spirit, feel ,sound,flavor, note, attitude, character, nature,              manner, temper;

 

The Tale of Two Communities

A large backyard barbecue, the crowd overflowing into the garage and the front yard. The homeowners are in their late forties.  Alcohol fueled aggression and loud talking resulted into a complaint call by someone in the neighborhood.   Two Sacramento County Sheriff Cars Arrived with lights flashing, a few minutes later a third car arrived.

One man in the garage is agitated by the presence of the officers. The homeowner and a women attempt  to calm him.  As they were talking to him, others ,seeing the flashing lights came out of the backyard.    As one family was leaving, an officer yelled at them and told to stand near the fence.   The women said they were going home.  Another women in the crowd screamed at the officer, ” they ani’t doing nothing why cant they go home? Another officer calmly asked  them to wait.    This irritated some  of the people watching.  Some of them said, the first officer had an attitude and was unnecessarily aggressive.  Within a couple of minutes other Sheriff cars appeared.    While some members of the party were quietly leaving,others were angrily talking to the officers.  One young man, fueled by alcohol began shouting at the officers and two officers restrained him. They eventually released him.   After 30 minutes, it was all over.

_______________________________________________

In another community,  Homeowners in the mid fifties.  A wedding party went later than planned.  Late night alcohol fueled aggression and excessive noise party resulted into a complaint call by one of the neighbors.

My friend said their were no flashing lights as the police car arrived. The officer asked to speak to the homeowner.     There was a lot of loud music in the backyard.  As the officer passed me, he said good evening.   He and the owner asked people to quiet down in the backyard,the music was turned off.    One man, who could barely stand, swore at the officer. Another attendee, started yelling at a young man who was siting at a table threatening him.    As I was watching this unfold,another officer arrived, he was very pleasant and stood silently in the backyard  as the other officer unsuccessfully attempted to calm the yelling man down.    He then spoke to the out of control man, he wasn’t loud or threatening but he was firm.  It seemed to work.

____________________________________________________________

There is a different approach, a different tone used by officers in  lower income areas. Some of the officers are aggressive and often disrespectful to members of the community.  As a result, members of that community are often hostile to the officers.

There are some officers who are intimidated by people of color. Some are predisposed to believe they will face hostility in these neighborhoods.  Its not uncommon to see police officers with the guns drawn in these neighborhoods, in front of women and children.

If your a resident of an upper middle income neighborhoods, you cant relate to citizens in lower middle class neighborhood.   You may even assume  those people are predisposed to violence and perhaps the police are justified in their actions.

If you live in a low or middle income community. If you haven’t experienced an negative interaction with law enforcement, there is a good chance you’ve heard or know someone who has.

 Adding fuel to the mistrust of police officers are the constant reports of unarmed black ,latino and poor whites being shot and killed by the police.

There some white officers who fear or mistrust people of color.   The tone and body language is aggressive.  In Sacramento, the makeup of the police and sheriff departments do not reflect the community they serve.

  Also missing is education, people often fear the things and people they don’t understand.  Members of nearly all police department across the country. Could benefit from education about various minority groups.  For example, many groups, cultures, talk loudly and aggressively. For some, outside the culture may find this intimidating.

One would think with multi million dollar payouts to citizens.  Cities leaders would be actively looking for a solution.  But this isn’t happening.    Most cities are reactive, putting out destructive wild fires.   Community meeting are short lived, fading within months.

Change is difficult, our world is changing, a compromised is needed.  But the tone has to change. It is in the best interest of the cities to encourage and support ongoing dialogue bridging not only in law enforcement and the people they serve but cities leadership. As there are some elected officials who are out of touch with segments of their community.

EVERY member of law enforcement (not just department heads) should be required to attend an community meeting twice a year to meet interested citizens.  Public Notices of these meetings should be in all forms of  media to encourage participation.

Yes, there is a cost to this.  The City of Sacramento and other cities across the country pay over a billion dollars a year settling claims and the amount are increasing each year.

Law enforcement agencies throughout the country are struggling.  Some cities are struggling to recruit officers. Others are struggling to retain officers.  Many officers and police unions believe they’re being asked too much and  feel they are under attack.

The solution is daunting.

CityFella

Take a Stand on Your Grindr Profile


Grindr Op Ed Via Deuchebags Of Grindr

Discrimination runs rampant on the most popular gay hookup app. Writer Lenny Gerard informs fellow users he won’t accept stereotyping and wants you to do the same.

By: Lenny Gerard/The Advocate

In my time spent on Grindr, I’ve seen about one in five profiles include lines like “no fatties, no fems, no Asians, no Blacks/Latinos, white only.” Willful ignorance and the normalization of it further spreads the notion that it is OK to be intolerant and hurtful.

I often find that people on Grindr have discriminatory beliefs about their personal, romantic, and sexual preferences. People think it’s OK to discriminate when it comes down to whom they spend their time with (dating or “smashing”). They say it’s merely a preference, but enforced separation of racial groups and communities on the app is simply segregation.

 

Click The Link Below For The Rest of The Story

http://www.advocate.com/race/2017/5/09/take-stand-your-grindr-profile

The REAL housewives of Atlanta Sp9 Reunion pt 4 “She is a low down unremorseful liar!”


 

Image result for phaedra parks liar gif

Todd said ” Drag her Porsha”

Porsha, missed an opportunity to drag Phaedra Parks ass across the stage out the building and down the block.  It would have been sanctioned by Andy Cohen and all the housewives as Phaedra told the BIGGEST MOST HEINOUS LIE IN THE HISTORY OF ALL THE HOUSEWIVES FRANCHISES!

_______________ 

Now there have been various housewives lies about ,home ownership, random lies about people places and things, having cancer, and our favorite, fidelity.    BUT, no one to my knowledge ,in any of the franchisees have told a lie that could not only damage their brand and reputation, but a lie that could send a housewife and her husband to jail. 

_______________

Bravo made us wait for this drama.  This all could have fit in a two part reunion, but four?  Let’s hope this isn’t a trend.   Having said that I enjoyed nearly every minute. I especially loved that they allowed us to follow the housewives behind the scenes.

Busted Bitch!

In part three, the world learned Phaedra was the source of the ” Kandi and Todd planned to drug and kidnap, Porsha to have sex with her”   Phaedra told Porsha, Kandi confirmed the story. Phaedra was also the source of the “Marvin” story. (Todd was telling random women in New York his name was Marvin)   Phaedra was stoic as her girlfriend was falling apart.  Well, seemingly falling apart, we saw the tissue, we didn’t see the tears.  Not lost on Kenya and Todd.

“You know damn well the day you told me that, two days before I sat with Kandi, you said she told you firsthand! Then two days ago we talked on the phone and you told me that she said it firsthand. Now, what I’m not gonna do is go back in text messages and reveal that, because we don’t need no motherfucking receipts.” (Porsha Williams)

(Porsha off the sofa)

  Porsha, found a few tears and begged for her sister Lauren.  Meanwhile, while she was waiting for her sis, Shamea comes in, not to tell her, she told her so about Phaedra, but basically she did just that (tell her so).  Meanwhile her sister comes in and was genuinely surprised to here what Phaedra said.

Kandi, Cynthia, Sheree Todd and Andy (off the sofa)

Todd reminds his wife she’s been vindicated. For Kandi the pain and the rage was there. She talks about people hash tagging #KandiAKABillCosby under her business’ photos.    Cynthia and Sheree are confused and in shock!  Cynthia say’s she has never seen anything like it!  The three housewives talk in the ladies room, Andy joins them as to check the temperature, he is also in shock!

Kenya Please! (off the sofa)

Kenya is on the phone with her friends Brandon.  She has never evah, liked Porsha and wanted a friendship with Phaedra until Phaedra turned.  Now is off with their heads, she wants them both fired!

Phaedra (off the sofa)

Okay, I’m gonna give Phaedra one.  While she is surrounded by emotional chaos ,caused by her, we see her calmly being groom.  Bad and mean editing 3Bravo!.

Porsha (on the sofa)

Image result for throw her under a bus gif

Her buddy, threw her under the bus and Phaedra, didn’t look a bit more bothered, of course until she was busted.   However, when Andy asked her why would she believe  Kandi and Todd would drug her and take her back to their house? she replied, “this is what I was told”

 But I don’t have pity for Porsha.  Phaedra supplied her with the bullets, but it was Porsha who pulled the trigger.  She had ample opportunity to contact Kandi, a person she called a good friend, to verify the story.   Porsha isn’t dumb, anyone who has seen her on the Celebrity Apprentice can attest to that.  So Porsha, your no innocent.  Porsha, apologized to her old friend, but that fell on to closed ears. it was wayy too late!

Kandi, Cynthia, Kenya, Sheree and Todd (on the sofa)

There were few words.   Kandi said she was numb.  Kandi said she would have never done that to Phaedra.  With regard to her ex employee Johnny, who’s attorney is suing her for over $168,000.  Kandi said,  she wouldn’t sit down on television and speak with Angela Stanton, the woman who wrote the tell-all book about Phaedra.

Phaedra could have let her faith allow her to come clean in her restoration services, but the holy and ghost wasn’t with her.   Phaedra  had several opportunities  in Hawaii to come clean, Phaedra enjoyed her Champagne instead.

Andy and Phaedra  (on the sofa)

Andy gave Phaedra a lifeline.  Phaedra pushed it away. ” You know I made a rash decision.”  He asked Phaedra if she was mad at Kandi?  She says no.  At first it was something she was told. When Andy asked Porsha she say’s  Phaedra was adamant she understand she heard Kandi say she wanted to drug her firsthand.  Then Phaedra changed,“I was repeating something. I shouldn’t have repeated it.”   Then she gives the Shaedra apology, I’m sorry! I’m Sorry!  Phaedra was cold and emotionless

 

Put a big ass fork in Andy, he’s done!

I listen to Radio Andy on SiriusXM.  Phaedra Parks was one of his early guest when the show launched in 2015.   The two have a history which predates the housewives.  He was done last night.  In the last few minutes, after giving Phaedra every opportunities to help herself, she tells her, “You got caught in a pretty megawatt lie. I don’t know that you’ve completely copped to it…”

No Reply.

Andy says it’s impossible to tell what she’s feeling, and Phaedra says,

“All I can do is apologize. I can’t change that it happened.”

_______________

Typically there are hugs after a reunion and what did you learn from the season?

Last night, there were no group hugs in Atlanta. No what you learned from the season?  Only a cake for Cynthia Bailey’s 50th and forced smiles.

CityFella

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Reunion Pt 3 “All Roads Lead to Phaedra”


It took two long hours to get tonight and Damm it was Good!  GOOD!!!

Couples Update and Peter

It is very clear to me Bob Whitfield would rather be at a day care at a day care facility hand washing diapers ,than to be on the show last night.  He apologized to Sheree for his violent words when they were married. “I made myself the man and kept her behind me,” he said, “when I should have had her beside me.”  Neither he and Sheree have talked to their children about the violence in their relationship.    Cast members like him and was surprised to see that side of him.  Peter said, if he didn’t know Bob,he would have punched him.

Andy asked Todd, his impressions of Riley’s bio dad, Block.  Todd said, he initially thought Block was full of shit but Block is keeping his word and meeting with Riley.

I’ve always thought that Peter Thomas was closest to Nene when it comes to his no nonsense  attitude and his love for his wife Cynthia.   Last night, Peter was sad and angry.

When Andy asked Peter and Cynthia if they were dating.  Cynthia said she dated someone and quickly downplayed the dating.   Peter on the other hand was fronting big time.  He said there was someone he liked a lot.   If you looked close you saw man who’s heart was broken with tears in his eyes and despite his words he said he will ALWAYS love Cynthia.

Peter had nothing but rage toward Porsha and Phaedra.  Porsha has long accused Peter of having affairs. A one point Peter, talked over Andy Cohen, and asked why was Todd not there and insisted he be there ! Then he went after Phaedra.  Do you have the whole package? A husband and a family?  No, Phaedra replied.  Life is full of disappointments baby!    Peter abruptly left the stage as he exited he said “Phaedra and Porsha are full of shit”

Bones and the Bone Carrier

Sheree has clearly earned her peach back and relishes her role as the bone carrier.    Sheree keeps the ladies real, at the end of the day, their gonna see/hear what happens.  The ladies rarely question Sheree.

 The Heat!

Ladies and Gentleman, introducing Shamea Morton to the reunion sofa

Shamea Morton has Phaedra to thank for her appearance as she suggested that Shamea  Kandi and Todd was having an affair.   Shamea was Porsha’s best friend and Kandi’s friend however that relationship slowed when Porsha became friends with Phaedra.

Shamea went hard on Phaedra.  She called Phaedra a Southern belle today and hooker tomorrow,” and told Porsha dont leave your credit card and Id because is into fraudulent activity (the crime Phaedra’s ex in prison for) and to stop using Groupon for her plastic surgery’

The big question is why did Phaedra let her good friend Porsha take the fall for her mess?

 They brought Todd back to confirm Porsha’s coming on to Kandi.   There were two kisses between Kandi and Porsha asked if they would go back to her hotel.  Todd said Kandi (who was sober) declined and said it wasn’t a good idea.

Needing clarity, Andy wanted to know why Phaedra said Kandi and Shamea was sleeping together.   Phaedra said, because they were close.   When asked if she and Porsha were sleeping together or if she and Kandi were sleeping together because they were once were close, Phaedra said no.     In a sad desperate attempt. Phaedra asked all the ladies if they heard the rumors, they all including Porsha said no.

Porsha’s Memory Lapse

At one point Andy addresses an open letter written to him from the Huffington Post about  the homophobic way this show deals with these women accusing each other of being lesbians all the time.  Porsha says she is not homophobic, she supports Gays etc, etc, etc,  Someone reminds her of an anti gay statement she made a few years ago

The Bomb! 

Andy asked, why would Porsha say Kandi and Todd tried to drug her?

Porsha gave us one when she said she is in the world of Journalism.

BECAUSE!

She reports on the news and they like to make sure it’s accurate.”

Porsha joins the ranks of Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer.

Why did she say that about Kandi?

“I was served a Cease and Desist by Kandi,” she Porsha said,  “What I want to do is have Phaedra speak, because she’s the one who told me Kandi said that.”

“Boom”

Phaedra is the source of the rumor.   She is the one who said, Kandi and Todd drugged Porsha. 

WHERE WILL YOU BE NEXT WEEK?

CityFella

The Real Housewives of Atlanta S9 Reunion P2. ” Not a good day for anyone named Phaedra”


Phaedra with a Bullet !

At one time, one would think Andy Cohen liked Phaedra Parks.  What’s not to like, She’s a she’s a Southern Belle, the queen of Southern Shade,where the ladies can deliver shade  with a lace handkerchief.

Last night it seemed he or someone from Bravo said lets get her!  Lets connect and unearth all the lies.And they went there.  From her the first season and to the current season they exposed her lies and I’m afraid they aren’t done.

Porsha’s Anger Management 

Picking up from part one.  Porsha and anger management was she taking classes?  Not answering the question .Porsha accused the other women of still not being able to celebrate her even when she’s trying to better herself.     Last episode, Kandi said, she and Porsha were cool.  Kandi donated five grand to help Porsha on the Celebrity Apprentice.  Porsha screams you donated that money to a charity.   If you donate money, that doesn’t mean you own them!   The facts , both Kandi  and Phaedra donated money to Celebrity Apprentice for Porsha.

Porsha was asked about her physical altercations with Cynthia and Kenya. Porsha says, “At the end of the day” “I apologized to both of them… No, I don’t think they got what they deserved.”  I’m not sure I wouldn’t have apologize to Kenya either with that stupid bullhorn.

Kenya and MATT

If you like me, your soo ovah with these 2!!!!

Maybe if he were smarter, Maaaaybe, if Kenya didn’t have such a lying track record with men…..   Maybe.   Kenya has been making points this season with me and then I’m reminded of Matt.  Home Cheese(MATT), breaks her windows, with his hands (there was blood on the windows) not only does he break her garage door windows but the back window of her Range Rover.   To replace a back window on a dam Kia would cost Five Bills, imagine a Range Rover?  Both those bitches are crazy.   Excuse me, moving on from this silly shit!

Sucks to be Phaedra

Phaedra, who, I say WHO did you piss off at Bravo?

Rumor say, your gone.  But until Bravo say’s your gone,  poof your a housewife.

 

Phaedra brought a copy of her divorce degree for ANDY to read.   The other housewives say no, Phony……….  (hold on to that for a week or two)

Phaedra Parks is on a reality show, so when she was asked, “Why didn’t you share the details of the divorce with the ladies?” “Because they’re not my friends.”   A reality star who only shares her life with real friends and Porsha.

Who’s Reading Who?

Kenya bites down and hard.  She reads the blogs.   She screams,  She insists the Phaedra is not divorced  because the actual filings purposefully misspelled his name, and he was never notified,”  Phaedra may have blown it when she said, “She doesn’t understand why Apollo is contesting the divorce, after giving him a hundred grand.    Phaedra tells Kenya to worry about her own truth: “We both know the truth is that nobody wants you. You’re like an old condo that they done converted into a town home,”   Kenya shuts her down, saying it was a rehearsed read.

Ooooh, we gotta a chance to see their kids while they were young 

How cute,Image result for mooing on.

 Ladies

In this dry season, I liked seeing Bob Whitfield, Sheree’s ex.   He was light and funny.  I liked seeing them together as there is some chemistry between the two of them.   Bob lightens Sheree, he brings out her softer side.

Its very possible, Bob is in love with Sheree, but sometimes love isn’t enough.

Bob and Sheree married young, while Bob was playing football.  The two physically  fought each other.  The divorce was horrible,and like many divorces, I think it changed Sheree forever.

The bus ride, where Bob joked about not choking Sheree hard enough. Was a life changing event that is forever memorialized on film.  It exposed a secret.  Sheree says, She can’t believe that he talked about it on camera.  “Honestly, I think he forgot where he was. I think he forgot the cameras were there.”  Revealing a secret she held close.

Something happened off camera between Sheree and Kenya.  For a brief moment they were friends, this happened between Sheree and Kim Zolciak, their friendship repaired itself off camera.

Kenya,says she knows something about Sheree and doesn’t reveal what she knows.   NOW, we know if that were Phaedra or Porsha the world would have known.

She told no one.  The story of Sheree’s abuse was something all the ladies could relate to. No’ I’m not suggesting they were all in abusive relationships but most women knows of someone in an abusive relationship    In this moment, emotions shifted from anger and rage to tears and sadness felt by all the ladies.  Her biggest supporter was from her neighbor, Kenya Moore.

 CityFella

45 Supporters Choose Berzerkely For Peaceful Protest?


Image result for berkeley trump protest

Sure why not!  The Klan should choose downtown Detroit!

Lights, News Cameras, Action!  Let’s Rumble.

Is the only semi-coherent reason any Trump supporter would choose ultra liberal Berkeley to hold a protests.   There are a few tiny bubbles of conservatives in the San Francisco Bay Area, in Eastern Contra Costa County, Alameda County and San Mateo County.

 Berkeley has many nick names “The People Republic of Berkeley “and” Berzerkley” are two that stand out.  The East Bay cities of Berkeley and Oakland is arguably the home of the best dressed black bloc( BART) Anarchists in the county.  Anarchist who take public transit and drive their earth friendly electric cars and Toyota Prius’s to Berkeley or Oakland, to rumble.  Then there are others ,not in costume who hate 45 or any Republican.   San Francisco and Stanford  across the bay doesn’t have the volatile history of the East Bay.  Perhaps that’s why Oakland Raider fans are more intimidating than San Francisco 49er fans.

I know these streets well, any time Richard Nixon or a spokes person would speak to the press.  The University of California students, would take to the street.  For years, businesses on Telegraph Ave would never have direct sunlight as they left plywood on the windows for years.   My buds and I would cut class to run with the students, avoiding motorcycle police and  the tear gas, it was the ultimate rush.

The children of the baby boomers who live in the well heeled suburbs dress up in their finest Black Banana Republic chaos gear to participate in protest in Berkeley and Oakland, perhaps hearing stories of the golden days for the same rush.  The difference is, as high school students,  we didn’t break windows or set fires.Image result for berkeley trump protest

This is America, any one can protest anywhere.  With a sharp left eyebrow up, I question the motive’s of 45’s supporters.

Breaking News

CityFella