“A tweet is just a tweet” Someone you know is risking their career and reputation. Could it be you?

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Image result for roseanne barr

This morning Roseanne tweeted

“Don’t feel sorry for me, guys!!”  “I just want to apologize to the hundreds of people,and wonderful writers (all liberal) and talented actors who lost their jobs on my show due to my stupid tweet.”.

“Guys I did something unforgivable so do not defend me,” she wrote. “It was 2 in the morning and I was ambien tweeting-it was memorial day too-i went 2 far & do not want it defended-it was egregious Indefensible. I made a mistake I wish I hadn’t but…don’t defend it please. ty.”

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“Overshare”

What ever happened to calling a friend?  Perhaps it’s a need for attention or public validation, but someone you know is or has posted something very personal on social media, placing her careers and reputation at risk.

I know of one person who has lost three jobs for venting about those jobs on social media.  A woman who lost her job  after up loading pictures of her simulating a sex act on social media.    ___________________________________________________________

 

What Your Facebook Use Reveals About Your Personality And Your Self-Esteem

https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/10/31/what-your-facebook-use-reveals-about-your-personality-and-your-self-esteem/#72f5825a321f

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Individuals posting detailed information about their troubled marriage, relationships with friends, family members, and colleagues for the world to comment .

One person, after being fired deleted his Facebook account and opened another with a different name, inviting his friends to join him on the new account.  After getting the new job old habits re-emerged. Complaints about clients and co-workers, in less than two weeks he was fired from the new job.

Postings of how many joints they had during the day, the uploading of videos of themselves being intoxicated.

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9 Things You Should Never Share on Social Media

https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/9-things-never-share-social-media/

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Why do some of us Overshare? 

Professor Russell W Belk of York University in Toronto says: The feedback of friends, family members, acquaintances, and strangers therefore provides continual criticism and validation.

“When we’re looking at the screen we’re not face-to-face with someone who can immediately respond to us, so it’s easier to let it all out—it’s almost like we’re invisible,” said Belk, of the so-called “disinhibition effect” that online sharing helps create. “The irony is that rather than just one person, there’s potentially thousands or hundreds of thousands of people receiving what we put out there.”

Still, something seems amiss when people feel it’s more important to express a desire on Facebook for the president to be assassinated than it is to, say, exercise tact or avoid losing your job. (Yes, she was fired.)

 

Another crucial ingredient encouraging online exhibitionism is, as stated by Belk, the “tension between privacy and potential celebrity.” For some people, the longing to be popular far outweighs the longing to be respected, and their social media accounts can verify this.

It’s A Free Country,What’s the big deal? 

Unlike a private conversation between friends. A posting on social media is memorialized.  What you’ve said to a certain extent is now a part of history.  Ideally the user should use the same level of caution then he or she would in an open conversation.

One can have an political opinion, an impression, when the opinion, impression crosses the line of civility the authors reputation and potential carreer could be damaged.   Students randomly tweeting and making racists or insentive videos have been tossed out of colleges all of the county, well after they attempted to delete the statement or  video.   Now apart of record, many of these students had difficultly finding a new college and that video may forever inpact their careers.

More and more employers are accessing your private social media to get a sense of who your are*    From her previous Tweets on social media ABC knew Roseanne was a risk. In the past she has been critical of the Obama Administration and has posted some controversial  theories and opinions online.   Before Roseanne2, she admitted that she had made people angry and said she would stay offline. She slipped, leaving ABC with little choice, to the cancel the show.

*Accessing one’s social media account isn’t difficult as few people vet new friends.

The Internet is public. Remember that. So even when you think you are posting something privately, once it is out into the Internet ether, it is out of your control and potentially can be used against you in the future. This is especially important in a job search. Even though a future employer (assuming they are not the government) may not be able to access your private posts, it is common to begin including coworkers as future friends. They will have access to your stuff. Keep it clean.

With that in mind, here is a list of things you should never post on social media:

Click the Link Below for the Full Story

https://collegegrad.com/blog/10-things-you-should-never-post-on-social-media

Mean spirited gossip, insults, pictures of careless drug and excess consumption of alcohol are red flags for employers.

Roseanne,Donald and You

For some of us, social media is an important part of our daily lives.  Throughout the day we are checking for texts, pictures, comments and likes.  For some nearly, all their social interaction is via an electronic device.  With one push of a button, you can interact with hundreds, millions, and receive acknowledgement from hundreds and millions more.  For some its intoxicating, and for others its an addiction.  These people   on social media, every day several times a day.  Some purposely post controversial topics to stimulate traffic on his page.       Is this you?    Can you refrain from texting or Social Media for 24 hours?

CityFella

 

Update:  Looks like Roseanne’s Twitter silence lasted a couple of hours. As she feels her co-stars threw her under the Bus.   Her tone seems a little less apologestic than this morning.   

 

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Kim K. your husband Kanye has cracked, he needs medical attention

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“Slavery was choice”

Kanye has had a mental break.  He isn’t TV ready.   Last November he was hospitalized and put on a psychiatric hold shortly after a concert in Sacramento where he went on a rant comparing himself to Donald Trump.   There is something desperately wrong.

Before I Do: Why History Matters

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His or Her Past, may have a major impact on your future as a couple

Sex and the Heart has ruined many relationships because they often distract from reality.    

The heart wants one thing and one thing only, love.   The heart is hopeful, it tells the brain to overlook what it sees because love concurs all.

The euphoric feeling after sex has led to many spontaneous marriages, where virtual strangers have married.

But what do you really know about this person?  Of course, the feeling with this person is unlike any you’ve experienced.  And you have bared your souls, but what do you really know about this person other than they make your heart pound?

Were going to exlore some topics you should consider before moving in or saying I do.

Image result for wait a year or two before marrying

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Money

1 Us Bank Note

It’s not as sexy as infidelity, but most people divorce over (control) MO-NAY!

You’ve moved away from home, your making a living and you buy what you want, when you want it!    No one can tell you want to do or buy your-your own person.  Now your married or living with someone and now you have to compromise, have limits to how you spend your hard earned mo-nay.  Its a challenge for most relationships.

If you enjoyed his spontaneity while your where dating.  Trips to Las Vegas or Paris, gifts just because…. the best seats and restaurants.  Your view of him may dim after marrying him when he can’t pay the mortgage.

If your partner likes the finer things in life…..clothes, jewelry and cars, this unlikely to change after I do.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this as long as the two of you are on the same economic page(A meeting of the minds) before you move in together or marry.

Asking to see their portfolio may be a wee bit invasive 

Image result for signs signs read the signs

1.Does he or she buy clothes, jewelry, parts for the car every weeks.  The priority is things. For some of these people, the future is the future, they believe they work hard and should have things to make them happy.  The downside, these people rarely have substantial savings.  So if saving for a home, retirement or for a rainy day is important to you. This may not be your life mate. 

  1. Have they moved a lot, say four or five times in the last three years in the same area.  This is often an indication of instability.  If there are flaws in the home, neighborhood  this person moves.  It also may mean he/she has difficulty paying his rent. 

3. Do they spend a lot of time online showing you things they are interested in purchasing? See #1

  1. Are they are over 30 living with family members?  A lot of us fall on hard times.  However,there are a few who are repeat offenders.(approach with caution)  If you see a future with this person. Wait until he or she lands completely on their feet (3 or 4 years) AND WHAT EVER YOU DO? DO NOT OFFER FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE!

  2. Is your potential mate always running short of money, or juggling money! Warning!    Eventually they may ask you for financial assistance OR you may want to help.  Dont!!!

DO NOT:  Co sign for anything, add them to your phone plan, open joint accounts/merge accounts.  Issue Credit cards Offer to rescue them and should they ask you for financial assistence within the first six months!  RUN FAST! RUN FAR!      

There is a reason they have bad credit, a reason they came to you instead of a friend or family member they have known much longer.(What do those people know, that you don’t?) 

Turn down your heart.  You may want to help -but take a moment.  If your partner is having financial problems now. When you marry or move in, you inherit their financial problems and those problems are often much greater than you anticipated.  In the long term, this may affect your credit and limit your abilty to purchase a home or buy a car.?                                        __________________

Image result for friendships

 

“Our friendships is often a reflection as to who we are as person”  

Long term relationships often indicate stability.  How does he or she interact with his friends? Is there joy or ongoing conflicts? (Not to be confused with disagreements)  Is he or she short tempered with his friends?

Image result for signs signs read the signs

  1. Anytime he or she talks about their friends or family its nearly always negative.  She or he may be projecting or have a negative view of the world.
  2. They never talk about their friends. Not a good sign, has she or he burned their bridges? Wanted by the police?  Ask questions! 
  3. After a year, you have never met more than one of his or her friends.  See#2
  4. Has a trail of severed friendships. Impatience, anger.  He/she hasn’t attacked you yet? Give it time!  Run! 
  5. Rude to their friends.  If she or he will eventually be rude to yours See#4

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Related image

Are you in sync with your partner? This is the conversation that most couples avoid.  Sometimes out of fear and other well, love will fix it.   The truth is, love isn’t enough. Its very complicated as it has many moving parts.  Are you on the same page politically?  For most marriages this isn’t a deal breaker but for a special few, it could be.

Deal breakers! (Disccusions you MUST have before the committment)

Children?   If children is very important to you.  You need to know if your potential life partner is on the same page.  DON’T ASSUME,ask?   Don’t make a deal with the devil hoping that he or she might eventually change their minds. If he or she has children, do you like them?  What is your relationship with them?  Will they live with you?  The reality is they will be a part of your lives.  If your partner children do not like or respond to you.  The relationship will suffer.

Religion?  Similar to the issue of children.   Can your coupling survive a different Religion?  If there are children.  What religion?  This could affect relationships with in the families. 

Family?  Is your partner a caretaker? Elderly or disable family members who require his time?  Will they live with you?   

( A week after their honeymoon, her husbands friend and two siblings moved in with them?)

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Image result for blinded by love

The heart says, if I love hard enough.    If I believe.   Love will find a way to make it better.  If this is you.  I suggest you talk to a few divorced individuals before making a commitment.    Relationships take time and requires ongoing maintenance.

Early on in the relationship its not uncommon to feel as if we are overthinking  relationships, but there are important signs we cant afford to overlook.  The first time your hit.   If their drinking and recreational use of alcohol and drugs make you uncomfortable.   The second time they disrespect you.  The first time they asked you for assistance.  Do they value you?

There are no guarantees in life, but trust what you see and hear.

 History matters.

CityFella

 

A Near Perfect First Date?

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Image result for dinner for two hands

 

After talking online for weeks, they agreed to meet for dinner.  He is impressed with what he sees.  From the beginning, the couple enjoyed their conversations, first online then on the phone.  She received major bonus points for truth in advertising as she looked like her online pictures.

At dinner the conversation flowed from TV to Trump.  They talked about hobbies and dreams and then, without warning the conversation took a hard left.  When she asked if there was anything he could change about his appearance what would it be?  His response was nothing,  I go to the gym three days a week, and I run.

I can tell she said, your a very cute ,but I think its important to look our very best .  I regularly get botox injections to remove the fine lines in my forehead, you could use some around the eyes.  I noticed  you have slight ponch when you came in. You know there is a non invasive procedure to tighten your stomach.

I have always been fit. I eat right and I work out every day.  I even worked out when my legs was broken.  Of course, I couldn’t run, but I used the other machines in the gym.  Both my parents are in their seventies and they are very fit.   In fact, most of my family are fit except for my sister who ballooned up after having her kids.  She has completely let herself go ,its just horrible and none of us have anything to do with her!   Is there anyone overweight your in family?

She thought the date, went well and wants to see him again

She lost him at botox injections.

CityFella

 

 

 

12 Unexpected Struggles Interracial Couples Face

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By /Cosmopolitan.com

When it comes to interracial dating, the people who’ve been there will tell you there can definitely be struggles. In a recent Ask Reddit thread, interracial couples laid out the real obstacles they encounter daily that they weren’t expecting before they got together.

1. When literally no one thinks you’re together. “My husband and I went to Disney World with my side of the family. So there’s 11 black people and only one white man. We’re in line and when it’s our turn for the ride, they always cut the line off when it got to him,” says Reddit user captawesome1794. “Everyone had to explain that he was in fact part of our group and no, he wasn’t trying to cut us….”

2. When couple pics require more work than you’re used to. “I am white, she is black. Taking selfies in the sun is a bitch,” says Reddit user ehs5. “The picture either turns out way too dark or way too bright.”

 

3. When you both have to adjust to a few linguistic differences. One white man with a Hindu wife explains that “there’s a word in Tamil [her language] that literally translates to ’useless,’ but the Tamil word is often used colloquially to mean something closer to ’not currently needed,’” says Reddit user YWAK98alum. “But that doesn’t stop my wife from describing all kinds of people (including me, frequently) as straight-up ’useless,’ including to their faces, and then wondering why these people either get angry or just avoid her.”

4. When people make backhanded comments about your significant other’s race. Reddit user PM_ME_UNIFORMS, a white woman married to a Southeast Asian man, explains, “The worst part for me is the number of people (OK, women) who, after learning I’m married to an Asian guy, say something along the lines of ’Oh, I couldn’t, I’ve just never been attracted to Asian men!’ This is way worse than the people who ask things like ’does he speak much English?’ when he’s lived in Canada longer than they’ve been alive.”

5. When you have to deal with “jokes” about your race. Reddit user BananaTwinkie, an Asian woman, describes meeting her husband’s father, who is of German descent. She says he told her, “’You don’t have to squint, it’s not that dark in here.’ This was meant as a joke and I took it as such since there was not malicious intent, just ignorant joking. I replied with, ’Fuck you! Where’s the beer?’”

6. When people try to “guess” your partner’s ethnicity. “I’m a white woman married to a man who’s half Egyptian and half Native … The most surprising was how tactless some people are. ’What is he?’ just sounds so rude and I hear it way too damn often,” says Reddit user CatherineAm. “I’ve had people ask if he’s Mexican, Columbian [sic], Middle Eastern, Singaporean, and at one point someone asked if he was a Syrian refugee. Like I know that Egyptian/Native is uncommon, but it was like the people asking that had never even seen people from the backgrounds they were guessing.”

7. When people hit on you or your significant other because they don’t think you’re a couple. “I am a black woman married to a Korean man … people assume we are never together in lines, at bars, or social events (can’t tell you the amount of times men openly hit on me right next to my husband),” says Reddit user bflowyngz. “Usually only happens if we are just standing next to each other and not really talking. If we are talking, they assume we work together.”

8. When your kids aren’t sure of how to self-identify. “My wife is white, I am Asian. Children go through stages of self-identifying white or Asian,” says Reddit user unreplicate. “When he was young, my son was annoyed when my wife visited him during school lunch because his friends ’found out he had a white mother.’ Now, older, he is not much into Asian culture.”

9. When people don’t believe your kids are actually your kids. “I’m half-Korean and my wife is white. I have two kids. One kid is obviously of ambiguous ethnic heritage and the other is blond hair and blue-eyed … I never thought I would have to explain to my daughter that she is really my daughter,” says Reddit user gamerplays. “I have had people come up to me and tried to stop me from picking her up. I’ve had people straight out ask me who her father is.”

E!

10. When you’re surprised by who accepts you as a couple and who doesn’t. A white woman married to a South-Asian woman, Reddit user breakingupishard22, says, “The only thing that’s ever stood out to me is that people are always surprised that her Muslim parents are cooler with us than my white atheist parents. My dad has practically disowned me and hasn’t spoken to me in six years. My father-in-law is just happy his daughter married an accountant with a nice car.”

ABC

11. When you can be harassed just for being in public together. “We were around a liberal town right outside NJ (New Hope) and we were spit on by a motorcyclist on his way out of main street,” says Reddit user Zeroeh, a white man with a black wife. He also added, “I was stopped by the police before and the cop actually pulled me out of the car and asked me if she was a prostitute and would not believe me until I showed our wedding photo that’s in my wallet.”

CBS

12. When you learn that your relationship is so much more than what anyone else thinks. “At the end of the day, you are married to each other and not each other’s cultures or families,” says Reddit user bflowyngz. “You have to respect and love the person you lie down with at night.”

If you send this woman an unsolicited d*** pic, she’ll forward the pic to your mother

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What is it with some men?   Most of us are really insecure about the size of our joy stick. American men are more insecure than other cultures.  In many countries, men of many ages,sizes wear bikini swimwear.    In American, our swimwear is very modest. With the gay community being the exception.   Enter the cell phone, there it is.  The Dick! Let take a few pictures.  Oh, I like this one. I think I will share this one with some unsuspecting women. She’ll go wild and want me!  (I’m guessing)  Some of my female friends like dick pics.  Others find them disgusting.  What the two groups of my female friends have in common, is receiving an unsolicited pic of the dick and what’s interesting, this happens to a wide age range of women. From pre teens to seniors.

Madi Strikes Back

(Before you read any further-think of the Star Wars Theme)

Arizona University student Madi Kohn was TIRED of receiving  unsolicited pics of  men’s junk on Tinder.

She warned visitors to her profile ,if you send her ANY unwanted pics of your dick.  She was going to forward that picture of your tired piece of meat to your mom.!                   (she didn’t use those exact words)

 

“Reading is Fundamental “

Enter Ryan: Ryan messaged the lovely Madi times before, she never replied.   Ryan stepped up his game and sent her PICTURES of his Oscar Meyer to her Instagram account which she believes he found via her Tinder account. 

MADI used the force via info from his pic and like a skilled Jedi, found Ryan’s mother!

 

 

“I tried to be civil when I wrote the message to the (mother),” Kohn said.

Ryan mom (a CityFella reenactment )

A picture of “Ryan’s Penis”, well isn’t that uninspiring” 

A day later, she received a reply — an apology in both English and Spanish from the shocked is mom, promising to speak to Ryan.

“She took it pretty well,” Kohn said. “She wasn’t turning around and attacking me. It was super nice.”

Ryan didn’t!  While he didn’t admit the pee pee was his.  He told Buzzfeed it was a private picture  AND “If that was ‘me’ what she did was illegal. You can’t share those types of ‘private’ pics without consent. I am not sure if you are aware of that.”  

Chicka Boom, Chicka Boom, dont chu just love it!

Home cheese deleted himself from the net.

This wont be the last time Madi will receive a unsolicited dick pic.  There are many Antony Wieners out there who will never get it.!

But be forewarned, Madi has keen Jedi skills and will find your mother! 

 

 

CityFella

Future Jedi Warrior

 

dating: THE CHECK

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Image result for check for dinner

There was a time when the lines were clearly drawn, roles defined.   When it came to dating, it was the man who paid.  It was the man who decided where the couple was going to dine.

 This was pre Phil Donahue, and Murphy Brown.

After Donahue, there were some feminists who believed the man wasn’t obligated to pay and that equal rights meant just that, equal.   Separate checks leveled the playing field between men and women as some men believed dinner, obligated women.   On the other side, were the traditionalist, the man pays the man made the decisions. A women role was supportive as it was for their mothers and grandmothers.

It was a very confusing time, especially for men.   In the eighties, you never knew who who was paying until the check arrived. Was she a feminist or traditionalist?  Most men struggled with the notion of a women paying.  For some men, a women picking up the check was demoralizing.    For many years, my former wife would slip the money to me, my fragile ego wouldn’t allow her to pay in public.

The world has changed since Murphy Brown went off the air in 1998.  The internet and social media looms large in this new age.  However what hasn’t change  is who picks up the check on a date, especially the first date?

As in the eighties, there seemed to be more traditionalist then feminists who believed the man should always pick up the check.  It didn’t matter who earned more,the man paid.

There are some traditionalists in the gay community who believes the person who initiates the date pays.  There are many young gay men and women online who have never experienced dating. Preferring to wait to be asked out.

Susan Johnson Taylor’s “The Etiquette of Paying for Dates Today” ( For US News Magazine)  Who should pick up the check on a first date?  In a 2014 poll, three quarters of respondents men and women, said men should pay for the first date.

Many men want to treat and provide.  Some women expect to pay, while others feel diminished or less special if they aren’t treated to the date.  Its a conundrum.

Much of this is generational.  Younger daters are more equitable, sharing the cost more or talking about who is paying for what’ says psychotherapist Tina Tessina.  ” Older daters are more traditional , with the man paying more often, although even older women are likely to offer to pay then traditionally”

Those in the gay dating scenes don’t struggle as much with these concerns.  “Since there is less gender-enforced  expectation for one or the other to pay, gay and lesbian daters tend to share the responsibility by either splitting the check or by both at least offering to pay”. says Trish McMermott, dating adviser at LGBT online dating site OneGoodLove.com

Keep early dates low-key. Suggesting low-cost activities such as outdoor concerts or festivals for a first date relieves financial pressure, especially on guys who might be concerned about making less than their date or may not have the means for a lavish night on the town. “Some of the best first dates are the most simple, low-cost activities,” say Brenden Dilley, a Phoenix-based life coach. “If a man or woman suggests one of these, don’t take it as the other person being cheap or not taking you seriously – perhaps they just want an opportunity to spend more quality time with you and decide if there is a match.”

 Offering to pay shows good manners.  Instead of the “fake purse or wallet  grab,”  the other party  should ask, “May I help?” Now the ball is in the other person’s court. “He can say, ‘Oh no, I got this,'”  “Or, ‘Yeah, please get the tip. It’s $15.’ Or, ‘Your half is $30.'”

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CityFella

My first dates take place at a coffee house.  It can be a long evening once you’ve learned your not a match. Especially, before they’ve served the salad.    I order a small coffee, with an option for a second cup or dessert if there is a connection.  Half the time I pay for the coffee.    Thank you’s is crucial afterward, or in a text or preferably a voice call .  Even when the date isn’t successful, I call my date and thank them.

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After the first date (from Match.com) If you’re not comfortable with forking out, sensible dating advice would be to suggest that you pay half each once the first date is out of the way. If things are going well and you are both enjoying each other’s company, you may even find that your date pays for some elements of the date (such as entry tickets to a show or exhibition) whilst you pay for the drinks or food.

After the fourth or fifth date, you should be comfortable enough to take it in turns to pay for each date. Don’t worry about being the first to bring it up; he or she will be flattered that you’re keen to plan for future dates with her. Setting the tone for a happy, well balanced relationship early on is sound advice for successful dating.

Finally, if you’re still not sure about who should pay, here’s some final advice to prevent any potential dating faux-pas:

• In the initial stages of dating, try not to splash the cash too much as you’ll look too eager to impress and might give a false impression of your day to day lifestyle and what you can afford. Remember that charm and charisma go a long way and are far more important than the size of your bank balance.

• To avoid awkwardness, choose dates which don’t cost too much until you have an idea of each other’s financial limitations.

• Don’t talk too much about money in the initial dating stages. Our advice is to be subtle about this topic so you don’t come across as money obsessed!

• Remember on most outting your date will be looking for a genuine connection rather than at how much you earn. If money becomes a genuine problem on a date you should think about moving on to greener dating pastures.

______________________________

 Final Words From CityFella
If you waiting to be asked out, stop.   A cup of coffee is a cup of coffee.  Having a cup of coffee with a potential friend or partner beats being alone in front of a computer.  Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.  If your not a match its not a failure, you were simply not a match.  The success is leaving your comfort zone.
A sign of the times.  Many individuals have become prisoners of their PC’s, they have become fearful of the real world fearing rejection.  The reality is most people still meet people the old fashion way via social gatherings and referrals. The internet is a good source and just one place to meet people.
Its very difficult for some to convert online relationships into actual dates.  Here are a few tips.   If your looking to date, remove all sex from the conversation.  Get a feel if he or she are actually wants to meet.  If there a lot of hesitation or questions about after the date,there is more than a 80% they will flake.    Listen to their interest, are they looking forward to meeting you?
Once you’ve established a meeting time and location. Call a few days before the date to confirm.  Remember to listen..  Call  the day of.  Tell them your on your way and tell them your looking forward to meeting them,  and once again listen.    Bring a book, or your smartphone.   When they arrive, put down your book and turn off your smartphone and give an upbeat summary of who you are.  Full disclosure is overrated and overwhelming on the first date.    Carefully, listen to your date. DO NOT ASK WHY THEIR SINGLE AND ABOUT PAST RELATIONSHIPS.  Keep it light and breezy.
If your date flakes…..Stay, don’t leave, you didn’t fail. Order a dessert, look around.  The next date just may be in that Starbucks.  Read your book or turn on your smartphone.  Look around, enjoy your victory.  Don’t call the flake, no need to tell him or her off, its not worth your time because they weren’t worthy of you.    If you see someone who catches your eye and they are near.  Rave about your dessert, ask them if they’ve tried it.  If you not comfortable on this visit, you may the next.   On this day ,congratulate yourself, you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone.