Advertisements

The Real Housewives of New York S10 ep11 “Bobby Zarin loved”


Related image

If you’ve been long term fan of New York, you went through a box of tissues last night.    Jill and Bobby Zarin was a love story.  There are other housewives who’s marriages were longer, Lisa and Ken (36 years) and Kyle and Mauricio’s (22 years) in Beverly Hills.  But this was a love story.

I had a love and hate relationship with Jill Zarin, who was the resident queen bee in New York during its first four seasons.  It was Jill, who recommended Bethenny for the show. At the time Bethenny, wasn’t a housewife, and was financially, several levels below the other housewives.

Bethenny, and Jill’s friendship was as strong as steel, then one day it badly broken and  Bethenny was dismissed from the kingdom.    Bethenny was broken, Jill was not only her friend but she was somewhat of a mother figure to Bethenny.    Bobby loved Bethenny and wanted Jill to repair the relationship.   When Jill tried to re-connect with Bethenny, the damage was done, and Bethenny didn’t want to be hurt again.   Bethenny didn’t return for the the fourth season.

At one point, Jill, seemed larger than the show and love the attention she was getting off camera.  It is rumored the Queen bee started making demands, salary, filming demands and Bravo fired her.  Not just Jill.  2011 was a blood bath, Zarin and three other New York Housewives were fired.

Jill Zarin is lovely and personable but she can turn like a viper.  Bobby softened her ,loved and supported her.  His tone was always gentle, even at the worst of times.  The funeral was the first time Jill and Bethenny were face to face in six years Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Faux Weddings And A Funeral

Ramona told Dorinda she visited Bobby in the hospital as soon as she found out he was sick again.   Dorinda said that losing Bobby was a loss to the world.  When Sonja told Bethenny Bobby had died, she charted a plane to attend the funeral. Luann (in a rehab in Florida) told Bethenny on the phone, she visited Bobby during his last days in hospice.

Related image   Last night the ladies who went to the funeral, were there for the love of Bobby. No one seemed interested in re-connecting with Jill.

Image result for teardrop gifRelated image

Related image

 

On the phone from rehab, Luann tells Bethenny how scared and alone she felt spending New Years Eve in Treatment.  She feels its where needs to be and knows her life needs to change.  Its the first time Bethenny has heard Luann cry.

Tinsley and Carole in a spa.  Tins tells Carole she is done fight with Sonja. Carole says she on a better footing with Carole.

Ramona is spazzing over the renovations to her Hampton’s place. Image result for yawn gif

Tinsley’s mother Dale bring her a bill from the freezer, where her eggs are stored.  They get emotional over some grainy ass  pictures of the frozen eggs. (my babies! my babies!)

Back 2 LIFE ( It think?)

I admit, I get a kick of Dale and Tinsley together, they seem to enjoy each other.   Their delusion is mystifying.  Tinsley at 42 .want a marriage stat!  She wants babies, soon-stat!  Mommy wants her to have what she wants to be happy and right now happiness is da boyfriend Scott.    The two of them go shopping for wedding dresses.   Okay, yes I’m a guy, but the ladies seem (how to I put this gently) a bit seasoned to be so giddy going to a wedding shop.  I could see this with a younger daughter, a first time wedding.  But these two have done this already.  And whats worse, is Scott doesn’t know, he THINKS HE IS JUST DA BOYFRIEND?  Run, Scott, Run!

I love New York!  Only in New York would you nave “CONBODY” a workout facilty operated by ex-cons where people can work out like prisoners.  

Real Housewives Of New York Recap: Faux Weddings And A Funeral

Everybody take a fake mugshot and then pushed through a series of exercises.   Luann is missed and the ladies share her incarceration with the ex-cons.   The cons are impressed by what they’ve heard (who wouldn’t be after her Houdini move out of those handcuffs).  Someone wondered if Luann was married?       I think it was Ramona asked how did they think she’d do in court.  One of the con’s asked if she was brown or a woman of color?      ( Thanks to Bravo, we didn’t hear his response)

Last night we saw a softer Bethenny, as she shared her experiences with Sonja.  The repairs are complete and now her townhouse is nearly ready to rent.  Bethenny sits quietly as  Sonja tells her about her expanding business empire which now includes shoes.

Bethenny tells her about sitting shiva at Jill’s house. She brought her daughter Brynn to meet Jill.  The former best friends have a heart to heart and Jill said she regrets her past behavior towards Bethenny.  Bethenny was happy and was hopeful that the closure would lead towards some healing.  But she is not ready to rush into a closer friendship with Jill again, at least not at the moment.   She said she feels like something’s shifting. She’s not as angry anymore and EVEN seeing Ramona at the funeral didn’t make her as murdery as usual. “God, I’m so sentimental ” What happened to me!’

Free At Last

 Image result for Free at last gif

A newly released Luann, (still on the phone) calls Dorinda to talk about the next steps.  These past few years have been a nightmare, and Luann admits she’s been self-medicating to stuff down the emotional turmoil of it all. Dorinda understands, and she’s supportive of her friend’s journey ahead. “I’ve been traveling, I’ve been to prison,” says Luann, and now she totally intends on changing her life.

 

Thoughts???? Are Carole and Bethenny on the mend?  Will Scott bolt from Tinsley?  

Sending Prayers out to Gregg Leakes

 

CityFella

Advertisements

President Trump: “I learned he’s a very talented man. I also learned that he loves his country very much,”


Cartoon: New York Times

 

It’s challenging to find something positive about our President.  But there he was in Singapore, meeting with the North Korean leader Kim Jong Um.   I was frighten yet hopeful.  We know our Donald, he doesn’t like to study, he doesn’t like to prepare.  However, this meeting is much better than Armageddon.  However, like most world leaders Kim Jong Um is prepared .

I can’t get mired down with the juxtaposition of the flags.  I don’t care if the Republicans would have objected of Obama did what Trump did.    What I care about is world peace!

I wanted a win for the President, a win for the world.   It would have been a fantastic coup for the President after having an disastrous weekend at the G7 summit. ( I’m still wearing my burka)  My expectations was low, but world peace.

When they came out all smiles. I was hopeful.  The President told the press, they will be signing a document.

The President was glowing  with wonderful accolades about the North Korean leader.  “I learned he’s a very talented man. I also learned that he loves his country very much,”   The man who starves his people.   Who has tortured, executed, reportedly involved in the killing of his uncle and half brother and …. I’m sorry

Image result for world peace gif

 

The man who is like no other in making deals.  Got Played, by the 34 year old

Our Presidente,ordered the suspension of US military exercises with South Korea without telling South Korea.   He said,  “the war games, involving planes flying long distances, were too expensive. “We will be saving a tremendous amount of money. Plus, it is very provocative,” 

The US had previously ruled out such a move on the grounds that the exercises were a key element of its military alliance with Seoul and deterrent against  North Korea. 

In return for the US concession, Kim signed a joint statement committing to denuclearisation, but it was a vaguely worded commitment that the regime has made several times before over the past three decades. Asked what would be different this time, Trump pointed to his instincts as a deal maker.

“We got to know each other well in a very confined period of time,” Trump told reporters. “I know when somebody wants to deal and I know when somebody doesn’t.”As proof of Kim’s good intentions, Trump said Kim had offered to destroy a missile engine testing site. “I got that after we signed the agreement,” he recalled. “I said: do me a favor. You have this missile engine testing site … I said can you close it up. He’s going to close it up

Kim Jong Um wins, he has achieved what his country has long wanted, recognition.   Will we have a truce with North Korea?  The country’s reputation is poor.

The west has been destabilized.  Our allies can no longer rely on a stable United States.  If we leave South Korea as the president suggests.  Japan and South Korea might arm themselves with nuclear weapons.  Other countries may seek a nuclear alternative to possibility get a seat at the table.    China’s arms has extended to Africa, South America and other emerging nations.

 A nation in serious debt. (21 trillion dollars)   Our influence in the world  is rapidly fading .  With barrage of   tweets we have alienated our allies. The Russians may have already won, our President may have exceeded their wildest dreams.

CityFella

 

 

Survey: 1 in 5 Americans would deny Muslims the right to vote


  1. Related image

picture:Google

A minority of Americans believe that many Muslims in the U.S. are not “American” enough, according to a new study by the Democracy Fund Voter  Study Group

They also see little difference between Muslims from other countries and Muslim Americans, “suggesting that ‘Americanness’ alone does not lead to more positive views,” the study of 5,000 respondants found.

Further, nearly 20 percent of those sur-veyed would deny Muslims who are U.S. citizens the right to vote and many would support a temporary ban on Muslims enter-ing the country, according to the study by the Democracy Fund Voter Study Group.

Perceptions split dramatically down party lines, with Democrats believing that more than two-thirds of Muslims wanted to fit in, while Republicans believed only 36 percent did.

Overall, respondents believed only 51 percent of Muslim Americans respect American ideals and laws, and only 56 per-cent want to fit in. While the survey found major partisan lines in how people responded, Republicans and Democrats agreed on three perceptions: Muslims tend to be religious, have outdated views of women and outdated views of gay people.

Muslims were ranked the lowest of any demographic group – just behind feminists, with a score of 48 on a favorability scale in which respondents rated various demo-graphic groups on a scale of 0 to 100.

The perceptions among non-Muslims were inconsistent with how Muslims view themselves, with a large portion saying they consider themselves patriotic. “While these are disturbing perceptions, the survey itself shows that they are not a reflection of reality  in that American

Muslims are well-integrated, patriotic and productive citizens — but are instead a product of misinformation and the active promotion of Islamophobia in our society,” said Ibrahim Hooper, a spokesman for the Council on American-Islamic Relations.

Hooper put the blame squarely on Donald Trump for the overwhelmingly negative perception of Muslims.  The president has been criticized by politicians on both sides of the aisle for his positions on Muslims – including his false statement that he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheering over the September 11 terrorist attacks.

During the 2016 Republican presidential primary race, Republican Governor Jeb Bush said, “You talk about closing mosques, you talk about registering people  that’s just wrong.”

But reactions like those haven’t deterred the president from imposing policies that restrict people from several majority-Muslim countries from entering the U.S. The number of Muslims living in the United States is projected to double as a share of the U.S. population by 2050, according to the Pew Research Center.

Survey: 1 in 5 Americans would deny Muslims the right to vote

• Those surveyed view many Muslims in the United States as insufficiently “American.” On average, they believe that only 56 percent of Muslim Americans want to fit in and be part of the U.S., and that only 51 percent of Muslim Americans respect American ideals and laws.

• Perceptions of Muslims are strongly related to partisanship and cultural conservatism. For example, on average Democrats believed that a substantial majority of Muslims (67 percent) wanted to fit in, but Republicans believed that only 36 percent did.

• On three dimensions, however, perceptions of Muslims cross partisan and ideological lines: That tend to be religious, outdated views of women and, separately, have outdated views of gays and lesbians.

• There is significant support, especially among Republicans, for policies that would temporarily ban Muslims from entering the country and, for Muslims within this country, subject them to additional surveillance. In fact, almost 20 percent of those surveyed would deny Muslims who are American citizens the right to vote.

• Negative perceptions of Muslim Americans do not match what Muslim Americans themselves believe. For example, large majorities of Muslim Americans express patriotic sentiments

Are you being ‘GASLIGHTED’? The subtle red flags you’re being emotionally manipulated in the office, at home or in your relationship


GASLIGHTING, is a term to describe people who emotionally abuse others

They can distort your mind by planting seeds of self-doubt without you knowing

behavioral expert Grazina Fechner reveals the warning signs

By:Cindy Tran/Daily Mail Australia

To the outside world, they lead a seemingly happy life.But behind closed doors, they can deliberately distort your mind by planting seeds of self-doubt without you even knowing.

Related image

Meet ‘gaslighters’ – a term to describe people who emotionally abuse others with such conviction and confidence that the victim starts to feel uncertain themselves.

So given they can manipulate people so subtly, how easy can you spot one?

Here, Sydney‘s behavioural expert Grazina Fechner reveals the warning signs to help you identify whether you’re a victim of gaslighting.
'Gaslighters is a term to describe people who emotionally abuse others with such conviction and confidence that the victim starts to feel uncertain themselves (stock image)

‘In the whole gaslighting arena, you generally think you’re going crazy. It’s the emotional abuse, thinking you’re going crazy and lack of control,’ she told The Morning Show.

‘There’s lots of different ways to spot a gaslighter – everything from you starting to doubt yourself, so straight away, you’re on the back foot all the time.

Image result for gaslighting gif

How to Spot A Gaslighter

Always Lying

Correcting Your Memory

Calls You Crazy

Plant seeds of self-doubt

There mistakes becomes yours

‘They’re always lying and they’re correcting your memory – so what will happen is, you’ll say “no, I didn’t do that” but they’ll say “yes, you did, that’s exactly what happened”. They’ll call you crazy, so often you’ll sit there and go “far out, maybe I am going crazy”.

And their mistakes often become yours. So when they’ve made the mistake, they’ll bring it back to you and say “you know what, that was all about you, nothing to do with me”.’

Describing their behaviour, Ms Fechner said gaslighers have a ‘fake little persona’.

Sydney's behavioural expert Grazina Fechner (pictured) reveals the warning signs to help you identify whether you're a victim of gaslighting

Sydney’s behavioural expert Grazina Fechner (pictured) reveals the warning signs to help you identify whether you’re a victim of gaslighting

Behind closed doors, they can deliberately distort your mind by planting seeds of self-doubt without you even knowing (stock image)
Behind closed doors, they can deliberately distort your mind by planting seeds of self-doubt without you even knowing (stock image)

‘So to the outside world, they live this glamorous life, and they are the perfect husband, the perfect father and the perfect employer,’ she explained.

‘They feed off drama, so they love drama. They have that “perfect” image, they rationalise everything, they always think they’re right, and they stay in control.’

‘When they can manipulate and when they can emotionally abuse, that means they have control over you… It’s in various situations and they are very good at doing it.’

And it’s not just couples who are suffering emotionally. Ms Fechner said employers can also gaslight by shifting the blame onto you after they made a mistake at work.

She said mother-in-laws or family members are also good at gaslighting – but when they are with their friends, they have a different persona because they know they don’t have control over them.

Daddy left Mommy for Tommy, or what to do when a parent comes out as gay


Coming out to the kids in the midst of a divorce can make a fraught process even more difficult

SUDI “RICK” KARATAs
Excerpted from “Rainbow Relatives: Real-World Stories and Advice on How to Talk to Kids about LGBTQ+ Families and Friends” by Sudi (“Rick”) Karatas. Copyright 2018 by Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

Just in time for Pride in June, “Rainbow Relatives: Real-World Stories and Advice on How to Talk to Kids About LGBTQ+ Families and Friends” (May 8, 2018) is a collection of intimate, real-life stories and advice about coming out to family members—parents to children, aunts and uncles to nieces and nephews, grandparents to grandchildren.

The concept for “Rainbow Relatives” was born when author Sudi “Rick” Karatas asked his sister if her children knew about his (their uncle’s) sexual orientation. She said they didn’t, as she hadn’t been sure how to approach the topic and wished there was a book she could read to help her have those conversations. So, Sudi wrote that book. He hopes Rainbow Relatives will make readers more accepting of all people and families, especially in the LGBTQ+ community.

 

I like to view things with a sense of humor (hence the title of this essay). However, it can be a serious family matter when one parent comes out as LGBTQ. The situation will often result in a divorce, which can be devastating for a child and can result in their conflicting feelings of anger, sadness, confusion, and self-blame.

During the early 1980s, when I was in high school, I remember watching a movie alone with the volume turned low because it was such a controversial subject for that time. The film was called “Making Love,” and it came out (pardon the pun) in 1982, starring Michael Ontkean, Harry Hamlin, and Kate Jackson. Ontkean plays Zach, who is married to Claire (Jackson). Zach is gone so much that Claire believes he is having an affair with another woman. When she confronts him, he admits his affair with his patient, Bart (Hamlin). Back then, many believed that playing a gay role hurt Hamlin’s career for years, whereas today such roles have actually bolstered many careers. In 2005, “Brokeback Mountain” won a number of awards and was nominated for best picture at the Oscars. In 2009, Sean Penn won the best actor Oscar for his performance of controversial gay rights activist Harvey Milk. In 2014, Jared Leto won the Oscar for best supporting actor for his compelling role as a transgender woman in the film “Dallas Buyers Club.”

However, while these movies certainly helped to bring the LGBTQ community into popular culture, they did not portray situations that directly involve kids. In 2011, “The Kids Are All Right” became one of the first movies to do so with its portrayal of a lesbian couple raising two children born from a surrogate father. The film won a Golden Globe for best picture and was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award for best screenplay. Hopefully, this has opened the door for more film and television portrayals depicting the reality of children with LGBTQ parents and the common situations that result when one parent turns out to be gay.

When a Parent Comes Out

The following is an amusing story told to me by a friend: A man was married many years to a woman and together they had a daughter. When the daughter was almost grown, the man came out to his family, announcing he was gay. He wasn’t sure how the daughter was handling it until one day, as they were both taking a walk along the beach, two very attractive and muscular men were walking toward them, each carrying a surfboard. His daughter said, “Look, Dad, one for you, one for me.”

The father was relieved, seeing how comfortable his daughter was with his sexuality. So he joked, “Okay, I’ll take the blond.”

Embarrassed and turning red, the daughter said, “I was talking about the surfboards.”

I spoke with and surveyed a number of other people who had been married and had children when one spouse came out. Hopefully, some of the following stories will help those who are in similar situations, and they will be comforted to know they are not alone.

Honesty is the Best Policy

After fifteen years of marriage, Anna and her husband sat down together with the kids and told them about her husband’s sexual orientation. The kids were fourteen, twelve, and eight years old. They were sad and surprised, but they were relieved to know there was a valid reason as to why their parents had separated. Prior to that, no one could understand why this had happened because they’d always had a good relationship together.

“My advice to others going through this is to be honest with everyone involved and tell people as soon as you are comfortable,” Anna said. “If you do it too soon, you may wind up hurting yourself and the people around you, especially the children. My kids did not want anyone else to know because they studied in the same schools as their cousins. I couldn’t tell any of our relatives because children can be cruel at school. I would have liked to tell people sooner but my kids would have been hurt.”

Hide That Gay Porn

After a year of being separated from his wife of twenty years, Fred’s sons were visiting him from Texas. At that time, they were thirteen and fifteen years old. He had told his wife he was gay, though he’d never acted on it, and they had decided to separate. However, they had decided not to tell the kids the reason until it came up during his sons’ visit.

While his sons were visiting, his fifteen-year-old left the room to take a shower when his thirteen-year-old asked him, “Are you gay?” Taken aback, Fred asked, “Why do you ask?” His son said, “Well, you used to watch both straight porn and gay porn on the internet and now you only watch gay porn.”

The fact that his thirteen-year-old knew how to find the porn that he thought he had hidden so well was a little scary. (Kids today are very computer savvy, if you haven’t noticed.)

“My son was actually okay with it,” Fred said. “I told my other son a couple weeks later and he laughed at first—he thought it was a big joke. Once he knew it wasn’t, he was okay with it, too, until they got back to Texas and their religious school. Then they told me I was an embarrassment because everyone gave them a hard time about it. Today they are both adults and fine with it.”

Dealing with a Bitter Spouse

Sometimes when one parent comes out, their spouse resents it and causes a rift or even sabotages the relationship between the gay parent and child. This may make it difficult for the child to understand and accept their gay parent, but it doesn’t make it impossible. Take Waylon’s experience, for example.

Waylon was divorced, and his ex-wife did not take his being gay very well at all. Waylon’s daughter lived with his ex-wife and her new husband while Waylon provided financial support for his daughter but lived in another state. The relationship was strained for a long time because of the negative things his ex-wife would say about him and his sexual orientation. The daughter also didn’t know that other family members had accepted her father for who he was. When Waylon’s daughter was sixteen, she finally visited her dad and his partner, Willie. Not surprisingly, it was a little awkward at first, but he assured her that their relationship wouldn’t change. He asked her if she’d get to know Willie, since he was important to him.

She asked questions about their relationship—how long they’d been together, how the relationship was going in general—and she also had her own private conversation with Willie and asked him questions as well. She was able to see that her father’s relationship with Willie was no different from other relationships, and by the end of the day, she had even given Willie a hug.

However, once she returned home to her mom and stepdad, the situation became more difficult. Waylon soon got a call from his furious ex-wife, Maybelle. “How dare you introduce my daughter to this lifestyle!” She continued to flood him with homophobic voice mails, emails, and even threats. Maybelle never did come around; in fact, she tried to poison her daughter against her ex-husband with lies about him and used parental alienation to prevent her daughter from seeing her father. The daughter was finally told the truth, and the relationship between Waylon and his daughter (who recently came out as gay herself) is now healthy and strong.

I think it’s good that Waylon showed his daughter that he and Willie have a nice, loving relationship that offset the negative things his ex had said. Setting a good example is important. I think when one spouse (in this case, the mother) has resentment toward a divorced spouse, it causes a lot of harm to a child, and if any adult finds themselves pitting the child against the other parent in situations like these, they should, of course, do their best to stop.

When the Kids Don’t Take the News So Well

Pablo’s son was ten and his daughter was seven when he came out to them. Pablo had decided to tell them because he thought his ex-wife was about to out him. He later told his kids that he needed to tell them because he didn’t want them to find out from a third person. He started by saying to them, “I’ve got something important to tell you.” But then he couldn’t continue.

The three of them sat in awkward silence until his son finally said, “What are you going to tell us? That you’re gay?” Pablo was surprised but relieved. “Yes, that’s why your mom and I separated.” He then told them, “I am still your father, nothing changes, and I still love you the same way.”

Then, both kids started crying. The boy seemed to take it harder than his sister, throwing a puzzle across the room in apparent anger. The crying lasted about fifteen minutes or so, and then later the son suddenly said to him, “Daddy, I’m sorry for those comments and jokes I’ve said about fags before. Don’t take them personally, but I am still going to make them.” It was the boy’s way of trying to use a little humor to break the tension.

Pablo said this didn’t bother him too much because if his son felt free enough to make a joke at this time, he felt his son was partly okay with it. Pablo said he also understood the “macho thing” boys have and his reaction was fairly normal.

His son asked, “Did you ever love Mommy?”

He said, “Of course.” But although the conversation seemed to have resolved things at the time, Pablo told me that his kids didn’t believe that he was born gay for quite a while, and today his son is still not 100 percent okay with it, but their relationship is okay. The daughter is much better with it.

I think the takeaway here is even if you fear the kids won’t be okay with this news, it’s still better to be open and honest and give them time to adjust to it.

What the Therapist Says: Divorce + Gay Parent = Added Shame

As part of my research, I also spoke with therapist David Giella. He provided some very straightforward insight into what children of gay parents go through in these situations. “In any divorce where, let’s say, the father has an affair, the child may feel the following: ‘You misled Mommy; you made Mommy cry; you had an affair; you have screwed up my life because of something you did; I’m scared and mad at you.’ When the father has an affair with another man, it’s mostly the same feelings, except now the child has to deal with having a parent who is gay, and there may be some shame with this, whether there should be or not,” Giella said.

I think what Dr. Giella said is important because parents should be aware a divorce may be a little harder for kids to deal with when it’s because one parent is gay. It’s an additional change and something else to adjust to in their lives; it’s not as simple as their parents not being together anymore.

SUDI “RICK” KARATAS

Sudi now lives in California but grew up in Syosset Long Island.  He is the cowriter of the feature film “Walk a Mile In My Pradas” (starring Tom Arnold, Dee Wallace, and Bruce Vilanch) and the upcoming “Charlie’s Dream,” an inspirational family film. He also writes songs, sketches, loves writing everything except checks. For more info on the author visit his website at www.rickkaratas.com

MORE FROM SUDI “RICK” KARATAS

Drones replace models at Saudi Arabian fashion show


 

 

A fashion show at a luxury hotel in Saudi Arabia skipped the human models and featured drones carrying pieces of clothing down the runway.

Mohamad Aljefri, a leader at Red Sea RC team, the company which flew the drones, shared photos and videos of drones carrying dresses at the event Sunday.

The annual fashion show takes place at the Hilton in the city of Jeddah during Ramadan and a spokesman for the Hilton’s events told CNN they decided to “bring a change” by using drones instead of mannequins this year.

Videos of the unique fashion show appeared on social media, noting the floating dresses made it appear as if ghosts were modeling the clothes.

Alia Khan, chairwoman of the Islamic Fashion & Design Council in the United Arab Emirates, said hanging from the drones caused the dresses to lose their shape.

“It’s great to think out of the box. They were trying to do something different and fashion is such a creative space. However, this was not really something I would encourage or would like to see again,” Khan said. “You lose the shape; the dress is just hanging on the drone.”

what if he wants to die?


My neighbor approached me yesterday about a neighbor who is in his eighties.   He wants to die she said.  he leaves his door open, he is not eating, his friend is doing everything for him, but he wants to die.  He’s not doing well, he can’t walk without falling down.   I don’t know what to do?   I don’t know his family or who to call?  I thought of you because you seem to know about situations  like this. 

I told her I would make a few calls. Perhaps there is an city or county agency that would make a welfare check.   I told her I would call later in the afternoon.

I overslept.

My neighbor came up to my apartment, she was dejected and I could smell alcohol on her breath.   She said, called the management of the apartment complex, she said they were angry that she called. The called the city and various agency.  He was in the Korean war so being a vet, she called the Veterans Administration and they told her, let him die!  (I’m not convinced they said that )   I saw the tears in her eyes, I wanted to hug her, but didnt for some reason.   I told her I am lucky to have a caring neighbor like her in the complex.

As I closed the door to my apartment, I thought to myself.  Do we have the right to prevent a person who wants to die, to die? 

I knew two people who committed suicide.  I clearly remember wondering if I could have made a difference, prevented them from killing himself.  Next response was anger and resentment, how cruel and selfish they were.  People loved them, friends family and in one case children, they should have talked to someone!  Told someone!  sought help.  Their choice of suicide will cause a great deal of pain and we will live with this stain of this selfish act !

I cherish life, I love it and think I am blessed every single day, but that is me!

I have no idea of the pain these individuals have, their suffering.  How unbearable it might be for them, day to day, even living in my world.

 Maybe its us who are cruel and selfish ones.  We insist they live a life of misery and despair for us.  We insist they hang in there with the endless needles and evasive  procedures for us.

We ignore them and get angry hen they say their tired.  We insist they trust god, when they simply want to go home.

Some of us demand that our love ones live a life of pain.  We pray, we want them to want to live. For Us.

My neighbor was in his early eighties, he lived longer than both of his sons.   Last year was an horrendous year for him.   His beloved small white dog was snatched out of his arms and killed by another dog in front of him.   He is a fixture in the apartment complex.

With his rapidly deteriorating health, I’m not sure I would want to live.  My options would be very few and I wouldn’t want to be a burden on my friends and children.

   “What if I want to die?  Am I obligated to live for friends and family?

Cityfella

 

 

 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: