The Worst Thing You Do When Introducing Yourself, According to an Expert


Why it's hard to accept help from others - Business Insider

Everyone suffers their fair share of awkward interactions from time to time, whether you forget a former acquaintance’s name when you run into them or find yourself blanking on all the pertinent details about your work history mid-interview. And while the odd faux pas can be forgiven, according to etiquette experts, there’s one major mistake that always makes a bad first impression: oversharing.

“When you’re trying to make connections, whether in a business or social interaction, first impressions count,” says Bonnie Tsai, founder and director of etiquette school Beyond Etiquette.

While it may be tempting to provide a plethora of information about yourself to help your new acquaintance get to know you better, doing so can actually be a hinderance to your relationship.

“It’s not only about introducing yourself, but it’s also an opportunity to get to know the other person,” Tsai says. “You wouldn’t want them to walk away from the conversation feeling that it was a one-sided conversation and they didn’t get to speak.”

1. Giving a weak handshake

You don’t want to crush anyone’s bones with your vice-like grip, but a weak handshake doesn’t inspire confidence in the person you’re meeting either.

“A weak or limp ‘dead fish’ grip makes you appear cold and disinterested, whereas a firm handshake conveys confidence,” says Tsai. However, Tsai notes that you shouldn’t clasp the other person’s hand with both hands, either. “These actions express dominance,” she explains. And if you want to avoid putting your foot in your mouth.

2. Not dressing the part

You may be used to wearing pajamas practically every day since quarantine began, but failing to dress to impress is still a major first introduction faux pas, even in the COVID era.

Tsai says that your clothing is typically the first thing people notice about you when you enter a room, virtual or not. That means you should always err on the side of caution when it comes to your apparel. “You shouldn’t be wearing flip-flops and a t-shirt, especially if you want to convey that you are a professional,” says Tsai. 

3. Talking trash

Everyone’s had a bad boss they’d love to share a story or two about, but doing so when you first meet someone only reflects badly on you.

Tsai says trash talking is guaranteed to backfire “because it comes off as rude and you never know if the person is personally connected to the people you’re speaking about.”

4. Name dropping

Having connections can definitely get you places. That said, trying to ingratiate yourself with others by mentioning those connections may do more harm than good.

“It undercuts any confidence you’re projecting, since you are trying to sell yourself as an individual rather than promote someone else,” explains Tsai. Want to avoid an embarrassing situation? 

Trump Doubles Down on Racism


Trump in Duluth: 'If I lose Minnesota, I'm never coming back' | Star Tribune
President Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally at the Duluth International Airport | Stephen Maturen/Getty Images
Blames low-income people, minorities for ‘ruining’ suburbia

 By, Maya King and Laura Barron-Lopez/CNN

On Tuesday, President Donald Trump refused to condemn white supremacists. On Wednesday, he appeared to blame suburban, low-income people of color for “ruining this American dream.”

A day after he told the far-right Proud Boys, to “stand by,” igniting outrage from Democrats and concern from Republicans, the president seemed to equate having a low income to being a minority. He also claimed falsely that Joe Biden wants to turn Minnesota into a refugee state.

Speaking to a mostly white crowd in Duluth, Minn., on Wednesday, Trump gave a shout-out to the suburbs, particularly “women in the suburbs.” He boasted he was the person to end an Obama-era fair housing rule, which he said brought “low-income housing” to suburbia.

“By the way, just so we can get this straight, 30 percent of the people in the suburbs are low-income people. Thirty percent of the people in the suburbs are minorities. And so we’re ruining this American dream for everybody,” Trump said.

“They zone you out, they build low-income housing next to your house,” Trump continued. “And then I hear I’m not doing well in the suburbs. I’m not doing well in the suburbs,are you people crazy?”

One charitable interpretation of his comments is that minorities and low-income people are themselves negatively affected by policies the president opposes. But in his boasts of saving suburbia, Trump seemed to insinuate that minorities and low-income people are overrunning the suburbs and displacing the white voters the president consistently tries to appeal to. Trump repeatedly uses vague language when talking about the suburbs that allows audiences to apply their own interpretations.

During the debate on Wednesday, the president also decried racial sensitivity training in government agencies, declaring, “I ended it because it’s racist.” He vilified the training, which is designed to make workplaces more equitable and tolerant environments, as a program that was “teaching people to hate our country.

12 Year old begins his Sophomore year at Collage


Two year old Caleb Anderson could read the United States Constitution. At three years old he qualified for MENSA and learned French, Manderine and Spanish.

Genius Boy, 12, From Georgia Starts Sophomore Year In College, He Read The  Constitution At 2 Years Old

Though Caleb qualified for MENSA at age three, he joined at age five. His family said they were told he was the youngest African-American boy to be accepted at the time.

Before he could verbally communicate he learned sign language. “By nine months old, he was able to sign over 250 words, and by 11 months old, he was speaking and reading,”

Claire and Kobi Anderson said it didn’t take long to realize their first child was special.

12-Year-Old Starts Sophomore Year of College

The bright, young boy from Marietta whizzed through elementary, middle and high school. “He said, ‘mom I’m bored. This is not challenging’,” Caleb’s mom Claire recalled her son saying. “‘It’s really not helping me grow in my learning, and I think I’m ready for college.’”

Now, at just 12 years old, he’s just started his sophomore year at Chattahoochee Technical College, majoring in aerospace engineering.

Because of his age, Caleb’s dad Kobi has to chaperon him on campus. But he’s not Caleb’s study-buddy. “He has far surpassed me in math, so I can’t help him anymore,” Kobi added. Seriously! He’s in calculus two now!”

The Andersons have two other children, Aaron and Hannah, who are also gifted, and the family wanted others to know that there are more like Caleb than they might think.

Georgia boy, 12, is college sophomore aerospace engineering major

“I think people have a negative perspective when it comes to African-American boys. There are many other Calebs out there. African-American boys like him,” Claire explained. “From being a teacher – I really believe that. But they don’t have the opportunity or the resources.”

  • Raise the child you have, not the child you want
  • Fully invest in the skills and talents your child has and remember there are free resources
  • Focus on creating a love for learning, not just the learning itself
  • The end goal to what you teach them should go back to building character
  • Teach them to appreciate the gifts other people have
  • As parents, it’s important to remember you are always enough for your children

Meanwhile, Caleb is on track to graduate at 14. He hopes to go on to Georgia Tech, and, maybe, MIT.

.

2020 Presidential Debate: Winner “Proud Boys and Racism” Loser “America”


Proud Boys appear to be outside Mike Pence speech at Philadelphia police  union lodge

There was an opportunity last night, an opening, a gift presented to the 45th President of the United States. This gift may have reversed his poll numbers and benifited of other members of the Republican Party who fortunes are closely tied to his. Chris Wallace, the moderator and Joe Biden stood back and gave the Donald J Trump an opportunity to unite this divided nation.

“Sure, I’m willing to (tell them to stand down), (White Supremacist’s) but I would say almost everything I see is from the left wing, not from the right wing. I’m willing to do anything. I want to see peace,” Trump said.

“Say it. Do it. Say it,” Democratic nominee Joe Biden responded.

Trump“Proud Boys — stand back and stand by. 

The President exchanged the Dog Whisle for a Bull Horn.

He has recklessly told his supporters to patrol the polling stations.

The President said that he moved to end racial sensitivity training that addresses white privilege and critical race theory at federal agencies because “it’s racist.”

“I ended it because a lot of people were complaining that they were asked to do things that were absolutely insane, that it was a radical revolution that was taking place in our military, in our schools all over the place,” Racial sensitivity training taught people to “hate our country.” “We have to go back to the core values of this country. They were teaching people that our country is a horrible place, it’s a racist place, and they were teaching people to hate our country, and I’m not gonna allow that,”

Joe Biden shot back that racial insensitivity training helped to make people aware of what’s demeaning to others.

What we saw, is what we’ve always seen………

Last night, what we saw, is what we always seen from Donald J. Trump. There is never a plan. President Superiorness, he doesn’t prepare, doesnt need to. Many years ago he told us he knew more then the Military Generals, so we cant be surprised when he says he know more than scientist.

Novemeber 4th 2020, Civil War ?

Donald J Trump, has shown the entire world who he is. Although many of his supporters hopes he would morf into someone more presidential. He isn’t complicated,simply shower him with attention and praise.

He is happiest is when he adored. At his rallies, he isn’t fact checked, nearly anything he says is met with thunderous applause. His supporters will phyicially attack the press with a mention, he is in his element.

What we saw last night was a Presidential Candidate who may have given up. Like the Great Oz, he has been exposed by the New York Times. He cannot refute the story without revealing his personal income tax which would expose him to the world. There are several stories including the most damming story, in his own words in Bob Woodward’s book Rage. His campaign funds is rapidly drying up. Jail could be his his future…….. What would a desperate man do?

Who are the Proud Boys?

The Proud Boys describe themselves as “a pro-Western fraternal organization for men who refuse to apologize for creating the modern world, also known as Western Chauvinists.” They have been tied to violent protests, often in support of the president. The far-right group celebrated online after they were mentioned during the debate, sharing a new logo with Trump’s remarks. Many of the members reportedly interpreted “stand back and stand by” as a call to arms. 

NBC News

Many people on social media who identify with the group echoed that language, saying they were “standing down and standing by.” One known social media account for the group made “Stand back. Stand by” part of its new logo.

The Proud Boys, a far-right extremist group, pledged allegiance to President Donald Trump on Tuesday night after he told the group to “stand back and stand by” during the first presidential debate.

On the Proud Boys’ account on the social media app Telegram, the group appeared to take the statement as marching orders.

“Standing down and standing by sir,” the account wrote. The account then posted two videos of the answer, including one with the caption “God. Family. Brotherhood,” in which a man howled at the TV in response to Trump’s response.

Megan Squire, a computer science professor at Elon University in North Carolina who tracks online extremism, said Trump’s giving the Proud Boys orders was their long-sought “fantasy.”

“To say Proud Boys are energized by this is an understatement,” Squire said. “They were pro-Trump before this shoutout, and they are absolutely over the moon now. Their fantasy is to fight antifa in his defense, and he apparently just asked them to do just that.”

The Proud Boys, a self-described “Western chauvinist” organization, is considered a violent, nationalistic, Islamophobic, transphobic and misogynistic hate group, according to the Anti-Defamation League, a nonprofit organization that tracks extremist groups. Proud Boys members marched at the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, and have organized against Black Lives Matter protests in recent months.

_________________________________________________________________

More from the Southern Poverty Law Center

https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extremist-files/group/proud-boys

____________________________________________________

The group recently staged a rally in Portland, Oregon, in support of Trump. About 200 people, some armed with guns, attended the rally, short of the expectations of thousands.

Proud Boys organizer Joe Biggs also posted after the debate that he was “standing by,” and he said the president “basically said to go f— them up.”

“President Trump told the proud boys to stand by because someone needs to deal with ANTIFA… well sir! we’re ready!!” Biggs wrote.

Proud Boys, are making shirts that read “Stand Up Stand Down. Reports indicate increased interest in the group.

CityFella

 

10 LGBTQ+ Questions We’d Like to See Asked in Tonight’s Debate


Joe Biden and Donald Trump

By Trudy Ring\The Advocate.com

The first presidential debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump will take place Tuesday at 9 p.m. Eastern in Cleveland. Moderator Chris Wallace has announced the topics he wants to cover in the 90-minute debate — the two men’s records, the Supreme Court, COVID-19, the economy, the integrity of the election, and racial issues.

But The Advocate has some suggestions for LGBTQ+ topics to be included, some of which could easily fall under the category of the two candidates’ records. Here are 10 questions we’d like to see asked Tuesday or in the other two presidential debates, which will take place October 15 and 22. We’d also love to see the subject addressed in the vice-presidential debate between reliable ally Kamala Harris and longtime adversary Mike Pence October 7, but right now we’ll concentrate on Biden and Trump.ADVERTISING

For Biden: In 1996, as a U.S. senator, you voted for the Defense of Marriage Act, which denied federal government recognition to same-sex marriages and therefore prevented couples in those marriages from accessing a host of benefits. In 2012, as vice president, you became a strong supporter of marriage equality. How did your evolution on this issue come about?

For Trump: You’ve barred transgender Americans from joining the armed forces, in part, you’ve said, because of the costs associated with gender-affirming health care. But a Rand Corp. study estimated those costs at $2.4 million to $8.4 million annually, when the Defense Department spends $80 million a year on erectile dysfunction medications — and you received a federal income tax refund of $73 million in 2010. How can you possibly justify the ban based on the comparatively small expense of care?

For both: What would you do to address the epidemic of violence against transgender Americans, particularly Black trans women?

For Biden: You’ve said you would make passage of the Equality Act a priority in your first 100 days as president. What’s your strategy for marshaling bipartisan support for the act, given that Democrats may not control of both houses of Congress?

For Trump: In 2000, when you were considering a run for president with the Reform Party, you told The Advocate, “I like the idea of amending the 1964 Civil Rights Act to include a ban of discrimination based on sexual orientation.” The Equality Act would do just that, along with adding gender identity, and amending other federal civil rights laws such as the Fair Housing Act. If you liked the idea then, why do you oppose the Equality Act now?

For both: You have both pledged to end the HIV epidemic within a few years — Biden by 2025, Trump by 2030. What practical steps would you take to make this happen, and in the general area of health care, how would you assure that all Americans can receive affordable, high-quality care?

For Trump: You claim to have been a good president for LGBTQ+ Americans. How can you say this when, in addition to the transgender military ban, your administration has issued a plethora of orders allowing discrimination against LGBTQ+ people, in health care, adoption and foster care, homeless services, and more, often under the guise of “religious freedom”?

For Biden: You have pledged to have an inclusive administration. Could you name some LGBTQ+ people you would consider for Cabinet positions or federal judgeships, including the Supreme Court?

For both: LGBTQ+ young people face a wide range of problems, and they have disproportionate rates of suicide and homelessness. What would you do to address this crisis?

For both: Conversion therapy, which attempts to turn LGBTQ+ people straight or cisgender, has been discredited and deemed harmful by every major medical and mental health organization, and its use on minors has been banned by many states, cities, and counties. Would you consider a national ban on such therapy, at least where minors are concerned, and possibly classify it as a form of consumer fraud, as some lawmakers have proposed?

Biden has gone into some of these issues, though by no means all, in an LGBTQ+ equality platform, which is available online; Trump, not so much, as he has released no platform on LGBTQ+ topics. No matter what, it would do the nation a service to have the candidates answer these questions before a national television audience.

You can watch tonight’s debate on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, PBS, Telemundo, Univision, CNN, MSNBC, and CSPAN, listen to it on NPR, and stream it online. Check back on advocate.com and @TheAdvocateMag on Twitter for live coverage.

He Slapped her with a slice a pizza


When the police arrived they found her covered in a combo of grease, red sauce and various food toppings.

When questioned by cops, her boyfriend 59 year old Sean Metcalf

admitted losing his cool and yelling at the victim, but denied the dispute became physical. He also claimed to have “no idea how pizza got all over the victim.”

His girlfriend, said she was taking items to the trash when Metcalf became very angry and started to yell at her. Included in the material the woman planned on tossing was a pizza box she mistakenly thought was empty.

“Sean told her not to throw his things away and became very angry,” according to a probable cause affidavit. The victim responded by tossing the pizza box back into the residence, causing slices to escape containment.

Metcalf allegedly then approached his girlfriend, “picking up a slice of pizza and hitting the victim in the face and chest with it.”

Mr Metcalf was arrested for domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Charlotte County jail. He was released from custody after posting $2000 bond. A judge has ordered him to have no contact with the victim.

I’m BFFs With My Metamour: My Husband Has a Girlfriend, and Now We’re Friends


selfie with my closest friends

By: Erin K Barnes/Men’s Health

My husband has a girlfriend…and I love her. That’s right: the love of my life is dating another woman, and she’s awesome.

The topic of my metamour—that’s my partner’s partner, in polyamorous terms—is controversial. It doesn’t matter that it was my idea to open our marriage. It doesn’t matter how my husband Cliff looks at me with heart eyes, or how many sizzling affairs I have. Most people feel sorry for me, or even disgusted, that I actually like the woman who—as they see it—threatens to replace me.

Flash to Cliff’s holiday party: the entire office had just found out he and his colleague Allison were dating. When a coworker recently spotted an affectionate display between Cliff and Allison, it was especially scandalous since everyone knew he was married. I was thankful HR handled their subsequent dating disclosure without bias. I was also thankful Allison was out of town; while I was eager to meet my metamour, these weren’t the best conditions. I knew the rumor mill had been industrious because Cliff’s coworkers approached him with reactions ranging from “you’re the man!” to “you’re stepping out on your wife”—behind my back, of course. I wore an extravagant cocktail dress and, despite my burning cheeks, attempted the most rumor-proof smile I could muster. I got so many sympathy drinks that night.

It’s easy to absorb office gossip, especially after free drinks. It was harder to brush off the grief our friends felt when our relationship changed.

We were the recipients of side-eyed glances from longtime buddies, people who were suddenly unsure if we’d lure them to an orgy or divorce each other. A number of my girlfriends kept my non-monogamy a secret from their spouses for fear they wouldn’t be allowed around me. I wondered, would their husbands restrict them from associating with a single woman? Why was I so different? Cliff’s best friend pulled me aside tearfully after a night of drinking, telling me, “I don’t want to lose you.”

I didn’t blame them; despite the myriad polyamory explainers on the internet like this one, most people misunderstand our arrangement.

Allison and I aren’t milking goats on the cult compound, Jell-O wrestling at the feet of our Virile Male, or drinking dosed Kool-Aid before ritualistic throuple sex. We do what typical friends do: share memes, drink craft beer, and discuss the latest episode of Killing Eve. We pick up meatballs for each other at Ikea.

It wasn’t always this way. In the glow of new lust, Cliff was my everything. If another woman had tried to date him, I’d have brushed up on all the shanking scenes from Orange is the New Black. I was filled with rage to hear people say that monogamy was flawed.

After having children, my love for Cliff was less territorial, partially because I didn’t have the energy to shank another girl over him. Creating human life together forged an unbreakable bond. At the same time, I was hit with a wave of hormones after I stopped nursing. The renewed sexual energy of reclaiming my body transformed me into a total adolescent. I got tattoos, dyed my hair blue, and partied. I flirted salaciously with hot dads who were our mutual friends. I was being ridiculous, and I worried I’d cheat.

One night, I lay awake with my pulse pounding, gripped with the sudden courage to tell my husband that I wanted to have sex with other people. I put his hand on my breast to cushion the blow…and woke him from a dead sleep.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about,” I whispered.

“Oh?” he asked, his voice rising a pitch.

I said I was grateful we were still in love after 17 years. That I felt like I was going through a change, and rather than rebel alone, I wanted him to be my partner in crime. And that it really turned me on to think of us in an open marriage.

My husband sat up in bed. “Wow,” he said. I had always been the vanilla one. “Yes,” he said, kissing me. “Yes!”

Cliff looked as giddy as I had when he had proposed; only this time, we were choosing us, and setting each other free. We had mind-blowing sex. Not only was my husband okay with this—it turned him on.

our bed is short

With freedom, my pent-up sexual tension deflated. I could be around hot dads without losing my mind. I indulged in pastimes I never thought I’d relive, like lying in bed with a new man, tracing his tattoos with my fingertips and alternating between talking and rendering each other speechless. I also explored profound platonic friendships with men I’d have surely missed out on in monogamy.

Cliff wanted kitchen table polyamory, where both partners have serious secondary relationships. I wanted lust and extramarital fun. In a twist of irony, I fell in love with someone new and had my heart broken, organically extending my own boundaries. While my family didn’t need to know the details, I didn’t hide my feelings. “Children,” I began with puffy eyes, “I’d like to introduce you to the music of the Smiths. They tell people that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes.” Being a 37-year-old mom with a broken heart sucked, but knowing it was possible to love two people at once gave me stability for what was to come.

Cliff started dating Allison. Never having dated polyamorously before, she handled the revelation of our open marriage perfectly: she barraged him with questions.

When the time came for Cliff to go to Allison’s house for an intimate date night, I texted her, saying, “I hope this isn’t weird, but I wanted to introduce myself so you know that I’m okay with this.”

We followed each other on Instagram and discovered we share the same absurd sense of humor. We gleefully bonded over memes. She entered our lives respectfully, without being pushy, but she also didn’t hide from me, nor I from her.

A month into their relationship, I discovered a playlist Allison had made Cliff titled “I Love You.” It didn’t help that I was in the ugliest throes of my breakup. All of that good will flushed out of me like a public restroom toilet, and what gurgled up in its place was grotesque. Sure, I had fallen in instant love with another man, but it had taken us six months to admit our feelings to each other…you know, like normal, emotionally-fearful people. I felt angry that they were moving so quickly. At this rate, this new woman that I hadn’t even met was going to be moving in next month.

I pulled out my jealousy and examined what was beneath it. I feared I was being replaced. Plus, I felt the suffocation of being absorbed into a very serious relationship I wasn’t ready for. I started to regret my decision to open our marriage.

“It’s not your fault, but I’m still hurt,” I told Cliff. “I’m just going to have to be mad at you for a little bit.” He listened with empathy and said he had felt the same way during my fling. He assured me he had no intentions to replace me. I fumed for about a week solid. Then out of nowhere, my anger disappeared. The pain of betrayal can take a lifetime to dislodge; but this pain came with an undercurrent of trust. Plus, I knew firsthand that my love for Cliff never changed through loving my own paramour.

Jealousy is like anger. Both are common emotions that should be accepted, admitted, and allowed to breathe. Neither are emotions we should bend to. If we planned our lives avoiding situations that angered us, we wouldn’t have sports, politics, or great TV. Yet, we submit to jealousy in the most important arena of our lives: love. When we get married, we mark ourselves with rings, banish anyone deemed a sexual risk, and deny ourselves until our desires display in toxic ways.

Today, we have a happy little polycule. Allison and I hang out together, and when we do, Cliff sends us video chats that start with a grinning, “Hey ladies…” Cliff is notoriously late to everything, so Allison helps him get home on time. Allison even started a fling with another man.

Have I felt more jealousy? Some, but I’ve experienced more jealousy in my extramarital flings, because jealousy is rooted in insecurity. We’ve built trust together. And when I occasionally feel like the relationship is moving too fast, I ask for space.

Society wants me to hate this gem of a person–the person who texted me after our dog died to send us “love beams,” only she accidentally wrote “love beans,” so now we often jokingly send each other “love beans.” People want to believe that I’m either a freak or uncommonly evolved to handle this unconventional arrangement. In truth, I’m not very remarkable at all; it’s simply not that hard. Concepts that once seemed terrifying are surprisingly easy when we meet the people involved…and they’re awesome.

Erin K. Barnes Erin K Barnes is a Denver-based author, synesthete, and publicist who has written for SyFy, OK Whatever, Westword, and the Denver Post.

RBG’s Fingerprints Are All Over Your Everyday Life


A photograph of Ruth Bader Ginsburg seated at a desk
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in her chambers at the Supreme Court in 2002David Hume Kennerly / Getty

She expanded the possibilities of family life and work—for women and for men.

By: Joe Pinsker\The Atlantic

In her 87 and a half years, Ruth Bader Ginsburg left a significant mark on law, on feminism, and, late in her life, on pop culture. She also left a significant mark on everyday life in America, helping broaden the sorts of families people are able to make and the sorts of jobs they’re able to take. Her legacy is, in a way, the lives that countless Americans are able to live today.

Those laws implied a narrow view of gender roles within families. “At the time RBG was arguing, laws that made explicit gender distinctions were common. Widows get this; widowers don’t. Wives get this; husbands don’t,” Kathryn Stanchi, a law professor at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas, wrote to me in an email.

Ginsburg achieved the status of celebrity as a Supreme Court justice, and during her tenure she cast votes in support of Americans’ ability to get an abortion and to marry someone of the same sex. But her legal legacy can be traced back to her work as a litigator with the American Civil Liberties Union in the 1970s, when she and others won a string of groundbreaking sex-discrimination cases challenging laws that governed quotidian parts of American life and now seem medieval.

Ginsburg successfully advocated in court for, among others, a father who was denied Social Security survivors benefits after the death of his wife, because the law dictated that widows were eligible but widowers were not; a woman in the Air Force whose husband was denied a spousal allowance that military wives were automatically entitled to; and an unmarried man who was denied a tax deduction for the expense of hiring a caregiver for his elderly mother, since that deduction was reserved for women, divorced men, and men whose wife was incapacitated or deceased. The laws in question didn’t account for people in those circumstances; now, because of Ginsburg, they do.

This attention to the law’s treatment of men was not merely strategic, but also a component of Ginsburg’s larger legal project of demolishing the norms that steered women toward caregiving and men toward work. “The breadwinner-homemaker model is built into the structure of American society and American law at a very deep level,” says Joan C. Williams, a professor at UC Hastings College of the Law. One of Ginsburg’s crucial contributions to American feminism, Williams told me, was the insight “that you had to talk about these as a set of matched stereotypes, and attack them both at once.”

Her litigation wasn’t about a series of isolated inequities, though: Ginsburg’s core argument was that “equal protection” under the law, as promised by the Fourteenth Amendment, covered discrimination based on sex. One unconventional but shrewd strategy she used was to focus on how such discrimination harmed men. “Rather than asking the Court to examine inequalities facing women, where nine men were very unlikely to be sympathetic, she asked them to look at inequalities affecting men, because she thought it was more likely that they would recognize those as problematic,” Michele Dauber, a law professor at Stanford University, told me.

Ginsburg’s approach helped alter the way women were able to make their way in the world. Before the mid-’70s, they were often denied access to their own credit cards, “on the presumption that their husband controlled the family’s financial assets,” Patricia Seith, a researcher specializing in congressional legal history, told me. The Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974 banned such discrimination, which had extended to mortgages as well. “Ginsburg paved the way for legislation such as ECOA,” Seith said.

The legal precedents that Ginsburg helped establish in the ’70s in a sense shaped the way households are set up today. For instance, female breadwinners are now much more common than they were several decades ago. “She’s not responsible for every single woman individually deciding to go get a job, but she did cultivate the conditions by which, if you chose to do so, you have full access to the benefits that your employment provided,” says Melissa Murray, an NYU law professor.

The accumulation of new protections won by Ginsburg and others have allowed many Americans to envision versions of family life beyond the breadwinner-homemaker binary. Her legacy “isn’t just Social Security or tax exemptions, though those are huge in their own way,” said Stanchi, the UNLV professor. “It is the ability to perform your gender as you wish, whether that is women working outside the home, … men staying home and caring for children, men loving other men, women loving other women.”

Of course, the United States has hardly reached anything resembling gender equality. Men are still more than twice as likely as women to be the higher earner in straight couples, and women spend, on average, over an hour more than men on caregiving and housework each day. The American family currently “looks a lot less different than we tried to make it,” said Williams, referring to the work that she and others have done. “But it looks a lot more different than traditionalists would have it.”

In that sense, Ginsburg’s legacy is expansive. When I asked Dauber, the Stanford professor, about the specific, concrete features of daily life that are different now because of Ginsburg, she said, “It’s the right to hold specific jobs. It’s the right to be a lawyer, the right to be a doctor. It’s the right to attend elite colleges, or any college. It’s the right to participate in sports. It’s everything that came after the idea that it was inappropriate to make distinctions based on sex alone … It’s not one thing that’s different—it’s everything that’s different.”

“Black People” The President Has A Plan


WASHINGTON, DC - SEPTEMBER 23: U.S. President Donald Trump speaks during a news conference in the briefing room of the White House on September 23, 2020 in Washington, DC. Trump fielded questions about a coronavirus vaccine and the latest developments in the Breonna Taylor case among other topics.  (Photo by Joshua Roberts/Getty Images)

Hear ye, hear ye Black People.

The Prez wants your support and he has have something for you.

Introducing

 the Black Economic Empowerment “Platinum Plan,”

If you elect him, he will prosecute the Klan,and Antifa. He will make Juneteenth a Federal Holiday (didn’t realize the President could do this on his own-but as long as he thinks he can–thinks he can…)

He say’s Biden, is offering Black Americans “nothing but the same old, tired,empty slogans. The President spoke about the pillars of the plan in broad terms, saying, that among other proposals, he would be building up “peaceful” urban neighborhoods with the “highest standards” of policing, bringing fairness to the justice system, expanding school choice, increasing Black home ownership and creating a “national clemency project to right wrongful prosecutions and to pardon individuals who have reformed their (lives).”

Color Me Cynical

The President continues to defend Confederate symbols. He calls the”Black Lives Matter Movement” a symbol of hate. He has called BLM protesters, thugs and anarchist. Included in the President plan, is making lynching a national hate crime.

Last year, the House passed an Anti Lynching Bill. The Senate version of the bill, introduced by Kamala Harris, Cory Booker and Tim Scott .

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, said the legislation was drafted too broadly and could define minor assaults as lynching. He said that murdering someone because of their race is already a hate crime. He said the Senate should make other reforms, such as easing “qualified immunity” rules that shield police officers from being sued. “Rather than consider a good-intentioned but symbolic bill, the Senate could immediately consider addressing qualified immunity and ending police militarization,” Paul said. He sought to offer an amendment to weaken the measure, and Booker blocked it.

Breonna who?

Using a sixties dog whistle. he has warned his base, should Biden becomes President, people of color will descend on the suburbs, bringing down home values.

The President, could have used his influence as the head of the Republican Party or signed an executive order.

It’s Just a Proposal

The President’s credibility with people of color is non existent. Perhaps, he think we all have a short term memory.

The Platinum Plan November 4th

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CityFella

Walgreens cashier who used her last $20 to pay for customer’s items inspires neighborhood to pay it forward


a person in a blue shirt

Rita Jackson Burns is a cashier at the Walgreen’s located at 8413 Stella Link in Houston. She spreads kindness just by being herself. 

Turns out she has a heart full of gold. She teaches us when we’re genuinely kind, our impact is infinite.

Rina Liou met Ms. Rita on Monday, September 7. 

Liou walked into the store just after 2 p.m. The Houston realtor was racing against the clock. She was showing a home at 2:30 p.m. and really needed to replace some light bulbs.

“I’m just going to make a dash to Walgreens. And I never go there,” said Liou. “I go there and I get my light bulbs. And when I went to pay, my heart just sank.”

Liou forgot her wallet and she grabbed her husband’s phone by mistake. “I’m like, shaking. Trying to figure out Apple Pay. Couldn’t figure it out.”

“I said, I will go ahead and pay for it, for you,” said Ms. Rita. “I just was a little short on funds.” 

The 58-year old said she had just paid bills. She only had $20 in her bank account.

“She really needed it so I just looked up at God and said, I guess I’m going to do it,” said Burns who prayed her finances would all work out as she swiped her debit card to cover $12.41.

“She saved me,” said Liou. “I couldn’t believe that a stranger would do that for another stranger. Like, she didn’t know me. I didn’t have to come back.”a person standing in front of a store© Provided by KHOU-TV Houston

Liou made it to her listing then grabbed her wallet and returned to the Walgreens. She paid Burns back and as a thank you — gave her a little extra. Then Liou shared her experience on Nextdoor.

“And I couldn’t believe all the comments.”

“Rita is the happiest, best employee that Walgreen’s has to offer in normal circumstances,” wrote Meg.

“Rita is the best!! She is such a lovely person and always remembers me by name and always asks how my mom is doing,” shared Renee.

“I agree with everyone. Wonderful comments about Rita,” wrote Leslie. “She is amazing and puts a smile on my face each time I go into Walgreen’s. She has watched our kids grow up over the past 20+ yeas. She asks about them every time.

Kristy from Woodside: Ms. Rita is the BEST! Love that lady!”

The thread of comments inspired neighbors to create a Go fund me page: Gratitude for Ms.Rita.

It started with an initial goal of $5,000. Neighbors reached that within 24 hours. So they raised the goal to $8,000. 

“Melissa! They’re my people,” said Ms. Rita to KHOU11 News Reporter Melissa Correa during a Zoom interview. “You come in and say, hey Rita! I’ll be like, hey Melissa! You’ll be like, Hey Rita!”

The grandmother seizes every opportunity to live in the moment. She’s a person who can make a genuine connection in the seconds it takes to ring up a customer.

Yep. Because of Rita Jackson Burns. The Houston native lives a modest life. She’s worked at the same Walgreens for 38 years. She’ll tell you, while she greets everyone with pure joy, not all customers enter with a good mood.

“And I try to ease their tension too. You know, how you doing today,” said Burns. “I just try to find something to talk to them about. To get them off their mind, maybe, just for a minute.”

“I try to treat people the way I want to be treated,” said Burns.

Because when we lead with humanity, the world becomes a better place.

“Humanity is greater than your job occupation, your status,” said Liou.

And to her neighbors, Burns says, “I thank them all. Can you go on there and tell them, she says thank you?”

Rina Liou reached out to KHOU 11 News Reporter Melissa Correa because KHOU is teaming with Nextdoor to share positive, uplifting stories about neighbors helping neighbors. To connect with Melissa on Nextdoor, click here. 

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