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Rodfather: Our life is hell!!!


Dear Rodfather……

I married my bride 22 years ago. She is 14 years older than me.  She has three grown children from her first marriage.  Only one of her children is worth anything. The other two are drugged up entitled snots . One is in her late forties and the other one is 51.  My wife had a bad divorce and is filled with guilt,she blames herself and almost never say no to them

Through the years we have paid for rehab, helped them with their bills and even bought her son a car so he could get to and from work.   We’ve had to pay for their apartment we co signed on.  We have watched them walk away from their responsibilities  lose cars and everything they own and it’s never their fault.  I should have retired four years ago but I can’t afford it now.

They have been in and out of our lives throughout most of our marriage.   My wife had to retire early due to major health issues including a hip replacement and heart surgery . The straw that broke the camel’s back is when her son, pushed my wife to the floor.  We called the police and just got a restraining order.    While her daughter hasn’t come back buy my stepson has. Our neighbors watch our house and he recently arrested. So far he’s  been arrested three times. He send his friends over and they knock on our door through the night.    I have lived through broken windows, slashed tires and have been personally attacked several times.   I cant do this anymore.  I want to sell my home and leave the state.   What I’m worried about is that one of these worthless shits will call her and she will send them a ticket.      Rodfather, people in hell have it better than we do, I need some real advice you can call me sick and tired.

 

Dear, Sick and tired……..

Parental guilt is a lifetime and is overrated.  Nearly every parent does the best they can. However, they should not feel guilt for the choices their adult children make!  Her guilt has crippled her children and she has created a life long dependents.   While I agree with you, should leave the area and start a new life, you shouldn’t move until she gets therapy and chooses each other over her children. (A longshot)

Your devotion to your wife is commendable, however you may have to save yourself.  Her children view you as a roadblock to what they believe they are entitled to.  They’ve pushed her, a woman they love who has had heart and hip surgery.  You are simply someone in the way.  The two of you should be living a golden life, but if she choose them, you need to leave and create a new life for yourself.

 

Rodfather

 

 

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Man buys entire family DNA tests for Christmas and there are some shocking results


A man has revealed how he almost ruined his family Christmas (stock image) (Image: Getty Images)

By: Courtney Pochin/UK Mirror

There’s always one family member who turns up at Christmas with a rather bizarre present.

 

From homemade items that didn’t quite go to plan, to last minute gifts purchased on the way over, we thought we’d seen it all.

But one man has raised the bar for unusual presents by purchasing DNA testing kits for his entire family – and the bemusing item almost ruined Christmas for everyone.

The unnamed son revealed all in a post online, which has had thousands of views.

He bought the same gift for everyone (stock photo) (Image: Getty Images)

Taking to Reddit, the man starts his story by revealing that earlier in the year AncestryDNA had a sale on their kit and for some reason he thought it would be a great gift, so he bought six of them – one for himself, his mum, his dad, brother and two sisters.

However when it came time to open presents on December 25, the kits didn’t exactly garner the reaction he’d been hoping for.

He wrote: “As soon as everyone opened their gift, my mom started freaking out. She told us she didn’t want us taking them because they had unsafe chemicals. We explained to her how there were actually no chemicals, but we could tell she was still flustered.

“Later she started trying to convince us that only one of us kids need to take it since we will all have the same results and to resell extra kits to save money.”

The man bought DNA tests for his whole family – and almost ruined Christmas (Image: Getty)

The children were still keen to give the tests a go which caused an argument to break out between the parents.

According to the post, the pair went upstairs and argued for about an hour, leaving the four kids to wonder what exactly was going on.

At this point, the man truly thought he’d “f***** up” and ruined the family Christmas.

But then things took a surprising turn.

TIFU by buying everyone an AncestryDNA kit and ruining Christmas

Earlier this year, AncestryDNA had a sale on their kit. I thought it would be a great gift idea so I bought 6 of them for Christmas presents. Today my family got together to exchange presents for our Christmas Eve tradition, and I gave my mom, dad, brother, and 2 sisters each a kit.

As soon as everyone opened their gift at the same time, my mom started freaking out. She told us how she didn’t want us taking them because they had unsafe chemicals. We explained to her how there were actually no chemicals, but we could tell she was still flustered. Later she started trying to convince us that only one of us kids need to take it since we will all have the same results and to resell extra kits to save money.

Fast forward: Our parents have been fighting upstairs for the past hour, and we are downstairs trying to figure out who has a different dad.

TL;DR I bought everyone in my family AncestryDNA kit for Christmas. My mom started freaking. Now our parents are fighting and my dad might not be my dad.

Update: Thank you so much for all the love and support. My sisters, brother and I have not yet decided yet if we are going to take the test. No matter what the results are, we will still love each other, and our parents no matter what.

Update 2: CHRISTMAS ISN’T RUINED! My FU actually turned into a Christmas miracle. Turns out my sisters father passed away shortly after she was born. A good friend of my moms was able to help her through the darkest time in her life, and they went on to fall in love and create the rest of our family. They never told us because of how hard it was for my mom. Last night she was strong enough to share stories and photos with us for the first time, and it truly brought us even closer together as a family. This is a Christmas we will never forget. And yes, we are all excited to get our test results. Merry Christmas everyone!

P.S. Sorry my mom isn’t a whore. No you’re not my daddy.

 

His parents eventually came back down and shared some shocking news with them all – one of them had a different dad.

He explained: “Turns out my sister’s father passed away shortly after she was born. A good friend of my mom’s was able to help her through the darkest time in her life, and they went on to fall in love and create the rest of our family.

“They never told us because of how hard it was for my mom.”

The parents went on to share stories and photos for the first time and the son claims the experience brought them “even closer together as a family”.

The situation ended up bringing them closer together (stock photo) (Image: Getty)

He added: “This is a Christmas we will never forget. And yes, we are all excited to get out test results. Merry Christmas everyone!”

More than 9,000 people have taken the time to comment on his post, with many sharing their own unusual family stories.

One person wrote: “I was adopted by my grandparents and didn’t know until I was older. The person I grew up with as an older sister was actually my biological mother.”

Another said: “My friend discovered through AncestryDNA that her grandpa wasn’t actually her grandpa. Her actual grandpa was one of her grandparents’ neighbors.”

A third added: “I work at AncestryDNA. This actually happens all the time.”

When They’re No Longer Funny:The Family Racist


Related image

Photo: Google

They are often naturally charming. Well liked by nearly everyone in the family. As a child they made you laugh. As you grew older, you laughed however the jokes made you uncomfortable.

You weren’t the only one. Family members saying while laughing ” Ohh you shouldn’t say that” or “That’s wrong” in mid laughter.

Despite the outrageous behavior. they are often protected by family members. “Oh he doesn’t mean it.” “He would take the shirt off his back” “She would give you her last quarter”

Over time this charming individual has made you uncomfortable when non family members are present.  Your on the edge, as you wait in terror, for the off color or racist remark to be delivered in front of the unsuspecting visitor.

Then there it is!

In living color.

As the family laughs, you look away ashamed

Your options are few. Confrontation or exit.  Ideally, you should wait for to talk, away from family.  Calmly tell him or her what you find offensive and why.  Once you’ve done this leave it.  Don’t go back and revisit the conversation, it only brings animosity.

These individuals exists in every family. They’ve may have gone unnoticed for years. Until you view the family member through the eyes of a non family member.

I’ve found some success in silent eye contact.  After all they are entertainers. They’re goal is to make everyone laugh and a good entertainer make adjustments for the audiences

They are others, who simply don’t care how their  words affect others. “This is who I am, take me or leave me! ”    When this occurs, I quietly leave.  No drama, no words are needed.   We love our families, we must except them for who they are warts and all., attempting to change who they are is like bumping are heads on a brick wall.   However, we can make adjustments and at the end of the day, its not about their feelings and how others my react to our leaving.

This is when it’s on us to make the adjustment as we teach people how to treat us.

CityFella

Is Punk the New F Word?


 

Punk

The word has been used to bully gay black boys for decades.

By: Charles Stephens/ The Advocate.com

I have always associated creativity with a sense of pleasure, and simultaneously, a sense of danger. Self-expression in my mind conjures feelings of the forbidden. Perhaps much of this comes from my Southern black boyhood, as I started to get the sense there was safety in assimilation and considerable risk in being too free.

“Don’t be a punk,” I was told. I imagine many others like me heard this as well. The phrase served as both correction and warning.

Around 7 or 8 years old, I first started hearing other things like “Don’t laugh too hard” or “Don’t smile too much.” I was commanded, “Don’t sit that way” and “Don’t speak with a lisp.” And the most epic one of all: “Don’t cry.”

Being forced to withhold emotion early on stunts us for our entire lives. These are the ghosts that haunt us into adulthood. It’s no wonder so many of us — especially black boys — become people who struggle to articulate our feelings. The words are beaten out of us when we are kids

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Please Click on the Link Below for the full story

https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2018/5/24/punk-new-f-word

 

Real Women Reveal the WORST Marriage Advice They Were Ever Given


Image result for indian wedding couple

These are bound to make you cringe…

By: Jillian Kramer/Brides.com

If you’re in a relationship, you’ve received unsolicited advice. Some of it’s been good, and some of it’s been bad. But hands-down, this bad advice given to real brides might just be the worst.

We suggest you don’t take it.

“Do whatever you need to so that you can stay married.”
“I’ve heard that, ‘Marriage isn’t about being happy, it’s about being stable. Do whatever you need to so that you can stay married.’ But we are so fortunate to actually live in an era where people have the opportunity to choose a partner. I believe the only way to actually bring the divorce rate down is to focus on picking a highly compatible partner at the onset. So many people prioritize other things before their own happiness and they end up living a lackluster life with very few bursts of joy.” —Ashley

“Always compromise.”
“The worst marriage advice I ever got was to always compromise. My husband and I decided the opposite, because when you compromise, two people are unhappy. Instead, our motto is, ‘never compromise.’ The person who wants it most gets their way. This way, at least one person is happy.” —Alina

“Train [your husband] just like you would a puppy.”
“The wife of my then-fiancé’s colleague told me, ‘It’s important that you train him just like you would a puppy. He should learn to obey you and respect your commands, or suffer the consequences. When puppies mess up they get their noses rubbed in it and thrown outside — they do not get your praise or attention.’ I thought she was joking, and laughed. But then she said, ‘I am not joking. My husband does what I want, or he sleeps on the couch and doesn’t get sex until I’m happy again.’ This advice was horrendous because relationships should be respectful and have equal participation as much as possible. Men are not dogs — despite our tendency to call them that! — and to me, sex is not a weapon.” —Paula

“Stay together for the sake of your kids.”
“The worst marriage advice I’ve received is, ‘stay together for the sake of your kids.’ I’ve heard it from family, I’ve read it in magazine and newspaper articles, and I’ve been to churches that convey that message as well. Sadly, that’s not a sound way to help a marriage or protect the children you love. Children subjected to a toxic, dysfunctional, abusive or in other ways wounded marriage lose the joy of childhood. They become instant adults who try to ‘fix, heal or remedy’ the broken relationship around them. It’s a no-win reality for children, and totally selfish for parents to subject them to this in childhood.” —Rosalind

“Just agree with everything he says.”
“I was told that you will fight all the time the first year of marriage, so you should just agree with everything he says. A friend gave this advice to me based on the reality of the first year of her marriage. But my mother always instilled in me the importance of my voice and my opinion. Just going with the flow is not my M.O. Agreeing with everything my husband says is very subservient and just not who I am as a person.” —Ariel

SUCKING it up for the HOLIDAYS


From the Butterball ads, to the movies and TV specials.  Tis the season to be Jolly, fa,la,la,la,la,la la la.    Where everyone makes it on time to cut the perfect Turkey.   We are sucked in by perfect images of  flawless food and the perfect families. Its all kisses and hugs…Ahhhh, what  a crock!

Thanksgiving and Christmas  with the family is the most joyous time of the year and for most families it is. However for other families what starts out as joyous become out and out warfare  with pre-heated words and fists, leaving some members to question why they came.

Christmas is the most seductive holiday of the year.   The lights, the music, the joy many people believe in the power of Christmas,on this day everything will be better.  It a day of peace, men and women ,boys and girls  will set aside their differences and there will be love,love,

love…………

If this is your family,you should stop reading here.

This is for the rest of us, the people who want to believe in power of  Christmas but have families who make us crazy.

During  my freshmen year in college  I heard great stories from other students going home for Christmas.  The talk  of food and love and traditions, I was swept away.  I saved all my coins to insure everyone received a gift.   I begged a friend to get me to Greyhound so I could catch an early bus to the bay.   I couldn’t wait to see my mom, nephew and nieces.

45 minutes after getting off the bus, I wanted to return to school.   It seems I had created a new family in my mind.  I had created a black version of  ” The Walton”s  a popular television program at the time.   That fantasy crashed and burned, there was a breech in the family,a lot of people were angry and to make matter worse, there wasn’t a plan B . Being away in college my friends had made other plans.  No caroling, no midnight gift openings.   After the Christmas meal some members of my family started to turn on me.   My weight, my hair, my speech.

Holiday Amnesia 

The Christmas/Thanksgiving tradition repeated itself for many years.   For the most part it’s great, seeing members of the family-meeting new members.  However lurking in the shadows are individuals who use THE HOLIDAYS as a platform to  remind you of  what THEY believe is your shortcomings .

Take a Breath

This action is usually  pre-planned  and often quietly supported by other family members who simply want to know why you haven’t married?  Why you should go on a diet like your sister. ( I have this cookbook!) Or go back to school.

Family members who used the happy,happy, holidays, to revisit events that happened decades ago and share those events with new members of the family and visitors.      These and other holiday rituals that creep under our skin and make us crazy, is often forgotten until the next holiday.

A Family Theme Song:  

( Ain’t no drama like family drama ,cause family drama don’t stop!)

For years, I often wondered  why my family made me so crazy.  After all I am a professional, I’ve successfully worked directly with the public for decades.  So why do these people reduce a 6 foot 4 baby boomer into a screaming ten year old?

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Do People React (or Overreact) to your Questions or Comments?

If so? Click the Link Below

13 Questions You should never ask…

https://sacratomatovillepost.com/2013/11/23/13-questions-you-should-never-ask-at-thanksgiving/

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History and expectations  Unlike strangers, we have history with family and with that comes certain expectations. It’s an  understanding, and sensitivity that generally doesn’t exist with persons outside of family. Unfortunately  that understanding and sensitivity isn’t guaranteed within the family.

The truth is, there are siblings and other family members who simply don’t like each other, never have and never will.   Family resentments often last a lifetime.  Siblings can often clearly remember events that go back more than seven or eight decades  and once a year those dormant events  resurface during family events. While some people  are able move on, others simmer.  So after the gifts are exchanged , after the hugs, after the second  round of dinner, simmer increases to boil and let the rumble begin.

Sucking it up for the Holidays 

First things first…We have to realize we are unable to change anyone.   If there is a change, it has to come from us. 

Who do you become at these family gatherings?

Mildly Irritated(MI)-doesn’t really get to you

Extremely Irritated(EI)– takes you days-weeks  to shake the family gathering .

A screaming banshee(BS) You lose compete control and vow never to return.

Fists of thunder(FT)-you have gotten into physical altercations with family members .

A week before the family gathering , you will need a plan of action.  

 Do not share your plans with other family members as there are moles every where!  Including  Ma, Pa and Peggy

Knowing and managing your Triggers 

When are you going to settle down and get married?

Are you still working at that job?

I expected your life to turn out differently..etc,etc, etc

(Write them down)

Every family have a natural rhythm, I could almost set my watch to certain events in my family.  They would often take place a couple of hours after dinners often accelerated with alcohol, the players are the same every year.  

Memorize the players in your family, they rarely change. Prepare yourself for the triggers,  rehearse your non combative response.

I have a friend who limits his visit with his family to two and  half hours   He calls the last half hour “The Sharpening of the Knives”.  No matter how much fun he is having,he limits his visit to two and half hours… 10 minutes longer and someone takes out a knife.

 Why don’t you have that wart removed ,once you have that ugly thing removed and get that tooth straightened out and buy some  clothes that don’t have that cheap look your’ll be better.

Remember you can’t change your family.  You  can only change  how you react to them.  

 Warning:  This isn’t easy and its very possible you may fail on the first attempt.  Just remember your changing a lifetime. 

Sharing the suffering

Here I begin with a question?  If you needed emergency therapy after spending Thanksgiving or Christmas last year with the family. (I say or because only a reality show masochist would double dip) Why would you invite a friend,girlfriend or boyfriend to accompany you this year.  The friend WHO you clearly lied to when you told them it would be NICE!

HOME

I love the stories about everyone staying in the home and experiencing holidays together.   Cooking together or opening up packages at midnight.   Its a great tradition.  But its not for everyone.   It’s very important to place your needs over the desires of the family(unless of course they agree to pay your shrink bill).  Consider getting a hotel/motel room.  I find it to be an oasis in the valley of the kray,kray.   When the volume increases, I begin make a plate and yawn several times ooh-I really must be tired and head to room 212 with a closing yawn-I’ll see you in the morning-love you.  Then you turn off your cell phone and tell the front desk to send calls to voice mail. (ooh I fell asleep) . Trust me- at least two people will rush to tell you what you’ve missed.

The room is really important for your friend.  He/she and the children don’t necessarily need to see you in super Kray form.   They don’t share your history, why put them through it.   My wife and family would get a large suite and sometimes sneak out to the movies.

Because I’ve been a victims of painful memories I am both watchful and mindful of what I say to my family and I run interference for those who want to inflect pain on others.   You have to be mindful of the painful smile.

Changing The Script (New Traditions)

We have been seduced… From movies to Commercials  that the holidays is everything and you must be with your family. This is what we are supposed to do right?   But what is your family is  less Waltons or Huxtables and more Bundy.

The harshest realty is, the realization that some of our families are toxic.  Year after year,we return because this is what we know, its how its always been.  It never occurred to us we have another option.  So we go hoping for that Brady setting and sometimes return in shambles.  Worst of all, we take OUR children to these events infecting them.

Not only do they have to bare witness to our annual dismantling. We are creating a new normal for them.

For some families, normal is screaming, fighting and manipulation. While visitors are shocked,  it’s just another family event, where someone pulls out a knife, threatening to kill another family member.  Another Christmas dinner were everyone swears. 

If these joyous family events leaves you anxious, depressed and sad. You may want to consider not attending at all.

New Traditions

Again, a lot of us attend events, because it something we’ve always done and there isn’t anything wrong with that if you enjoy that family event.   But if its painful for you and YOUR branch of the family, there aren’t rules that say you have to attend.

Instead of modeling bad behavior for our children, we started our own traditions.  Cartoons, movies, a billion and one desserts.   One year our holiday meal was turkey, they next ham, one year pizza.  No one needed therapy because we didn’t have the traditional meal and it was less work .   One of our best Thanksgivings was in a Burger King.   Today our children are grown.  They didn’t share our history of family and one day they will create their own Traditions, hopefully filled with joy and laughter.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of the 365  days a year.  If you choose not to share those holidays with your family and siblings, it is NOT a reflection of your love .   It means you that you’ve chosen you.  Try not to allow others to make you feel less than, because your chosen your sanity over a family event that leaves you shaken and stirred.  Be gracious, you can still share gifts.

Breaking free may not be easy.  The guilt control machine will be launched-everyone is expecting you! Especially by your siblings who feel, if they have to suffer, you must attend!   Aunt Pearl will be so hurt, you know this may be her last Christmas,she loves you so much!) and turn off all phone until the day after.  Then feel free to call.  If you get a call, take control by keeping the call short no long or extended conversations involving the past.   We or I am not going…. Love you, bye!!       They take control by keeping you one the phone.   Remember, Choose you!  Choose your family.

The Holidays like every day can be a loving joyous affair.  Take control and make it happen!!

Life ends in an instant.  Choose Joy.

Meanwhile B Safe

HappyHolidays

CityFella

 

UAE:Parents drag kids to court for revenge


By:Ahmed Shaaban/Khaleej Times Dubai

A divorced mother who taught her daughter to dance and then posted private pictures of the girl online in order to blackmail the girl’s father is one of the 63 family disputes seen this year by the RAK Courts.

 

Jassim Al Makki , Head of the Family Counseling Section at the RAK Courts, said some separated fathers and mothers involved their children in their unending family disputes.  “They insist on dragging them to court out of revenge and grudge, and to release their anger, ignoring the traumatic experience they put their children through.”

His section processed 63 family disputes from January to August this year, he said. “The divorced fathers and mothers approached the court for child custody approval or disapproval, as well as children alimony requests.”

We have received 13 applications for dropping child maintenance, against 50 requests for taking custody from the other parent, he noted.

Al Makki said some disputing fathers and mothers had come up with unusual techniques and tricks, and insisted on involving their children in their litigation to take revenge on each other.

“Among the cases reported was a case where a father complained that his (former wife) taught their daughter how to dance, took some private pictures of her, and uploaded them on the internet to blackmail him and give him a hard time.”

Al Makki urged litigating parents to keep their children out of their disputes to protect them from psychological and social problems, apart from poor academic performance.

“Such a harmful impact is hard to overcome, and needs urgent action from all concerned, particularly disputing parents, to avoid complicating problems in the future.” Earlier, Al Makki toldKhaleej Times that the Reconciliation Committee of the RAK Courts he is presiding over, saw many family disputes in the first eight months of the year, including 58 in the holy month of Ramadan.

“The staff counsellors working with the committee have determined 1,066 reasons that mostly lead to family disputes.”

The Reconciliation Committee, formed in 1993, helps the RAK courts by saving time and confronting all those involved in any case in an unofficial way.

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