These Worst First Date Stories Are So Damn Awkward


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By: Korin Miller/Mens Health

Uh, can we not talk about your ex the whole time?

“I can’t wait to go on another first date!” said pretty much no one, ever.

While first dates give you a great chance to get to know someone new, trying to cram the basics of your life into a few hours while getting the 411 on someone else can be stressful as hell.

Of course, some first dates turn into meaningful relationships (it helps when you follow the 5 best first date tips). But it sure can feels like you have to go through some real, uh, winners before that happens. Just remember you’re not alone in this seemingly endless struggle to find an eligible human.

For some reassurance, people on Reddit are spilling details about their absolute worst first dates ever and we are so here for it. Read on, and rest assured.

 

The Relationship Interview That Masqueraded as a First Date

When @KatetheGreat22 went on a first date, she probably wasn’t expecting the crappy experience that unfolded. Instead of actually acting like a normal person, her date treated her like she was applying for a job…as his girlfriend.

Literally we sat across from each other at a table at a coffee shop. He did not order a drink, and he fired questions at me like it was a job interview. Then he ended the date after a half hour. But he texted me later wanting to see me again. I guess I made it to the second round of interviewing?

The Girl Who Just Wanted to Freeload

Sure, there are some things you want to know about your potential partner upfront, but one girl made it very clear to @LikeAstonEdMonkey that she was just looking for someone to take care of her. Just a tip: Asking about someone’s credit score on a date is a really, really bad idea.

We met online and she was cute and charming online so I asked her out. Over dinner, I remember being asked what my job was, if I ever had been arrested, how was my credit, and how many “partners” I had in my life. She was angry that I didnt want to go out with her again and I ended up having to block her number. I know she found out that I made really good money and she was basically a gold digger looking to get married.

He looked hot and fresh on Growlr 

You can never be totally sure online.    His online pictures looked crisp and hot.  But what made him stand out to @Urbanbear916  was his intellect, he had more to say than most online.  They learned they had a lot in common, from vintage cars to Reality TV.

We talked online for about three weeks before agreeing to meet for coffee.     A man in a dingy blue shirt entered Starbucks and asked for a cup of water his body odor was strong I assumed he was one of the unfortunate homeless who lived downtown.   When he turned around it was HIM, everything about him was dirty, his clothes needed washing and his nails was filthy.  Under the dingy was a handsome man.  He wanted to talk, I wanted to escape, his odor was so sharp it burned.  We still talk and he wants to go out, but I can’t bring myself to tell him he stinks. 

 

The Guy Who Read Way Too Much Into Things

People can get so nervous on dates that they talk a lot, but asking the other person questions and actually interacting with them is what makes this whole thing a “date.” Apparently, @AmyLovesTheOrioles’ date didn’t get the memo.

The guy spent the entire time talking about himself and his accomplishments and never asked me a single question about myself. We finished our meal and I said that I had to go home. When I got home, he texted to see if I wanted to go out again. I declined. He then continued to text me long strings of insults because I didn’t love him. After the first [painful] date.

The Guy Who Was So Not Ready to Be Dating Again

Getting back out there after a breakup is tough. But it’s probably a good idea to make sure you’re over your last relationship before you try to start a new one. Apparently @MyCatsRock’s date wasn’t quite there yet.

He got drunk and cried about his ex gf that dumped him for some douche.

 

The Guy Who Thought ‘Date’ Meant ‘Free Advice’

Showing someone you’re interested in their career is important. Blatantly trying to use them for free labor — on a date — is pretty much the worst idea ever.

 I went on a date with a guy & in the middle of dinner, he asks me “you’re an accountant, right?” i say that i am. he pulls out a folder & says “this is my tax return from last year. would you mind taking a look at it? i want to know if the guy i paid prepared it properly.

The Guy Who Set the Bar Too High

When you make first date plans, it’s generally expected that you’ll stick with them — or at least clue your date in if things change. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen with @Chop117.

Told me we were going to go to this restaurant I really had been wanting to go to in our town. He said he would pay for the meal. The foodie in me was pretty excited to try this place I had never been to before. When we walked right past it I start questioning where this date was going. So we ended up at McDonalds. He ordered himself some food and promptly asked me if I wanted something, which of course I denied. Que the next 45 minutes of almost silence except for him chowing down on French fries.

The Recovering Alcoholic Who Seemed to Have a Test

Addiction is scary, and recovery is tough. But @OhSoEasy made it pretty clear that she would not have ordered a beer if she had known that her date was a recovering alcoholic. Instead, the date ended up being super awkward.

We met at a sit down Chinese restaurant. I ordered a beer. He pulled out a medallion he wore around his neck that was given to him from Alcoholics Anonymous. He told me he was in recovery. It was awkward after that and I couldn’t drink the beer in front of him. I never saw him again after that.

 

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” SHE URINATED ON MY FLOOR!”: 14 dating horror stories


Bridget Jones was no stranger to bad date stories – or bad hair on dates

The dating game, is tough and there are so many questions you have to ask yourself when you take the plunge and meet someone for the first time.

By: Nicola Oakley/UK Mirror

What on earth will you talk about? Will they notice that spot on your forehead? And most importantly, will they be able to smell that garlic on your breath from lunch?

These are all natural concerns, but spare a thought for those people who’ve had a TRULY terrible first date.

We’re talking getting into a fight on the subway, hiding behind wheel bins and your date urinating on your floor – yes, really.

Read on for 14 truly awful tales that will either make you glad to be single or appreciate your other half.

1. “I almost died – then pretended I had!”

“The first time meeting her she was extremely clingy and was already planning our wedding and how many kids we’re having – and I had only known her for an hour.

“Being 18,  I wasn’t ready for this and she was scaring me a lot, getting very obsessed over me. She was giving looks of disgust to everyone who looked at me who was female.

“Fortunately, after the meal we went to get snacks from a corner shop and I accidentally bought a chocolate bar with nuts in – me having a severe nut allergy.

“I was rushed to hospital where I almost died but the next day I was discharged and went to my mate’s, where he called her and said I died. We’ve had no contact since.”

Anonymous, London

This man wasn’t the first person to fake their own death to avoid a date. Last month we spoke to Ann from Cornwall, who did the same thing to get rid of an admirer.

2. “He shot himself”

“I met a guy in our local supermarket and we got talking.

“We arranged to meet up a few days later but he phoned me the night before and told me he’d shot himself in the leg and was in hospital so couldn’t make our date!”

“I visited him in hospital and we did eventually get out on our date but we both agreed that it wouldn’t work and I never saw him again.”

Ros, Belfast

3. “I hid behind the nearest wheel bin”

“I met a gent off a dating site. We met on the train at the local city, Chester. He drank about eight pints and then took me into a nearby B&B, demanding a room for the night!

“I ran off and hid behind the nearest wheel bin, ignored about 10 missed calls off him.

“He then had the cheek to text me the next day asking where I had gone and if we could meet for a drink.”

Julie, Wrexham

4. “We ended up rolling around the Central line”

“I took a girl to see Chicago and she spilled a glass of red wine over my new white shirt. This was straight after a big solo song in the first act, and I jumped up and shouted.

“I spent the rest of the show trying to clean it up while she sat and watched it.

“Following that, we jumped on the subway home and a man asked her if I was bothering her and started a row with me on the subway. We ended up rolling around the Central line.”

H, London

5. “He accused me of lying in his questionnaire”

“At dinner he pulled a notebook from his bag (I missed the man bag alert) and proceeded to ask me questions from a prepared list covering children, attitudes, work/life balance, hobbies etc. In other words, the full 360 interrogation.

“When the meal was finished, he asked for the bill and then proceeded to allocate costs against who consumed what, calculated my share and rather generously suggested we evenly split the tip.

“It was almost 11pm when we left the restaurant. He then hailed a cab, jumped in and left me on the pavement.

“He rang the next day, saying it was the best date he had been on for ages and asked for a second. When I declined, he asked me if I was telling the truth in the questionnaire.

“He accused me of lying – otherwise I would want to go on another date with him as we had some similar answers. He then said I should be ‘sued for false advertising’.

“He later called my landline over 15 times while I was on the phone, leaving increasingly irate messages including saying I was ‘pathetic’ because I wouldn’t answer the phone’.”

Michele, London

6. “He said he was going to prison”

“When I turned up to a date the guy asked me what I thought of him, I said: ‘On first impressions I really don’t think you’re for me.’ He replied: “Don’t worry, we can get our groove on tonight, baby, ’cause I’m going away.”

“I said” ‘Oh why, where are you going?’ His response: ‘Magabary Prison for five years.’

Annie, Northern Ireland

7. “She relieved herself on my floor”

“I had my first date with a lady – well, if you could call her that. The initial date was a success and we got along just fine.

“We decided to go to my house. When we made it to my bedroom she took out her contact lenses and then realised she needed the toilet.

“I gave her the directions to the bathroom. After a little while she returned saying she could not find it and she was too embarrassed to walk past the people in my house, as my flat mate had guests around.

“She took down her undies and proceeded to relieve herself on my floor. Thankfully it was not a carpeted floor. Needless to say there was no second date.”

– Simon, Norway

 

8. “She could barely stop her eyes rolling and kept slurring her speech”

“I met a girl online who looked nice and normal, when we met up nothing could be further from the truth! She wore a faux fur coat which was about 10 times too big for her, some sparkly leggings and some hideous trainers. She looked ridiculous.

“She also looked like she was under the influence of ecstasy and ketamine, she could barely stop her eyes rolling back and kept slurring her speech and staring into space – so I decided to have some fun with her.

“I told her I was a Satan worshipper and asked if she’d be interested in sacrificing a virgin goat at the weekend, then I told her I saw dead people and my best friend was a ghost named Fred.

“Anyway, she went to the toilet and came back saying her mate had been rushed to hospital and had to go, I was in stitches when she left the bar.”

– Guy, Brighton

9. “The barman had to drag him off me”

“I went on a date with a guy who looked nothing like his profile picture. When he said ‘well kept’ I think he meant well kept beer in his beer belly.

“With clenched teeth I got through a good amount of drink. He leaned in for a kiss and I turned my head away. He asked to see me again. I said no.

“He then paused and lurched for me, hands around my neck. The barman had to drag him off me.

“A few days after he text me asking if I had ‘called him’.

Pebbles, Bath

10. “He set me on fire”

He accidentally set me on fire and now he is my husband.

Alixe, Germany

11. “He launched himself at my cleavage”

“During the second date the man in question invited me for a me to his house.

“After a semi-pleasant evening I was sitting on the couch and he was sat on the floor and we were watching a film.

“Without encouragement or warning he launched himself at me and thrust his face into my cleavage.

GettyCleavage
Cleavage is not an invitation to lunge. Turns out, bras are good defence mechanisms

“I screamed and jumped up only to leave him in a heap on the floor with blood gushing from his face.

“Turns out the wire had protruded from my bra and got caught under his chin!”

JP, South Yorkshire

12. “I had to hide around the corner for half an hour”

“I met a guy online – he never washed his hair and was proud of that! It looked awful.

“He asked to be my boyfriend within five minutes of meeting! Then he told me he was surprised I wasn’t shy because he had a better body than me.

“He followed me home and invited himself in for a brew, then tried it on with me and wouldn’t listen when I said no until I kicked him.

“He then replied he liked his girls feisty and tried it again. So I had to make up an excuse for going out and chuck him out, and then hide around the corner for half an hour.”

Sarah, Lancashire

13. “He talked about his Neopets account the whole time”

“A friend tried to fix me up with her fiancées co-worker.

“She gave the person my phone number. We talked several times and decided to meet in person.

“He showed up for the date drunk and talked about his Neopets account the whole time, and was telling me what losers his room mates were.

Neopets
Neopets is predominantly a site for children…

“The next day I told him I just didn’t feel like we connected and didn’t want a long-distance relationship. He began calling me all through the night and singing in to the phone.

“He called about 10 days after our date and asked if he could live in his car in my driveway because his room mates had kicked him out. I declined.”

– Melissa, Kentucky USA

14. “The gravy went everywhere”

“I met a guy online through a social site. He seemed nice, and we bumped into each other a few times too.

“We finally went on a date, admittedly both a little hungover.

“It started off OK, but then he disappeared to the pub loo for about 20 minutes.

“When he returned, it was like he’d had a personality transplant. Suddenly, he was all handsy, slurring his words and saying totally inappropriate things to me and the bar staff about how he wanted me to get naked right then.

“I should have left at that point, but we ended up going to have Sunday lunch in the restaurant.

“We were seated at a low table, and my date, in his wisdom, decided that he would eat his roast in his lap. Needless to say, the gravy went everywhere.

“He then proceeded to fall asleep in his chair. Again, I should have just upped and left. People all around were giving us weird looks and smirking, not surprisingly.

“Eventually, he woke up. I had to pay, as he’d conveniently forgotten his wallet, and then as he couldn’t barely stand let alone walk, I ended up giving him a lift to the station. What a mug!

“He left me a couple of souvenirs – a gravy stain and his phone. Which of course I looked at, and found messages from 7 different women telling him what a stud he was. They had obviously met a different version of the man than I had!”

  • Kat, London