Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: S9 ep 3 sun and SHADE in the Bahamas

By: Brian Moylan/

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Rich Women Doing Things recap for this paid television announcement. “Hello, my name is Elvis, and I am a butler at the Baha Mar Resort and Casino on New Providence Island in the Bahamas. No, Rihanna is from Barbados, which is not the Bahamas. Here on New Providence Island we have an enormous complex featuring three hotels, a 100,000 square foot casino, and more than 2,000 rooms. Yes, that means while some of the suites have their own butlers and some guests are treated to lunch and massages on a private island, you will most likely not get that. You will be next to a cramped pool with about 3,000 other people who will most likely be Canadians in cargo shorts past the knees and Crocs. But don’t worry, all of the fountains shoot high enough that the droplets reach the stratosphere. Doesn’t that sound like paradise?”

While the rich women’s trip to this resort looked magical, there is no way that Erika Jayne, Kyle Richards, or Lisa Vanderpump would ever set foot in that enormous eyesore of a resort if the bill weren’t entirely being footed by someone else and they weren’t contractually obligated to be there. Obviously the resort kept them away from the rabble, so even while they were at dinner, cheek to jowl with a church group from Missouri and a woman from Arkansas who is about to enter her third marriage, it looked like the whole thing was very luxurious.

When Erika gets to her room her three-man gay glam squad, including creative director Mikey, is there waiting for her, brushing out a 70-inch ponytail. Erika tells us that all of these women could afford a glam squad but they’re just too cheap to hire one. I appreciate Erika’s dedication to the character of Erika Jayne. She started out being on the show with a certain level of fashion fabulosity and now she’s stuck delivering it year after year. She’s kind of forced everyone to up their fashion and glam games, as Denise Richards disastrously learns.

The first night in the Bahamas, Dorit invites everyone for drinks in her huge suite. Lisa is wearing a green caftan and looking like late-career Elizabeth Taylor, which is a compliment. Erika is in a gorgeous tiger-print pajama suit and said 70-inch ponytail, which is the mother that gave birth to the litter of all of Ariana Grande’s ponytails. Kyle is in a multicolored flowing dress, Lisar is in the slinkiest leopard-print dress I’ve ever seen in my life, and Dorit is in a stupid red bikini top and sea anemone-print pants with a giant red bandeau in her hair. She really does look like Lisa’s dog Schnooki. Denise shows up in a white tank top and sparkly white shorts feeling horrendously underdressed. The poor thing. Doesn’t she watch the show?

Dorit is the only other woman who seems willing to spend the money on a glam squad. The difference between Erika’s glam and Dorit’s glam, however, is that Erika’s is worth the money. The next day on the private island, Erika looks like an ’80s pinup fantasy in a vintage Body Glove one-piece, a pair of Oakley-esque shades, a silver mesh cover-up, and the ponytail, this time braided. Dorit is in an acid green mesh pantsuit and bikini and looks like she is wearing an electrocuted poodle on her head. How can someone spend so much money and still end up looking so mediocre? Every other woman on the trip looks better dressed than her and at a fraction of the cost.

Anyway, we’re not only here to talk about the fashion (though I do request a GIF of Erika in the water wringing out her ponytail), we’re also here to talk about drama, and it all seems to be revolving around Lisa Vanderpump. Erika and Lisa had a small skirmish at lunch when Lisa told Erika that she thought her note of condolence about her brother’s suicide was “standoffish” which Lisa says is something “you have been trying to get over.”

Immediately Erika retreats back into her shell and tells Lisa that she meant every word and that is how she expresses her sympathy. In typical Erika fashion, she gets mean when she gets mad, but I understand where she’s coming from. She sent a very nice, handwritten note, which is a lot of work for people these days. It was not a text or an email, it was something she had to put a stamp on and (have an assistant) take to the post office. I think it was completely sufficient. She also took a picture of it because she knew it would come back up because Lisa is “slippery.”

Lisa says she thought they were closer than that, which is a sentiment I can understand. As Kyle says, Lisa is wracked with grief and that doesn’t always lead to logical reactions. I can excuse her on this one. Lisa quickly apologizes and says she loves Erika and that she did nothing wrong. It seems healed over.

But the essence of Erika’s argument with Lisa dovetails nicely with this whole Dorit Lucy Lucy Apple Juice fiasco. (Why is the dog’s name not Lucy Lucy Apple Juicy? Does no one know how to rhyme anymore? Does no one appreciate parallel structure?) Erika says to Lisa during the fight, “Don’t make me out to be the bad guy.” It seems like everyone one of these women is waiting for Lisa to make them out to be the bad guy and doesn’t want to let her do it.

We all know the basics of the fight: Dorit got a dog from Lisa’s shelter and had to get rid of it and didn’t give it back to Lisa. Dorit was obviously wrong, even though she will never admit it. Lisa has been refusing to talk about it on camera, other than bringing it up privately at dinner with Dorit and her husband PK, a pigeon eating dried puke off the sidewalk.

Kyle makes a joke about the situation at the party in Dorit’s room in front of Lisar who is like, “What is going on?” When they won’t tell her she says, “Well, cheers to keeping secrets,” which is another GIF I could really use. The next day at breakfast, Teddi and Kyle tell Lisa about how Dorit’s dog came up at Vanderpump Dogs and Lisar immediately says, “You guys were set up.”

This is the moment that Lisa Rinna has been anticipating for the better part of two seasons, ever since Lisa embroiled her in that “Muchausen’s” fight with Yolanda Bananas Foster. She knows that Lisa plays dirty behind the scenes and was waiting for the precise moment when she would finally be revealed.

Lisar posits that Lisa told the guys at the store to tell Kyle and Teddi about the dog Dorit dropped off so that Lisa could say, “I don’t want to talk about it,” and she could punish Dorit while still coming off like a saint. That is exactly what happened and both Kyle and Teddi see, in that moment, how Lisa set the whole scenario up.

Teddi says she sees a pattern in Lisa’s behavior, and she’s only been around for a season. Kyle sees this setup as a way for Lisa to “protect her relationship with Dorit, but keep her hands clean.” When they bring it up at dinner with the whole group, Dorit is upset because she thought she and Lisa buried the whole thing.

Lisa is also upset because she says that she has been trying to protect Dorit from this whole mess. If that is the case, she never should have allowed her staff to bring it up while the cameras were on. She also never should have brought it up again on camera with Dorit. She then blames Teddi for gossiping about it and telling everyone, but Teddi didn’t hear about it on camera the first time and she was very careful not to tell anyone else about it. The only reason it came up on camera and Kyle knew was because Lisa’s two Johns brought it up at Vanderpump Dogs. This lands squarely at Lisa’s feet, like one of Schoonki’s organic dog food turds.

Lisar is at the other end of the table telling everyone that it smells like a setup and smiling with the face of a woman who has been waiting two years for her moment and knows enough to grab it like Barbra Streisand clutches a bedazzled white microphone. This seems to be the culmination of something that has been in the works for seasons. It’s a subtext that was started way back during Brandi Glanville’s reign (say her name three times and she shall appear), and it is finally becoming text. All Lisar can do is smile, each toothy tile like a full moon reflected in the Bahamian sea, and all of us waiting for the tide to come in.


The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season Premiere Recap: Vanderpump and Dump


By: Brian Moylan/ 

The women of Beverly Hills are wasting no time this season. None at all. After several lackluster years where I had to rename the show Rich Women Doing Things, the rich women come right out of the gate doing a lot of things, but mostly yelling at each other and wearing enough yoga pants to cover all of the targeted Fabletics ads in your Instagram feed.

The very first seconds of this season show an explosive fight between Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, and Lisa’s husband, a 90-year-old scarecrow that was once given a name but has since forgotten it. We don’t get much substance behind the fight, other than the fact that Kyle thinks that Lisa did something that Lisa claims she didn’t do.

At one point, Kyle says to her, “Maybe you care more about your image than you do your friendships.” Whatever the specifics of the matter, this seems to be the general criticism of Lisa that has been lobbed against her by various people over the years, including Brandi Glanville (say her name three times and she shall appear) during the “bring the tabloids on vacation” scandal, Lisa Rinna with that whole Munchausen’s thing, and Dorit last season when Lisa got mad at her and Kyle and stormed out of a restaurant.

Click on the link below for the full story

Dahling Lisa Vanderpump, Leaving Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?
Dahling, Season 10? We’ll See 

After eight seasons,has the Crown grown too heavy for Ms Vanderpump?  or has her cast mates had enough? 

Is she or ins’t she leaving #RHOBH? only her dog Jiggy know for sure. 

On Reality TV, no man or Vanderpump is an island.   If your castmates have had enough of you and refuses to film with you, its OVAH?   Its all bout da drama.

In October ,when filming of the ninth season began, there were rumors about Vanderpump missing in action.   She did not attend Camille Grammer’s wedding with the rest of the housewives.  Those rumors were confirmed by castmate Lisa Renna who said on Instagram, Vanderpump hadn’t shown up for work in six weeks. 

The rumors are swirling, is she over her castmates? or are they over her?   She missed the France vacation and she and Kyle maybe at odds as the two close friends haven’t spoken in weeks.   They say she feels excluded, others say when she’s invited she doesn’t show.  Many of her segments were filmed without the other castmates  

Lisa Vanderpump  has had a rough year.  In May, her brother Mark, reportedly committed suicide in England. 

Lisa and Kyle are the pillars of the show.  They have been on the show since its premiere in October 2010.  Fans wonder if the show can survive the loss of Vanderpump?  However, should she leave RHOBH, she will still appear on Bravo on her very popular show Vanderpump Rules. 

So, if this her final season,we’ll know after the reunion. 

RHOA: Season 7 Episode 17 ” Fix it Therapy” “Kandi Keeps it Real”

NeNe Leakes

Were nearing the end.  Bravo is dragging the last few episodes by adding a lot of filler.  Your predictions were correct Phaedra and Kandi was going to have a blow up and Nene would freak out and leave the Therapy session ..blah, blah, blah,blah

In this, the 17th episode, Kandi keeps it all the way real.

Dr Porsha?

Beautiful woman….. but sometimes the body by Fisher has more of a mind by Mattel.  This season she has giving a lot of advice which is scary.     So we have Phaedra and Dr Porsha Williams chatting it up about Phaedra’s encounter with Cynthia.  (You remember, the one where I wished she would have slapped Cynthia or thrown a drink in her face)  After thoroughly trashing Cynthia… it’s time to move on.: huh


You Got your Trouble’s, I’ve got mine!

Phaedra’ best buddy this season has been Nene. Nene goes over to Phaedra’s house to check in on Phaedra.

She arrives with the worst hair of the season(think Bride of Frankenstein ,a blonde one it was worse than bad-it was tragic! ), one would think a good friend would tell her you need to do something about your hair.  I’m your good friend, lets fix it cause I cant let you go back outside with that hair!

Okay that didn’t happen.  Phaedra tells her what a wonderful friend she’s been.  Despite her busy schedule, she has been there for her.  She questions where her BFF has been? Nene, wastes no time to agree, where is Kandi?

Kandi drops by Phaedra’s law office and questions her.  She’s hurt, that Phaedra has talked to everyone but her.  She didn’t know there was a beef between them. She’s also questions Phaedra’s close friendship with Nene. Through the years Nene denied their friendship and have insulted her (who can forget calling Phaedra the head doctor) add Nene’s history of turning on friends.  Phaedra is hoping she’s changed.

Kandi admitted that she hadn’t been around Phaedra through her troubled times.  BUT, Kandi’s plate was full, a troubled tour, a crazy mama, a new grown kid in her home and bumps in her marriage.  Kandi is a good friend.  She didn’t share Phaedra’s personal information( Apollo’s crazy) with her friends.   The two chatted, Kandi apologized. Phaedra rolled her eyes, but their ok for now.

Try to make um Smile

Claudia meets with her Ricky Smiley co-host Gary..  She tells him she is thinking about doing  Stand up.   She meet up with veteran comic Luenell.  Claudia tells her she like to start off performing in front of a white audience.   Luenell, tells her white audience are kind but not necessarily honest and she prefers to work in front of a mixed audience.

Claudia writes her material and performs for a party of one (Demetria), no smiles were generated.

 Todd and Kandi

Reality TV is not good for marriage.  The list of failed marriages is about a hundred and fifty miles long.   Todd worked for Bravo, so he is no stranger to the marriage risks.  Kandi like Lisa Vanderpump on RHOBH are millionaires and don’t need the money, the two along with Bethany Frankel have used RH to expand their brand..

Todd and Kandi are in counseling, and what we know is Todd is has some real resentments and Kandi is incapable of dealing with real issues outside of business.


The Main Event

Contrived? yes. Predictable Ending? Yes.

Buckle Up!

On the last episode Mrs Nene Leaks contacted Dr. Jeff—the psychologist who helped Gregg work through some issues with his kids a few years ago to work with the women.  Mrs Leaks know he will straighten them out.  Most of them gave their Bravo approval.   Because in the real world most of us would have said,hell to the NO!

From the outside it seems like Mrs Leaks wants Mr Jeff to fix the girls, help them to communicate better.   Dr. Jeff told her, he was not going to treat her special. He was going to hold her feet up to the fire as well.  

THUWell we know our Nene, she likes her truth and only her truth.   She will not entertain someone’s else’s truth about her and she will make DARN sure, no one will hear what you have to say.

With possible one exception , the ladies (or girls) seemed open to the session b Cynthia.

Nene opens by telling the women in the room how negative they are.being in their

Next to speak is Kenya.

In Kenya’s mind, the two had made up.  However the next time Kenya saw Nene, Nene treated her like she had  plague.  Nene quickly came back reminding Kenya that this session is to help them, not to go back and forth with her.

New to the Nene show

When Dr. Jeff sees that Nene is on the defensive about being criticized, he lets her know that he’s there to represent everybody equally.  “Let me say this to you… I didn’t invite you here to represent me. I don’t know you like that.”


Next up Claudia

Dr. Jeff says she knows there is a bit of heat between Nene and Claudia. Claudia says it started when Nene blew her off and acted like she didn’t know her or need to meet her at Kandi’s party.  Nene says, it’s because she’s been in this group the longest, so everyone always tries to come for her. Claudia says,she’s bipolar. (oops)

Ms Cynthia Bailey

Cynthia left the mess in her car and kept it real.  She said their problems started  when  Nene felt like she didn’t support her after the eruption at Kenya’s charity event.  That was also the night that Nene called her husband Peter, a bitch!

When  Dr. Jeff asks  Did  Nene called Peter a bitch? “Yes, I did.” And why is that? “Because I felt like he was acting like a bitch.”  Cynthia says she feels like she made an effort to move beyond it while Nene just did whatever she could to destroy their relationship. Nene calks her a big, fat liar.

Kandi sends Nene over the edge

Kandi kept it real. Phaedra now Nene who is about to erupt.   She tells it like it is. Kandi tells Dr Jeff that she had issues with Nene from the get-go, and she was most definitely not gunning for the original housewife.

Kandi also backs up Cynthia, pointing out that after Nene and Cynthia fell out, Nene started throwing a lot of shade, even stating that Cynthia was irrelevant to the group. Kandi says Nene is the type of woman who not only tosses friends aside but assasinates their characters as well.

It’s a wrap, Nene is done. She feels she is being attacked . The grabs her bags and she’s outta there.  Dr Jeff is following her,trying to convince her to come back.   Nene is a big girl.  Dr  Jeff isn’t big at all.  I wanted him to jump on her back to slow her down….

See Ya Next Week

Last Week

I wanted Phaedra to smack Cynthia

Bravo’s (the housewives network) Newest installment has a Sacramento Connection ” The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”

Facing the camera, from left: Lisa Vanderpump, Taylor Armstrong and Kyle Richards in the latest incarnation of this Bravo franchise, which has its premiere on Thursday night.

Homogenized landscapes no longer shock. Americans have become used to retail sprawl, those swaths of stores — T. J. Maxx, Starbucks, the Gap, Bed Bath & Beyond — that sprout up all over without local roots or regard for regional differences.

But it is still remarkable that no matter where it looks, Bravo finds interchangeable groups of affluent housewives — well-groomed, ill-mannered women who volunteer to drink, squabble and spend in exchange for reality-show recognition. The country may be made up of identical strip malls; Bravo has a franchise on identical strip molls.

” The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “is set on the aspirational edge of show business, a few swimming pools and movie contracts away from A-list Hollywood. Yet there is little discernible difference among these doyennes of self-indulgence and their sisters in Washington; New Jersey; New York; Atlanta; or Orange County, Calif. Their gated communities are ticky-tacky, and the mansions all look the same: huge, shiny and new, with lots of white carpet, walk-in closets and crystal chandeliers.

And the women — collagen-plumped, Botox-stretched and Pilates-sculptured — look so alike that it’s difficult to tell one Beverly Hills housewife from another, let alone from other housewives in New Jersey or New York. There’s a reason so many women of means are willing to adopt a look and follow a script: reality-show heroines are rewarded with book deals, record contracts and the kind of social entree that money alone can’t buy.

Beverly Hills is a desirable reality-show location, but it’s hard to imagine that it could top the most recent variation on the theme, “The Real Housewives of D.C.,” in which real news bled into the artificially enhanced reality of the format. The social-climbing Salahis, Tareq and Michaele, were key members of the cast, everybody’s worst best friends, and their misadventures, from crashing a White House state dinner to pleading the Fifth at a Congressional hearing, were woven into the narrative arc. Words, and sometimes crockery and tables, fly on all these shows. But in Washington there was the extra frisson of a real-life national security breach.

So it is a credit to the casting scouts of Bravo that they managed to sign up a crew of women every bit as uninhibited and ostentatious as their predecessors. As is now almost de rigueur, at least one marriage won’t last. This sextet includes Camille Grammer, who begins the season as the wife of the “Frasier” star Kelsey Grammer and ends it headed for divorce. She has two children and four nannies.

There is a pair of sisters, the child actresses Kim Richards and Kyle Richards, who both had roles in the 1975 Disney movie “Escape to Witch Mountain.” They have reality television in their blood; their half sister is Kathy Hilton, mother of Paris and Nicky.

The British-born housewife Lisa Vanderpump has a husband, many tiny dogs, several restaurants and Cedric, a live-in trainer-houseguest. Adrienne Maloof is married to a plastic surgeon but helps run the Maloof  family business, which includes the Sacramento Kings, the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas and the Maloof Money Cup skateboard competition.

Taylor Armstrong is married to an investment banker and is the most vocally and visibly insecure housewife in the group. She allows the cameras in as a plastic surgeon (Adrienne’s husband, Dr. Paul Nassif) shoots filler into her temples, which then swell into puffy lumps. Taylor should have known better: her looks are arresting, but her plumped lips are alarming, not bee-stung so much as stingray-stung.

“My husband is masculine; there is no blurring that issue,” she tells the camera. “Oh, Lord, he’s going to leave me for a 20-year-old.”

It is unlikely that any of these women will make headlines by gate-crashing. The Academy Awards must have tighter security than the White House. It doesn’t matter. Beverly Hills is the nominal setting, but the real milieu is Bravo.


of Beverly Hills

Bravo, Thursday nights at 10, Eastern and Pacific times; 9, Central time.

Produced for Bravo by Evolution Media. Douglas Ross, Greg Stewart, Kathleen French, Dave Rupel and Alex Baskin, executive producers; Toni Gallagher, co-executive producer.