10 Unavoidable Signs You’re In A Dead-End Relationship

Posted on December 19, 2018 by CityFella

It’s time to move on (even if you’re still in love)

By Shweta Advani /YourTango.com & The Minds Journal

I know that we don’t like to hear “love” and “discipline” in the same sentence. But if you knew the power of genuine love and held it with reverence, you would not squander it — and that’s exactly why we need self-discipline.

Discipline to choose partners who are worthy recipients of the genuine love, discipline to choose partners who have the potential to grow and evolve with all the nurturing you have to offer and also the discipline to move on from partners we outgrow.

It can be a painful realization to know that you have outgrown your partner or to see that you are stuck in a dead-end relationship.

But it is so important to not get stuck with a dead end relationship and move on and find someone who is a worthy recipient of all that you have to offer. So, if you have a gut feeling or nagging instinct that you are stuck, read on to find the obvious signs that tell you when to end a relationship.

Here is a list of ten obvious signs that you are in a dead-end relationship

1. They don’t feature in your future plans.

Everyone has goals and vision about how they want their future life to look like. Someone could aspire to go backpacking in Europe and someone could aspire to open a yoga school or someone to start his own company.

If you find that you can’t envision your partner alongside you in your vision of your future life, then it’s a clear sign that you are stuck in a dead-end relationship and you have no inkling to move forward with this person.

2. You’re acting more like a savior than a partner.

A relationship is a partnership between two equals. Both of them have a fairly balanced give and take in terms of love, support and affection. But if you feel like you are the only one who is providing support and affection to the other person and acting more like a savior than a partner, then you seriously need to rethink your relationship.

If you are constantly trying to fix or change your partner, then it’s a serious incompatibility red flag. It clearly shows that you don’t like them as they are now.

You want them to be in a different job or a career, you want them to be more outgoing and adventurous, you want them to be more intellectual and deep and are constantly trying to get them to level-up, then you don’t love them — you love the image or potential you have in your head of them.

While none of us are perfect and we should support our partner to blossom into their highest potential, if we don’t like them at all for who they are right now and are constantly trying to fix them, it’s a lost cause. You’re just not compatible and you should probably move on!

3. There’s no trust in the relationship.

Trust is the single most important factor in a strong, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship.

Some people can have trust issues because of what happened in their past or due to something that happened in their current relationship. But until a person heals and resolves the issue, he would just sabotage even a good and loving relationship.

If you feel like you don’t trust your partner or they don’t trust you even after trying to resolve the issues, then sweetheart you need to think long and hard. Do you want to be in a relationship that has no trust?

4. You’ve been together for a while and your partner is reluctant to commit.

A relationship has different stages. In the initial stages, both the partners are trying to figure out if there is any compatibility and if they would like to take this relationship to the next level. The next stage could be anything depending on which stage of a relationship you guys are at. It could be moving in together or planning to get married or having kids.

But if you have spent considerable time with your partner and they are undecided about what they want to do and where they want to take the relationship. Avoiding commitment at all costs is a clear sign that the relationship is not going to last long.

5. You’re the only one trying to make the relationship work.

A relationship is a partnership between two people. But it is astonishing how we lose sight of this fact when we are in love.

When we love someone, we tend to overlook the ways they are not playing their part in the relationship. And it happens more so often for people who are forgiving and patient kind. But if this habit is not kept in check it can lead you to a certain delusional space.

If you are the only one making efforts to make the relationship work, you are the only one who tries to keep in touch, you are the only one who makes plan for dates, you are the only one sacrificing your needs for a relationship and your partner is not getting his crap together time and again, you need to step off your delusional ride that they are going to change.

If you are just sticking around and being forgiving hoping for some miracle that they will change, you’re probably in a dead end relationship. Don’t settle because you are afraid of being single, it’s much better to be on your own than being with someone who is not there or half there. It’s much better to be on your own and focus on your own life and goals till you find someone who is worthy of your love and affection.

6. Your bestie and parents don’t approve of them.

It is not necessary that all your loved ones get along with each other. But if your bestie or family doesn’t approve of your partner at all, it is a wise thing to pay heed to what they are saying. They usually have our best intentions at heart and probably can see the red flags from a neutral stance that we would miss due to our love-struck rose-colored glasses.

It could be because they see clearly that you deserve better and your partner is not treating you with the love and respect you deserve.

7. You feel insecure around them.

Love should be wild but secure. It is not necessary to say I love you every day to your partner to feel secure, but there has to be a certain bonding, understanding, and connection with your partner.

If you find yourself constantly questioning about your partner’s feelings for you and are not sure about where you stand in their life, it is a clear sign that you don’t share the required bonding or understanding with your partner.

There is no point of staying in a relationship where you feel insecure about yourself or where the relationship is headed.

8. The connection is more physical than mental or emotional.

A good relationship is one where you connect with your partners on all levels: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. But if you feel that you share only great physical chemistry with your partner and no emotional or mental compatibility, then the chances that this relationship is going to last for long are dim.

The spark and physical chemistry fade away after sometime and if you don’t have any real or solid bond or connection beyond the physical, it is a clear sign that it is a dead-end relationship.

9. You guys are not on the same page.

All of us are at different life stages and have different priorities. You two may be madly in love with each other but if you want different things from life then you won’t be on the same page. Therefore it is important to find out what your partner is looking for from a relationship. Is he looking for something casual or just a fling or is he looking for something serious that has the potential to go for the long haul to save yourself from heartbreak later?

If you are looking for something serious and he is only looking for a fling then you guys are just not on the same page no matter how madly you love each other.

10. The relationship is on and off.

An “almost relationship” just gives you an illusion of a relationship while it’s far from it. If you find yourself in a relationship that is full of ups and downs and feels like a roller coaster ride, your relationship is far from stable. You need to pause and think long and hard if it’s really what you want.

If you are in a relationship that is on and off, you are together for some time and everything seems magical until you get into a cycle of silent treatment, arguments, and toxic energy and break up only to come together again like nothing happened. This might look like an adventure but it is highly draining to stay in these kinds of unstable relationships.

You don’t have to stay in a relationship that exhausts you more than it calms you and that doesn’t meet your needs consistently. You don’t have to lower your standards just because you are afraid of being alone. And you don’t need to keep up with inconsistent and toxic behavior, just let go and move on!

15 Things You Do Because You’re Still In Love With Your Ex

Posted on October 9, 2018 by CityFella

Photo: Google

1. You still think about what-ifs

You think about the what-ifs and what-nots. You evaluate your worth what you could have done right or wrong that did not the materialize the break-up.

2. You stalk his social media accounts often

The easiest way to know whether he is missing you or not, or for that matter if somebody else is missing him or not, is to stalk his social media accounts.

3. You regret losing your true love

You regret losing him. You go back to time all the time and regret the times you rebuked him or agreed to have broken up with him.

4. You compare him with other people

Inadvertently you end up comparing him with every other guy. Nobody can match up with his obsession for X-box. For you, he makes the best cheese sandwich in the whole world. You feel nobody is good enough besides him.

5. Too many hookups

To channelize your inner anger and frustrations, you take shelter in the form of meaningless sex. Later, again you berate yourself for letting someone else for touching you in places where you actually yearn to be touched by your ex.

6. Overthinking about the time spent

Yes, you think and over think the good, bad and ugly times in your head again and again. You nitpick everything he did. Not only that you try to justify his every action in your head.

7. You find reasons to contact him

It does not matter how silly or big the occasion is. It may be your best friend’s birthday or the bad omelet you had in your breakfast, you try to contact him for the silliest reason.

8. You go back to the happy times

For you, he is the most important milestone in your life. What better to celebrate your life than reminiscing about the happy times you have had — the cuddles, quickies, the stares, you go back to every happy time.

9. You have a hard time coming to terms with rejection

You cannot still come to terms why he broke up with you. You question yourself all the time. Your ex is such a sensitive topic for you that your parents and friends hesitate to bring his name or an instance pertaining to him in front of him.

10. No future plans

You do not know what lies ahead of your future. You just cannot see yourself kissing another man or walking the aisle for another person.

11. You still talk about him

He invariably is a part of your conversation. He is not anymore present in your life. But you keep bringing him back his context in your conversations with your friends.

12. You stay in contact with his friends and family

You cannot get over the fact that he has moved on from you. So, you try and invent ways to keep tabs on him. It kills you to not know what he is doing at present. You are still in contact with his best friend or sister to get scoops from his life. You want to know, “Does he miss me?” You want to the new girl who he is dating. You try to gauge how serious they are.

13. You still have hope

The most obvious sign that you still are not over your ex, is that you still have hopes of patching things up with your ex.

14. Having doubts about you

You still have not recuperated from your bitter break up. It has taken a toll on your confidence that you fear if you can do something perfectly.

15. You do not date at all

He is so deeply invaded your blood that you do find anybody dateable at all. No matter if the guy looks like Ryan Reynolds, has money worth Mark Zuckerberg, or has the heart of James Harrison nobody is good enough for you to date.

Breakups are messy and moving on is difficult. But life goes on. Try to move on from the one that got away. Because the best is awaiting you.

The Minds Journal is a platform that brings together writers and readers from across the world to share thoughts that promote self-development.

WATCH: How Do I Stop Fantasizing About My Ex?

https://rumble.com/embed/ugzwo.v3rbq9/

The Minds Journal is a platform that brings together writers and readers from across the world to share thoughts that promote self-development.

When she falls for her

Posted on September 4, 2018 by CityFella

Don’t gossip. Don’t share. Talk.

By: Corinna Amendola\ The American In Italia

Coming up with clear answers when people ask questions about heterosexual breakups is hard enough. Add gender issues and it just gets a lot harder. Intimate relationships and they way they play out remains the most irrational aspect of a person’s life — though you wouldn’t know it based on the volume of social media chatter regarding sexual choices. But here’s the thing: Very few people ever tell the whole truth online, whether about their private lives or where they stand on the LGBT debate. Exaggeration is the norm. Like racism, sexual prejudice can do a good job pretending it doesn’t exist. All of which leads me to this exchange.

Q: I’m 27 and I’ve been living with my girlfriend for a year. We met at work, dated, and slowly took our relationship to the next level. Honestly, I like virtually everything about her. The only elephant in the room was our sex life, especially after she moved in with me. Things seem to lose their intensity and she seemed to lose her drive. I asked her about it but she’d always deflect the subject to work and tiredness and the difference between dating and being in the same apartment.

I bought this for several months until she really started being distant in bed, to the point that I started thinking the obvious: another guy. So again, I asked her. She didn’t say a word that night but the next night she brought it up on her own. She said yes, there was someone else: a female coworker. Our bedroom got very quiet at that moment, because that one came at me from out of the blue.

She cried and explained she didn’t know what to say. I didn’t either, and don’t. I said I’d leave but she doesn’t want me to. Suggestions?

A: Still waters run deep. Sexual waters are murky and run ever deeper. My first response is to say, Give her some time. If she wanted you to leave to begin something different with her new lover, that would have come in the form of a clearer signal, or at least a more decisive one. Right now, she may really and truly be confused. When your sexual interests take a different turn, the whole can sometimes leave you excited, yes, but reeling. Deepening on your upbringing, it can contradict all you’ve been taught – and never mind social open-mindedness.

The two of you might want to take a break from each other so she can better understand what she wants, and you can process what’s happened. It’s easy to say: no biggie, my girlfriend just came out. But it is a biggie, for the both of you. And there’s also no way of knowing if it’s a coming out or an infatuation (which comes without gender tags). You don’t sound mad, which is a good thing since anger doesn’t really help anyone when things are out there and the people involved can talk, and it seems the two of you still can.

Keep talking, and listen. Don’t run away and hide, not if you have genuine feelings. Hard as it may be, try playing friend and confidant until you know for sure where this is headed. Don’t gossip. Don’t share. Please don’t try finding out who her lover is, a natural response but one best checked at the door. Keep this between the two of you until you’re both clearer, she in terms of her new relationship, you in terms of the relationship you want to have with her going forward.

one two three four five six seven eight nine ten: Eddie Murphy’s tenth child is en-route

Posted on August 29, 2018 by CityFella

Image result for eddie murphy and paige butcher 2018

Picture: Google

Fifty Seven year old Eddie Murphy, and Australian Model Paige Butcher is expecting his tenth child. Her first child with Murphy and his ninth child (Izzy) is 2.. His oldest is 29. They’ve been Bood up for six years .

Thanks for counting

CityFella

When They’re No Longer Funny:The Family Racist

Posted on August 7, 2018 by CityFella

Related image

Photo: Google

They are often naturally charming. Well liked by nearly everyone in the family. As a child they made you laugh. As you grew older, you laughed however the jokes made you uncomfortable.

You weren’t the only one. Family members saying while laughing ” Ohh you shouldn’t say that” or “That’s wrong” in mid laughter.

Despite the outrageous behavior. they are often protected by family members. “Oh he doesn’t mean it.” “He would take the shirt off his back” “She would give you her last quarter”

Over time this charming individual has made you uncomfortable when non family members are present. Your on the edge, as you wait in terror, for the off color or racist remark to be delivered in front of the unsuspecting visitor.

Then there it is!

In living color.

As the family laughs, you look away ashamed

Your options are few. Confrontation or exit. Ideally, you should wait for to talk, away from family. Calmly tell him or her what you find offensive and why. Once you’ve done this leave it. Don’t go back and revisit the conversation, it only brings animosity.

These individuals exists in every family. They’ve may have gone unnoticed for years. Until you view the family member through the eyes of a non family member.

I’ve found some success in silent eye contact. After all they are entertainers. They’re goal is to make everyone laugh and a good entertainer make adjustments for the audiences

They are others, who simply don’t care how their words affect others. “This is who I am, take me or leave me! ” When this occurs, I quietly leave. No drama, no words are needed. We love our families, we must except them for who they are warts and all., attempting to change who they are is like bumping are heads on a brick wall. However, we can make adjustments and at the end of the day, its not about their feelings and how others my react to our leaving.

This is when it’s on us to make the adjustment as we teach people how to treat us.

CityFella

The World of Me!

Posted on July 18, 2018 by CityFella

You gotta love people who believe THEY are the most important people in the world.

They purposely cut you off on the roadways. They appear in the express lane in the supermarket with 200 items. They demand immediate attention, the line is for pedestrians.

When I travel, I’m usually the last one on the plane and the last one off. Being last, usually mean I simply walk to my seat, most people are settled in, no waiting for people to stow there belonging. I normally sit in the aisle seat near the end of plane.

One evening in Portland, I wasn’t the last passenger. There was a lady, demanding the plane wait for her friend’s WHO were waiting for pizza. The young woman at the counter said the flight to Sacramento was full and they were going to close the door. NO! she shouted, your not full, were not on, so you’ll have to wait! They should be coming now!

Well, Hell, this is much better than the Housewives or any of the Reality shows. I wanted to see how this was going to end. However, to see the end, would mean I would miss my flight. So, I faked a slow limp. DAMM! On board, I strained my neck to see if the lady and her friends made it on the plane. Ding, (the seat belt sign came on) as the plane was being pushed backward. Guess they will enjoy their pizza at PDX!

What is it about those individuals, who has Chutzpah, to cut in line, push others and simply disregard all others and feel there actions are justified.

Turning the other cheek

Were human, sometime you can swallow and say to yourself, let it go, it isn’t worth it. Then there is that one time that your not feeling particularly Christian. No fucking way! Not Today!

Philadelphia: I’m on my second leg of three legs to Sacramento. A man enters the cabin, he’s not flight staff, he’s another passenger. He opens the overhead above my seat and begins to relocated the belongings of other passengers items to other bins. I can’t believe no one isn’t saying anything. In my head, I’m daring him to move my bag with my PC. Sure enough, he takes my bag and I tell him to leave it where it is. He said, he is gonna move it down. You could feel the heat in my little section. I told him, your going to fucking leave it where it is! (This is unusual for me, I’m not one for making scenes or swearing in public) He angrily stared at me, as if! In my head, I said to myself. you gonna end up seeing Jesus on this plane, ain’t nobody playin wit ju! Somewhere during the flight, when the man went to the restroom, a man in the row behind me tapped me and said, could you believe that guy, he moved MY stuff! I’m thinking to myself, why didn’t YOU say anything.

Who are these people? Did they Have indulgent parents?

One wonders, how were these people formed? Did this form of narcissism begin as a child. That one child who is throwing a tantrum because they don’t want to wait their turn and that indulgent parent who makes excuses and exceptions for their child’s poor behavior. Is this the beginning, of a skewed perception of the world that insists that their needs or demands comes before others, at any cost!

“We teach people how to treat us”

One of my favorite movies is “Avalon”, directed by Barry Levinson. It follows a Russian Jewish family as they slowly build a new life in America. Through the years the family immersed themselves in American culture. Including Thanksgiving, one branch of the family is notoriously late. (not minutes,hour or so) not once ,but every time. This was before (microwaves) and the very large family waits for the uncle and his familyto arrive before cutting the Turkey. The children are hungry. But they wait. The apologies aren’t genuine. After many years. They start without them. This action divides the once close family. its very sad. But….

We teach people how to treat us. It is my theme. I cant stand by and dine or travel with anyone who doesn’t have any consideration for others. I refuse to watch someone I know, berate another person , because he or she doesn’t want to don’t want to wait. Those individuals don’t care if their friends are humiliated. They simply want what they want! When that happens, I quietly leave. No Drama, no scene’s or explanations. I leave. All human beings deserve respect and if I should stay, I’m condoning bad behavior, it isn’t worth it…

CityFella

I Can Sum Up Marriage In These 11 Texts I’ve Sent My Husband

Posted on July 10, 2018 by CityFella

While scrolling through my phone and reading the text exchange between my husband and me, I see a love story.

No, I don’t see a bunch of Xs, Os and lovey-dovey emoticons. But I do see mistakes, arguments, parenting advice and venting sessions . I see two people navigating this life together. I see a parenting partner .I see a best friend. I see a union that thrives on a healthy dose of sarcasm.

When I read our text messages, I see a real marriage AND I laugh ….

This may be the most truthful text message I’ve ever sent my husband, but honesty is key in a successful relationship.