It’s time to move on (even if you’re still in love)
By Shweta Advani /YourTango.com & The Minds Journal
I know that we don’t like to hear “love” and “discipline” in the same sentence. But if you knew the power of genuine love and held it with reverence, you would not squander it — and that’s exactly why we need self-discipline.
Discipline to choose partners who are worthy recipients of the genuine love, discipline to choose partners who have the potential to grow and evolve with all the nurturing you have to offer and also the discipline to move on from partners we outgrow.
It can be a painful realization to know that you have outgrown your partner or to see that you are stuck in a dead-end relationship.
But it is so important to not get stuck with a dead end relationship and move on and find someone who is a worthy recipient of all that you have to offer. So, if you have a gut feeling or nagging instinct that you are stuck, read on to find the obvious signs that tell you when to end a relationship.
Here is a list of ten obvious signs that you are in a dead-end relationship
1. They don’t feature in your future plans.
Everyone has goals and vision about how they want their future life to look like. Someone could aspire to go backpacking in Europe and someone could aspire to open a yoga school or someone to start his own company.
If you find that you can’t envision your partner alongside you in your vision of your future life, then it’s a clear sign that you are stuck in a dead-end relationship and you have no inkling to move forward with this person.
2. You’re acting more like a savior than a partner.
A relationship is a partnership between two equals. Both of them have a fairly balanced give and take in terms of love, support and affection. But if you feel like you are the only one who is providing support and affection to the other person and acting more like a savior than a partner, then you seriously need to rethink your relationship.
If you are constantly trying to fix or change your partner, then it’s a serious incompatibility red flag. It clearly shows that you don’t like them as they are now.
You want them to be in a different job or a career, you want them to be more outgoing and adventurous, you want them to be more intellectual and deep and are constantly trying to get them to level-up, then you don’t love them — you love the image or potential you have in your head of them.
While none of us are perfect and we should support our partner to blossom into their highest potential, if we don’t like them at all for who they are right now and are constantly trying to fix them, it’s a lost cause. You’re just not compatible and you should probably move on!
3. There’s no trust in the relationship.
Trust is the single most important factor in a strong, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship.
Some people can have trust issues because of what happened in their past or due to something that happened in their current relationship. But until a person heals and resolves the issue, he would just sabotage even a good and loving relationship.
If you feel like you don’t trust your partner or they don’t trust you even after trying to resolve the issues, then sweetheart you need to think long and hard. Do you want to be in a relationship that has no trust?
4. You’ve been together for a while and your partner is reluctant to commit.
A relationship has different stages. In the initial stages, both the partners are trying to figure out if there is any compatibility and if they would like to take this relationship to the next level. The next stage could be anything depending on which stage of a relationship you guys are at. It could be moving in together or planning to get married or having kids.
But if you have spent considerable time with your partner and they are undecided about what they want to do and where they want to take the relationship. Avoiding commitment at all costs is a clear sign that the relationship is not going to last long.
5. You’re the only one trying to make the relationship work.
A relationship is a partnership between two people. But it is astonishing how we lose sight of this fact when we are in love.
When we love someone, we tend to overlook the ways they are not playing their part in the relationship. And it happens more so often for people who are forgiving and patient kind. But if this habit is not kept in check it can lead you to a certain delusional space.
If you are the only one making efforts to make the relationship work, you are the only one who tries to keep in touch, you are the only one who makes plan for dates, you are the only one sacrificing your needs for a relationship and your partner is not getting his crap together time and again, you need to step off your delusional ride that they are going to change.
If you are just sticking around and being forgiving hoping for some miracle that they will change, you’re probably in a dead end relationship. Don’t settle because you are afraid of being single, it’s much better to be on your own than being with someone who is not there or half there. It’s much better to be on your own and focus on your own life and goals till you find someone who is worthy of your love and affection.
6. Your bestie and parents don’t approve of them.
It is not necessary that all your loved ones get along with each other. But if your bestie or family doesn’t approve of your partner at all, it is a wise thing to pay heed to what they are saying. They usually have our best intentions at heart and probably can see the red flags from a neutral stance that we would miss due to our love-struck rose-colored glasses.
It could be because they see clearly that you deserve better and your partner is not treating you with the love and respect you deserve.
7. You feel insecure around them.
Love should be wild but secure. It is not necessary to say I love you every day to your partner to feel secure, but there has to be a certain bonding, understanding, and connection with your partner.
If you find yourself constantly questioning about your partner’s feelings for you and are not sure about where you stand in their life, it is a clear sign that you don’t share the required bonding or understanding with your partner.
There is no point of staying in a relationship where you feel insecure about yourself or where the relationship is headed.
8. The connection is more physical than mental or emotional.
A good relationship is one where you connect with your partners on all levels: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. But if you feel that you share only great physical chemistry with your partner and no emotional or mental compatibility, then the chances that this relationship is going to last for long are dim.
The spark and physical chemistry fade away after sometime and if you don’t have any real or solid bond or connection beyond the physical, it is a clear sign that it is a dead-end relationship.
9. You guys are not on the same page.
All of us are at different life stages and have different priorities. You two may be madly in love with each other but if you want different things from life then you won’t be on the same page. Therefore it is important to find out what your partner is looking for from a relationship. Is he looking for something casual or just a fling or is he looking for something serious that has the potential to go for the long haul to save yourself from heartbreak later?
If you are looking for something serious and he is only looking for a fling then you guys are just not on the same page no matter how madly you love each other.
10. The relationship is on and off.
An “almost relationship” just gives you an illusion of a relationship while it’s far from it. If you find yourself in a relationship that is full of ups and downs and feels like a roller coaster ride, your relationship is far from stable. You need to pause and think long and hard if it’s really what you want.
If you are in a relationship that is on and off, you are together for some time and everything seems magical until you get into a cycle of silent treatment, arguments, and toxic energy and break up only to come together again like nothing happened. This might look like an adventure but it is highly draining to stay in these kinds of unstable relationships.
You don’t have to stay in a relationship that exhausts you more than it calms you and that doesn’t meet your needs consistently. You don’t have to lower your standards just because you are afraid of being alone. And you don’t need to keep up with inconsistent and toxic behavior, just let go and move on!