Craving something sweet, I stopped at one of my favorite Markets in Natomas. While I was cruising the bakery, a woman ran into the store saying a man was attacking a woman outside. The Security Guard and a few us ran outside and found a man aggressively yelling and pushing a crying young pregnant woman.
The Security Guard walked between the couple. While other people retreated, I stayed nearby. What I’ve learned through the years is domestic situations are very dangerous, as any one at anytime could turn of the Security Guard and make the Security Guard the perpetrator, so from a distance I followed.
The male barked at the Guard as they walked toward the Taco Bell in the shopping center, the young woman was sobbing as they walked. Another, lady (I’m assuming the mother) insisted the couple get into the car and they left the shopping center.
A lady in a SUV thanked the Security Guard for watching out for the customers and making the store safe.
Standing outside the entrance he and I started talking. He thanked me for following them and my concern for his welfare. “I hate men beating on women” he said. My father shot and killed my mother and even today, two of my brothers beat on their girlfriends.
I shared my experience with domestic violence. A family member who routinely beat his wife I told him his wife’s family telling her to stay, because at least she has a husband and then watching their child being physically abused by men in her life.
I remember seeing a colleague coming in with a pound of foundation to cover the daily scars created by her unemployed husband.
Another woman pawing her jewelry to help her abuser escape to Alabama for beating her.
I told him of a time where there were no real consequences for men who beat women in this country.
As we talk I sensed he was not only angry with his dad, but very angry with his mother.
Violence is often learned, handed down by generations of children, Who watched, listened to their mothers being abused by a male. Lying down the foundation for their future. (its not what you say)
WE agreed that punks (men who beat women and others smaller or weaker then themselves ) I often found violent men insecure, I’ve never met one who would physically challenge an equal and the women they batter, are often intellectually superior.
For year’s, I attempted to rescue friends only to have them to return to their abusive situations Often within hours of finding them a safe place. Today the the shelter closed.
When I was young my mother told me a story about my dad. He died when I was very young. She told me, many of his friends and family members kept their women in line and resented her very outspoken mouth. One day he told her she better watch herself. She said she told him… ” He could hit her and he could beat her ass, but one thing he had to do, was sleep” She said. ” your father would cuss me out and I would cuss back at him, but one thing he did not do, was hit me.
The Security Guard asked, if I had any female children and what I would do if a man hit them. I told him, I didn’t know. The oldest one, has a sawed off baseball bat at work and something in her trunk (I don’t wanna know) and the younger one has a lot of her grandmother in her, so I am more concerned about the health of her boyfriend.
Through the years ,some survivors have told me, that they loved the perpetrator more then they loved themselves or their children. They believed, if they do everything he wants and all that he has asked, it will be proof that they love them. However in time, they learned the perpetrator often doesn’t love himself.
They simply have hope, eternal hope, hoping one day the hitting will stop.
The Guard said he needed to hear that. I thought about old friends and went back into the store and bought a danish.